r/relationship_advice

We've been married for 2 months and suddenly my ex was the topic for a month now. I have no idea why this came up in the first place (probably popped up on Instagram). My wife has been really pissed off, she said she's disgusted by me dating this low class woman.

For background, my ex came from a poor family. She is now earning quite well. She had some habits that I didn't like that's why I broke up with her.

My wife is from an upper middle class family. She's been top student from kindergarten to University. She earns higher than my ex. She is a woman who always improve herself.

I came from a middle class family. Earning well too. I am a stubborn guy though.

They never met, I barely told my wife anything about my ex.

She has been on/off about this topic, threatening divorce, or seeing other men that is of "higher" quality than me just because she thinks my ex is low class. She said she's disgusted by me that I even considered to date that woman. She doesn't want me to touch her or even be near her. I am going crazy, I can't do anything because it's in the past. She's saying I don't understand her. What is it exactly that I don't understand? I am confused. I also don't want the divorce. I have also said if she's jealous and she got even more angry and said it's confirmed that I don't understand her. What am I actually missing?

I have a psychiatrist appointment because I don't know if I have mental health problems now.

Any advice.

Hi! This is my first post here. I'm here to talk about an issue I do not know how to navigate. I want to start off by saying that my wife and I are WLW, and have been married for 4 years, together for 6. Our relationship was perfect, or as perfect as relationships can be. We are fine financially, which in this economy feels like a blessing, have a decent house, and have work schedules that align with each other, and yes, we were incredibly affectionate towards each other. So, around 6 months ago, we went through with IVF, and I am currently carrying our daughter. But, around the same time, my Wife got a promotion at the company we both worked for, and it consumed her life.

I'm not being dramatic, I understand the stress of a new position, and I did my best at home to make sure she would come home to a nice house, home-cooked dinners and lunches to take to work, but nothing has seemed good enough. I noticed around a month into her new position, she was coming home later and later, often staying well past dinner time, so I would work my schedule around her in that regard so that she would always have a meal to come home to, but it felt like she stopped seeing me. Her entire life has been consumed by her work, and I'm worried. I know this behaviour isn't healthy.

It's been 6 months since she received her new position, and things have gotten so bad that I feel like a shadow in my own home. To make matters worse. I've been struggling with the pregnancy, yet she doesn't seem to care. I try to talk to her, ask her about her day, and I'm met with dry answers, or some nights she's home well into the evening when I'm already asleep, so we don't talk at all. I feel discarded, Its weird to miss someone with whom you still share a bed with.

Now to the issue at hand, yesterday when she came home from work at 11 pm, yes, 11 pm. She caught me upstairs crying because 1 I'm pregnant, and 2, it feels like my wife hates me. She just stared at me blankly, then asked why I was crying. And I lost it. I spilled everything, I told her how her negligence was making me feel, i didnt yell, just cried while she stood awkwardly in the doorway.

She responded by saying I was being ungrateful because she was providing for our family, and our daughter, and in the heat of the moment, I told her that the baby was MY daughter, not hers, as she had not been involved in the entire pregnancy. She never went to any appointments past the IVF ones, skipped our small gender reveal, and hasn't even tried being there for me while I am slowly getting sicker by the day. So this reaction felt justified. I was not trying to be ungrateful, I just feel so unloved, unattractive and like I'm not doing enough to win her attention. I am grateful that she works so hard. I just miss her so much. I don't think we've even kissed in weeks.

She left the room without another word, and I can't help but feel like I've messed everything up. All I wanted was my wife to come home, not this hollow workaholic she has turned into. She left for work early this morning, hasn't called or texted, and to be honest, I'm scared that anything I say will make things worse.

I don't want to divorce her, but I can't imagine raising a child with this woman anymore. I know posting here probably isn't a good call, I'm just so tired, and my therapist has no openings for another week. I'm not angry, I'm worried that she is falling down a path that I cannot help her with. Please give any advice you can. I want to be seen again.

(For a bit more context, I don't think she is cheating. I did make the horrible mistake of looking through her phone, and nothing is incriminating. Yes, I have tried talking to her many times, I've texted paragraphs after paragraphs, and she has said she is sorry, and does try a bit more for a few days, but then falls back into her schedule.)

Truthfully, I don't even know where to begin with this. I'm a first year medical student, and I went straight from undergrad after graduating this past year. During undergrad, I took out some student loans, but as far as I know, my parents were covering most my tuition costs. Ever since I was 18, I had my dad do all the financials for tuition and loans etc etc. He had my FAFSA log in. He used to be president of a brokerage firm, so my entire family entrusts him to make those kinds of decisions. In junior year of undergrad, our finances got a bit worse, and I decided to take up a part time job so that I could have some "fun" money.

Unfortunately, my "fun" money turned into me supporting myself. My parents helped cover my rent, and loans covered my tuition, but all my food, toiletries, utilities, and anything else I wanted to spend I used my income for. It was extremely hard, but I felt so bad asking for money from my parents. Several times, my dad called me up and asked for a small loan of $100-200 to cover small repairs in the house, or one time my mom's wedding ring needed a stone re-set. I said yes, and he asked me not to tell my mom that he was borrowing money from me out of shame. I never told her, and he never paid me back but I was okay losing a bit of money.

Now that I'm in medical school and I've moved, my rent actually decreased by almost half. My parents were still covering it, but I foolishly thought now that my rent had gone down, and I wasn't able to work a part-time job, I would get the same amount of money I had before. No. Instead, I was getting $100 a month for food, toiletries, and anything else I wanted. I don't have a car. I live in a fairly isolated location near my school, so anytime I wanted groceries I had to have one of my roommates drive me. Obviously, $100 a month isn't enough to cover food, so I had to start subsidizing with the food pantry on campus. Even then, with the amount of food I was getting and the stress from school, I've lost over 25lbs since last August.

My mental health started rapidly declining so I recently started seeing a therapist on campus. I told her about my money issues, and she suggested I look into my loans. I knew I had student loans fully covering my tuition, but I didn't know I was supposed to be getting ~16k a semester from loans meant to cover my living expenses. I feel so stupid for not noticing this, but I had trusted my dad to handle the financials in my best interest. If I split up my living expenses loans throughout the semester, I was supposed to be getting $2000 a month from the loan refund deposited in my dads checking account. Instead, I was getting $1150. I was so confused.

I just recently came home for a couple days for Spring Break. My therapist had encouraged me to bring up increasing my monthly budget with my parents so I WOULDN'T KEEP GOING HUNGRY. So at dinner last night, I mentioned to both of them that I didn't have enough money for food, and suggested a $200 a month budget for my expenses. (EBT would cover $300 a month but I was trying to start low and build up to more). I mentioned how I looked at my medical school's financial aid site and saw I'm supposed to be getting x amount of money a month in loans to cover living expenses, and how it was deposited to my Dad's checking account.

And everything went downhill. My mom had no idea I had loans taken out to help cover "my living expenses", and also had no idea about this other bank account my dad has. He played dumb, saying he had no idea what this bank account was, and then when I showed the email I got saying the refund had been deposited into his account, he switched and said the deposit had never hit his account. My mom questioned this and then he pivoted again and said that "Oh I actually declined that deposit" because he was trying to keep my loan amounts down. I was even more confused at this point, and said "If I don't need the loan, why did we take it out in the first place? It doesn't make sense to 'deny' the money".

We went round and round in circles with my dad playing dumb and averting questions until my mom just dropped it and went to clean up dinner. I pulled up my experian credit report thing and showed my dad that I also had a mysterious $100k in private loans with a 16% interest rate that were taken out in 2024 that I had no idea about. He tapped me on the shoulder and said he'd explain everything later.

After dinner, he followed me downstairs and confirmed everything. All my worst fears brought to life. He said that the extra loans for "living expenses" have been used to help pay for my rent, but the rest of it that's supposed to have been going towards my books, and transportation, and a new computer, and everything else, he's been using to help pay for their bills. Same with the $100k he took out a couple years ago. My mom has no idea. He pleaded with me to lie and tell her that I was just confused about my loans so that she won't find out.

He swears that he's going to pay me back eventually. My parents have APPARENTLY been waiting on a $250k tax return from the government from the sale of a property 4 yrs ago. My dad also apparently made a shitty investment in a $1.5mil annuity that was supposed to pay out last year but the company went under and is now refusing to pay him. Both of these are apparently involved in legal battles with our state government and the federal government to get our money. I don't know how much I believe that these are real. Given how much he's lied already, and how much he continues to lie, how do I know that he's going to pay me back? I'm so worried I'm going to become a resident doctor in 3yrs, and be saddled with all this debt that ISN'T MINE.

I talked to my brother yesterday, and he said that dad's been doing the same thing to him. Maybe not student loans since he's not in grad school, but my dad took about $10k from him when he worked one summer in undergrad. He swore he'd repay him, and didn't. He opened a credit card in my brother's name, that he had to then cancel because he didn't approve it.

I'm sure my parents are in massive debt. I know my dad's credit score is shot, which is probably why he's using my brother and I as money pits. But truthfully, I don't know what the money is going to. It's not like my parents are living lavishly. Both of my parents cars are on the verge of breaking down, and several appliances in their home are broken and need replacing. We have a multi-million dollar house that they could sell and downsize, and be FINE. My brother straight up asked my dad if he was gambling, or betting wildly on stocks and he denied it. But I don't know where the money can possibly be going.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that if my mom finds out what my dad has done they'll get a divorce, which I don't want to happen. I don't want to report my dad to the police because he's already almost 80 and not in fantastic health. My brother and I are worried his plan B is just to die and have his life insurance pay out and cover everything. But I also feel like I can't let him continue to take MY money. For once in my life I want to be selfish and tell my dad to stop. But I don't want my parents to be poor. I truthfully don't know what to do from here. I know I was foolish in letting my dad take control over everything, but is there a way to fix all of this without screwing either of us over?

TLDR: Dad took out $100k in private student loans without my permission, and is currently using $30k of loans meant for my living expenses for him and my mom's bills. My mom has no idea, and I don't know where the money is going. Where do I go from here?

Using a throwaway to avoid my main. So I (35f) just found out that my partner (37m) deleted my entire hidden photos album in my iPhone 8 months ago without telling me. This all came out tonight while we were laughing at old pictures of my kids from when they were younger. In good spirits, he told me to access the hidden folder to see if anything was in there.

Backstory: Last late June/early July, he went through my phone because we have an open phone policy and generally I do not care what he sees or does not see. He feels the same way. We’re adults, it’s worked out fine for us until this issue. He accessed my hidden album while I was sleeping and went through the pics and freaked out. For context, over the last decade+ I hide photos, some randoms of me and friends where we are totally ugly, tons of nudes of myself, X rated photos and videos of ex relationships and whatever else I randomly decide either I don’t want to look at in my main camera roll in the moment or photos I don’t want my kids to see if they are looking. It’s all a big dump of shit based on how I was feeling.

I never hid this from him, was ashamed about it, etc. Told him the same thing. Said it was just a big dump. He was extremely upset and expressed that it was not ok I was keeping photos of ex’s and nudes and who knows what I was doing with them. He questioned why I would still have them, then demanded I delete them all immediately. Okay, understandable. I told him I never access that album hardly ever, apologized for what he saw, and said since the file was so large I would eventually get around to combing through them and delete the ones of my exs. I also explained that I like to keep nudes of me because I definitely want to look back at my body through the years especially as an old lady because we only live once and I want to be reminded I was hot!! He told me to do it asap. I said no, I just needed some time because it would take forever and it really was not that important at the moment. I was busy unpacking because I had just moved in with him, was working a full time job and frankly thought he trusted me enough to do this on my own time.

Back to today. It really slipped my mind for ages. I don’t go into that album ever and it faded off the things to do. Once I realized they were all gone, I got overwhelmed, started tearing up and excused myself to the bathroom to collect myself before we talked. I told him I felt he violated my autonomy and now all of those photos I really wanted to keep were gone forever. I don’t give a flying F about the photos of my exs, I care about the silent roll I’ve had over the years and all the things I don’t have anymore aside from them. He says that he has no shame doing what he did, he doesn’t feel bad and he gave me more than enough time to do so. In reality, it was maybe a few weeks from when this was discussed initially in late June/July to when he said he deleted them in Aug. And I just found out. I feel deceived, I told him he had no right to do that and don’t know how to resolve this or help him understand. He is stuck on this train of thought that I’m really upset about losing the dicks in my phone. Even going as far as saying that my reactions are affirming his assumption that I am attached to my exs and he took away material I masturbate to, even going as far as mocking me when I respond that it’s not true. He also told me to message my best friend about the situation and ask her what she thought because she would tell me I’m wrong. I don’t want to bother her, so I came here instead. I think he did this because he has some insecurity and is obviously struggling. I got heated, told him I would remember this and one day when a situation would arise I would get him back. Not the best choice of words, but here we are. I’m pissed. He should have trusted me that this doesn’t matter and to let me do it on my own time. I never argued that I needed to keep the ones of my exs. I’m sad about everything else I lost.

Am I missing something? How do I navigate moving forward from this? He’s currently sleeping on the couch.

I (21 F) desperately want to make my bf (25M) cum from my blowjobs, but it never seems to work.

I can’t tell what I’m doing wrong, I suck, I bob my head, I twirl my tongue over the tip, I use hands. He seems to enjoy it at first (his legs shake and he moans) but then he just gets soft out of the blue and it even feels like he doesn’t feel my mouth anymore as he just stands/sits still and is silent.

He loves my handjobs and cums from them, but I deeply enjoy sucking his dick and I want him to enjoy it just as much and finish in my mouth.

Tips???

My best friend and neighbor had a bad year. She has been in treatment for breast cancer and finally finished her tree so we were celebrating. We were out I dinner with other friend and she drank too much but on the way home she kept grabbing my husband’s penis in a “playful” way. He kept telling her to stop but she wouldn’t and then she kept grabbing me and trying to kiss me. She kept calling me beautiful and trying to kiss me and putting her hands in his pants. It was hard because neither of us wanted to be mean and ruin the night but she just wouldn’t take no as no’s

We finally got her home but she was such a mess. I was drunk too so I didn’t even realize the extent to which she was grabbing my husband but he told me and I did realize that he kept sayings stop to her and it was definitely about how she kept moving her hands on his pants.

Before her treatment she would also drink too much and cross boundaries with me and others. She also grabbed our other male friend’s penis and wouldn’t stop after he told her to stop. I maybe didn’t take it seriously enough because he was single but now that she is grabbing at me and my husband I’m just so disgusted.

ON TOP OF ALL THAT SHE IS MARRIED TO A MAN SHE REFUSED TO HAVE SEX WITH FOR FOUR YEARS!!!

I took her at her word that she just doesn’t want to have sex with him but after she keeps pushing herself on other people and especially my own marriage I feel like I want to tell her husband about all of this.

The only reason I’m not telling her husband is because they have a young child together and I don’t want the bad karma of ruining their family and creating chaos for their child.

She really is a bad and evil person. I called her after and told her to never contact me or my husband again. I truly feel like she has a demonic presence.

I(29M) have been with my gf(28F) for around a year. Last October, she asked me to show her my WhatsApp. I readily accepted her request. She went through my chats. When I asked her to see her WhatsApp, she declined. She told me that she doesn't want to share her chats with her friends with me. I felt a little strange but I let that go.

Two months back, my ex messaged me and we had a short, cordial chat. This ex usually messages me once every year, and we separated 5 years back on amicable terms. I told this to my gf right away. While on a video call, she asked me to share my screen and show her my chats with her. I did that.

I don't remember it clearly, but one more time she asked me to share my WhatsApp with her. Again I didn't have any problems.

Today, while we were having a short date, I asked her to show me her WhatsApp. But she outrightly refused. She said that this violates her privacy. She asked me whether I believe that she is cheating on me. I told her that I don't think that's the case, but I called out her hypocrisy. I asked her whether the same principles dont apply to me. I called out the power imbalance in the relationship.

This has led to the breaking down of the trust I had on her. It feels like she has something to hide. And the problem is that even if she shares her WhatsApp with me now, it would be difficult for me to completely trust her again.

How can I tackle this situation?

My spouse called me a cunt after not being empathetic enough when he had a stomach flu. I confronted him the next day and he denied it repeatedly, then down played it saying he was delusional from being sick, then tried to say I should have checked in on him more while being sick and he felt hurt. Then 2 days called me it again in a joking manor; I got up to leave the room and sleep.in my kids bed and he stated "are you really going to start a fight over this, I was joking" Each time I help a very firm boundry. 2 days later he asked if he can just call me "The C word"

It has left my nervous system completely rattled. We have 2 young children and thinking about leaving but its such a huge decision with kids involved.

How would you handle this situation?

We have been together for 5 years and I would say our relationship has been really hard. He is stubborn and has a bad temper so when we fight he lashes out and says really nasty things and breaks up with me.

Yesterday we had a fight because on a date we had he got drunk and it just made him really snappy and he took something I said out of context. He left me on the date and didn’t speak to me. I messaged to say how unfair I think he is and then he told me to just fuck off and that he doesn’t like me and would rather never speak to me again. He then sent me this message “screenshot this, bang it on insta, I HATE YOU, NEVR MESSAGE ME AGAIN YOU PATHETIC HUMAN, ciao”

I’ve been left feeling really deflated. We haven’t slept together properly in months and I do love him which is why I don’t leave but this is the nastiest stuff he’s ever said. We are meant to go away together on Wednesday but I think I’ve decided I no longer want to go.

Please could anyone offer any advise on how to navigate this ?

The title should read "Scat". Sorry I am a bit tipsy due to the stress.

I met my husband about 5 years ago married about almost two years ago. I am very kink friendly as long as its consenting adults. But he never showed me this side of him. I feel blind sided. He said he's been into scat play all his adult dating life. Basically someone defecating on him.

About 5 years ago when he entered my life, I though I hit the jacktop. Tall easy on the eyes, muscular, with a VERY healthy net worth. He definately upgraded my life, paid off home, luxury vacations, yatch lifestyles. He offered to even not work anymore, but I declined and kept my career.

He's been bringing up piss play for about two months. I gave in and basically did yellow showers on him. I didn't touch or hug him after and made him take shower. But now he flat out asked me for scat play.

It is strictly off limit to me and definitely a deal breaker. Whenever he wants something that I disagree with he tries his business tactics on me till I give in.

I flat out asked him how he got into it and maybe if he needs therapy to feel some self worth. I pleaded with him that we have a great life and I have been down with ALOT of his kinks including some drug habits (under control).

I have lost ALOT of attraction to him ever since he opened up about this side of him. He confessed he has done it about dozen of times in a hotel room with paid escorts. I am not mad at the escort part, but the act of scat

Is this fixable at this point? My 20F boyfriend 19M tells me that my pussy doesn’t feel good in his words “my pussy is trash”. We have been together for about a year and 3 months. He tells me that it’s not tight enough and I need to do kegals and that i’m the worst sex he’s ever had. He says my personality is good but that sex

is too important so if he’s with me he will be unhappy forever. He tells me that it sucks almost everyday. Even sometimes mid sex he will just stop, sign, roll is eyes and say that it’s too bad. Most of the time I still always make him cum and we still have sex almost everyday but usually after he gives me the cold shoulder and if I ask him if it was good he just says “sure”. He says i’m not a sexual enough person and I don’t act sexy enough. I used to be such a sexual person with such a high sex drive and now I never even feel turned on anymore. He has made me so insecure I am always dry during sex and he gets mad about that too(even tho he doesn’t do any foreplay). He has completely destroyed my sex drive and i’m scared i’ll never be able to get it back I literally feel depressed. The only thing I was holding onto was the fact that sex was never a problem in my previous relationship and our sex relashionship was great at least I thought. My boyfriend got home today after being with some friends and told me that one of his friends had heard from my ex boyfriend that my “pussy was bad” too. I literally feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I am never gonna be able to be confident again and feel like something is wrong with me. My boyfriend tells me that he’s a “sex addict” but yet he doesn’t like sex with me. All I want is someone to want me. And I know that people are gonna try to say “there is nothing wrong with you, it’s their problem” but it’s so hard not to feel this way when the 2 people you have been with have said this

my husband drops our youngest off at school five days a week and will usually talk to me about some of the conversations he has with other fathers or just generally about what happened in his day, including drop offs.

but I noticed one day on our Ring camera that a woman came and knocked on our door and he went with her at the time he normally would go to pick up our youngest.

he has never mentioned this woman before.

I asked who she was and he was very cagey about answering it but eventually he mentioned it was someone else who lives on the street who also has a child at our youngest school and they went together to pick up the kids.

I wouldn't mind this but after a little bit of probing it seems they pretty much have been meeting up every single day to pick up the kids

I have never once heard about this woman and apparently they have been doing this for nearly a year.

a year of walking together to and from school (approx a 30 minutes walk) without ever mentioning this person to me

it just seems like a very odd dynamic considering there are many other parents on the street who go to the same school?

my husband as far I'm aware, has never cheated on me but has a history of emotionally cheating on me and I'm worried, he won't really talk to me about the scenario and just keeps telling me nothing is going on?

Hello! First of all I need to tell that I'm a clean guy. I wash dishes, vacuum the rooms once a week or more If something happens.

However, my gf is obsessed with cleaning, and IT got pretty creepy since 2 weeks ago. She walks in the bathroom after i got out of the shower to inspect and see If something doesen't reach her expectations. She don't let me help her cleaning, and tels me that She must clean by herself because I don't know how to do it and she wants to be sure that everything is cleaned as ,, it should be"

Today was the ultimate. Last night one of my friends came over to write our bachelors degrees an we drank 2 cups of Cola. He left around 1AM in the morning, my head was aching terrible so I told myself I will wash the 2 cups in the morning. I slept really bad after, i was home alone, she was visiting her parents. I had to wake up at 5AM, i overslept and woke up around 6.30AM. I was feeling so sick and i was already late at work. Fast forward, around 11 She sent me some vocal messages screaming that I'm a duchebag and i don t care about her and she s threatening to break up with me... for 2 f ing cups on the table.

Been together two years. He's generally kind and things are mostly good, but there's a pattern that's been sitting wrong with me and I haven't been able to shake it.

He regularly picks up my phone and goes through my messages. Not in an accusatory way -- it'll happen casually while we're watching TV or he'll ask me to show him a conversation. When I tried to talk about it once he said he doesn't distrust me at all, he just doesn't trust other people's intentions toward me. He frames it as being protective.

I've never given him any reason to doubt me. Some of my friends have said I'm lucky to have someone who cares that much. But that framing has never quite sat right with me even though I can't fully articulate why.

The problem is every time I try to bring this up it ends with me somehow justifying why I deserve privacy rather than actually talking about whether this is okay. He's good at reframing things.

How do I have this conversation in a way that keeps the focus on the actual issue instead of getting turned into a conversation about whether I'm hiding something?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for just over a year now, throughout this there’s been some really rocky patches. I’ve been cheated on multiple times mostly through a single rough period spanning almost 6 months aswell as just some other things like gaslighting and the lies and harassment/manipulation that comes with cheating. Whilst it’s been over and forgiven with for a month or so now it still sits with me. I don’t feel like I can be honest or happy 100% of the time with her because of these things, aswell as the countless trust issues that come with being away from her.

For reference, I still love this girl and she always holds a special place in my heart especially cause I’ve seen how she can be when she’s out of that dark place. It’s just slowly growing on me on all these things that have happened in the past, whilst I forgive her for it I just can’t get out of my head and always ponder if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who’s capable of doing things like that to me. She’s my first serious long term relationship and I’ve just never been sure of myself if this is a normal or acceptable thing that can work out in the longterm. She also smokes(weed), which originally I never really had a problem with but as of recent she’s kind of had an obsession of glorification of it mostly cause of her stoner girl-friend. It’s somewhat concerning. I know she’d probably quit in the long term especially if kids are in the picture but it’s kind of a concerning behaviour and from the start I’ve always been raised to avoid people like that.

Regardless I just want some guidance and opinions on the issue, it’s becoming a more occurring problem with my mental health and she’s starting to noticing effect it has on me too, but I tend to avoid talking to her about it to try not spark or bring anything back up.

I went through my boyfriend's old phone yesterday

morning after he went to work and I found a screenshot of him reaching out to his ex on discord. For context my boyfriend and I have been together since January 18th of this year. He texted her at 3am on January 24th. He and his ex were together for a year and a half and lived together for a year. She was his first in every aspect, including his first love. The conversation lasted about an hour, he told her he wanted to make things right by becoming friends, he tried to get her to call and to meet up. He even told her he was single. I confronted my boyfriend about this and after a long discussion I sort of understand why he texted her. He says he was trying to in a sense "set her up". He wanted to meet up with her and thank her for everything and for making him the man he is today, then he claimed was going to start bragging about how good his life is and that he was going to tell her about me and show me off and brag that I'm prettier than her.

Essentially he just wanted trap her to be able to brag and show off. He seemed really regretful when he confessed this all to me, he admitted to being petty for doing so, and said he was never planning on telling me because he thought I would leave him for it. I believe him in that sense, what's difficult for me to accept is how much of an impact she has had on his life. They have been broken up for 2 years now and to this day she is still being brought up. I know my boyfriend is a good person, just immature.

He is still young. I told him he is too used to constantly being in a relationship/situation and that he needs to be single for a while. We have spend all of the day together yesterday and I even missed work so we can talk about everything. I love him so much but I also feel that if I st this problem will keep coming up. I know I missed a few things/context I’m just tired and emotionally drained. Feel free to ask any questions.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 21yr female and in my first relationship ! (just over a year) he is also a 21yr man, and I feel like I’m spiralling a bit and don’t know if I’m overthinking or ignoring something important.

I’ve actually been putting off posting this because I genuinely don’t want to break up with him, and the thought of people telling me to do that makes me feel really uncomfortable. But I think I need honest perspectives.

I really love my boyfriend. He’s kind, patient, emotionally supportive, and makes me feel safe in a way I’ve never felt before. He comforts me so well when I’m anxious and has been such a positive influence on my life. The thought of not being with him honestly makes me really sad, and my mum, dad and extended family loves him so much which somehow makes this feel even heavier.

But I have pretty bad anxiety (always have), and I have this pattern where I latch onto one issue and overanalyse it until it feels like everything depends on it.

Right now, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is our communication style.

I’m very in my head, I like deep conversations, analysing things, going on long tangents about random ideas or feelings. He’s more laid-back and simple in how he communicates. He’ll respond, but not with the same level of depth or curiosity I think I’m craving (not always but sometimes).

We do have good conversations sometimes, including meaningful ones, and we’re very rarely sitting in silence. But when I feel like something I’m saying isn’t really landing or he’s not engaging the way I expect, I get this horrible anxious feeling and start thinking things like:

•	are we intellectually incompatible?

•	am I going to feel unfulfilled forever?

•	am I forcing something that isn’t right?

And then I spiral.

The worst part is that when this happens, I stop being present and start analysing the conversation while it’s happening, which obviously makes everything feel worse and more disconnected.

I also hate that part of my brain is judging him or comparing him to some unrealistic idea of what I think I “should” have. He is genuinely intelligent in many ways, just different to me (he is a 21 year old boy), But I get stuck on this one thing.

I can’t tell if:

1.	this is just anxiety and a pattern of hyperfixation

2.	a normal difference in communication styles

3.	or an actual compatibility issue I shouldn’t ignore

I don’t want to lose a really good person because of my own overthinking, but I also don’t want to stay in something if deep down it’s not right.

Has anyone felt like this in a healthy relationship? What did you do?

TL;DR:

I love my boyfriend and he treats me really well, but I keep overthinking whether we’re “mentally/communication-wise compatible.” I have anxiety and a tendency to hyperfixate, and I can’t tell if this is just that or a real issue. The thought of breaking up makes me really upset, but I also don’t want to ignore something important.

TLDR: my partners family is using him as a cash cow , and I also don’t like our kid around them. Tensions growing daily. I’m considering returning abroad . Advice needed and welcomed.

As the title reads. My partner is a hard working , funny, witty , good looking and good man. We share a 3 year old daughter. We’re living in London.

Let me make it clear my partner provides for our daughter and our family as one could expect.

The problem : he has a financially illiterate family

Every year , something unexpected happens in his family , that requires my partner to pay up thousands and thousand of GBP £. He also non stop filling the holes the parents create again and again (over drafts , etc ) .

Expectations are multiple airline tickets yearly , cross Atlantic , and they won’t fly anything under premium economy.

The other week, his half sibling died , across the globe. So that’s now 5x tickets back and forth , funeral arrangements, catering , all the expenses weighing on my partner again. Like a fucking cash cow. A few thousands of credit card debts every year; sometimes multiple times a year. The total he spend this calendar year aka the 4 months is over £10k. This is without the recent airline tickets and funeral arrangements…

The same time; we live in a relatively small apartment, and the money we blow on his lazy relatives could be used to better our living situation. We’re also saving very heavily for our daughter’s future (junior isa , junior sipp) so she won’t have to go through the same experiences we had to. So to see money wasted on a bunch of working age, entitled, jobless people is just tiring.

I also voiced my concern about my child spending time there , as my partner sent a video the other day when they visited grandma’s, and my daughter’s grandparents just literally argued throughout the whole video, while they blasted screen in her face. Proper ghetto behaviour. I raise her screen free and try to provide and emotionally stable environment. Obviously my partner was not happy about is but I don’t want my kid to turn out like the family, so the less she’s around the better . Sorry not sorry. I have judges,professors, scientists, and normal hard working people in my side of family. Everyone in my family works and I want my kid to have high aspirations and work ethic. So I rather my kid be around them and their kids.

I have a growing resentment towards my partner, he’s always super pissy and frustrated recently due to the family stressing him out. I am at a stage when I don’t even like his presence anymore, the topic will be this so called family and what’s to pay next. Like ..I don’t even wanna hear this shit!

I am also of Eastern European heritage with 0 family around, and I’m considering more and more moving back home, as i have a great family network back home, and I own a high quality apartment so literally would save myself the insane London rent. I WFH and could continue from back there. I also think it would be a safer environment for my daughter. I also miss my people and my daughter could profit off of seeing them more regularly.

On the other hand , my partner is a really hands on, extremely loving dad , so it would not be fair on my daughter or him , so I really don’t know what to do.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What to do with a toxic family ?

I ignored this thing for a few years now but with the economic crisis and the way it blew out of proportion I am fed up.

Also to clarify , I work hard and provide hard myself, it’s the fact that we could live so much better as a unit without the family pulling him back, or I personally could live so much better with my kid if it was just the 2 of us…

Thanks for anyone’s thoughts on this, not sure I see clear anymore.

Eu estava na portaria do meu prédio esperando meu hambúrguer chegar quando uma mulher LINDISSÍMA entrou. Dei boa noite e elogiei a bolsa dela (era uma bolsa carteiro do Todoro). Outro dia, encontrei ela de novo quando também estava indo pegar meu hambúrguer, mas não falei com ela porque ela estava do lado de fora do prédio conversando com um grupo de pessoas e eu precisava voltar pro meu apartamento correndo. Não sei a idade dela, mas ela aparenta ter entre 18 e 20 anos. E por algum motivo ela não está no grupo de moradores do prédio, então nem sei o nome dela. Enfim, se eu encontrar ela de novo, quero muito conversar com ela. Só tem algumas coisas que me fazem surtar:

Primeiro: eu sou EXTREMAMENTE tímida. Só de ter conseguido elogiar a bolsa dela foi um milagre, porque eu raramente falo com outras pessoas além do necessário, pois eu gaguejo mito é patético.

Segundo: não faço a menor ideia de que assunto puxar e como agir sem passar vergonha ou gaguejar. Nunca realmente namorei antes, e todas as meninas que fiquei era só um flerte online que não ia pra frente.

Preciso de conselhos de como começar um assunto com ela, por favorrrr 💛

We've been friends for over a decade because we went to school together, we got closer a few years ago before we started dating. Together a bit over half a year nearly 2 years.

A week ago I got a message on insta from a girl who said that he'd been flirting with her and messaging her asking if she wanted anything casual and asked for pics, she said they had never met in person but he found her on snap. He didn't tell her that he was taken and the only reason she found my insta was because he was sharing his screen on a call and I had texted him at the time a notification popped up, she told me I should check his phone if I could.

I know it was wrong to but I thought if she wasn't lying and those messages weren't fake he would delete the evidence if I asked him and was upfront about it. So when I was at his place I asked to go on his pc while he was downstairs. I knew he was logged onto stuff on there like messaging apps etc.

First I looked on reddit... I know reddit isn't just porn but I just had a feeling because of all the nsfw stuff that's on here and I turned out to be right. He was commenting on kinky amateur subreddit posts and messaging them, asking to trade pics n shit

I looked at another app and he was adding them there, and the messages were horrible, he'd talk in detail how he would fuck them, he told one that she should get here and visit and that they could screw, the thing that made me almost throw up was I found a chat dating back literally to the month we started dating.

I couldn't believe my eyes, he's honestly the sweetest man ever and is such a supportive helpful and emotionally mature bf. When I told him he was shocked but then said he had an issue with porn and that he thought it was alright if he didn't meet them, I asked if he met any and he said he wouldn't even dream to that it was like roleplaying but he feels terrible that he didn't think online stuff would hurt as much as physical.

We were planning to move in together in half a year and genuinely had so much planned. Could he be telling the truth and he really did think it didn't mean anything? Break up or try to get him into some kind of therapy for it?

tldr: Boyfriend messaging girls and didn't see it as something that would affect our relationship