r/MenAskWomen

I’ve been noticing a pattern in myself that I’m not sure how to deal with.

I tend to judge people, especially women, based on their past. Somewhere deep down, I feel a sense of pride that I’ve stayed away from certain things or “bad choices” in my own life. Because of that, a part of me automatically feels like I shouldn’t accept or be with someone whose past I see as “messed up” or different from my standards.

The confusing part is—I’m aware this mindset might not be fair or healthy. I don’t want to reduce someone to just their past or ignore who they are now. But at the same time, this internal voice keeps telling me that past matters a lot and I shouldn’t ignore it.

So I feel stuck between two sides:

• One that wants to be understanding, mature, and non-judgmental
• And another that keeps judging and setting rigid standards based on past actions

I’m trying to figure out whether this is a values issue, insecurity, ego, or something else entirely.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of internal conflict?
How do you balance your standards with being fair and open-minded toward someone’s past?

I’m a man. Not really a strong type, still trying to take initiative in my life though, as I’m getting older. I also have a lot of trauma, therefore I’m not really looking to make myself a big presence anywhere.

I have a situation, that I’d like to speak on, I feel really powerless in. To start, I’m always really strict about following boundaries. If someone doesn’t want to talk to me, I absolutely will disappear. I never had any issues in my life cutting off people because when I was very young I felt like a nuisance to push myself into a situation where I didn’t belong.

Well in this specific situation, we kind of soft disconnected. The door was open. She was my best friend really. We’ve known each other for a long time, and the last words were, “Please give me some space, but we can talk again one day.” This was about me. I came off too strong and my anxiety at the time was really weighing heavy on her. She definitely told people who communicated it back to me. So I respected her and left.

I waited, for a very long time. We ran into each other often and both refused to talk. It became more and more awkward. Places that I frequented first, all the sudden I was running into her there.

After a while, she reached out to me, telling me to stop bothering her. That I waited too long and she was not happy with the situation, and I should never speak to her again. (I never once broke the silence. Or made any effort to reach out. But she heard my name through a friend of a friend saying I might want to talk again.)

If this was anyone else, I would absolutely refuse to give any energy whatsoever. But she is someone I have a deep respect for. There’s no one like her. I told her this often.

In my position, as a guy, I also did take a ton of effort to protect her in situations she felt vulnerable, when she communicated it to me. That was always the bare minimum I needed. She never communicated anything about her expectations from where she wanted me.

I’m curious, because I’ve heard from different people, that I should’ve owned up and just held down the relationship. That I should’ve set the pace and not let it get this bad.

Am I in the wrong? Because at this point I don’t think we’ll ever speak again. I think she might be out of my life forever. But I cannot stop thinking about her. She left but, she was obviously expecting something from me, and someone I love like that, it really eats away at me. The regret especially.

I just know too, that, communication is usually the disconnect I have in these sorts of situations. Where is like as much information as possible, so I don’t make assumptions, cause I’m a very unreliable person when it comes to my anxiety and my social background. If someone is extremely close to me, I’d personally like boundaries and open communication.

Hi so ive noticed that in most of my experiences most lesbians can yearn or speak like intimately to their partner, some random attractive women on the internet. But when I, a guy try to do that or I see other guys do that they get attacked and harassed about being wierd. I just have a question. Why cant a guys yearn for their partner on the internet even if its not intimate?

I’ve been with my girlfriend since late 2022, but I feel like I’ve been living through a "humiliation ritual" from the start.

I’m at the point where I feel like I’m paying a premium price, both emotionally and mentally, for a version of her that everyone else seemed to get for free. I need to know if what I’m experiencing is even remotely normal.

When we first became exclusive, she admitted to keeping dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Boo active as a backup plan. She claimed she "wasn't sure" about my intentions, but the kicker is that she apparently never felt the need to keep a safety net with any of her previous flings.

It feels like a total double standard. Her history is full of these overlaps too. While she was with her ex, Lucas, she was still seeing a former hookup named Alec. Then she started things with her cousin Miguel in the summer of 2020 while she was still involved with Lucas through September. The timelines clearly don't work and she obviously cheated, yet she constantly plays the "poor victim" card about her past.

The inconsistencies just keep piling up. Recently, in 2026, she went to Portugal and stayed at her grandma’s house. She told me she "had" to sleep in the same bed where she and Miguel used to have sex because her grandma (the grandma didn't know) told her to and she "couldn't" say no.

She can be incredibly tough and defy me on things that would actually do her good, but she couldn't stand up for our relationship for one night on a couch?

It’s the same thing with her social media and the "random" people she knows. I caught her still following Lucas on Instagram and she claimed she just forgot he was there, yet she’d flee the station if we ran into him.

She even recognized a random hotel receptionist because he was "from uni," but then immediately pivoted to "I thought he was your friend" the second I called out the inconsistency.

Then there is the "Spanish guy" on her blocked list (that i discovered after a solo vacation she took to Spain in 2023). All of his friends blocked me the second I mentioned her name, and she still hasn't given me a straight explanation for that.

The part that really scares me is that she risked my health. Early on, she told me "don't worry I have no symptoms" to avoid using protection, despite having unprotected sex with random people from Tinder less than four months prior without being tested.

I’ve endured what feels like hundreds of instances of micro-cheating, from her calling celebrities "daddy" to her deleting her entire Instagram history the second I got access to her account because she "knew I'd react badly." It just reeks of guilt.

I am living in a situation where she offered herself for free to everyone else, but I am the one enduring the lack of empathy and the constant "trickle-truth."

Are these just "messy" mistakes, or am I staying in a situation that is fundamentally broken? I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

I'm asking for my wife 42 who is 2 months into recovery from a heart attack and she is now also animic and the only option they are giving her is IUD or historactomy. she has chosen IUD and she's losing her mind over it been married 20 years no kids. how much is this going to hurt

Basically the title. I don't want to send dick picks or scam or anything. I just have a hard time with dating and I think it is because of my looks. I am 25 years old.

I don't want to post a picture of myself here because I still want to stay somewhat anonymous.

Just write a comment if I can send you a picture. (or just message me, doesn't matter really)

What’s something you’ve discovered about your own sexuality that surprised you the most, and how did it change the way you approach intimacy?