r/relationshipproblems

Husband has decided to leave our 12 year marriage. Doesn’t enjoy being part of it anymore and in his words prefers to be alone and is a loner. We have children. Life has been hard lately for various reasons work and personal. It’s completely sideswiped me. I think he’s having a midlife crisis and is burnt out but I can’t reach him. We have been together almost 2 decades. He doesn’t and hasn’t driven any of the emotional conversations and has constantly left me hanging and searching for answers. He shuts down when asked for more information on exactly what he means or explodes and I don’t know what to do from here. He wants to shut himself away in a room and watch videos. Half the time he doesn’t seem to want to be around the kids either. He doesn’t feel good or better about anything us or work. Very confused and at the start of a hard road I think. Both 38

I admit what i did is wrong first off

I looked through my fiances phone and i saw a message between her and a guy, she sent “hey is this the guy i met in town, are you going to the festival this weekend?” he never replied and that was sent on thursday.

i am constantly afraid she will break up with me or that she will cheat on me and i have no idea what to do and i just need somebody’s help

my boyfriend (20) and i (19) have been together for 3 years. at first it was your picture perfect relationship, until a couple months into us dating everything went downhill, and now i’m not sure throughout this 3 year relationship if he’s been loyal at all. i continued to stupidly forgive him everytime i found something on his phone. it’s been so many times i’ve lost count. we’ve lived together now for about a year and a half. back in february (2 months ago) we found out i was pregnant. a couple weeks after finding out, my boyfriend is starting to act weird again. so i go through his phone to find him watching porn and using multiple dating apps. next morning comes and i sit down and talk with him and explain i do not want to have his children if im going to get treated like this. so march 26 i went and got an abortion, and ever since my heart has felt so heavy and i’m filled with so much sadness. i’ve lost what used to be the love of my life and best friend, along with a baby. now come to all the way to yesterday, i tried getting on his phone again and he’s changed the password. he’s distant, doesn’t want anything to do with me , and anytime i try to give him love or affection he huffs and puffs like im crazy for ever touching him. he doesn’t help me with anything, im left to clean the house and do all chores on my own. he comes home from work and immediately starts gaming or sits on his phone watching videos the whole night. i’m feeling done and defeated at this point… what should i do?

Hello ladies,

Me and my wife are in our mid 40s, we love each other a lot. I wanna be around her all the time. She grew up alone and been in abusive relationships. She has a daughter. I am giving her what she missed in her life, we met little late. We have a beautiful nice little house. The problem is she owns 22 cats and one of them is heavy pregnant and i am guessing soon its gonna be 30 cats in the house. They poop and litter all over the house. It stinks all the time, they pee in their water bowl etc, the house is a total mess and i am sure you get the picture. She gives the kittens to pet rescue place and ends up bringing half of them back. If i say one thing about the cats her temper blows up (she is bipolar and she does takes medicine for it). I dont mind having a pet but 22 is kinda lot. I wait for the weekends so that we sit together drink coffee and enjoy the little moments but as soon as i get riff of the cat litter torn couches or mess on the floor i feel like i should have been at work. I cant call the pet place as i am afraid they will penalize us.

Guys i really need your help.

I’m 20f and my fiancé is 24m. We recently got engaged about a week ago but already been having a bit of issues. I’m someone who’s very in touch with my emotion and know what I want in life. I don’t like dealing w stupid shit and when things go bad I’m quick to say stuff. I grew up understanding that just because you are with someone doesn’t mean you should put up with their crap. And I’m not talking small issues. I’m talking about them letting their family members treat you like shit. Which is what I’m in now.

For context his brother had been treating me like shit for about 3 months and I had complained about it several times until one day it got so bad I broke down crying: eventually I told him that he needed to talk to his brother. Well he told me he would and never did. So I told his mom and his mom got extremely upset with him because the situation was so bad and huge that his brother had been disrespecting me in public as well, and my fiancé never stood up for me. His mom handled the issue in less than 24 hours and now everything solved. It took 1 conversation with his brother and it ended. It made me so mad bc I had waited 3 months for my fiancé to do something and he never did and his mom did in 1 day. Take in mind we all live together. He had multiple opportunities to do something

I’ve moved in with how family about 5 months ago and his dads is an asshole as well. He has very backwards thinking. He believes that woman should just be wives and nothing else. He believes that men should make all the money and woman take care of the kids. He’s a horrible husband. He’s cheated, lied, and admitted to me and he doesn’t really care about his wife. Ever since I moved in day 1 he never tried to talk to me. I’ve tried MULTIPLE times to talk to him. I have literally tried every conversation you can think of. I told my fiancé that I don’t want his dad invited to the wedding because it seems rude that he won’t even try to form a relationship with me at all. I also don’t like his comments he makes. When he found out me and his son where dating he was disappointed that we where bc he wanted his son to go fuck around more and not get tied down. Even though thats VERY clearly NOT what he wants to do. His dad never wanted to get married but since his wife got pregnant with his son( my fiancé) he had no other choice. So now he pressures my finance not to even be with me it seems. When he saw my finance was cooking me breakfast bc I was so depressed and I wasn’t eating and had to take a week off work due to how bad my mental state got, he got mad. I never asked my fiancé to do that either. He did it because he wanted to. His dad told him that basically I wasn’t worth doing that for and he’s “doing too much” for me. So with everything in mind my finance finally talks to him about it this morning and his dad gives 100 escuses why he never tried getting along with me. It was so stupid I’m not joking. For example one of his reasons was because I haven’t lived there for 1 year yet….. even though I’m marrying his son. I’ve never been so baffled before.

So during the night I finally get off my shift from work and his dad says he wants to talk to me. I was lowkey excited because I thought that we would talk things out. Unfortunately I was wrong. He did all the talking and wouldn’t let me talk at all. He basically said the same shit but to my face and said that he won’t ever get to know me because he’s not the type of person to. He said he doesn’t care and would rather keep his business to himself and me to me. He sees me as a daughter but would never talk to me. He says he doesn’t even talk to his wife because “it’s a waste of time” and sees no purpose in asking about her day or saying I love you or anything. I wish I recored it because it was so horrible. Then he mentioned 3 times during the conversation that I don’t have to marry his son to be apart of the family and I deadass interrupted him on the last time he said it and told him “that’s not why I’m marrying him” and he deadass ignored me. I was so pissed. I told him I was thankful for the conversation and left.

When me and my fiancé got back to the room. I snapped. I had never been so disrespected and what’s worse is he didn’t do nothing to defend me and I had to put up with it. I told him i genuinely hate his dad and do not want him apart of our lives or of my future children’s lives, because if I do decide to have kids I want them to have a Grampa who loves them and wouldn’t treat them like shit. My fiancé got upset and left for 4 hours. When he got home he said he still doesn’t want to talk.

I grew up in a way that if someone in your family does someone else wrong, then you talk to them and put them in their place. You don’t let shit slide. Because that’s toxic and not okay. And yet my fiancé won’t stand up for me. Ever.

I know my fiancé loves me and yet at the same time I don’t think he ready for a relationship though. He has to learn that his family can’t treat me bad and get away with it just because “their family” that’s not how that works. He has to learn to communicate. Which he is horrible at. I genuinely cannot fathom how horrible it is. He deadass stoped talking to me for 4 hours because we couldn’t find a Starbucks for him to get coffee at. I wish I was joking. Take in mind we were in a whole different country. That was about 5 days ago. That was so stressful.

Sorry for how long this is, to sum it up I just don’t know what to do. My family says I should have said it nicer but I think after dealing with this for months and him actively knowing about it, then his dad disrespecting me like that, I have a right to be harsh. I don’t know what to do. Because clearly there seems to be no point in talking things out at this point. I do sincerely love him, I really do or else I wouldn’t have put with this shit, but I feel I’m at a breaking point and don’t know what to do. I also live with them and it makes things so awkward. Please be honest, I prefer brutal. If I’m missing something please let me know. I hate to know I’m hurting him.

My boyfriend of almost 10 months broke up with me over text mid march - he said he didn’t love me anymore. He seemed very nonchalant and careless about the entire thing. Since we broke up, he’s started talking to people online, and people in real life (including people who he told me not to worry about). This wasn’t the first time he broke up with me , previously he didn’t follow it through in February - i think he’s been checked out emotionally since then. He was quite spiteful the week before he broke up with me. I’m not sure how to move on from this in terms of self worth? i’m trying to understand his thinking as to why he thought i deserved it..? when i constantly changed for him

We’ve been together for two years. Everything has been going great. Of course we’ve had our ups and downs but nothing too drastic and not too frequently either.

However there is one thing that has been bothering me for a very long time. That is the fact that he doesn’t stick up for me whatsoever. And usually I stick up for myself. But when it comes to his family I feel like it’s his place to put them in their place and not mine. Just like how I defend him whenever my mother says something out of line. But when his sister gives a snarky remark via text he just allows it. It angers me so much because it feels like literal betrayal.

Now I’m wondering what I should do next. I’ve already confronted him multiple times and borderline begged him to stick up for me but I don’t see any changes at all. He also never sticks up for himself whenever nasty remarks are made towards him. Specially whenever it comes from his older sister who’s never been put in her place. Help !! Any advice on what I should do?

He is a Marxist. Yesterday he suddenly told me that “he doesn’t trust monogamy because he thinks that it is a representation of private property. “

He said he won’t think if I am the one to cheat if I love more guys. Because he believes that a person can love multiple people in his or her life…

But I mean love or stepping in to a relationship means commitment. And also he told me that he will just let it be; and if he meet a new girl he will make the new girl and I become friends.

Moreover, in his words, since he has told me about this, so what he do is not considered as “cheat”.

For me, this is open relationship; and it is not about Marxism…

Is this a normal thing?

Please reply more in this post.

Thank you very much.

hey, im back here again. i honestly am just having a moment of hopelessness (well, it has been going on for months to be honest. like a spiral of ups and downs) how do you cope with the extreme jealousy that occurs in relationships with a pwBPD? i feel like i am at a loss.

they are extremely jealous of my ex partner, which is someone whom i do not have any contact with and have not had any contact with for the entirety of our relationship. i try to be empathetic and to tell them that i love them. i have messed up a few times because i got frustrated that my feelings were being denied (ex. them telling me i do not love them or that they will never compare to my ex partner) but it feels like no matter what i do i will never be enough.

they often tell me that they feel like they will never compare to anyone else and that i will never love them the same way they love me, or the same way that i have loved anyone else. i try not to take it personally but it often just feels like the most painful thing in the world and i dont know how to deal with it properly. ive cried over how frustrated i feel that they do not believe me, but then im made to feel guilty over that because ultimately its my fault they feel that way.

they dont think i care or try at all. every mistake i make is a sign of the opposite of my feelings that im constantly trying to rewrite, only till the next mistake is made and it is added to the collection of reasons i do not love them, care about them, and that they are not the most important person to me.

however, they also complain that i view them as someone who doesnt feel these things (which is a problem i havent seen discussed very much on the sub). for example, they argue that i will never see them as someone who loves me and cares about me; and they get really frustrated at any hint of denial towards their feelings. i do believe they love me a lot. ive struggled with my own insecurities in the past and dealt with them badly to be fair. but ive spent a long time working on myself and trying to reinforce the idea i believe in them too! i constantly tell them that i see their feelings too. and again, one slight mistake and it blows up in my face.

it gets to a point to me where i just feel like such a vile and hopeless person. it aches so much. i feel like i am going crazy sometimes. im pouring in my all too, but i feel like so much more of a walking mistake and i cant take it. when i am hurt i should get over it otherwise they feel the most immense guilt and that makes me feel so guilty myself. they tell me they will always love me far more. that i will never understand that (both how they feel and the gravitude of their feelings). but when i hurt them it is a permanent stain etched into the core of our relationship. it is a hurt i should never expect to be mended, because everything i do to try and fix it just builds more pain. i just cause more and more pain. and, what i have done is such an offense that i am evil for wanting to grow past it. i wish they knew that i liked them, and that i loved them, and that i cared. am i really not showing it enough? will i never shake the narrative that i do not?

i feel like i am incapable of fixing or doing anything correctly. it really gets to you. does anyone else feel similarly in their relationship? does anyone else know how to deal with this? i can’t stop crying. i don’t want to blame them or end things. but i feel like i am a really hopeless person and i just want to know if anyone else feels like this too. if i am not alone. am i really doing everything so wrong? are my mistakes that horrific? my heart genuinely hurts; this pain is so physiological.

the worst part is that i know if i ever left (which i do not intend to do) that their thoughts would win out. that they would be there thinking that they were right; i never loved or liked them. that they would think i was going to replace them. when i know well that i’ll never fall in love again. especially not as hard as this. i wish THEY saw ME. my heart is always breaking.

So my guy friend and i whom we are both physically attracted to each other have great chemistry and share some of life’s values with in the beginning the feelings were so strong and intense we eventually became intimate after 4 weeks so after that we had stop connecting as much getting to know each other . We both talked about our intentions of marriage more kids and having a future unfortunately he’s a busy person right now working 2 jobs .

I found that our squeeze in times were not intentional and I started to overthink we are not getting to know each other anymore ANYWHO we had a huge fuss he mainly got heated I stayed calmed I did do something childish so I gave him space . So I told myself as much as I like him I standing strong on nomore sex and strictly focused on slow building as we continue to know each other literally 2 days later he called me stating as much as he love being sexual if that means taking sex off the table to continue getting to know each other he doesn’t mind , he said he agree things became to intense to quickly and that we need dial it back and do things the slow pace way , his intentions still remain the same but he knows where he at right now he has to get himself together I truly agreed and respected that decision

However I am a little worried it kinda of was the end . Didn’t feel like it but I know what giving space does although the mentioned we can still hang out and talk just not exclusively like that .

I personally don’t wanna reach out because it was his full decision to do this idk what yall think ?

Husband just got mad at me because i asked if i didn’t have to ride him because it hurts my legs lol and it was 12:30 he gets mad says I ruined the mood and he can’t have one day or thing where I don’t say something or don’t want anything to be different. He said earlier otw to his dads that all I do is complain and that he says I can never go a day in my life without complaining it’s impossible lolll I said sorry I just won’t say anything anymore. He’s hurtful but I did cheat not too long ago like a week ago but he said he forgave me. He’s hurtful but when we take breaks or seperate it’s only for a few days and then we’re right back together and we have a 15 almost 16 month old (in one day) daughter. Idk what to do but I can’t keep with the back and forth of leaving and not. He puts me down some days so much to where it hurts to my core and I think he says stuff he shouldn’t to his wife like saying she’s a pathetic wife and shitty mother ( was before I cheated, what sorta made me text other men) granted I know I should of never done that.

Sorry this is one of my first posts so it might be a bit all over the place. This is about myself (22m) and my girlfriend(21f).

We got into a fight that was incredibly silly and basically over nothing. What it started over isn’t important, it’s the fact that it devolved so quickly over something so stupid and it turned into both people being prideful and needing to be right (mostly me as she tried to bridge the gap a couple times and I missed it). The night ended with me saying I was upset with how things were playing out, her saying I could come over and play games with her and her friends, and me not seeing that as an invitation for us to talk and sort things out and saying “I guess I’ll just go fuck myself then”. The next day when she reached out and asked if we could talk later I said I would’ve rather talked yesterday and things devolved from there again until we were just both angry and again, neither budging on who was wrong or right. In this situation I was objectively correct, as stupid and unimportant as the argument was, and I simply could not let that go for some reason. Eventually when I asked her to talk later she said no and she wanted space which at the time I saw as unfair since it had already been 24+ hours since everything started and I am endlessly anxious when we wait to talk. I didn’t feel like I could wait any longer let alone go to work again the next day but my phone calls and texts were getting bricked instantly. She just said she wanted space and hung up on me and shut her phone off. I drove over to her house we only live a couple minutes from each other and went in asking to talk. She kept saying get out and honestly, I never once thought at the time that I could be seen as a scary person. In hindsight me as a big guy and her and her roommates all being very tiny girls I can see how the lack of control and potential anger/aggression surrounding the situation could be scary and uncomfortable. I work at an urgent care, as an EMT, am a combat medic in the army, have never been a violent person even for games, and seldom have I ever raised my voice because I know I’m very loud and that can be scary. In the house I wasn’t yelling or screaming I was just asking to talk and I didn’t realize I was genuinely being kicked out of the house in that manner until the 3rd time she said it which is when I left crying. On my way out I threw her keys in the house, since I was borrowing her car, into the living room through the doorway. No one was in the living room and I did it for the fact that I couldn’t get myself to go back inside with how I felt. She also says I slammed the door and if that’s true it wasn’t intentional so it couldn’t have been disturbingly hard. We didn’t talk for a couple days after and when we did I unloaded my apologies. We get into petty fights and I’ll admit I know that I’ve let my pride and pettiness drag stupid things way farther than they’ve had to be dragged in the past. I’ll never forgive myself that it took something this extreme to be an eye opening event for me but I really have been trying. Reading self help books and carrying a little notebook on me to take notes and journal, going to therapy, and forcing myself into mentally healthy habits like running and meditation. Over the course of the next week we went on a walk or two for about 20 minutes and just talked like normal. I apologized to her roommates over text for how I acted and for barging into their house uninvited and the only response I got was an “I appreciate it” from one of them which is pretty good considering I wasn’t expecting forgiveness or an answer, and one of them sent a dog side eyeing the camera meme, which felt like a mockery of my apology but what are you gonna do. Eventually we met up and she wanted to break up but everything she was saying was that she didn’t want to break up. More like she was doing it because on paper it seems like the right choice to make. I pleaded and said that I hear everything she’s saying about the love and faith she has for us and how she doesn’t want it to end and doesn’t see herself with anyone else and asked her to try. There was so much space being driven between us of course it wasn’t going to feel like we could work. We drove home together from school for Easter and everything feels normal when we’re together. We hold hands, are talking and laughing, kiss hi and bye, I saw her family, so on. When we got back we’ve gone on a date to a brewery, which is a step in the right direction from a 15 minute walk. I’m so confused cause everything feels so normal when we’re together but when we’re not it feels like there’s space being driven between us because she takes an intentionally long time to answer me which leaves us to not talk much throughout the day, she is prioritizing any and every plan that comes her way and doesn’t seem to have any intention of putting intentional time aside for us (i.e. I asked her to go to a dance class with me and she wanted to go but wanted to make sure she was home to pregame for trivia night at the bar which I was also going to so it’s not like she wouldn’t have made it.) When we went out to the brewery I picked her up at 7 and she said she wanted to be home by 8:30 for plans with her roommates. I understand she needs space and we’re distant right now as we work our way together but this doesn’t seem like a way that anyone can have an open mind. Even someone you’ve barely met and you go on a first date with you don’t put a time limit on it or how will anyone properly enjoy that? Sorry if this is a mess. I just feel very lost in this situation and honestly feel like it’s blown up much more than I deserve. Yes I’ve been the cause of petty arguments degrading into anger and unnecessary bigger fights in the past but I’ve never been reactive or done anything like this in the past and it’s frustrating that it almost feels like it’s my new character in everyone’s eyes regardless of anything I’ve ever done that speaks otherwise. I’m respecting her space and pace and know that nothing can make this happen instantly. I want to show through small actions when I can that I am tackling things and reacting differently. But how am I really going to be provided that chance when it doesn’t even feel like we’re interacting as a real couple anymore? Of course I love hanging out with her and am super happy to see us taking our slow steps forward, but she barely wants to come over anymore, obviously I’m not invited to hers, we don’t sleep together (either way but I’m talking about cuddling and sleeping), and almost every plan I try gets trumped by anything else she could be doing?

Before I say anything just be patient because this is my first Reddit post ever. Im a teen who has been in a relationship for a few years now and we are both madly in love and I can confidently say that.

We have had our ups and downs and both have done things that we regret, but have always found a way to fix things and keep moving forward. We have broken up once in the past but we were younger and it was a stupid reason and we got back together almost instantly after the breakup.

I’m not gonna give every little detail, but there is a dating app that I had previously made a profile on a few years ago before I was in a relationship as a joke with my friends and it had actual pictures of me and my real name. I uninstalled it after a few days because it wasn’t that funny and cuz there was just some creepos.

A few years later, so now, I randomly woke up and thought, wait, does uninstalling the app delete my profile?? Does it keep it up?? I was freaking out and Google wouldn’t help me properly so I thought maybe I could go back on the app and see what’s up. I texted my partner because it felt off to just download a dating app randomly even tho I had a reason. He said no worries like just check if it’s there like obviously it would be weird if someone saw that while you have a partner.

So I downloaded the app, logging in process was so weird it wouldn’t say log in or create account it was weird idk. Put in my info and then it wouldn’t let me go into the app without adding pictures of myself and I was just annoyed at this point like it shouldn’t be this difficult to get in. So I looked up pictures of random girl on Pinterest and inserted them just so it would get me in and it didn’t because it made me verify my face. Frustrated I just put my own pictures, nothing weird, just normal pictures I have up on most of my social medias. Got in and finally starting searching and I couldn’t find anything and I asked Google more specifically and it did say that after a certain amount of time, the profile does get deleted once the app is uninstalled.

After figuring that out I was relieved and just glad I didn’t have to keep searching for my old profile and I just went on with my day, still having the app installed. I didn’t use my phone for I’d say 5 hours and came back to so many messages from guys and I was so confused on how that happened so fast and I said time to uninstall I shouldn’t be on this. But a part of me wanted to answer. Which I know is so bad just hold on.

Giving a little bit of context, the app is meant for friends but nobody uses it for that, I did at a certain point when I had it as a joke for those few days but I was lonely. And also, this is not excusing what i did, but my partner barely ever flirts with me unless it’s for intimacy. Which makes me feel used at times and trust me I’ve communicated this. He always says I make him too nervous and he just feels awkward while flirting. It’s both our first relationship, first everything really and I was really nervous at the start too, but it’s been years. And we have communicated all of this but nothing changes and I’ve just gotten used to the no flirting thing which sucks. But it’ll get better I know it will.

Anyway I’m rambling so I answered I think 2 messaging flirting back, and as horrible as it is, I felt wanted. I felt sick honestly because my partner makes me feel wanted in every way but when it comes to flirting not really no. And it wasn’t anything that bad I didn’t compliment them but I did give in to their compliments and teases which is so bad I know. It is cheating, I consider it cheating. I opened another message but didn’t respond, it was a guy sending me a voice message of him yk what to my pictures, I uninstalled the app and then proceeded to bawl my eyes out feeling guilty. Told partner about random dude doing that and said I’m sorry and that I shouldn’t have even checked if my profile was there and I feel gross and istg he was more angry and uncomfortable than I was he was so mad

Saying that I shouldn’t have been on that app in the first place and that he considers it cheating I even opened messaging on-a “dating app” and he said it’s not fault and that it’s okay but if something like this happens again it’s not a mistake it’s just cheating and I didn’t tell him about the flirting with others because I had a feeling he’d end it. I’m so stupid bro

It’s been about a month and everyday for I think an hour I think and think about what I did and it eats me alive. I feel so gross knowing I flirted while having someone who I love more than anything and I knowwww I know if you really loved them you wouldn’t do this but I craved flirting and I try and try and he doesn’t and it is so frustrating but that doesn’t justify what I did.

Hes cheated too, but not flirting, he liked a bunch of girls bikini pictures without me knowing but obviously I found out. And some other stuff but not the point. I feel horrible and I know I should tell him but I know it would be over if I do and I can’t not be with him but I’m also so paranoid that someone from that app is going to tell him or something because on my profile I said I’m Ina relationship I’m just on the app to figure something out and to one of the people that was messaging me and I messaged back they said that I’m PROBBALY just saying I’m in a relationship just to be left alone and I sent a picture of me and my partner which was also so stupid but I’m so paranoid that it’ll come back to him or me and we’d be done. I need to fix this but I can’t say anything even though I should. I don’t know anymore I’m scared and so guilty. What I did was not okay and I need to do something

I wish I could take it all back but I can’t, and it is all my fault I know that but I love my partner with everything I have in me and I don’t doubt that for a second. But I can’t believe I did that. So stupid so dumb

my ex (m24) broke up with me (f26) after 6 years of being together

he recently moved countries to pursue a masters degree to make his dreams come true & i was (& still am) incredibly supportive of this move. i knew long-distance was going to suck but I want to be with him.

just before he left, we were even talking about what our future would look like - we’d past by jewellery stores & he’d ask for my opinion on what ring i like best

its been 1 month since we did long distance & i went to visit him recently. weeks leading up to our reunion i was feeling incredibly anxious, as just the week before I had opened up about feeling isolated & lonely (my love languages are quality time, & he was have a particularly busy week & acting more distant than usual)

he said he’d like to tell me something when i came to visit, & i had thought it would be something related to our LDR arrangement. Instead he opened up about how scared he was doing long distance & that maybe we shouldn’t try anymore.

& i was very confused- because its not unsolvable, I offered to move to where he lives, get a working holiday visa or even find a longterm job there. I was ready to find ways to compromise & solutions to make things better. But its hard to have a conversation with someone who already made up his mind.

i spent weeks trying to rationalise why breaking up was the better solution. he told me it would be better for us, i asked if he had found someone else & he assured me it was nothing like that. he was just scared of hurting me again & stringing me along.

I’m now back in my home country & I keep replaying the things hes said - like how I should move on & that this is better for both of us.

But we’ve been together for 6 years & have gone through so much together. My mind cannot process the reason why he wanted to end things. We both love each other deeply, we were just talking about getting married and a month later… that’s it?

I’m feeling very lost, angry & confused. He was my first serious relationship. & I feel like I’ve been left hanging, I’m not sure how to move forward…

I (21 M) have been dating this girl (22 F) for 2 years and have been struggling in understand my relationship. I feel like my gf only loves me when I have something to offer her or when she needs something from me and she can be extremely heartless at times in my opinion.

For example, she constantly hits me when she’s upset, we argued over something that wasn’t that big of a deal I admit, but during the argument she would hit me if I started asking her if she was being sincere in what she said and if she genuinly felt the way she did. Cause she felt like I was attacking her, and at one point she started hitting me hard so I held her arm back cause it started to hurt. And when I do hold her arms, she’ll resort to harder hits or start pulling my hair and poking my eyes. She also states that she’s scared that I’ll hit her cause I’m a man even though she’s the only one that’s been putting hands on me for 2 years. That being said, she stated that she felt like I was abusing her by doing that saying I don’t know how to control my strength. Then if I don’t apologize, which I always end up doing and she never does, she won’t ever talk to me till I decide to talk back.

I have tried sitting down with her to talk about this behavior of hitting me, and it always turns into an argument about what I did and it’s my fault that she does that. I simply answer that im sorry because at every argument she threatens to break up.

Another argument was that I told her that I feel under appreciated, we both live far from each other but I still take the time to drive all the way to her house to bring her to work and then I head back to my city to go to work, and then I’ll go pick her up from working during my lunch break and then head back to work. I’ll constantly go bring her to where she needs to be , I’ll constantly be there at her constantly disposal cause that’s my love language. But whenever she’s upset, she’ll say I never do anything for her, and then she told me to remind her of the things I do for her cause she forgets but when I do she answers things such as “if you aren’t happy just don’t do it” or “then just stop” or “I never asked you to” when all I’m asking is some understanding.

But the confusing part is when she’s in a good mood, she’ll tell me how much she loves me and she appreciates what I do for her, but that’s also when she’s in a good mood which is rare. Once she asked me to come over which I did, but when I got to the door she didn’t open it and left me outside. She told me that I came too late, which is not true btw, she told me to come around 4h30 pm which I was there at 4h33 cause I had to pick something up for her on the way. And when I try to explain that to her she sends me a voice message in an angry manner saying “I’m not going to argue with you, I have things to do, go find something to do” and then ignore my messages.

TLDR: I’m trying to understand my girlfriend’s point of view. And if I’m really a horrible boyfriend.

My question is , what should I do?

Edit: English isn’t my first language so sorry for any misspelling or other issues

We’ve been together for about 4 years since freshman yr of high school, and we moved in together this past August for college. Since then, things have honestly been really up and down. We argue a lot, over both small and big things, and it’s starting to wear on me.

One big issue is living together. I feel like I’m constantly cleaning up after him. When he says he “cleans,” it’s not actually clean, so I end up redoing it. Same with cooking—I feel like I’m carrying most of the responsibility, and it’s frustrating.

Another issue happened in December. I went through his phone (I know, not great), and I saw him watching TikToks of girls twerking. When I asked him about it, he brushed it off as just his FYP, but I also saw he had gone to a specific girl’s account. When I tried to talk about it, he wouldn’t really give me a straight answer and just said “it’s not that deep.”

After that, I reacted immaturely and started snapping some guys—nothing serious, just saying hi—but when he found out, he called me a “hoe” and said I was cheating, which felt really hypocritical.

Now our lease is coming up for renewal, and I don’t want to renew it, but he does. He keeps saying I’m “throwing everything away,” but honestly, I feel drained. He calls me out of my name during arguments, makes me feel bad about money sometimes, and overall I just don’t feel supported.

I know I’m not perfect either, but I feel stuck in this relationship. Like I can leave, but at the same time it feels really hard to actually do it. I just feel kind of trapped and cooped up.

I really need some advice. What would you do in this situation?

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for almost two years now. Jan 2026 I tested positive for hsv 1. I didn’t want to tell him while he was deployed so I kept it to myself. Well a week ago he came home and before I could tell him we kissed. Anyways I ended up telling him and now he is going to breakup with me. I felt like at the time I was doing the right thing by not telling him over text and waiting till I saw him but emotions of seeing him again took over. I understand where he is coming from I didn’t give him the choice to take the risk of getting it and I feel like a crappy person. I can’t stop crying and I just feel like a disgusting human being. I don’t know how to fix this.

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I don’t even know where to start, but I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to make sense of this.

I recently found out my partner (John) has a penis pump. Before anyone jumps—no, I’m not judging the item itself. People do what they do. That’s not even the main issue.

The issue is everything around it.

Because at the same time… we barely have a relationship anymore.

We live together, but it feels like we’re just roommates. No real connection, no real intimacy, nothing. I’ve brought this up multiple times, tried to communicate how I feel, tried to fix things.

And his response?

“I don’t see a resolution.”

Like… what does that even mean when you’re in a relationship with someone?

So now I’m sitting here trying to process how someone can say there’s “no resolution” to us… but still have the interest/energy for things like that on their own.

It honestly made me feel unwanted in a way I can’t really explain.

I don’t even think it’s about what I found—it’s what it represents. The disconnect. The lack of effort. The feeling that I’m just… there.

Has anyone else had a moment where something small randomly made you realize something much bigger was wrong?

Because I feel like this just flipped a switch for me.

Is my brain lying or is this backhanded as fuck? my girlfriend said this to me tonight. i can't fucking believe she would say something like this either i can't stop thinking about it.

"I can't say I know exactly how it feels in your head, but I do understand that it's overwhelming and heavy for you. And I can see how real it is for you right now."

Before I say anything just be patient because this is my first Reddit post ever. Im a young teen who has been in a relationship for a few years now and we are both madly in love and I can confidently say that.

We have had our ups and downs and both have done things that we regret, but have always found a way to fix things and keep moving forward. We have broken up once in the past but we were younger and it was a stupid reason and we got back together almost instantly after the breakup.

I’m not gonna give every little detail, but there is a dating app that I had previously made a profile on a few years ago before I was in a relationship as a joke with my friends and it had actual pictures of me and my real name. I uninstalled it after a few days because it wasn’t that funny and cuz there was just some creepos.

A few years later, so now, I randomly woke up and thought, wait, does uninstalling the app delete my profile?? Does it keep it up?? I was freaking out and Google wouldn’t help me properly so I thought maybe I could go back on the app and see what’s up. I texted my partner because it felt off to just download a dating app randomly even tho I had a reason. He said no worries like just check if it’s there like obviously it would be weird if someone saw that while you have a partner.

So I downloaded the app, logging in process was so weird it wouldn’t say log in or create account it was weird idk. Put in my info and then it wouldn’t let me go into the app without adding pictures of myself and I was just annoyed at this point like it shouldn’t be this difficult to get in. So I looked up pictures of random girl on Pinterest and inserted them just so it would get me in and it didn’t because it made me verify my face. Frustrated I just put my own pictures, nothing weird, just normal pictures I have up on most of my social medias. Got in and finally starting searching and I couldn’t find anything and I asked Google more specifically and it did say that after a certain amount of time, the profile does get deleted once the app is uninstalled.

After figuring that out I was relieved and just glad I didn’t have to keep searching for my old profile and I just went on with my day, still having the app installed. I didn’t use my phone for I’d say 5 hours and came back to so many messages from guys and I was so confused on how that happened so fast and I said time to uninstall I shouldn’t be on this. But a part of me wanted to answer. Which I know is so bad just hold on.

Giving a little bit of context, the app is meant for friends but nobody uses it for that, I did at a certain point when I had it as a joke for those few days but I was lonely. And also, this is not excusing what i did, but my partner barely ever flirts with me unless it’s for intimacy. Which makes me feel used at times and trust me I’ve communicated this. He always says I make him too nervous and he just feels awkward while flirting. It’s both our first relationship, first everything really and I was really nervous at the start too, but it’s been years. And we have communicated all of this but nothing changes and I’ve just gotten used to the no flirting thing which sucks. But it’ll get better I know it will.

Anyway I’m rambling so I answered I think 2 messaging flirting back, and as horrible as it is, I felt wanted. I felt sick honestly because my partner makes me feel wanted in every way but when it comes to flirting not really no. And it wasn’t anything that bad I didn’t compliment them but I did give in to their compliments and teases which is so bad I know. It is cheating, I consider it cheating. I opened another message but didn’t respond, it was a guy sending me a voice message of him yk what to my pictures, I uninstalled the app and then proceeded to bawl my eyes out feeling guilty. Told partner about random dude doing that and said I’m sorry and that I shouldn’t have even checked if my profile was there and I feel gross and istg he was more angry and uncomfortable than I was he was so mad

Saying that I shouldn’t have been on that app in the first place and that he considers it cheating I even opened messaging on-a “dating app” and he said it’s not fault and that it’s okay but if something like this happens again it’s not a mistake it’s just cheating and I didn’t tell him about the flirting with others because I had a feeling he’d end it. I’m so stupid bro

It’s been about a month and everyday for I think an hour I think and think about what I did and it eats me alive. I feel so gross knowing I flirted while having someone who I love more than anything and I knowwww I know if you really loved them you wouldn’t do this but I craved flirting and I try and try and he doesn’t and it is so frustrating but that doesn’t justify what I did.

Hes cheated too, but not flirting, he liked a bunch of girls bikini pictures without me knowing but obviously I found out. And some other stuff but not the point. I feel horrible and I know I should tell him but I know it would be over if I do and I can’t not be with him but I’m also so paranoid that someone from that app is going to tell him or something because on my profile I said I’m Ina relationship I’m just on the app to figure something out and to one of the people that was messaging me and I messaged back they said that I’m PROBBALY just saying I’m in a relationship just to be left alone and I sent a picture of me and my partner which was also so stupid but I’m so paranoid that it’ll come back to him or me and we’d be done. I need to fix this but I can’t say anything even though I should. I don’t know anymore I’m scared and so guilty. What I did was not okay and I need to do something

I wish I could take it all back but I can’t, and it is all my fault I know that but I love my partner with everything I have in me and I don’t doubt that for a second. But I can’t believe I did that. So stupid so dumb