r/relationships

I feel like im reaching my wits end with this.. ive tried to tell him that perhaps we need couples therapy cause im lost on what to do. A side note: im in weekly therapy and have been for 8 months to try to figure out how to help our relationship - he is not in solo therapy cause he feels he has nothing to improve on. Everytime I try to implement what my therapist suggests to improve these issues, it goes in one ear and out the other - we have so many issues but these ones drive me absolutely insane. Here is the TL;DR if you dont want to read everything.

TL;DR This happens every single day, if we do anything I want to do like watch something I want to watch or play something I want to play he just doesnt care, he'll just zone out. For example I wanted to play Halo with him. I had to literally beg cause he hates story games but I always play what he prefers and pay attention so I thought it only fair, finally when he agreed after getting upset he started to play but only goofed off and talked over every game cutscene or just fell asleep. I told him it would mean a lot if hed pay attention like I do to things he shows me but no.. of course he didnt.. same thing with game of thrones. Ive tried showing it to him cause I watch everything he shows me and I pay a lot of attention but with game of thrones its like hes just staring at the screen but absorbing nothing, he'll every 4 minutes look over at me and go "who is that, where are we now, I dont understand" then proceed to fall asleep or just ramble about something completely unrelated to where I have to keep pausing it. Dont get me started on the every 20 minutes "do you know where my water is? Do you know where the milk is? Do you know where the blanket is?" Or the constant needing me to show him everything. "How do I open this? How do I take this medicine? How do I use the windex?" I just need to know why this is happening? Like why wont he pay attention? Why wont he just read the directions or use his eyes?

Anyways.. my fiance is 28 and for the last 27 years of his life hes lived with his single mother and essentially got spoiled. He never had to think for himself, she cleaned his room, did his laundry, did his hair, picked out his clothes, set up his interviews and jobs and essentially just worte his agenda and script for him and he was complacent with it. When his mom said to jump, he asked how high. I finally got him to move out and move in with me, hoping that being away from her would get him to realize its nice to do things on your own and for yourself...boy was I wrong.

Here's just some day to day things he does: "Hey babe where's the lotion" I'll ask him if he bothered to even look cause if he did he would've seen it right infront of him. He says no, it'll take him too long to find it. I asked him to try for once and he threw a temper tantrum and said "why cant you just help you dont need to have a stick up your ass all the time." I gave (even tho I was trying to finish something very important that had a time limit.) I knew if I didnt it would cause him to be a jerk all day. I showed him that the lotion was literally the only thing on the bathroom counter and he laughed and went "oh haha that was easy." Like yeah no shit..

Last week I asked him if he could clean the living room windows. Obviously he huffed about it cause he just wanted to sleep and play games but he gave in. He walked to the window and just stared at it and said "I dont know how" i did my best to keep my cool cause he does this everytime I ask him to do pretty much anything. I asked him how he thinks he should do it, he said "Uh I just rub it with a towel?" Even tho hes seen me do it a thousand times. I went and grabbed him some paper towels and windex and he just stared at the bottle as said "well idk how to use this." I started getting a little irritated and I said "well if you really dont know how there are instructions, but I think its self explanatory." He got upset, threw the bottle down and said "you could just not be a ***** and show me, why do you have to ruin everyday." He stormed off, I ended up cleaning them and later he came back and said "oh so I spray the window then just wipe?" Not even a im sorry and might I add next week when I asked him to clean them he had already forgotten.

I have thousands of examples about this.. but the one that made me post today:

I turned on game of thrones to show it to him cause we almost never do what I want. If its something i want I typically have to do it on my own even tho I always try to show him in interested in the things that make him happy. (Why can't he do the same for me?) I start playing it and literally every minute. Who is she? Why are they doing this? Where is winter fell? Hes married to her? I will answer the questions then after 10 minutes: "who is she? Are they married?" I ended up giving up cause he couldnt remember 5% of anything happening which happens anytime I show him a movie or show. His response to me being hurt by it cause I told him it doesnt even feel like hes trying like ive never met anyone with this bad of memory recall he says "just cause you show interest and pay attention to things I show you doesnt mean I need to do the same."

Also yesterday when I sent him to the grocery store. Wrote a list with the item name, aisle numbers, price and image of the item. He had to call me every other item to ask me where the item was and what it looked like. I got upset, told him if he just used the in depth list I made him he wouldnt have to ask - i also told him if he doesnt know to ask an employee, he said he shouldn't have to i should just tell him.

Idk what to do anymore.. is there a way to change this behavior? At this point it really just feels like a lack of care.. I feel like he expects me to mom him and hold his hand but I dont feel thats my responsibility. I think hes 28 and a grown man and that this behavior isnt ok.. but then he and his mom make me feel like im the asshole for thinking its immature of him to need everything spoon fed to him.. what do you think? Any advice?

I 30F have been with my fiancée 33F for almost 6 years. She's my best friend and when things are good, they’re really good. But there’s a recurring issue that’s pushing me to breaking point.

She keeps quitting her job and lives off "our" savings for months at a time. The first time, she lived on her own savings for 6 months then dipped into mine for a further 2. The last two times, including currently, she has been living off mine entirely, because she doesn't work long enough to save for herself again. Once the money runs out she will find a job and believes it’s “divine timing”, but for me this is terrifying. I grew up with financially unstable parents, we often went without and were even homeless for a few years, so security is essential to me. I don’t want to be rich, I just want to feel safe.

After 5 years of saving for thing like a wedding, children, holidays and a house, we have nothing. I’m now worse off financially than when we met. Each time this happens, my savings are drained, I carry the financial and emotional burden then come home from work to cook, clean and keep everything running while they disengage, sleep all day and play on thier phone.

We’ve had countless conversations. I’ve cried, begged them not to quit without another job lined up. They apologise and promise change, but the pattern never does. The lack of work ethic and motivation is so unattractive to me, along with the obvious disregard for how this affects me and our future. I have enough for us to survive maybe another 2 months but I don't know what we will do if she doesn't find a job soon.

I’m torn between wanting to leave and feeling like I promised to marry this person, I promised to work through the bad times and to carry us when she couldn't. I know we aren't married yet but shouldn't that apply even now? I keep telling myself that this is what a wife would do. But this version of them isn’t who I agreed to marry, and I’m scared of waking up in five years either wishing I’d acted sooner or regretting ending it.

TLDR My Fiancée is ruining us financially and I don't know if I can't take it anymore but I worry what that says about me as a partner if I can't stick by them.

So… today is my birthday and I was really looking forward to it. I have always valued birthdays and special occasions, for myself and others. I like to give thoughtful gifts or organise surprises to make someone feel special. My husband however has never made even the tiniest effort when it comes to my birthday, anniversaries, mothers day, etc. I have told him many, many times that I value those moments and I really find it important that some thought is put into these days.

I don’t want an expensive gift, a drawing from my children or a birthday card would be amazing too. For 8 years in a row my husband told me today it was an expensive month and he couldn’t afford a gift. So he did nothing and got me nothing… again. He didn’t even congratulate me when we woke up but waited until he took a shower and had breakfast to casually say “oh happy birthday btw”.

I feel like my feelings aren’t important, like he doesn’t care that I value my birthday when I have told him many times how important it is to me. I am embarrassed bc in my family birthdays are a big deal so for 8 years everyone has asked me very excited about what my husband did for my birthday, and its always nothing. Im fed up. Im hurt. I feel unimportant. How can I make my husband understand that I feel this way and how upset it has made me? I am running out of ways to explain it to him…..

TL;DR my husband got me nothing for my birthday again and I don’t know how to make him understand that this really hurts my feelings

During a FaceTime he was screen sharing and I saw the tinder app. This is cheating to me because he’s essentially searching for a relationship. I don’t know if he contacted anyone through that app, but it’s hurtful enough.

This is the second time he’s done this, once before 2 years ago. I forgave him, which is probably a mistake on my part because now more feelings have been involved. He told me the first time he just wanted attention and nothing came from it.

I think I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. He doesn’t know that I know. If I confront him there will be this back and fourth stuff that I just can’t handle anymore.

It hurts because I was one semester from graduating, and we were going to plan our life together from then on.

If I ghost him, he doesn’t have contact with my friends or family and I’m not really active on any of my socials as well. He could think I randomly died or just left without closure. So in a way I feel bad for not giving him that reassurance but also I genuinely do not want to ever speak to him again. Is this the right move?

TL;DR: I caught my long distance bf cheating on me, I’m thinking of ghosting him but I feel conflicted on doing so.

TLDR: I want to be alone. Not suicidal/cheating/hiding. I just want to be alone in life with no responsibilities outside of work.

I’m an early 20s male married for 2 years and in the same relationship for 6 years. Over the last few months i feel not as if I’m growing apart from my spouse but that I want to lose connections or tie downs in my life. And with that I feel the urge to divorce and cut all contact to people in my life that isn’t related to my career. Including my wife, parents, friends any one that I don’t need in order to go to work as I don’t want to die or be homeless and without money. And before someone thinks that I say that because I’m cheating or thinking of cheating (although I doubt anyone will read this). I simply want to be able to go thru life only thinking of going to work eating and maybe working on my physical health. Almost like a nomad scenario but I don’t want to leave the state I’m in only to feel alone in a sense. I’m terrible and writing and I’m sure it make little to no sense to anyone but me. Idk what else to say. I simply want to be alone. Thank you to anyone that may have read or cared.

It’s my (31f) birthday on Monday, and my husband (35m) will be doing absolutely nothing - again.

We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 2, and have lived together most of that time.

My birthday is a big deal to me - I love birthdays. I go all out for him and our kids every year, even when we were poor and had no money I would make him a homemade ice cream cake and iou notes for both ‘stuff’ and quality time.

He has never once done anything special for my birthday, even when explicitly asked. Most years I have to buy, or make, my own cake, buy myself flowers and if he DOES ask me what I want for a gift, I have to give him specifics - which takes all the surprise out of it (what I enjoy about gift giving).

There was one year we went to a restaurant because he had a gift card but on the ride there he said “well I just don’t know what we’ll talk about. We only have the kids to talk about and other than that, we have nothing in common”.

I was sick and tired of asking for recognition so this year I said nothing. My birthday is on Monday and he hasn’t brought it up once. I went and bought myself flowers today and I’ve planned a nice meal and dessert to make myself. Im trying to come at it from the perspective of “my own happiness is my responsibility” but honestly Im so hurt. I’ve cried a few times over it. I don’t know if I’m asking too much or if he’s the issue. I just wish he wanted to spoil me the same way I spoil him (and everyone).

First time posting! I hope I followed all the rules :)

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**TL;DR;** : my husband never plans anything for my birthday, this year is no exception. I have made it clear that it is important to me and I would like him to plan something (anything) for me. He never delivers and I don’t know if I’m asking too much or if it’s a red flag.

I (45F) travel fairly often, but I have significant anxiety around flying. Because of that, I plan trips very carefully, arriving early, using TSA Pre Check, and building in extra time to avoid unnecessary stress.

My fiancé (44M) and I planned a cross-country trip to visit his parents, and his 18-year-old son was coming with us. Ive been in my fiancé life for a while, and over the past 6 months his son has been very difficult, skipping school, being disrespectful, and not taking responsibility for things. This has been an ongoing source of stress.

On the day of the flight, I planned for us to leave about 3.5 hours before boarding. The drive to the airport takes around 1 hour 20 minutes, plus extra time for parking and getting to the terminal.

During the drive, my fiancé and his son said they were hungry, so we stopped at a sit-down restaurant. I agreed, but asked that we keep it quick. However, the route taken added extra time due to traffic, and we ended up arriving later than planned.

At the airport, we also ran into delays getting from parking to the terminal, which made things more stressful. When we got to security, my fiancé and I went through TSA Pre, Check while his son went through regular security. I had asked multiple times beforehand if he had proper ID, and was told yes, but it turned out he didn`t.

This caused additional delays for my fiancé and me, including extra screening. Meanwhile, his son went ahead through security on his own. The situation made me feel overwhelmed, especially since I rely on planning to manage my anxiety.

By the time we reached the gate, I was extremely stressed and upset. I told my fiancé how I was feeling, not just about the travel issues, but also about the ongoing concerns with his sons behavior. I said I didn`t feel comfortable continuing the trip under those circumstances.

My fiancé responded that it was my choice and that I could leave if I wanted to. When I asked if he really didnt care, he told me to go in a harsh tone.

At that point, I felt completely overwhelmed and decided to leave the airport instead of going on the trip.

Now I`m conflicted. I had been looking forward to the trip and feel disappointed, but I also felt like I reached my limit in that moment.

AITAH for leaving instead of going on the trip?

TL;DR:

I (45F) left the airport instead of going on a planned trip with my fiancé(44M) and his 18-year-old son after multiple delays and stress pushed me past my limit. AITAH?

Unprompted effort is something I’ve always wanted in a relationship and to me it’s easy because it’s something I do naturally. Making time, thinking of surprises, checking-in. Basic relationship things that separate how you treat your friend and how you treat your partner.

If you subtract the intimate physical affection, I start feeling like we are just good friends. I notice him with his best friend. He makes sure to include him in his daily routine. Constant updating, surprise visits, unprompted gifts without a special occasion, planning trips one on one, making sure he calls him every night.

Meanwhile I’m asking “when will we meet next?” I have to suggest a date time and activity for it to even happen. I have to call him and I tell him affectionate things. During our honeymoon stage, he couldn’t get enough. Constant calls, meeting every single day for months, etc. I thought this is just how it naturally decreases but to me it’s too much of a big withdrawal from what he used to do for me.

He’s a good guy. He loves his friends family etc. He does pay for dates but the initiation is practically non existent. Even for Valentine’s Day I had to ask if we will do anything.

I’m just getting tired and there’s no real reason for me to leave because I feel safe and happy whenever I’m with him. It’s when I have to put more effort and feeling like I’m the only one who wants to see him that makes me feel so sad.

I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I’m physically and mentally attracted to him but I feel like a man with all the planning. I’m not even a planner, I feel forced to or else we won’t meet.

TL;DR I need to feel more romance and unprompted initiation from my boyfriend

I (28f) have been with my bf(32m) for multiple years. We live together and maybe my frontal lobe is finally starting to develop, but I’ve noticed that he constantly goes out of his way to bug or pester me.

In the evening when I do my skin care, he will walk by the bathroom and come back and try to touch my face, after I’ve asked him multiple times to please not touch my face while my skin care is drying. If I am cooking, he will come and poke me in the ribs, snap my bra strap, or just generally be a nuisance. I will ask him to please stop, or not right now, and he will continue to until I get frustrated.

Does this mean something? Is there something I’m missing? I’m just getting really annoyed because I don’t go out of my way to annoy or pester him and it’s frustrating.

TL;DR I (28f) am getting frustrated with my bf (32m)constant bugging and pestering. Be will bug and annoy until I am really frustrated and upset and thinks it’s funny. What does this mean? Am I missing something?

Me and my husband work at different locations. Our son(8) starts with me. As the summer vacations have started, my husband insisted that we should let our son stay with my in-laws as he ll b alone at my home during my office hours. I reluctantly agreed. Now whenever I call, my mother in law does not let me talk to my son. Comes up with reasons everytime.. like he is sleeping, he is eating, he is playing, he is tired, etc.. I tkt my husband abt this. He brushed away saying it's just coincidence.. Am I overthinking.

Tl;Dr

hi guys, i’m writing this for a bit of outside perspective as i’m unsure what to do.

for context, my boyfriend and i have been seeing eachother for around 10 months (7 of which we were on and off fwb, and we have been dating for 3ish months). he has a european background (parents born overseas but he was born in aus) and their culture / his upbringing was relatively strict. he currently still lives at home (along with his older siblings 25 & 28).

a key rule within his upbringing / culture was that partners cannot share a bed together in their home. i completelyyy understand this rule (it is their home after all), and respect it 100%. he has not yet met my parents (they live about 2 hours away from where i live), and he recently asked his mum (in front of me) if he can spend the night at my hometown house because of the distance. she agreed, but insinuated that she would like us to sleep in separate bedrooms, and i (of course) told her that my parents have a guest bedroom and that it wouldn’t be a problem.

when i asked him if he would actually sleep separately to me the next day, he said yes. i found this surprising at first, given that our relationship has never had any boundaries like this. we have sex (in various locations that some would deem risky) including once in his house (his idea). it’s not a case of abstinence on his part, although im not sure if his mum is aware that we are active as i haven’t asked. my parents are completely fine with us sharing a bed & do not intrude on our personal (sex) life.

i expressed my dislike to this ‘sleeping separate at my parents house’ situation for a few reasons…

1. i feel that i need to sleep with a partner (as in unconscious, not sex) in order to feel deeply connected to them. if we cannot do this at his house (or my house, because his parents say no because we live very close to eachother) then the only place left is my parents (as it is far away).

2. my family doesn’t feel that way, and there are no rules being imposed on us in their home. it makes me feel a little weird (and almost humiliated if im being honest) to have to explain that to my family.

3. it was his mums rule, and she is clearly not present / checking if it is being obeyed. he is not opposed to it, but he feels that he needs to follow her rules and that he doesn’t want to ‘compromise his morals’

after we had a long conversation about it (of which involved us talking about the above reasons — using the word ‘dealbreaker’) he agreed that it is healthier for us to share a bed at my parents house. i want to emphasise that i did not coax him into this decision, he came to that conclusion on his own accord.

the next day, he told me he had spoken to his mum about it and was now firmly saying he will not share a bed with me because he cannot go against what his mum says. he said we could maybe ‘re evaluate in a year or so’, which i think is just an empty promise. i feel that he is a grown man (22) and should be able to make his own decisions. whilst i respect that he still lives at home, i feel as if he is not thinking about my feelings in this, especially given that we will barely be at my parents house.

his oldest sibling has been dating somebody for 4 years and still follows this rule in both their family home, and the partners home too.

i think that this situation is making me think about my future, and the fact that i don’t think i can go half a decade without sharing a bed with my partner. do i want to spend half of my twenties hanging out with my boyfriend for a few hours and then just going home afterwards? or spending time with my parents with him, and then both of us going to separate rooms for the night? i understand that the rule must be adhered to in his family home, but this feels like he is valuing his mothers opinion over me in a way.

this also brings up the question of where his priorities lie, and if his mother will be a dividing factor in other situations too.

am i being irrational? can i re bring this up to him if hes very firm on the boundary? he says that im not respecting his morals by asking him to change? how do i go about this?

TLDR: if my boyfriend is prioritising his mums opinion over my feelings, will the relationship work?

I’m honestly at my breaking point and need an outside perspective because this has been weighing on me heavily.

My husband and I have been dealing with issues with his family for the past year mainly involving disrespect, gossip, weird behavior, and a lot of boundary crossing. This latest incident feels like the final straw, but there’s a lot of context behind it.

One of his sisters is currently going through a divorce and a lot of the family tension started when she asked my husband for financial help. He told her he was open to helping but wanted to understand the full picture first- things like her income, expenses, spending habits, etc. He didn’t feel comfortable just blindly throwing money at the situation especially because she has a long history of being financially irresponsible and making very poor life decisions (such as marrying a stripper in the first place).

That became a huge issue in the family. Instead of understanding where he was coming from they acted like he was being selfish or difficult because in their words “ we have no kids and no real responsibilities,” and therefore should just help without asking questions. For context, my husband and I are probably the most financially stable out of the family and I genuinely think there’s some resentment around that.

Since then my husband and I have repeatedly tried to take the high road and repair things with both his sisters and his parents but it feels like every time we try to move forward another issue comes up.

One example: I had a birthday dinner with my friends and invited both of my sisters-in-law. My husband and I made it clear ahead of time that we were covering dinner and a welcome champagne but that any additional drinks would be split at the end.

A few days later, I texted my other SILs and thanked her for coming and mentioned that drinks came out to about $150 per person. She texted back saying she only had two drinks and that didn’t seem fair. I responded very calmly and said I wasn’t aware of that and honestly my friends probably drank most of it anyway so not to worry about it.

Instead of just leaving it there, she called my MIL to complain about us and then my MIL called us yelling. After that, my husband and I decided to take some space from his sisters because it all felt very immature and toxic but we still wanted to try to maintain a relationship with his parents.

Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse.

A few days ago, I posted some normal birthday related Instagram stories for my best friend. Nothing inappropriate or extreme just typical girls night / birthday photos. My MIL doesn’t even have Instagram so I’m almost certain my SIL screenshotted my stories and sent them to her.

My MIL then sent those screenshots to my husband and started making judgmental and disrespectful comments about me implying my posts were inappropriate and saying things that felt very shaming and insulting. She also brought up unrelated family drama in the same message.

We didn’t respond because we didn’t want to react emotionally.

Then after not hearing back she started texting my husband again asking what was going on saying she doesn’t like how he’s acting with the family, asking him to come over and talk, and saying things like “this isn’t your personality.” To me, that feels like she’s blaming me and implying that I somehow “changed” him (which she has also said before many times)

That part honestly hurts the most because I have truly tried to be there for his family and have always tried to have a good relationship with them. I’ve shown up, been supportive, and made an effort. So to now be painted as the reason he’s “different” feels incredibly unfair and upsetting. Especially because the only reason he is “different” is directly a consequences of their actions.

My husband actually went to speak to his uncle who was shocked by everything that’s been happening and by the family’s behavior. His uncle basically told us that we should take some space, go no contact for a little while, and then later decide whether we want to rebuild any kind of relationship with his parents (if at all) but with real boundaries. He also said that the sisters don’t necessarily need to remain part of our lives if they continue behaving this way.

At this point, I’m just exhausted by the constant disrespect, gossip, and drama and don’t know what the healthiest next step is. I also can’t ignore the fact that comments have been made multiple times over the past year about our lifestyle, travel, financial situation, and the fact that we don’t have kids yet. It honestly feels like there is resentment and jealousy underneath a lot of this.

We feel stuck and would really appreciate an outside perspective.

TLDR: Tired of gossip and disrespect and bad behavior and my husband and I being taken advantage of by my husbands family. Wanted an outsiders perspective on the situation.

Me (16M) and this girl (15F) have been talking for about a month. We haven’t gone out much because of exams, but the last time we went on a date we cuddled a lot.

I’m going to her place on Wednesday to watch a movie. She’s been telling me that she wants me to make some moves, so far she’s usually been the one initiating them.

Neither of us have had our first kiss, but she’s been asking questions about it, like where to put hands, and talking about what one of her friends boyfriend said after their first kiss. I jokingly said I wouldn’t have a reason to say something like that on Wednesday, and she replied why not? i then said i’m only joking and she replied in all caps ‘good’

Do you think these are signs she wants me to kiss her when I go over?

i’ve also been talking to her about what if i was to make a move and she feels uncomfortable but she said that nothing i could do would really make her that uncomfortable

Also if she really does want us to kiss how should i go along with doing it

Any advice would be really appreciated

tl;dr this girl has been talking about kissing to me but im not sure if she’s actually hinting for us to kiss

I(28M) need some advice. I’m incredibly in love with my girlfriend (29F), but something happened.

Me and my current girlfriend met in a small town on a beach in Brazil, a few weeks before Rio carnival. We had an amazing connection that night, we talked and flirted for hours, and ended up sleeping with each other. As we were both still traveling for a few weeks and were headed for the same direction, we decided to see each other again during the rest of our trip. We started texting and kept flirting through text. A few days later, we saw each other again an afternoon at a different island with each others’ friends, all was okay. We decided to go for a drink later that night. First I went for a beer with my friends, and I was going to join her after. I texted her I was going for a beer first and would join a bit later. She replied kind of annoyed, but still okay. In the end I lost track of time, and I arrived only hours later than was first scheduled in the bar. When I arrive at that place, she was already gone. I saw her friends there, who told me she already left. I went partying. The next day, she texted me she was really disappointed I didn’t arrive on time. I only realised later that for her it was way more like a date, while me I saw it more as a casual drink before going to party. She was very annoyed with me through text the day after, we met up later that night to talk. I apologised, explained I lost track of time but didn’t mean it in a bad way, she explained she was really hurt and felt like I left her alone. I told her I was thinking about her a lot, we kissed, and decided to still see each other during Rio carnival.

I left the day after to Rio, where I was honestly thinking only about her the first days. She stayed at the other island place a few more days. Finally after some days we met up in Rio, but it was messy, hard to meet up, in the end we were able to spend some time and see each other. We slept together again. After, she asked me if I slept with someone else since we met. I was surprised, because of course I didn’t, I was thinking about her. I told her there was some random flirting and kissing with girls during carnival, but I never went further than that. She told me that a week before, that night I didn’t come to the bar, she went home with another guy, and they had sex. I was kind of shocked that she was able to do it that fast with a new guy, after us flirting and talking about this mutual connection we felt the first night. She explained she felt rejected by me and was looking for confidence, she thought she would never see me again because I didn’t show up. In the end we didn’t owe each other anything at that time, so I reacted calm, but still surprised. She told me that during the rest and during the whole Rio carnival nothing happened with other guys. We moved on, managed to further build this connection, and traveled the rest of our trip together for some weeks. When we returned home, we didn’t want to let this go, so we managed to start a long distance relationship. We are together for over a year now, all is amazing, I love this girl, she’s awesome, I never felt this type of love before.

Now, the part where I need advice for.

I asked her about that beginning period multiple times, we were always very open about the people we had been with the days/weeks before, as we were both single on a trip. She never hid something for me, we always talked about it open. 

A few months in the relation, she showed me something on her phone and I accidentally saw a picture of her kissing a guy in Rio carnival. I confronted her, she explained it was a joke kiss for the picture, nothing more than that happened. I was annoyed as she told me she didn’t do anything during Rio carnival, but whatever, it’s carnival, we were not exclusive, no big deal. We move on.

But I kept having a weird feeling she was not fully transparent. I asked her a few times about that time period trying to know fully what happened these days before/after we met. She tells me multiple times the guy from that night I left her on the beach she told me about was the only other one.

In the end I saw the insta of that guy she kissed in Rio a few weeks later. I ask her who is that, she tells me, it’s the guy I kissed at Rio carnival as a joke, but her face turned pale, and I know my gf, I felt she was lying. I had a weird gut feeling and made a bad call that night, I decided to sneak through her phone. First time I ever do that, won’t do it again, not proud of it. I find a short chat history with that guy during and before the Rio week, where they speak very friendly with each other. I confront her that night, she explains to me again nothing more happened than just that kiss. I kept having a weird feeling, and a few days after I told her I need full honesty in this relationship, and that if something happened, it was before me and I have no right to be angry about it, but I just need to know as we’re now together. 

There she finally confessed. Turns out, a few nights after we had that talk on the beach where I apologised, and we kind of told we liked each other and were very interested in each other, she met that guy, they partied with a group of friends, drunk, she ended up going with him to a beach where they started kissing, they undressed, he put on a condom, they started having sex for a few seconds after which she pushed him off because she says her body rejected and she became sober from the feeling, realising she didn’t want it and was thinking of our talk some days before. This was during we were texting and flirting.

I feel betrayed. I feel it’s horrible she was able to do that some nights after we had that talk. And lie about it after, telling nothing more happened. I get it was during a trip, we were both still figuring out our feelings towards each other, and officially not exclusive yet, and could not predict we would become a serious couple. But for a full year she hid that for me. She finally confessed because I kept pushing and telling her I need to know the full truth. She told me she was stuck in her lie, when she told me there was only that other guy of the night I bailed on her, she saw my reaction was kind of hurt/surprised and didn’t have the courage to tell about the other one some days later. I make myself crazy imagining that night. I need to stop thinking about it.
I realise it’s not cheating, but the whole shadiness around this, with lying for a whole year during a serious relation, not coming clean from herself, it’s really bothering me. 

What do I do? 

TL;DR: girlfriend had sex with two other guys week after meeting me and was not fully honest about it, I find out one year in the relationship. What to do.

Our relationship is overall pretty good but I am starting to get frustrated with our relationship sexually and just in general. It used to be great, for the first year. Now in year 3 it’s like I am dating a completely different woman than the one I initially asked to be my girlfriend.

She is an entrepreneur and has her own business which is by far one of the most admirable trait she has. She is unbelievably hard working and that’s the issue. I work a typical 9-5 corporate job where she works essentially 3 jobs at once. When I get off I am ‘done’ for the day. However, this is when she goes to her second job. She is pretty much working both of her jobs every day of the week and when she is not, she is working on her personal business. Essentially, our schedules are opposite and there are maybe 5-10 realistic hours of the week that any sort of “free” time between us align.

I am very individual person so I don’t mind this too much but i feel like it takes away from our relationship and trying new things. I’ll suggest an activity or restaurant to try and it almost instantly gets shut down. She uses work as an excuse almost every time. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is a valid excuse, but she is the type of person to create work when there is no work to do. So even when I know she isn’t officially working she denies my request and creates a new problem to solve.

Most frustratingly this is beginning to toll on our sex life. We are young, very healthy, and yet have sex maybe once every 2 weeks at this point. If I initiate she says no. If I wait for her to initiate, it’ll never happen. If I ASK, I hear “all you want is sex”. Which isn’t even remotely true. I have told her my concern with this dynamic across the past 2 years of our relationship and it’s never been fixed. And before you all assume its not enjoyable on her end, we’ve talked about it and she confirms it is. I will always make her finish before I do. Sometimes I don’t even care to finish myself, I just want to please her and she again denies my request. Its like a lose lose situation.

I don’t even know what to do at this point because if its this bad while we are young and healthy I cant imagine what it’d be like when we are older with actual responsibilities outside just work… i honestly don’t know what to do at this point. Even if I have another conversation with her about it i can guarantee you her response will be “all you want to do is have sex”… at this point it’s almost a childish impulsive response with a lack of respect and understanding… any words of wisdom?

Tl;dr: My girlfriend is working too much, even when she doesn’t have work, she creates it. This is taking a toll on our relationship in many ways, specifically sexually

TLDR; Brothers girlfriend is too cool to be my friend.

So I’m going on a trip tomorrow with my brother, my husband and my brothers girlfriend. Brother and gf have been together about 4 years now and he’s super into her and is getting ready to propose. She’s gorgeous, successful in her field, travels the world regularly and was even featured on Forbes 30 under 30. I’m… normal? A teacher, happily married, outdoors-y.

I’m always super nice and friendly to the gf but I just get the vibe that she sees me more as a fan than a friend. She totally loves my brother, but it just seems like she’s never too interested in hanging out with my husband and I. I just get the vibe that she thinks she’s superior to me or too cool to be my friend. And my husband and I are generally fun, outgoing people. We’re just… idk not in Forbes?

What do I do? I feel like my brother picks up on my insecurity around this and I want him to feel like we’re one big happy family. My brother and my husband are best friends, but it just doesn’t feel like girlfriend and I will ever have that sort of relationship because I’m just not cool enough for her (I feel so silly writing that 😅)

I’m genuinely confused about boundaries in my marriage and I don’t know if I’m the problem.

We've been together a year and my wife (28F) often tells me (25F) I don’t respect her boundaries, but I feel like the boundaries aren’t clear and sometimes I get in trouble for doing exactly what she asked me to do.

For example, last night she told me to stop texting her, and then a few minutes later she asked me to send her an article about a news story I was talking about. So I sent it, and then she got mad because I was “breaking her boundary” about not texting her and also because the news wasn’t important enough and I shouldn’t have sent it.

Another example: she said she didn’t want to go to singing lessons because her throat hurt and she had already missed a few and said she was only doing it for me. I told her “then don’t go if it won't make you happy.” Then she got mad because she said I was supposed to encourage her to go and that’s what she actually wanted me to do.

Another pattern is she will say she doesn’t want to be with me anymore during an argument, and I took that seriously and said okay we have to file for divorce, she gets mad that I didn’t fight harder for the relationship to be fixed. But if I try to fix things, she says it’s too late anyway.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to respond the right way but the “right” response changes depending on what she actually wanted me to say instead of what she actually said. Another issue is I am on the spectrum and oftentimes apply something that is said just one time to every situation and don't completely understand nuance.

I don't want our dynamic to be like this anymore. What should I do that won't make her upset?

TL;DR: My wife and I are struggling with boundaries and communication because her boundaries are inconsistently applied in every other situation and I am on the autism spectrum. I don't like this dynamic anymore and need to know what to do?

tl;dr

Context: I am 24F, and my boyfriend is 30M. We have been together for 4 months officially, but talking for 3-4 months before this. I have only had 1 previous relationship, and he has had quite a few relationships before. He lives an hour away from me. The relationship was going really well until 3 weeks ago.

3 weeks ago, my boyfriend went on a night out with his friends. Wasn’t bothered or worried at all. Until I got a phone call at 11 PM, he started off being nice and then suddenly turned aggressive. He started off being argumentative and then turned more into telling me to fuck off. Every time I said I’m just gonna hang up, he would threaten me and say that if I hung up, he would break up with me. He then went on to imply he had cheated on me. He said, “I saw you earlier”, and I said, “No, you didn’t, you were at work and then went on your night out”. He said, “No, I definitely saw you. I remember your tits” When I said, ‘I have not seen you today, ' he replied, “Oh, must have been another girl” At this point, I put the phone down, put it on silent and cried myself to sleep.

He came over the next day and was very apologetic. He was visibly shocked and disgusted by his behaviour; he had no memory of what happened. The more I told him what he said, the more pale his face grew. He explained his friends had dumped extra shots into his drink, so he was beyond wasted.

After a long discussion, I said I would try to move on from it.

The next weekend, he went out again. This time, he seemed even more wasted than before. He called me loads about coming to pick him up, confusing me with his dad. One time, he decided to FaceTime me. He was slurring his words, couldn’t keep his eyes open, swaying in his seat. In the background, a girl started to call his name. When she came closer to him (I could hear her becoming louder on the call), he tried to end the call quickly, saying he’ll call me tomorrow and that I should get some sleep. I replied, “Okay, I love you” He heard me, but purposefully didn’t say it back. He tried to hang up the call but missed. I stayed dead silent, watching what happened next. The girl approached him and immediately started running her hands through his hair “Oh my goddd I haven’t seen you in ages *name* have you dyed your hair?” The way she spoke signified that it wasn’t an old friend or a work colleague, that he was out with. She then started running her hands over his chest. He didn’t stop her. I hung up because I couldn’t bear to see what happened next, after cheating being the reason my last relationship ended.

He came over the next day; he just turned up after my football game. I had ignored him all day. Again, he said he had no idea what happened or why I was annoyed at him. 

I completely broke down. I tried to be angry at him, but my hurt outweighed my anger. Again, he was extremely apologetic and said he recognises that his issues are when he is drunk- this is true because there have been no other incidents when he is sober, in fact, I’ve seen him shut girls down who are flirting with him without me saying anything. I also know that his last girlfriend cheated on him, and it ruined him so badly that he was single for 2 years. 

Ever since, I have been going back and forth in my head about what to do. It feels so early on in the relationship to experience these issues and feelings.

To give him credit, he went out this past weekend for his friend's 30th. He insisted he wasn’t going, but I didn’t want to be seen as the controlling girlfriend, so I encouraged him to go. He went, had a few drinks, but checked in frequently, sent me videos from the night and FaceTimed me on the way home to tell me about the night.

What would you do if everything in your relationship was amazing and everything you had been searching for, but 2 drunk incidents put doubt in your mind?

This is a throw away account, because idk if im overthinking or over reacting, or if I'm right for feeling like a placeholder relationship. So for context me (18F) and, we'll call him E (18M), have been friends since we were about 11 or 12. E has had two girlfriends that I knew about, (1 that I just found out about, but have no other knowledge of), when he was dating the last one, for about two years, he was banned from talking to me by her. When they broke up we got close again. We made a pact in October-ish, temporary date until one of us finds someone, so he'd be my stand in boyfriend. Its now April, we've done birthdays and valentines with each other, we've also slept together frequently and plan to go to prom together this month. Well, at the end of February, I got the dreaded "we need to talk" text. We talked, and he went on a rant about how he really likes me, but he doesn't feel like he can love me woth everything he has because he still loves this girl he met and talked to for a week in August, so we really needed to keep it fwb. After about a day of that, he apologized and we made it official. Well he treats me so well, but its just a little off, because he just followed this girl on Instagram (he just got one) after telling me shes not a problem and he loves me. Well hes replying to her stories and stuff. He also has like... 2 other girls on his Snapchat that ive seen, and he shows me so it doesn't feel like a big deal, but honestly, I don't like it. And I've always been an overthinker, and ive never had a boyfriend before him (sad, I know), so im also a bit insecure, so I don't know if I'm overthinking or if this is a problem. Some context about the girl, she lives out of state, about 12 hours away I'd say, and idk if I'm just a placeholder until he graduates and moves out of his parents house.

Tldr: my boyfriend might still like this girl, and he followed her on Instagram, and im not sure if I should be worried or not

so please read this post ..

I am having serious doubts about my partner . we met a year and half before in starting everything was nice . jumping to now we are planning on getting engaged and now the red flags started showing up .

1. she has a dominant personality earlier it was not a issue because in the end she used to listen to me ,understand me but now it's like what she fights with me if something is not upto her liking

2. i used to financially support her , but now it's like I need to support her family else she would resume her OF .

( SHE USED TO DO THIS , SHE TOLD ME ITS BECAUSE AFTER FATHER EXPIRED SHE DIDNT HAD ANY OTHER MEANS TO SUPPORT HER FAMILY ) I understood it and she promised she would quit it before marriage .

3. I am scared of physical abuse , there have been instances in her violent outburst she had raised her hand on me .

4. we had a big fight yesterday , i told her my parents are not getting ready for this marriage and now all of sudden her sweet side came up , which I haven't seen for almost a year . why not all of sudden .

please help me understand if she is really the one for me .

**TL;DR;** : not able to understand if she loves me or not .