So I'm with a friend on a trip and he wants to go out on the town in his fursuit. I am not a furry, but I think the expressiveness of the hobby/fandom is cool. I even think the suit is cool, but I expressed that I felt uncomfortable going out in public with him while he wears it. He called me an "anti-fur" for not being okay with it and that it shouldn't be "hurting my masculinity" to be around him in his suit while in public...

Need advice on how to handle this when he's being stubborn about it :(

I work a hybrid job and have a preschooler, so my days are pretty structured: daycare dropoff, work blocks, pickup, dinner, bedtime. One of my friends has started making little comments that they call jokes but keep landing wrong.

Examples: if I say I cannot meet up on a weeknight, they will say things like 'Must be nice to have an excuse' or 'Your kid runs your life.' If I mention I am tired, they will go 'Welcome to the consequences' and laugh. They also keep pushing for last minute plans and then act like I am being uptight when I say I need a heads up.

I do not think they are trying to be cruel, but it is starting to make me not want to talk to them because I feel like I have to defend every choice. I do not want a big, dramatic confrontation, but I also do not want to keep swallowing it and building resentment.

What is a low-drama way to address this in the moment the next time it happens, and what should I do if they brush it off as 'just joking'? Also, how do I set expectations around planning without sounding like I am lecturing them about my life?

We were casually texting until late that night. We talked about various subjects, and somehow gynecology came up. He was first to say that if he was gynecologist, he could never abort someone's child. I replied that medication abortion exists in the early stages, so it wouldn’t feel that difficult for me as a future gynecologist. For context, we live in a country where abortion is legal, and I’m a med student.

After that sentence he just suddenly said "I have to go, talk to you later". I was very confused, so I said it’s okay if we disagree, but that he doesn’t have to leave like that. Then he said this is a big thing for him, that he doesn’t want to discuss it late at night, but in short - that he sees abortion as worse than murder. He also said he needs to sleep on it, so I let him be but I expected conversation about all of this later.

He stopped calling and texting me. (It's been 2 days) I reached out and asked how he was, but his reply was very dry and distant. It feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

What hurts the most is that we didn’t even really talk about the topic. He didn’t give me a chance to fully explain my opinion, I was only speaking from a medical perspective.

It feels like he’s punishing me for something I said, without even being willing to have a proper conversation about it. What should I do now, just let this be?

I'm so confused and hurt right now. My (27f) boyfriend (32m) tried to break up with me after I informed him that he gave me an STI. I got my test results back today and I tested positive for trich. I know he gave it to me because I got tested after we first started seeing each other, and I've only been with him.

He got really angry with me and told me that this wasn't important enough to tell him in person, that I ruined his day, and that I should have just texted him about it. I was really upset and I thought it was best to have the conversation in person because it affected him too. But he completely dismissed it, and told me he just didn't want to talk to me and asked me to take him home.

I understand this means there is a good chance he cheated on me. And he did address that by saying that I "implied" it and he completely denies it. But then he started saying that we should break up now, and that he's unhappy, ect. And it made zero sense because everything has been okay. I asked him to help me understand what I did wrong and he refused, and told me to just go home. He said he's really starting to resent me.

I'm at a complete loss and I feel bewildered. I have tried so hard to meet his needs lately and I've tried to do everything right and no matter what he just keeps pushing me away. I don't want to lose him. I don't even know what to make of any of this or how to feel. Is there an explanation for his behavior? I don't think he's ever going to tell me. He could very well just ghost me at this point and never talk to me again. He has done it before.

I am in a gut-wrenching position. I’ve been with my boyfriend let's call him Joe since Aug 2024. We are committed and he has been a wonderful, loving partner to me as I maintain my 3 years of sobriety. However, my daughter, let's call her Miku (15F), has told me she will cut me off entirely if I stay with him.

The Context:

I have a history of alcohol struggle that began while I was caregiving for my terminally ill mother (my best friend) and my autistic sister, let's call her Carrie (40F, mindset of a 7yo). I’ve been sober for 3 years. During my drinking, Miku witnessed some "bad episodes" and moved in with her father (46M). He is extremely high-conflict, has been in legal cases with almost all his past relationships, and cannot co-parent. He recently called CAS (CPS) on me, but they found no grounds for a mandate and left visitation up to Miku

The Relationship Dynamics:

Joe and I have a strong bond. We’ve had some bad times and personality clashes alongside the good, but we are currently in counseling to work on our communication. I truly love him, but Miku refuses to see the work we are doing. Because I feel immense "Mom Guilt" for my past, I’ve been a "pushover" with her, catering to her every need to compensate for the years I was drinking.

The Ultimatum & Rejection:

Miku refuses to step foot in my house if Joe is there. I sent her a calm, loving message today standing my ground but offering a huge compromise: I told her I wouldn't leave Joe, but that he had already agreed to leave the house entirely during her visits so it could be just "us." Her response was cold and final: "I am not coming to visit."

My Dilemma:

I love Joe and I don't want to end a committed relationship because of a 15-year-old's ultimatum—especially when I suspect her father is influencing her. But I am also terrified that if I don't give in, I will lose my daughter forever.

I’m looking for advice on:

How do I stand by a partner I love when my child is using my past guilt to control my present?

Is it reasonable to hold this boundary even if she refuses to visit?

How do I navigate the "Mom Guilt" so I can make decisions based on my health and recovery, not just her demands?

How do I support Joe through this? I don't want him to feel like a "burden" or the reason I'm losing my daughter.

We were recently on vacation and left our garage door open. After seeing it open for a few days, a neighbor three doors down who we have never spoken to called our HOA to get my phone number so she could call and let me know. I thanked her and ask her to please close it. I really feel like this is an amazing thing for someone who doesn’t know you to do, especially in an age where everybody just seems to look out for themselves. I’d like to give her a gift to thank her, but I’m not sure what is appropriate. Any ideas?

Hi everyone,

​I’m currently a 4th-year software engineering student here in Morocco. Looking at the current job market, it feels like every other graduate is a Fullstack or Backend developer. To be honest, it feels pretty saturated for juniors right now, and the competition is brutal.

​While researching ways to stand out, I’ve noticed that roles like QA Tester (Quality Assurance) seem to have a lot of untapped potential. Many companies are struggling to find people who actually want to do testing and do it well, rather than just using it as a fallback.

​I’m considering starting my career as a Junior QA/SDET (Software Development Engineer in Test). My reasoning is that it allows me to stay in the technical loop while filling a gap that most juniors ignore.

​I have two questions for the community:

​For those in the Moroccan tech industry, do you agree that QA is a "hidden gem" for entry-level roles right now?

​Aside from QA, which other profiles do you think have high potential but low competition for a junior in Morocco? (Maybe DevOps, Cloud, or Cyber?)

Hello, this is my first post in this sub Reddit. I am 18 M these past four months seven complicated starting in January me and my family were talking about pain for my second special in college which for those wondering no I did not have bad grades and before we even got into the college we already talked about financial things and FASFA, but recently whenever we’re going to do the other loan for the second semester, they out of a sudden decided to just not cosign and help out because they said it won’t mess up their credit even though I’m the one that’s paying for it..

I went to a small school for Football, which did not entirely pay for my college so I had to come back home in which they gave me a week to get a high paying job to pay all my debts because to mention also the year before when I graduated, they gave me a car as a graduation gift, which is really nice except I had to pay for it. I did the down payment by selling my car and I have been making payments on it since and to go further into context I’ve had to work since I was 15 years old to pay for all my stuff I pay all my bills since I was 16 so no I’m not just crying because I have to work and pay bills…

going back to the topic they gave me a week to get a good paying job to start paying off my debts because they expected me to pay off my car this year. And obviously I don’t make enough for that to pay for a car and for college while I have to still live off of my pay as I was working at Walmart and so they sent me to Denver, Colorado and from there I was going to work in the oil and as everyone knows it is going to shit right now because of the war, and I recently got a job offer for a local jail in my hometown which I was talking to my parents and they told me that I am 18 and I am an adult and they do not need to help anymore which I tried to explain to them. It would only be for a couple weeks to a month so I can have that job secured and at least have some income so when I apply to get a house of rent with my buddies, I at least have a source which they said no, and that I need to figure it out on my own..

which that is where I’m stuck right now I feel like they expect a lot of me even though I just I’m about to be 19 in August but I just feel like I’m stuck in a situation right now with all these debts I have and being away from everyone has recently started to make me feel depressed and lonely, even though I am with my grandparents here, which I am grateful for them letting me stay here with them and I would just like to hear some advice on what y’all think I should do because as much as I love my parents, they have always seem to be different towards me as they were telling me a couple months ago how they’re gonna pay for my siblings college, which I just felt hurt from that to be honest. I don’t know how to feel about them with everything happening.

I just wish I had someone to support me back home. and I didn’t mention, but the job back home actually would pay me more than I get here which is why I would like to come back because that can help me out with my dad and the rent is also pretty cheap there which would help me out in a long run and I would so be close to my siblings and friends and my girlfriend for three years.

Thank you for reading this.

I (35 F) recently ended my 7 year relationship with my partner (40 M). It was a long time coming, and I held out hope for way too long that he would actually be true to his word and change. The problem is that I try to find the good in people and focus on that, but it's come to the point where I can not see any good in him. He never does what he says he will and is never consistent in the relationship. He uses DARVO to gaslight me and make me out to be the problem because I'm the one that has the emotional awareness, I'm the direct communicator. I'm so sick of not being respected, but at the same time, my heart aches for all I'm losing. The time wasted. The lack of care on his side. He's just chatting to his one friend, gaming online, like nothing is wrong. I'm hurt but also disgusted by him, so my emotions are all over the place.

I'm not implying that I'm perfect by any means. I'm highly empathetic, and I feel emotions and "vibes" strongly. I can't really contain strong emotions, so when I'm gaslit, I do react. I can sound aggressive, but my intention is to prove myself. Prove my observations, use facts and evidence, but i do get really angry if I do all that, and he still will not admit fault or take accountability. It's an abuse tactic on his part, I know, but I still feel wounded. I'm so overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, and fear. Living on my own is really daunting, especially since I'm ill. The cost of living as a single person is awful. In many ways, my future is uncertain, and any uncertainty tends to really stress me out and make me more ill.

It could be a while before he can find anywhere to live, and I'm staying put. So we'll just have to wait this really awkward bit out. I have my parents coming to stay in 5 days, so we'll see how that adds to the awkwardness!

I guess, what I'm asking is, how do I move on from this? How do I finally get rid of the emotional baggage that he has left me with? How do I stop grieving the relationship, even though I know logically the relationship wasn't working, it won't sink it. Does that make sense? I've fallen for his bullshit and I need to get it out of my head!

Sorry, I'm grasping at straws, honestly. I suppose the pure disgust I feel towards him will gradually overtake all the other feelings.

I met an incel from a reddit post I made on another account and I'm desperately trying to tell him that the reason women don't talk to him is because he's too anti-social. He doesn't even try because women don't look at him (?)

And he keeps going on and on about how women only go for tall attractive guys. Which I know is untrue, there's plenty of women who had a thing for me, and I'm neither tall nor attractive. And when I tell him that, he just blows it off.

I think the incel brain worm has dug too far deep into his mind and I can't pull it out. I so desperately want too though. I hate to see people like that just live in misery and hate.

I've also tried to convince him that different women are attracted to different things. He just keeps saying that "science" says that's not true. Again, it is very much true. Different guys are attracted to different things, why would it be any different the other way around? When I told him that he just went back to the science argument, which is straight bullshit.

I know you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink but I really don't want to just abandon him, he needs help

hi, i'm 29yrs old (F) with a 27yrs old japanese boyfriend and we've been dating for 5 years now.

our close friend got his girlfriend pregnant and recently his younger brother (24yrs old) got married and expecting a baby this year.. i don't know if it's a coincidence or not but i felt like i was left behind or i'm just overthinking things? all of my friends are getting married and having kids and i'm so so happy for them!! i've been asking my boyfriend about it but he just keeps telling me that it's not the right time yet..

am i being too sensitive or am i just being weird..

there is this girl I work with, it's a pretty big company with over a thousand people working here each day so only cross paths occasionally. She always stops to talk to me, not saying that I think she's interested in me romantically but I want to ask her for her number but every time I see her i get too nervous and cop out. I get mad at myself each time but I also don't want to make a fool out of myself and embarrass myself. if she's not interested I don't want her to feel weird around me either. I was thinking I would just ask her "Hey would it be cool if I got your phone number? How can I do this without my nerves getting the best of me? I'm 25 years old and she's about the same age.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were happy overall. No big fight or anything, so this came out of nowhere.

3 days ago he texted me saying he wants to leave—no reason, no explanation. He said he’s deleting social media and doesn’t want anything or anyone right now. When I tried to ask why, he just said “don’t insist.”

Then he said he’ll toss a coin—if it’s heads, he’ll come back in a year, if it’s tails, he won’t. And he won’t even tell me the result.

I feel really hurt and confused. After 5 years, being treated like this feels so disrespectful.

Is this just his way of ending things without saying it? Any guys who can give advice?

For context, I’ve been with my now husband for 6 years. We had a bumpy start as I quickly became pregnant and when I was 6 months I found out he had kissed a random girl in a bar that he denied even though I had the proof. I never had closure and he would never acknowledge how it made me feel but we tried to move forward nonetheless. over the years there’s been little things, random women from his past calling on Valentine’s Day, pictures of women I found on his phone that he said was from a group chat always telling white lies to the point I never know what to believe. He knows I don’t trust him even though I’ve tried really hard to be trusting of him. Recently, my friend came over for a few glasses of wine. She’s been feeling mentally drained recently so I wanted to make her feel better. My husband cooked and it was going good. We was messing around and dancing and we took videos on his phone. I asked to see them so he gave me his phone and on his camera roll I noticed from a few years ago (so he says) he recently deleted a video of 2 girls sat on his stairs. I didn’t want to make a scene with my friend there so i asked him what it was and then said we would talk about it later. He became really defensive and he started telling her about all our issues. I felt embarrassed as I don’t want everyone to know our business. After my friend left, I also left. I couldn’t stay in the house I needed time to think about everything when I came back he said our marriage was over and he packed his things and left. I cried and begged him to stay but he wouldn’t. Now he won’t return my calls or messsges. He says this is what I wanted. Everytime he does wrong he runs away or turns it on me. I’m tired of having to constantly fix things I didn’t break. I’m tired of being so in love with someone who clearly doesn’t love me. How do I move on? I have no support network (family or friends) i feel so lonely, im trying to be strong for my kids but im so tired of life. How will I ever move on?

ok so my girlfriend has been dealing with a lot of death in her family ,her dad died last year along with her auntie uncle and cousin and her mom just recently died 2 weeks ago ,and it's like after her mom died she kinda loss touch with reality for real,she keeps speaking about the Bible and asking me is this a test and what should she do,and saying God is coming for her smh ,she recently got arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and is in jail at the moment,but I honestly think her being in jail is only going to make her mental health deteriorate more ,she mostly spends her time in an empty cell and her mom's funeral was yesterday and she couldn't even attend it ,she doesn't think her mom is really gon ,and I feel like she needed to be at the funeral so she can see for herself that her mom is really gon so she can grieve and heal properly but I guess it didn't work out for her how I wanted it to,so my question is what should or what can I do to help her get the help she needs,

(She literally feels like this is not reality nor real,she kept saying "God Is Coming" and asking me "is this a test" "is this real" ,we got into a car accident last year ,it wasn't nothing serious or anything I was the only one that got hurt ,but since her mom died she brings that up ,and she thinks that we must have died in that car crash or sum thing ,even before her mom died she thoughts somebody put a hex on her ,and she kept looking up voodoo etc and trying to see how to get hexes and stuff off of you ,and I think that just mad her more paranoid,then her mom dying just made it 1000 times worse smh I hate this for her 😭😞🥺I just want my baby to feel better and be back to her old self ,the strong independent smart caring and compassionate black women she has always been😔

My homeboys hooked me up with a girl. I went on a date with her and I felt that things were going great until she got a call from her sister saying she had to go. I told her it's ok and I understood. After the date I called my homeboys to let them know how it was. They told me that she had sent them a voice message telling them that I reminded her of her ex who was just awkward and she told them that the call that she got was planned in order for her to get out of the date. I sorta feel hurt about it. I just wish she would have just told me no.

I (M26) have gotten to know a co-worker (M, similar age).

We had met for coffee a couple months ago and we really hit it off. We both lost track of time and talked for a good 3 to 4 hours, and we could easily have kept talking.

I have developed I guess what you could call a crush on him. I think about him lots, I have a desire to be with him, and I get quite nervous and shy around him. However, I don’t know if I am sexually or physically attracted to him, so this might just be an intense platonic feeling.

We haven’t really met outside work since our coffee meetup, but we see each other often enough at work we can frequently have some short conversations.

I have always identified as straight and this is the first time I’ve felt this way towards another guy, so it’s a bit overwhelming to say the least.

I don’t know his sexual orientation, but I’m assuming he is straight. Although I have wondered sometimes if he’s gay or bi since, not trying to stereotype, but he seems a bit more on the effeminate side.

I also feel like I’ve been getting some mixed signals from him. On one hand, I am always the one initiating conversations, but he is always friendly and receptive and keeps conversation going with me when I do approach him. I have even noticed he sometimes has a smile on his face when I talk to him even if I’m not saying anything particularly funny, if that means anything. But it’s always me starting the conversations….

When we had gone for coffee, I noticed him making lots of direct eye contact with me and was kind of doing the shy laugh/looking away at times and seeming a bit fidgety.

I’m not sure how to proceed with this,especially because I’m also not sure how I feel about him or what I want. We haven’t met up since our coffee, largely because we are both busy and it’s hard to find a day that works for both of us, but also because I get really nervous when I do want to ask him and I end up doing the vague “we should meet up sometime in the next couple weeks” and nothing ends up happening.

I’m just curious if anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice.. I am a chronic overthinker with an anxious attachment style which is not making any of this easier lol

Thank you!

So, I’m 19 and this girl at my gym approached me twice now. This last time, she called me cute, asked for my socials, and we talked for hours. Since then, we've been texting and she’s even sent some photos/videos. But when I asked to take her out, she hit me with 'I might.' Since this is the second time she’s been vague about hanging out, is she just playing games? I’m leaning toward just not responding.

I apologize in advance, as I know this will be a long post, but I am truly worried for the potential safety of a child in this situation, and I would really appreciate being given any advice/insight into what the actual fuck is going on here.

So I (23F) work with “Lena” (30F) at the same restaurant, and the 2 of us are really good friends. “Carrie” (27/28-ish F) also works at said restaurant with us. Carrie is also a dental assistant/hygienist. Lena has been friends for many years with Carrie (they worked together previously at another restaurant), but I do not personally have a friendship with her outside of work. So to reiterate, I am very close with Lena, but I would only consider Carrie a work acquaintance and a friend of a friend.

Now, I will say that I did not personally witness anything that I am about to explain, but Lena (who again, is close with Carrie) was a first-hand witness, or at the very least, was told by Carrie directly. Lena has talked to and has told me about all of this, but not in the sense of her gossiping or shit-talking behind Carrie’s back. Lena’s discussions with me about this situation have come from a genuine place of needing advice and active concern (concern which, if you continue on reading, you will come to realize is very much warranted). I just felt the need to establish all of that before I start.

So…Carrie has a husband, “Joe” (28-ish M), with whom she has been together for 6 or 7 years (met in college), and to whom she has been married for a little over 1 year. It sounds like Carrie gave Joe a bit of an ultimatum, as they had been dating for so long. So she essentially says, “Put a ring on it, or I’m gone.” They do end up getting married.

Now, if you’re thinking to yourself at this point, “Okay, this guy clearly didn’t want to get married and wants nothing to do with this woman,” just hold your horses, because this is where it gets odd…

So Joe has had a lifelong desire to be a father, and has been telling Carrie how much he desperately wants a baby for as long as they’ve been together (but most especially now that they’re married). Carrie expresses that she has a lot of things to do this year (friends’ weddings, career stuff, etc.) and that she’d really like to give it another year or two before they try for a kid. But Joe BEGS her, tells her it’s all he’s ever wanted, the only thing in the world he wants, and that it would make him so happy. So Carrie eventually relents, and she gets pregnant.

So now we arrive at the present…Carrie gave birth to their daughter, “Rosie,” less than 2 weeks ago as of the day I’m writing this. This is a FRESH baby (important to note, just because it makes all of this even more insane than it already is). Carrie has a hard, long labor, but her and the baby are okay in the end. She tells my friend Lena that Joe was very supportive throughout the entire experience. So the two of them go home with Rosie, all seems well, but then not even a day later, we enter the Twilight Zone…

Joe sucks. Like really, really sucks. He is IMMEDIATELY irritated, overwhelmed, and just all around being incredibly negative about the entire situation. Just a real wet blanket during the very first days of his daughter’s life (the daughter he BEGGED to have, mind you). I am now going to provide the examples of his behavior that Lena has relayed to me over the last few days, all of which gradually increase in severity and cause for alarm (in my view at least).

1. They have a wood stove. Joe is upset because Carrie will not make any effort to bring the wood in from the basement or from outside. He yells at her on a daily basis about this. Again, she is FRESHLY postpartum (as in she is still wearing maternity diapers because there is an actively bleeding, gaping wound in her body from giving birth).

2. Carrie does not breastfeed in the sense that Rosie actively drinks from her, but she exclusively pumps, and Rosie only drinks the milk Carrie produces (so in my book, that is breastfeeding, and it’s a TON of exhausting work). She is on a strict schedule that has her awake and pumping every 2 hours. Joe is PISSED that he has to change some of Rosie’s diapers, because according to him, all Carrie does is sit around all day and do nothing. And I will reiterate again here: this woman is DAYS postpartum. Oh and another kicker…Joe is quite literally unemployed at the moment, and has been for the past 2 months. So if there’s anyone who’s doing nothing all day, it’s certainly not his wife (the one who has just birthed their child and continues to actively feed said child from her body on an hourly basis). But no, Joe is being unjustly wronged by diaper changes??

3. Carrie has had a persistent migraine behind her left eye since giving birth. She calls her OBGYN, and they tell her that definitely doesn’t sound typical of postpartum. So they ask her to see a doctor just to make sure everything is good. She heads out for the appointment, but realizes Joe’s very large pickup truck is blocking her in the driveway. She asks him if he could move it for her, as she is already a generally small person, and considering she’s only days postpartum, she really doesn’t want to have to climb up into the truck (I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s a big truck - she would have to make a physical effort to get in). Joe is furious. Tells her she’s a useless, incompetent human being who can only drive her stupid little car because everyone in her life does everything for her. After minutes of begging, he relents and moves the car, and Carrie goes to the doctor (all is fine with the eye, she’s just overproducing milk, and I guess that can show up elsewhere in the body? The more you know, I guess). But Joe will not speak to her for the rest of the evening when she returns, and he will not touch, feed, or change the baby.

4. Joe has complained to Carrie on multiple occasions that it upsets/pisses him off that “Everyone only cares about/pays attention to you and the baby, but not me.”

So this is where it starts to get really bad…

For context with these next few examples, about 8-9 days post-birth (a few days ago) my friend Lena goes over to the house to meet the baby, bring Carrie some food, talk, etc.

5. Lena finds Carrie alone with the sleeping baby in their living room. Lena asks where Joe is, to which Carrie replies that he has gone to the auto parts store for the second time that day to fix his bike. She tells Lena that Joe, just that day alone, has gone on a run, gone to the store multiple times, taken a shower, and has now returned to the store once more. Carrie has not moved from next to Rosie on the couch. Eventually, Joe finds it within himself to return home, and he ends up sitting on the couch with Lena and Carrie to talk or catch up or whatever.

6. Maybe 20 minutes into talking, Rosie has a pretty major blowout, and Carrie rushes upstairs to change her in the nursery. Lena is now sitting on the couch downstairs with Joe. Carrie starts making some pretty loud noises of disgust and overwhelm as she changes Rosie, and she calls downstairs to ask Joe to come up to lend her a hand. He YELLS back up at her that she “Should be able to change one fucking diaper on her own.” Again, he has literally been out of the house the entire day. Lena is the one who ends up going upstairs to help Carrie with the baby.

7. Everyone comes back down to the living room, with Rosie now changed and happy. She is handed to Joe as he sits on the couch, and he lays her on his legs (they’re propped up, so he’s like looking down at her as she sleeps on her back). Lena watches Joe as he looks at Rosie, and he has this look of just utter contempt and irritation on his face. Like he is looking down at his sleeping, infant daughter in complete disdain. Lena told me she didn’t know how to fully describe it, but she said that you could almost feel the waves of animosity rolling off of him as they sat there. She said it was palpable and immensely uncomfortable.

This is the one that immediately shifted this whole thing from “shitty man/husband” to “I am deeply concerned” in my eyes:

8. As Rosie is sleeping on Joe’s legs, he picks her up and kind of haphazardly, irritatingly maneuvers her around “like a doll” (is how Lena put it). He then proceeds (in front of Carrie and Lena) to call Rosie a “bitch,” “little fucking bitch,” says “I can’t wait for you to grow up and stop being so fucking annoying.” This baby girl is 8 FUCKING DAYS OLD. And he’s calling her a “fucking bitch” in front of his wife and Lena (imagine what he says/does when company ISN’T there…).

Now the final anecdote Lena told me about, and in my view, the most alarming one by far:

9. It is about 1:00 AM. Carrie has just pumped and is upstairs asleep in bed. Joe is downstairs with Rosie. I guess Rosie is sleeping, but I’m not entirely sure why downstairs? It doesn’t really matter, the point is that Carrie is upstairs sleeping while Joe is alone downstairs with the baby. Rosie wakes up and fusses (as 9-day-olds do) so Joe goes to get a bottle from the fridge (maybe this is why they’re downstairs?). He attempts to give Rosie the bottle, but she continues to fuss and won’t latch on to take it. He then SCREAMS, to the point of jolting Carrie awake upstairs, at which point she hears a very loud smash/thud against the wall. She told Lena after the fact that she immediately felt sick because she thought Joe had “thrown the baby at the wall” or “done something to her.” So Carrie runs downstairs, only to find that Joe had thrown the bottle (of her hard-earned, pumped breast milk) against the kitchen wall. It has exploded and is everywhere (walls, ceiling). Carrie goes to get Rosie who is now understandably wailing, only to watch as Joe walks back into the kitchen to retrieve the bottle and proceeds to hurl it AGAIN at another wall. Lena was not given any further information by Carrie about how this night concluded/resolved, so that is all I know. But Jesus CHRIST…

So yeah.

I have been at a loss for words about all of this. I have talked to my own mom about it, as has Lena (as well as her sister who has children of her own). Everyone’s reaction has been some iteration of “What the actual fuck, that child is in danger, Carrie needs to do something.”

I have tried to ask Lena about her read on Carrie’s mental state (whether she seems depressed, checked out, or if she seems to share everyone else’s urgent concern). According to Lena, she seems mostly sad/disappointed in Joe, and has been told by her OBGYN that they’d like to continue watching her for signs of PPD. With that said, she does unfortunately seem too disassociated (if that’s a good term for it) to really register the extent of what’s going on. If I was in her shoes (mere days postpartum, flooded with hormones and changes, and blindsided by my husband’s apparent 180 into being the Hitler of husbands/fathers), I would also not know what to make of or do with my reality either. Again, I do not have any first-hand experience with or any direct read on the situation, but Lena has known Carrie and been close with her for years, so I very much trust her assessment (especially considering it’s coming from a place of urgent concern).

Now, a final thing I’ll add, because I’m assuming many people will ask/be curious about this: Joe’s parents/family seem totally out of the picture, and as for Carrie, her father passed away some years ago, and her mother (although they do talk and have an active relationship) doesn’t seem entirely emotionally available. Their relationship seems strained, to put it simply, so it isn’t like Carrie has a direct line of communication to reach out for help from a loved one/fellow mother. I myself do not have children, and neither does Lena, so I think we feel quite clueless about what to do here (Lena more than anyone, as I am in no way close with Carrie, so if anyone is going to intervene or help in some capacity, it’s going to be Lena).

But she doesn’t know what the fuck to do or say. You can’t exactly call CPS because you heard a father call his newborn daughter a “little fucking bitch,” nor can you have a serious talk or intervention with a distraught, fragile mother who is more than likely suffering from some degree of PPD. Carrie has expressed that she’s had difficulties connecting with Rosie (classic sign of PPD) so I’m sure her mental space is already at max capacity. Lena can’t exactly beg her to leave her husband right now.

I’d really just like to know if anyone has ANY sense of what the actual fuck is going on here, or what you think you might do. Lena has known Joe for as long as she’s known Carrie, and while she does say they haven’t always had the most inspiring relationship, she is still genuinely dumbfounded by what she sees as a complete and unexpected flip in behavior. She says Joe has never been violent or verbally abusive like this, and that if anything, it’s been Carrie in the past who has been a bit of a bulldog in the relationship. But even still, she says it hasn’t been awesome on either side for some months/years now, but having marital problems is a WILDLY different thing than whatever the hell is going on here.

If Carrie had “forced” Joe into marriage, and then “forced” him into having a baby, I could MAYBE at least logically make sense of his behavior/mindset (not in the sense that it would be justified, but I could at least wrap my brain around it). But he quite literally (and I cannot stress this enough) BEGGED Carrie to give him a child. But now, after not even 2 weeks of having his baby on this earth, she is nothing but a “little fucking bitch,” and Carrie is at the point where her automatic assumption upon hearing a loud bang is that he’s thrown the baby at the wall.

What do I make of this? What the hell does anyone make of something like this? Is it really possible that I can chalk it all up to “Joe is an evil prick, and sometimes guys are just evil pricks”? I don’t think I can accept that it’s that simple. It’s just too odd — too disgusting.

Any thoughts — literally anything at all — would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I’m losing my mind

I’m 22f and my boyfriend is 26. We’ve been together about a year.

When we met, I had just left a very abusive relationship and was 2 months pregnant. We already knew each other through mutual friends for years, but we had never been close. I told him right away I was pregnant because I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea if he wanted something more than friendship.

He didn’t care. We started hanging out as friends, then got closer. He was really sweet to me while I was pregnant, always there for me, talked to my belly, helped me feel safe, and eventually asked me to be his girlfriend right before I gave birth.

Now my son is 8 months old and he’s amazing with him. He helps constantly, plays with him, spends time with him, treats him like his own. He doesn’t spend one on one time with my son, I have certain boundaries and that is one of them, you can never be too careful even I love and trust him with my life.

But lately he’s not very affectionate or attentive with me anymore. We barely spend time together as a couple and when we’re all together, he focuses way more on my son than me. I miss how he used to be with me in the beginning.

I keep overthinking and wondering if he’s actually with me because he loves me, or if he mostly wanted to be a dad and I just happened to come with my son. Has anyone else been through something like this? Does it sound like he’s lost feelings for me, or could this just be him getting comfortable and focusing on the baby?