r/AITAH

I feel like its relevant to mention I'm a male. This situation involves me and 3 other people. Lets call them Joe, Sandra, and Amy.

I'm good friends with Joe, we've been friends since we were kids. I know Sandra through Joe and the three of us hang out regularly.

Last week, Sandra invited her friend Amy to hang out with us. Amy and Sandra are good friends and shes met Joe before. It was my first time meeting her. We just saw a movie and then went bowling.

When everything was done Sandra asked me if I was ok to drive Amy home. I said yeah no problem. I'm the only one who drives so I usually drop everyone off after we see each other.

I live in the middle of nowhere, like an hour north of all of them. They all live pretty close together. From where we were and where everyone's house is, it made sense to drop off Joe first, then Sandra, and then Amy. Then continue on home. We didn't discuss the logistics in advance so I dropped Joe off first, then was heading to Sandras.

I could tell Amy and Sandra were texting each other and they were kind of whispering. I had a feeling they were talking about me but I didn't know for sure until Sandra just pointed out I made a wrong turn and Amy's house was the other way. I explained it made more sense to drop Sandra off first, then Amy.

It was only at this point Amy mentioned she didn't want to be alone in the car with me. Her only reason was because I'm a man and she alluded that being alone in a car with a man she doesn't really know is unsafe.

So what she was asking me was to drop her off next then drive 10 minutes back, in the opposite direction of my house, to drop Sandra off. Then another 10 minutes, back the exact same way I just came from, passing Amy's house again, in order to get home. My drive home is already an hour from town so I said no. I didn't want to add an extra 20 minutes to my already 60 minute drive. They were both really pressuring me and trying to guilt me into just doing it but I kept saying no. It was such an awkward car ride because they just didn't give up.

Amy just got out of the car at Sandras house. She kind of slammed the door all aggressively which pissed me off a little. I just drove straight home afterwards.

Joe called me the next day and heard what happened. He felt like I should have just done it but I feel like their ask was unreasonable. I'm not going to go way out of my way to do a favour for someone who just thinks I'm some messed up abuser or something. Anyways, just looking for opinions on whether or not I'm the asshole here

My wife and I each brought a child into our marriage. I have a 10 year old son and my wife has a 6 year old daughter. My son's mom and I were not together at the time of her passing 3 years ago. I was already dating my wife at the time and we were working on moving in together. My stepdaughter's dad is in and out of her life and has not been consistent in her life whatsoever.

Before we moved in together I talked to my son about it (both before and after his mom died). His only worry about it was that he wouldn't get to spend the same kind of quality time with me so I made a commitment to him that I would make time for 1:1 time once a week with just him. That was good enough for him to be okay with us all living together. I communicated this with my wife at the time and she didn't have a problem with it. We actually discussed all of this before we married too and we were on the same page.

Now two years into our marriage and she's no longer on the same page as me. She is upset at the fact the 1:1 is still 1:1 and my son is never okay with turning it into the whole family time. We do make time for family time as well. I do make sure I get 1:1 time with my stepdaughter also.

My wife has said it's not fair to my stepdaughter to always be excluded the 1:1 time with my son. She said my stepdaughter gets jealous and it hurts her feelings. Jealousy has been an issue and I have always talked to her about it when it becomes known to me. But my wife said it's not okay that it keeps happening and that my stepdaughter's feelings get hurt by it. She also said my son doesn't look forward to 1:1 time with her like he does with me and she feels like 1:1 time with me has made that worse because he doesn't feel like he needs her and doesn't see her as a true parent. Then she'll say that's not really it but she gets jealous too. Then she says 1:1 time has made it harder to be spontaneous because if we have a busy week I prioritize the 1:1 time and that's true. That was something I communicated I would do before we even got married.

The topic has become more intense because my stepdaughter was recently very upset after spending time with her dad. He made her promises previously and broke them and it sent her jealousy of my 1:1 time with my son into overdrive. Made worse when her dad didn't acknowledge her birthday. My wife told me for a little while I could at least cut the 1:1 time out for her sake and I told her no. I told her I won't do that to my son and if she can't accept it and keeps trying to fight about this then our marriage will be over.

She lost it and tried to escalate it into a fight but I walked away so the kids wouldn't hear. But she was still mad hours later and she was still ready to fight. I told her I wasn't going to let this turn into us yelling at each other and she needs to decide if this is her hill to die on, because it is for me.

AITAH?

Hi everyone,

I (25F) am currently in medical school and planning to pursue a surgical specialty, so the next several years of my life will be extremely demanding.

My boyfriend (24M) and I have been together for a little over a year. We have a strong relationship and have talked seriously about a future together, marriage, kids, etc. I found out last week that I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant after a birth control failure, which was entirely unexpected and unplanned.

He wants to keep the baby and is ready to move forward with becoming a father. The issue is that he also plans to continue working full-time in his field as an engineer. I, on the other hand, feel that if we were to have this baby right now, it would only be manageable if one parent were able to stay home full-time, especially given how intense medical training (and eventually residency) will be for me.

Because of that, I told him that I’m not willing to go through with the pregnancy unless he agrees to stay home as the caregiver. I want to be realistic about what I can handle and what kind of support I’d need for this to work. I also have an inkling that, even with the best intentions, a lot of the day-to-day responsibility would end up falling on me.

He’s been very upset that I’m even considering an abortion. From his perspective, we’re in a stable, loving relationship and are financially secure, so he doesn’t see a reason not to have the baby.

I understand where he’s coming from, and I don’t think he’s wrong to feel that way, but at the same time, I feel like I’m the one whose body, career, and daily life will be most directly impacted, especially in the next few years.

AITA for giving him an ultimatum?

For two years my wife and I have had this problem and instead of getting better it's only getting worse. I work from home 4 days a week and the 5th day I will often do half days depending on whether there's a lot to be done at the office. Because of this my wife doesn't take my need to focus on work seriously and she will leave our kids with me without saying anything most of the time or telling me hours before when I have meetings scheduled that I can't walk in and out of. My wife works nights and during the day our two young kids are in daycare.

The schedule is I wake up and take the kids to daycare while my wife sleeps and then she's supposed to pick them up at 2pm and do stuff with them until 6pm. This isn't how that goes anymore. She'll decide she wants to meet with friends for a late lunch or early dinner and she leaves the kids with me to go off and do her own thing. Sometimes she has these plans days or weeks in advance and never says anything. Other times she has promised our attendance at something during the week when I have to work and she expects me to know about it when she never says anything and will often leave it to the last minute to say something if she does at all. I could even ask her if there's anything coming up or whether she's made any plans and she won't tell me then.

She'll get mad at me if our kids make a mess when I'm working and have no idea she left them in the house with me. She'll say I was supposed to watch them and make sure they didn't make messes. I have brought up how difficult it is for me to focus on work after 2pm when I know she could have left the kids with me. In any quiet moment I get up to check and see but it's not great for my job and a few times I was caught out in meetings where the kids were crying and I needed to go to them because my wife wasn't home.

She always complains that I ruin plans by not preparing for them. She'll say we were invited to a wedding 6 months ago or we accepted the a birthday party invite a month ago and when I tell her she did all that without even mentioning anything to me, she says if I paid more attention I would know. Then she told me she shouldn't need to tell me everything. But I also notice any physical invites we get she puts them in her keepsake drawer and she has the only key to that. I told her it's not fair to drop stuff on me at the last minute which leaves me scrambling to pull something together and I have told her countless times it's dangerous to walk out without telling me the kids are in my sole care for hours. She told me I should be more alert and I have told her when I'm working I need to be locked in.

Three times I told her we need to speak to a marriage counselor and work on this. I even booked an appointment four months ago and she refused to go. On top of everything she gets angry at me for bringing this up as an issue. Even asking her to communicate with me sooner is met with anger. She told me she's not my mother and I told her not to answer for me like she is then.

The problem is getting more frequent and her refusal to do anything is driving me to a point where this no longer feels sustainable. What happens if she decides I'm picking up the kids but never tells me? Or when the kids start school and she decides it's my turn to pick them up and they're left there? Or if they go to a friends house and again she's supposed to do it but doesn't tell me she can't. It could even be a day I'm needed at the office and she leaves the kids home alone. I have told her I'm worried about this stuff and she gets angry.

So I'm now reaching the point where divorce is a serious consideration and I have already met with an attorney to discuss what they might look like. I don't know if I'm being too extreme though and I know this will break up my children's family and that can be traumatic. But I don't see this getting any better and that anger could worsen.

WIBTAH if I go through with a divorce?

EDITED: To try and make it easier to read. I didn't realise it was going to be so long sorry.

M/39 - Childless and normally an extremely calm person.

I had a really bad argument with my wife two days ago (we NEVER argue) about the following and she said I was being nasty. So, AITAH?

Background:
My sister in law (who i am close to) and my wife are best friends.

She comes around at least once a week (normally on weekends) and she brings my wifes Niece (lets call her Kelly). I can only put this one way, I really dislike Kelly to the point it wouldn't bother me if I ever saw her again.

Kelly has NO friends and my sister-In-Law is really upset about this and can't see why... I can.

She's rude, obnoxious, arrogant and just a general nause... I know what you're thinking "Come on, she's only a kid" and i'd think the same reading the above but honestly, it puts me on edge being around her.

I dread every weekend when she comes over to the point I will find a reason to leave the house/spend time upstairs in our gaming room (My wife and I game) or doing gardening etc.
If I don't i can feel myself becoming angry and about to snap which isn't like me in the slightest.

The argument:

I said to my wife I'd rather them not come over this Easter weekend. She said "Okay" but asked "why?" And i opened up.
I told her I can't stand her.
I can't stand being around her.
I hate having to FIGHT to hold a normal conversation without being talked over, insulted or the conversation de-railed every 5 seconds. This turned into an argument and she said because I'd never had kids I wasn't used to them and was being cruel.

At first i felt bad but i can't help how I feel and honestly, for the past 6-7 years she's got worse and worse. I dread the weekends sometimes. Am I being the arsehole?!?!

Additional: We don't think Kelly is Autistic etc but there are questions of ADHD. To me, this isn't ADHD it's just she's been brought up like a rude little brat with little to no discipline. She's given everything she wants.

Examples of behaviour:
The following are a few random examples:

I got a phone call from work asking If i could go in to speak to my supervisor about a co-workers issues. (It was A Sunday) and I said I couldn't. My boss ended up getting pretty shitty and saying I'd made her weekend really difficult.
It really bummed me out. I went into the front room where Kelly was with my wife and I told my wife.
As I was talking to my wife, Kelly kept talking over us (At a really loud volume) saying "DONT BE SO LAZY! GO INTO WORK!" - "THAT'S WHAT YOU DO! YOU'RE A MAN! YOU WORK TO KEEP YOUR WIFE HAPPY AND IN MONEY!".
Her comments had nothing to do with the subject in hand and we are NOTHING like this at all. My wife earns more than me and that is fine lol. We're not money orientated at all and don;t agree with those types of traditional views .

She continued to shout over our conversation. I asked her "We're just talking can you give us a minute". We continued and she just did the same. This isn't a one off either it's every single time they're over.

Another time we all sat down with a take away and to watch a movie. For some reason the sound wasn't working on the TV (A wire had come out of the soundbar).
While I was sorting it out she was just saying in a really loud voice "SEE, (wifes name) UNCLE (my name) CAN'T EVEN SORT SOMETHING THAT SIMPLE OUT!" - "WE'RE NOT GUNNA BE ABLE TO WATCH THIS NOW BECAUSE UNCLE (name) HAS RUINED IT. HE ALWAYS RUINS IT!"... I am typing in capitals because she was shouting it. "WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE WIFI". She then kept shouting out things I should be trying, none of which had ANYTHING to do with the sound. because I wasn't trying her suggestions she just sat there being more insulting.

One time I came upstairs to find her on my computer. I asked who'd said she could use my computer when she said "Nobody. I am a guest. i was bored". I told her to get off of it. As she was walking out the room she turned and said in a really snidy voice "It's not even your house anyway. It's (my wifes name)".. which it isn't? We own it together. It's like she makes stuff up to try and get under your skin.

I got pretty pissed off and went and said "Can you both (SiL and wife) make sure she knows she can't go on my PC please". She then told my sister and wife i'd made it up and she hadn't said it or even been on the PC. They knew i wasn't lying but Kelly kept saying I was bullying her and i'd made it up.

Holding a conversation with her in the room is impossible because she forces herself into every conversation nm what it is. This is either by shouting over us, attempting to insult one of us or just parrot what one of us has said without knowing the context of it. This is continuously.
For e.g Last month my friend passed away after a long battle with cancer. I was talking to my wife about the funeral.
I said something like "Honestly, i can't believe Carls gone. I can't believe it a funeral for him. I feel like he's going to phone up at any...". As I got to the end of that line she said "OH I MISS Carl too! (She never met him). I miss carl." I just ignored her and continued. When she noticed we weren't paying her attention "I MISS CARL!! Why did god have to take CARL?!?! What did Carl die of?" and kept repeating it louder and louder. I replied "Cancer". "Oh that's awful! Was he in pain when he died? I bet he was screaming in pain! Was he screaming in pain?" I turned to her and said "It's very upsetting I'd rather not talk about this thank you "
A few mins later she started up again "I bet cancer is such a painful way to die. Did Carl cry as he died? I bet he cried! Men shouldn't cry but i think it's okay if he was in the amount of pain he was with cancer". "Can I come to the funeral and look at his body?"
I have given that as an extreme example but even daily subjects she'll do that on. Something from us talking about paying bills "How much do you owe? You shouldn't be in debt at your age (We aren't in any debt at all)" to Cleaning the car. I said to my wife I was going to clean the can "Uncle (name) Why have you let your car get THAT filthy? You should clean it weekly. You don't have a job (I do) so you should be doing stuff like that"

We have really great neighbors that moved in last summer. Their and our kids get along great. Their family is overtly atheist/non-religious which I am aware of and am careful to not impose my religiousness on them (we are a religious family). We had organized an Easter Egg hunt yesterday. While we also observe the religious aspects of Easter (like going to church), I always thought of Easter Egg hunts as a community/bringing-people-together activity without a religious aspect.

After some thought, I included our non-religious neighbor in the invite for kids to attend sent by group chat (which is the common medium for parents in our community). While this neighbor is usually quick to respond to texts, I got no response and their kids did not attend. I know they were in town this weekend.

My partner thinks I may have crossed a line by inviting the neighbor even after knowing their non-religious beliefs. I believe I was trying to balance my sensitivity to their beliefs with common courtesy so their kids are not left out. AITAH?

For context, my best friend (28F) and I (28F) went shopping yesterday evening. We went to a store called Boot Barn, which specializes in western-style attire. I work on my farm during the summer when I don’t have help, so I needed a new pair of boots. My friend—let’s call her Jenny—asked if she could come along, and I said yes, but I made it very clear that I was only buying a new pair of boots for myself and nothing else. I’m currently on a tight budget and really need to save money. While I do sometimes treat her to small things when we go out together, like coffee or inexpensive items, this trip was strictly for my boots. I typically wear Ariat boots, which are my personal preference, and they usually cost between $200–$300, so I already knew this would be a significant purchase for me.

While we were there, we started browsing boots together because she had mentioned wanting her first pair, and I was happy to help her look. She eventually found a pair she liked, which were on the pricier side, but I assumed she planned to buy them herself. I then went back to look at the pair I had been considering. A few moments later, she came over to me and said, “Come on, you don’t need those—you already have a decent pair of boots on.” I explained that while mine may look fine, they’re worn out, and I’m perfectly capable of deciding whether I need a new pair. She then grabbed my arm and asked me to come look at the boots she had picked out. When we got there, she said, “You should buy these for me since I didn’t bring any cash, I don’t have my cards, and I have no money right now.” I reminded her that I had already said I couldn’t spend more than what I was about to spend on my own boots. She gave me a smug look and walked away.

I went back to the boots I had chosen, tried them on, and loved them, so I bought them. They’re beautiful, but more importantly, they’re practical work boots that I genuinely needed. Afterward, I told her we needed to leave because I had to get home to make dinner. She came out to the car, but the entire drive to her house was silent. When we arrived, I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “I thought it was pretty shitty of you not to buy those boots for me when you always buy me something when we go shopping.” I responded by saying, “I am not your mother. You’re 28 years old. I’m not responsible for buying you things all the time—I do it to be nice.” She got out of the car with an attitude and walked away. Since then, she hasn’t texted or called. I tried calling her this morning, assuming things had cooled down, but when I asked what she was doing today, she said, “I’m busy. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do anything,” and then hung up, which is very unlike her.

Afterward, I spoke to my mother about the situation. I explained that the only things I’ve bought my friend in the past year were an Owala cup for Christmas and a few small items here and there, like coffee—nothing extravagant. My mom believes my friend’s behavior was disrespectful, especially considering the boots she wanted were around $225, which would have come out to about $250 with tax. Now I’m left wondering if I did something wrong, or if her reaction was as unreasonable as it felt.

Edit:At work had to rewrite because people were on my ass about spelling and the word wall lmao which I completely understand

Edit 2. Lately, she’s also been “forgetting” her wallet more often, which is starting to feel unusual, and I honestly don’t know where this behavior is coming from. It’s confusing because this has never really been an issue before, and now it suddenly feels like a pattern. I’m starting to question myself and wonder if I’m overreacting, but at the same time, I’ve never spent more than about $30–$40 on her at most and even that was pushing my limit so being expected to cover something as expensive as boots just feels completely out of line.

My mom's boyfriend moved in around 5 months ago wity with me and my my little brother. He makes breakfast most mornings. Now I'm a vegetarian, and I have been for 2 years (I'm 16 female) he always makes bacon, sausage, and pancakes. I don't care when others eat meat or make it and I was completely fine just eating the pancakes. Then he told me that he fried the pancakes in lard(pig fat), and they aren't vegetarian, meaning I can't eat any part of the breakfast he makes.

It's always been fine prior to him moving in at dinner and lunch I would just eat part of the meal and maybe supplement a bit with my own food. Ĺike if my mom madw chicken and rice i would eat the rice and make an egg with it.

I asked him if he could fry them in butter or a different fat instead so I don't have to make myself a completely different breakfast when the change is so simple. He refused because they taste better in lard and we argued about it. He does this with all the other meals he makes as well. Like making burritos and mixing the beans and rice with the meat so I can't eat any of it, or frying all the vegetables in lard. I talked to my mom and she said I was being dramatic and I can't expect people to cater to my preferences. But I'm not I'm literally just asking that things are fried in butter and food that is cooked separately not be combined. Hes literally putting IN effort to make everything not vegetarian. But I'm also probably biased, so now im asking the reddit lol. So AITA for wanting him to keep the meals vegetarian?

EDIT Also I'm not allowed to make other food for dinner until everyone's done eating because my brothers autistic and it confuses him so now I often can't eat until very late.

EDIT 2: VEGAN AND VEGETARIAN ARE DIFFERENT THINGS!

Vegetarian = no meat but other animal products are fine

Vegan=no meat or any other animal products

I (27M) work full-time and cover basically all of our expenses — rent, utilities, groceries, insurance, everything. My wife (26F) hasn’t worked since we got married a few years ago. At first it made sense because we moved for my job and she was figuring things out, but since then she just… hasn’t gone back to work.

We don’t have kids.

The issue is that she regularly sends money to her family. Her parents and younger brother rely on her a lot, and I get that she wants to help, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s affecting *our* finances. I’m not struggling, but I’m definitely not saving as much as I should be, and I feel like all the pressure is on me.

I finally brought it up and said I’m not comfortable being the only one earning money while she’s giving part of it away. I told her that if she wants to keep supporting her family, she should get a job so it’s coming from her own income.

She got really upset and said I’m being controlling and trying to “cut her off” from her family. Now she’s barely talking to me, and a couple of her relatives have messaged me saying I’m being selfish.

From my perspective, I’m fine covering our life together, but I don’t think it’s fair that I’m also expected to financially support her entire family.

AITAH?

I (40M) recently ran into my family while I was on a research expedition to the aquarium with my colleague (25F). She’s a very attractive young (though not alarmingly so!) woman, so I understand why my nephew (16M) would be taken with her, but he could not take his eyes off of her breasts for the entire duration of our conversation. I called my brother to tell him that his attentions made me uncomfortable and he told me that I was projecting, and that his son was perhaps a bit overeager but ultimately harmless. When I told him he was making excuses for his son’s misogynistic behaviour he accused me of sleeping with her, and I was so shocked I hung up on him and have been avoiding him since. AITA?

Writing

Throwaway account.

I (21M) lock my mini fridge and reported my roommate.

I live in the college dorms with my roommate and my service dog. I have type 1 diabetes with hypoglycemic unawareness, which is a fancy term for not being able to tell when my blood sugar drops, which is a very dangerous condition. That's what my service dog's job is to warn me because I can't.

My roommate has made my dog an issue since day one. He immediately tried to pet my dog. I said no, he's a service dog, he's working. He said my bad and dropped it, but only really for a day or two. That's when issues with the dog happened again. He thought that as soon as the dog's vest came off it was playtime and he could pet and mess with the dog, which he can't. Even though the vest is off and the dog is relaxing and I sometimes play with him, that does not mean that he can, because it's important for him to be focused on me.

I've been scared because I have gone into comas because my blood sugar has gotten so low. My parents bought me the dog because it got so bad. I was terrified of sleep, and that fear is worsening again because I'm so scared he's going to distract him while I sleep. I don't feel safe.

Along with him not leaving my service dog alone, he has also been complaining about the mini fridge in our room. This did not come with our dorm room. My dad bought it for me because he did not want me keeping my medication in a communal fridge. My meds and bag and juices take up the entire top shelf and door. I gave him the bottom shelf to be a nice roommate, but he's been constantly complaining about not having enough room.

Then the incident happened where I am going to put a lock on the fridge. At this point, he took my medication out of the fridge. Luckily it's in a cooler bag. I have two: one goes with me and then one stays in the fridge, and I switch them out. They both hold the medicine that way it's not easily grabbable so it doesn't fall out and so no one can touch it. So when he took it out of the fridge it was in the bag, and he put it on my bed, but I was at a lecture for 2 hours. When I got back I had no idea how long it was out there. Luckily the cooler bags are meant to keep it cold for long periods of time, so it was good, but he could have ruined all of it. It's expensive.

To be petty, I took all of his stuff out of the fridge and threw it on his bed just like he did mine, and he had some things that had to be refrigerated and ended up going bad while he was at a class. He blew up at me and told me I would pay to get the food replaced, and I said I wouldn't because he could have ruined my medication.

He kept arguing with me and saying he could have, but he didn't. I want to ban him from the mini fridge, so I'm thinking of getting a lock, and I'm thinking of reporting him so that he can get in trouble and punished for what he did. He will not leave my dog alone, he will not leave my medication alone, or any of my stuff, because he apparently thought pizza was more important than my life. That's why he took my bag out he wanted to put pizza in the mini fridge. so would I be the AH if I reported my roommate and locked the fridge

i’m 18F, my boyfriend is 19M, and we’ve been together for about 5 months. i was supposed to have dinner with his parents for the 2nd time this weekend, but my boyfriend was in a really mean mood all day. i was getting ready for the dinner while on facetime with him. he kept criticizing me for every little thing. first i had too much makeup on, then when i redid my face he said i looked too dark (ive got dark skin). he said i had dark circles under my eyes and wanted me to fix them, but a) that’s kind of just naturally how i look and b) fixing that would mean a lot of makeup… which he already said not to do.

then when i finally got my makeup to a way he liked, he immediately started asking what i was going to wear, and then vetoed literally every single thing in my closet. like every item was either too casual, too formal, too colorful, too plain, EVERYTHING. and on anything that was even a little bit fitted on me he would say that it’s too tight and at one point he went “kinda weird that so many of your clothes are this tight” which just set me off and i started crying. i’ve been slacking on exercise recently just because of work and school and it was just the straw that broke the camel‘s back i guess.

i was already super stressed about meeting his parents and i felt like shit and i couldn’t stop myself. he sat there on ft watching me sniffle like an idiot and then when i said “i’m sorry but i think i’m just going to stay home tonight” he started trying to calm me down and talk me into going and meeting his parents. he said he’s just worried because he wants them to like me and he’s sure we can find something in my closet i can wear, but i just felt like shit and i had already ruined my makeup so i just told him no i’m sorry i’m staying home. he got mad and said if i didn’t want to meet his parents i could have just said so but he’ll go talk to them. then he hung up.

about an hour later he sent me this long text where he said i was being manipulative by crying and i “always do this” when he gives me honest criticism, but i don‘t feel manipulative i just feel bad about myself and guilty for not seeing his parents. i was talking about it to my friends and most of my girl friends said that he was being an asshole, but my 2 guy friends both said i should give him some slack because he was probably just worried about me meeting his parents. so now i'm not really sure. am i an AH for breaking down and canceling last minute?

I didn’t know cross posting wasn’t allowed in this sub so I’m reposting!

M F 26 and my husband M 26 have a one year-old son together. My BIL is 28, let’s call him dick.

Dick has always rubbed me the wrong way. He gives me pedophile vibes and is a violent person. MIL and FIL have enabled him and made excuses for him, his whole life. My husband was even made to enable his insane behavior.

I was cutting his hair for about a year at my salon. Most of the comments he’s made to me have been during haircuts. For example, he told me he watches videos of men being set on fire and told me they were real, emphasis on the real. He brought up my finances and told me he doesn’t need free handouts to pay bills (MIL lent my husband, some money to pay an unexpectedly high heat bill, it was paid back to her within the week)

At a family Christmas party, he said he wanted to slice open a customers throat for not opening the door fast enough (he delivers pizza) and he’s made many sexual comments about the minors who work with him.

During weekly family dinners, he would rarely converse with the other adults and hyper focus on the step nieces and nephews. For context, there are three boys ages 6, 8, and 11. And one girl, who is 18 months. He’d always be the first one to finish eating so he could go in the basement with the children, but he’d always shut the door behind him. I don’t know, I feel like most men wouldn’t shut the door behind them with young children, unless they have ulterior motives. Him doing these things is always brushed off with the comment that “he just loves kids” by my MIL.

When we called Dick to tell him I was pregnant. His response was “I hope you have a girl so I can take her away and give her back after she flowers.” that seems to be a very sexual innuendo. To me that’s red flag, and pedo vibes.

When my son was born, we had a no kissing rule due to RSV. Dick kissed him multiple times, seconds after my husband, and I reminded him about the rule. At our family outing to the pumpkin patch he even went as far as to kiss my son while I was carrying him on my chest and brushed up against my breasts. This made me extremely visibly uncomfortable, both MIL and FIL saw this, and turned their heads to the other way. My husband was the only one to defend me. During the same outing, he pulled out a big knife with brass knuckles attached and was waving and around. Brass knuckles are illegal in my state.

After all of this, my husband and I decided we needed stronger boundaries in place for Dick. So, my husband texted him before Thanksgiving to let him know the new rule was that he was no longer allowed the privilege to hold our son since he couldn’t respect our boundaries. Dick’s response was “OK lol” Thanksgiving rolls around and we are completely ignored. We had no contact with him until Christmas, when he texted us asking if he could come to our home on Christmas Day. My husband asked him if he had any problems with us, and Dick said he had multiple issues with me and accused me of taking my husband’s phone and texting him about losing the privilege to holding our son. When we asked what problems he had with me we got ignored. I had then realized enough was enough, for my mental health and the safety of my son, the two of us would be going no contact with Dick. I told my husband I would not stop him from having a relationship with his brother and we agreed that was a good choice.

After making our decision, my husband and I both had a phone conversation with my MIL and FIL. We filled them in on everything that happened, and told them my son and I would be cutting Dick off. I know that sounds hilarious, but it’s pretty fitting for his personality so I can’t change the name ha ha. I made it a point to explain that I would never keep them from having a relationship with my son and the only person who is getting cut off is dick. MIL responded with “ok bye”

It turns out, MIL has been talking a lot of shit behind my back. She’s been making comments about my parenting choices, saying what’s best for my son is that he be around his uncle. She’s been trying to manipulate my husband into going against the choice we made. MIL will stop at nothing to make sure Dick never has hurt feelings or consequences for his actions. We were also told it’s our job to communicate this with Dick. But isn’t the whole point of going no contact, to do it cold turkey? That’s how Google says to handle a narcissist.

Side note: I have had many conversations in the past with MIL about, including me in conversations that affect my home, marriage, or my child. She has continued to talk behind my back and disrespect me.

Also to clarify… I don’t have a daughter the pregnancy I mentioned was our son. And I wasn’t attending the family dinners, just told what he’s been doing.

So Reddit, I have to know. Am I the asshole for cutting off my brother-in-law from seeing my son and I?!

In 2019 my Grandmother had transferred the family camp into her 5 remaining living children's names which gave everyone 1/6 of a share. My father died in 2012 and my brother and i each were given a half of his 1/6 share. I did not find this out until 2023 after my grandmother passed. I was first told about it by my Uncle Bob. He had told me that all the siblings had a meeting (they did not include me or my brother) and agreed to "sell" the camp to my Uncle Tom. They thought all they needed was the majority to be in agreement of what to do with the camp. He told me they had contacted a lawyer and would let me know when i needed to sign off. I was shocked by the information and just said ok. After thinking about it for a bit i knew i did not want to sell or give away my share.

This caused a huge fight within the family. I wanted the opportunity to buy the camp same as they had given Tom. I was told that a grandchild should not own it and that it was just for the siblings. There was jealousy that my brother and I were included in the camp along with the will. But this was not my grandma favoring us, it was because our father was gone. They could have easily passed anything they wanted directly to their kids. For almost a year there was many phone calls made by my Aunt Karen with accusations and insults. My uncle Bob was the only one with was ok with me owning it. One uncle never voiced an opinion. In the end all of my aunts and uncles and brother sold or gave their shares to Tom.

Tom reached out to try to buy me out. i said i wanted to keep my share. We agreed to meet at his house to discuss moving forward. I suggested that i put my own camp on the property and i would let him have sole possession of the existing camp. He seemed to be OK with that idea, but said he would be in contact. He never did call or text, the next communication i received was from the sheriff's department serving me legal papers that he was suing me for a Partition Action.

We live in Pennsylvania and basically if you do not want to own property with another person and they refuse to sell you can sue them in court and go through the process for someone to buy each other out. We spent almost 2 years in court. He refused to sell his shares, but also refused to buy me out at a fair market price. We both had to get appraisals of the property. While he with held information about the lots that were rented out and had yearly cash flow, his appraisal came in at $50k. My appraiser valued it at $75k and had very good explanations on how he came to that number. I offered Tom $10k to buy me out or i offered to buy him out at $100k. he declined both offers. This is how unreasonable he was to work with. There is so much more to tell but it would be a book! We eventually got to the point in the court system that he had to buy or sell or the court awards it to the highest bidder. With me only owning 1/12 of a share it was not really a fair fight. He did finally agree to buy me out at $13k or i would keep raising my bid.

Ultimately this camp tore my family apart. it showed true colors of alot of people, including my own mother who sided with my Dad's family who up until he died she barely talked to and had nothing good to say about any of them. She told me i was in the wrong and that the camp was my dad's inheritance....not mine. But that is completely wrong. My dad died in 2012. My grandma transferred it in 2019. She gave it to me....my dad was gone. She always told me that my brother and i would inherit what my dad would have...i just didn't know exactly what that would be. It hurts because i loved my aunts and uncle, but because i had a backbone and wanted to keep what was given to me, i basically lost most of my family. Am i the asshole?

I (24F) honestly feel like my life got flipped upside down overnight, and now I’m being told I’m the problem.

My boyfriend (21M) and I live together (we have been living together for about 6 months now), both work full-time, and we’re building a life. I’m currently doing my master’s degree and already have an honours degree. He has multiple technical qualifications. We’re not lazy or reckless. We're not perfect either, but I'd like to believe we’re functioning adults.

We do smoke weed occasionally. Not every day, not excessively, and it’s legal where we live. We don’t really drink or party. It’s just something we do now and then.

For context, my boyfriend had an extremely traumatic childhood. His dad was a heroin addict who exposed him to things no child should ever go through and eventually overdosed in front of him. His mom also went down a very bad path for a while before getting sober. He ended up moving in with his uncle at a young age.

The issue is the uncle’s girlfriend.

She’s incredibly manipulative and two-faced. When my boyfriend lived with them, she would set him up to get in trouble, lie about him, make messes and blame him, and generally treat him horribly. She did this to him until he moved in with me six months ago. Despite this, I still tried to keep things civil. I spent time around them and even helped HER get edibles and THC oil in the past when we went over to visit.

On my side, my parents are very judgmental. They know I smoke weed, but they hate it. I’ve spent years trying to gain their approval, constantly filtering what I say to avoid conflict. To say it was traumatic is an understatement.

Recently, the uncle’s girlfriend has been trying to force the uncle to move overseas with her. He doesn’t want to go because his son and my boyfriend (who is like a som to him) are here. After months of manipulation not working, things escalated.

She started causing fights with multiple people in the family. My boyfriend’s cousin and his girlfriend cut her off after she insulted the girlfriend because of her relationship with her parents. She doesn't have the best relationship with them, but they are supportive of one another.

The next day, while I was having lunch with my boyfriend, his cousin, and the cousin's girlfriend, I got a message from my dad accusing me of being a liar and asking how deep I was into drugs.

Turns out, the uncle’s girlfriend contacted my parents and told them I’m a drug addict. She said I beg for money, use harder drugs, and that I’m going to be the reason my boyfriend dies.

None of this is true.

But my parents believed her.

I tried explaining everything. I even offered to take a drug test, and my mom said I would probably fake it using someone else’s sample. My dad called me a failure.

I feel like I lost their trust and support instantly, after years of trying to prove myself to them.

I was furious. I blocked the uncle’s girlfriend and anyone involved, and I told my boyfriend I want nothing to do with them anymore. He supports me and told his family we’re going no-contact.

Now some of his family members are saying I’m overreacting and that I’m “taking him away from his family.” But I’ve told him he’s free to see them. I just don’t want any involvement with people who would lie about me and damage my relationship with my parents.

So… AITAH for cutting them off completely?

After typing all of this, I realise that I might not have added all the info. This is a very long story and since I am very emotional right now, I'm struggling to think clearly.

Therefore, please feel free to ask questions if it will provide more clarity on the situation!

So my gf posted herself wearing only a towel in snapchat story, which i am not comfortable with. When i confronted her she got all mad trying to make an argument. I told her you are not single anymore and you have boundaries and so do i and to respect it, instead she said she’ll do whatever she wants.

AITA for confronting her and telling her to stop posting stuff like that?

So I 15 F and my dad 36 M DO NOT have a good relationship. He left my mom when I was 2 and has been hopping in and out of my life like a game of peek-a-boo.

I haven’t seen my dad in person since I was about 13 and I am actually the happiest I’ve been in my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, my mental health is better than ever, and I got my first job.

Now my dad had my little sister when I was 12 and didn’t tell me that I was going to have a little sister until the night she was born and expected me to be ok with it. Since I’m a people pleaser I told him I was really happy even though I seriously wasn’t. Then almost a year ago he had a son with the same woman and didn’t tell me yet again, I found out via TikTok. I don’t even know my little brother’s name.

So for the last almost 3 years I watched him from social media be the best dad to his new kids and step daughter who is a year younger than me. Practically leaving me in the dust. I try not to think about it because it makes me cry and I’m crying while typing this at the moment.

Back to the story, my sweet 16 is coming up and in my family it’s tradition to have the 16 most important people in your life light a candle on a candle holder thingy and you give a speech about why that person is important to you. I posted on my Snapchat story a picture of my notebook in my lap with the list of people who are getting a candle and almost instantly my dad replied to it. Asking me why he wasn’t on that list.

I told him “he didn’t make the cut” and he got pissed. We argued and before I hung up I told him “since you didn’t fail your other daughters like you did me, they’ll have a candle fresh and ready for you”. He’s been blowing up my phone calling me disrespectful and calling me a little female dog and a racial slur for black people.

Saying how I wouldn’t be here without him and I guess he’s right but I told him “just because he came 16 years ago doesn’t make him entitled to anything when you didn’t put in 15 years of work”.

Now I’ve been getting calls from my extended family on his side saying how hurt he is and how I should “think of his feelings”. I posted a picture of my list again with the caption “I love these people” and he said that he can replace #5, 6, 10, or 16. I don’t know what to do.

SO AITAH?

Here’s my candle list

1. My mom

2. My little sisters dad (he’s been there since I was 6)

3. My grandpa

4. My aunts

5. Boyfriend

6. Boyfriends dad

7. My sister on my mom’s side.

8. My godmother and her boys.

9. My boy best friend

10. My best friend that I’ve know since I was 4

11. My cousin she’s been a day one

12. My great grandmother

13. My uncles

14. My other cousins

15. A one for my grandma who passed when I was 11 and great uncle who passed last year.

I was 19 at the time, my ex was 31. We found a nice house and decided to buy it together (we were dating for about a year at this point)

He couldn't afford the house on his own so we decided to split the down payment. I gave him my half of $12.5k, almost my entire savings.

We were both supposed to go on the house deed but he conveniently went when I was at work and signed by himself for it so my name didn't even end up on the house.

After we bought the house, we moved in. I was handling all of our finances, doing budgeting, buying groceries, making sure bills get paid on time. We opened a joint account at my bank and agreed we'd each put in a certain equal amount each month for bills. He had his own bank and fell into the habit of not going to transfer money very often so i ended paying more each month into the joint account (the wonders of online transfers).

We broke up a year and half after moving in that house. I asked for my part of the down payment back and he refused because it was a "gift", which we had to say so the mortage lenders would accept the money.

He didn't offer any of it back. No payment plan, no small part of it, absolutely nothing.

I feel like I got taken advantage of, looking back at it all. So was I really the AH for asking for my down payment half back after basically keeping us afloat for the entire time?

My (26F) boyfriend (26M) and I have talked at length about moving to the next step of engagement. He has asked me to exactly what ring/ styles I want and I have sent him multiple pictures of what I want and what I don’t want.

We were at a birthday party with his parents and his mom tells me to try on her ring and asks if I like it. I hate it. It’s not my style at all, but of course I didn’t say that. I thought it was odd she had me try it on, so the next day when I was alone with my BF I asked him if he planned on giving me that ring. He said yes.

I was extremely upset because he knows it is the opposite of what I want, and quite frankly I think it’s ugly. He said it’s the only option because it’s free. We have had multiple conversations about pushing out engagement so he can save money, and when I do things to help him with his work he said he will put “my cut” toward my ring fund. We even both have discussed selling jewelry we already have that to fund the ring. We are not poor, but not well off. We live a very comfortable life.

After discussing my disappointment with not wanting the ring it turned into me being materialistic and not wanting to marry him, but wanting and engagement ring.

My thought it he is going completely against my wishes and doesn’t care. He said it’s just a ring, but it is something I will wear every single day. I won’t want to wear his mother’s ring.

His parents are very well off but of course it’s a nice sentiment for her to give us her ring, but I think she is only doing this so she can get an upgraded one herself. I want my own ring my own style, AITAH for that?

Just like the title says, I have a friend with whom I see usually 3 to 4 times during the weekday and at least 1 day out of the weekend but sometimes it can even turn into the entire weekend that we end up hanging out together. Every now and again I may miss a call or text and I fail to return it simply because I know I'll see them soon. This pisses my friend off and they demand an explanation the next time we see or communicate . it's quite annoying. AITHA?