I flirted with a random while in a relationship
Before I say anything just be patient because this is my first Reddit post ever. Im a young teen who has been in a relationship for a few years now and we are both madly in love and I can confidently say that.
We have had our ups and downs and both have done things that we regret, but have always found a way to fix things and keep moving forward. We have broken up once in the past but we were younger and it was a stupid reason and we got back together almost instantly after the breakup.
I’m not gonna give every little detail, but there is a dating app that I had previously made a profile on a few years ago before I was in a relationship as a joke with my friends and it had actual pictures of me and my real name. I uninstalled it after a few days because it wasn’t that funny and cuz there was just some creepos.
A few years later, so now, I randomly woke up and thought, wait, does uninstalling the app delete my profile?? Does it keep it up?? I was freaking out and Google wouldn’t help me properly so I thought maybe I could go back on the app and see what’s up. I texted my partner because it felt off to just download a dating app randomly even tho I had a reason. He said no worries like just check if it’s there like obviously it would be weird if someone saw that while you have a partner.
So I downloaded the app, logging in process was so weird it wouldn’t say log in or create account it was weird idk. Put in my info and then it wouldn’t let me go into the app without adding pictures of myself and I was just annoyed at this point like it shouldn’t be this difficult to get in. So I looked up pictures of random girl on Pinterest and inserted them just so it would get me in and it didn’t because it made me verify my face. Frustrated I just put my own pictures, nothing weird, just normal pictures I have up on most of my social medias. Got in and finally starting searching and I couldn’t find anything and I asked Google more specifically and it did say that after a certain amount of time, the profile does get deleted once the app is uninstalled.
After figuring that out I was relieved and just glad I didn’t have to keep searching for my old profile and I just went on with my day, still having the app installed. I didn’t use my phone for I’d say 5 hours and came back to so many messages from guys and I was so confused on how that happened so fast and I said time to uninstall I shouldn’t be on this. But a part of me wanted to answer. Which I know is so bad just hold on.
Giving a little bit of context, the app is meant for friends but nobody uses it for that, I did at a certain point when I had it as a joke for those few days but I was lonely. And also, this is not excusing what i did, but my partner barely ever flirts with me unless it’s for intimacy. Which makes me feel used at times and trust me I’ve communicated this. He always says I make him too nervous and he just feels awkward while flirting. It’s both our first relationship, first everything really and I was really nervous at the start too, but it’s been years. And we have communicated all of this but nothing changes and I’ve just gotten used to the no flirting thing which sucks. But it’ll get better I know it will.
Anyway I’m rambling so I answered I think 2 messaging flirting back, and as horrible as it is, I felt wanted. I felt sick honestly because my partner makes me feel wanted in every way but when it comes to flirting not really no. And it wasn’t anything that bad I didn’t compliment them but I did give in to their compliments and teases which is so bad I know. It is cheating, I consider it cheating. I opened another message but didn’t respond, it was a guy sending me a voice message of him yk what to my pictures, I uninstalled the app and then proceeded to bawl my eyes out feeling guilty. Told partner about random dude doing that and said I’m sorry and that I shouldn’t have even checked if my profile was there and I feel gross and istg he was more angry and uncomfortable than I was he was so mad
Saying that I shouldn’t have been on that app in the first place and that he considers it cheating I even opened messaging on-a “dating app” and he said it’s not fault and that it’s okay but if something like this happens again it’s not a mistake it’s just cheating and I didn’t tell him about the flirting with others because I had a feeling he’d end it. I’m so stupid bro
It’s been about a month and everyday for I think an hour I think and think about what I did and it eats me alive. I feel so gross knowing I flirted while having someone who I love more than anything and I knowwww I know if you really loved them you wouldn’t do this but I craved flirting and I try and try and he doesn’t and it is so frustrating but that doesn’t justify what I did.
Hes cheated too, but not flirting, he liked a bunch of girls bikini pictures without me knowing but obviously I found out. And some other stuff but not the point. I feel horrible and I know I should tell him but I know it would be over if I do and I can’t not be with him but I’m also so paranoid that someone from that app is going to tell him or something because on my profile I said I’m Ina relationship I’m just on the app to figure something out and to one of the people that was messaging me and I messaged back they said that I’m PROBBALY just saying I’m in a relationship just to be left alone and I sent a picture of me and my partner which was also so stupid but I’m so paranoid that it’ll come back to him or me and we’d be done. I need to fix this but I can’t say anything even though I should. I don’t know anymore I’m scared and so guilty. What I did was not okay and I need to do something
I wish I could take it all back but I can’t, and it is all my fault I know that but I love my partner with everything I have in me and I don’t doubt that for a second. But I can’t believe I did that. So stupid so dumb