my boyfriend found out that i have had an abortion in the past. he’s very upset over it and saying it changes everything and that now he has to think about the fact that “another man has gotten his girlfriend pregnant”. that broke me. why is that the first thing coming to mind after i open up about something so deeply personal? he said this is something i should have told him already and that this changes how he feels about us having a kid one day. i’m absolutely devastated that he’s reacting in this way. i feel i’m being reduced to this thing that happened to me years ago, and that his reaction is reflecting some sense of ownership he feels over me. his reaction feels like he now sees me as impure or like im worth less because i have been pregnant before. it doesn’t even feel he is trying to be empathetic at all. i don’t know what to do or even what i’m asking. i guess i need advice. i feel so alone because i don’t even feel like i can talk to my friends or anyone about this. i guess how can i make him understand that it really doesn’t change anything about our relationship?

TLDR: boyfriend is upset that i have had an abortion in the past. i need advice.

Over the holidays, I visited my parents. I noticed my mom's breath was a little... welll, it smelled like literal shit. I sat next to her in the car on the way to dinner one night and the smell of literal shit filled up the car so much that my eyes were watering. She visited me last month and the smell had gotten even worse.

I asked my sister who also visited my mother recently if she noticed and my sister confirmed that she did. My sister says that our mom must know because the smell is overwhelming and surely her husband or co-workers must have mentioned it to her.

But I'm not so sure. My mom always likes to dress well. She never leaves the house without a full face of makeup and a nice outfit so I can't imagine she would be okay with this if she knew. I am certain she would at least have a purse full of breath mints and mouthwash that she carried everywhere with her even if she couldn't solve the underlying problem.

I am afraid my mom will think that I'm just being mean if I bring it up. But she has a professional job in an office and I'm afraid that this isn't the best way to present herself and that she might be grateful to have an opportunity to fix it if she actually believes me.

TL;DR: my mom's breath smells like poop. Should I say something to her?

Tl;dr am just tired of seeing people showing issues like which are not even issues just their minds got fucked at that specific , i tried to find subs in which healthy couples sharing their experiences and showing what green flags and what u should do for your partners what lessons to learn what phases comes in relation but there is only negativity in relationship subs no one is posting about their relationship is being healthy and what they do for each other…
I wanna be optimistic about lifee too to see healthy couples teaching the younger ones…

So for a little more context of why were arguing... My mom is terminal. And my best friend just died two weeks ago. I've been very depressed and in heavy grief. My libido is gone, but a couple times I sucked it up and had sx with him to fulfill his needs. I'm not very talkative lately or cuddly. I'm depressed and confused and angry why my best friend just died suddenly and at a young age.

I still clean and cook, but I don't want to have sx every day like he does. He hasn't outrightade me feel bad for it, but his attitude gets worse if I am not pleasing him every time he needs it.

He keeps asking me what's wrong... And I keep having to remind him that I'm grieving. I'm depressed because of the losses. I also miscarried a few months ago, it was early but it still hurts.

Anyway, he gets upset with me for being depressed in general. And keeps acting like it's about him and I'm just always in a bad mood and must not care about him anymore. I keep reexplaining the grief.

I often don't feel comfortable using his stuff, which he own the TV, the laptop, bed, couch... Most stuff. I had to leave a lot of my furniture behind when we moved in together because of moving costs.

So when we argue, even if it's minor and over something stupid, he keeps reminding me that everything is his. And also tells me to stop using his stuff.

Then when things are fine and I sit on my phone and doom scroll cause I have nothing to do, hes confused why I don't wanna use the TV or laptop.

Sometimes I do go for walks, but it's hot out and idk I just don't wanna sit outside all day.

And yes I would like to buy my own stuff, but right now I'm saving up because we need to move again.

Is it kind of messed up that he throws it in my face? Iean he has the right I guess... But this man will also say he wants to marry me and that what's his is mine. So it just gets conflicting.

Any advice is appreciated, and I'll answer whatever questions to paint a clearer picture. I'm just lost and depressed and the man that's supposed to love me doesn't make me feel emotionally safe. Hell, I can't even express concerns without him getting defensive and flipping it around on me.

It's exhausting. I know I'm not perfect, but a little room to grieve would be nice I think.

TL;DR is it ok for my bf, whom I live with, to guilt trip me about using his stuff when we argue?

I, 23 female, my boyfriend 32 male. Dating for 3 1/2 years. I recently posted about him feeling like sex is a chore because I take too long to finish/ to give oral to. We haven’t had sex in over a year. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and he says that 99% of the time he doesn’t feel like it or is too busy and the other 1% he is tired. I’m feel like now it is a dopamine addiction. Why I am saying this is because he said he will try to make time and he hasn’t so I will try to make a move and the only time he lets me get him hard and one time let me give him oral is while he playing a video game or on his phone. and last night I was touching him while he was playing a video games and he said I could hop on it but wouldn’t get off his game to actually be in the moment with me. When I said never mind I won’t do this while he’s on his games he just gave me a look saying “suit yourself” I tried to talk about it to him and he just said I knew you were upset with me and walked away. Is this childish or am I the asshole? Am I asking too much or over stepping? I don’t want sex to be a make-or-break but I really feel unimportant and unwanted. Otherwise our relationship is pretty good. How can I talk to him about this and set boundaries? Is this something anyone else has been through and work through it? Thank you.

TL;DR: how to help my bf get over dopamine addition to screens and sex and associating the two. Haven’t had sex in a year and bf finally will let me touch him while playing video games only.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/JlCxEiy79P

My husband 45, is always busy. He is in a very important position and has a top leadership role in the region. So business trips, hours long meeting with strategy, plans, budgets. He is the VP. Last year he started to delegate more and in each city in the region has a direct report (so 4 managers on the local level who are under him). But I don't feel his workload dropped. Recently through the HR process he hired his niece and younger sister and we had a brief conflict over it because I didn't think it's fair.

However it helped to become suspicious to put it like that. One day I called him and he said he is still at the office, but then his niece called me for some unrelated thing (she had to pick up our 6 years old daughter ) and told me she would have asked him about the location but he felt sick in the morning and said he is going home. Well he never did come home. Normally I would suspect an affair right away but I wanted to ask for another opinion.

His mother is an alcoholic. She still lives in their small home town. And her situation is bad. She got herself in a coma 2 times. He had a younger brother who died as a baby because she was drinking heavily while pregnant. She cannot take care of herself or her house and the neighbours constantly call him: either that she is sick or fallen somewhere and needed to pick her up or something related. even when not drunk she is not acting normally. She once showed up at the company and started yelling and calling out for him.

My husband decided to hire help and he hired a 29 years old woman who lives around his mother's house. Which made total sense for me but they are getting too close. He is not the type of guy who has time for small talk. He has a rather military style even as a manager. not soft, no emotion focused.

the first thing I did was to ask him directly - not if he cheated, but if he was in his home town - because at home he wasn't, as his niece said. He denied being there at all. But I talked to a neighbour and that woman told me he was there, he comes often actually (Almost daily!) and most of the time he spends at the young woman's house. A small house for which he funded the renovation of. She knows that woman and told me she cooks for my husband not only for his mother. Her daughter knows her even better and said that the woman joked that her duty is to keep stomach full and bals empty and to never waste a single drop. She added that the comment wasn't made specifically about my husband but she said it a few days ago.

do i have reasons to be worried? My husband is an attractive man and has a good position. And he spends a lot of time with her it seems. we have 2 children, a 10 years old son and a 6 years old daughter and he never has time for us

I searched her on social media and she has a weird post and which she makes fun of a song called Labour. her caption said: "so that he never lifts a finger - this is the point. If he has to lift a finger at home while being a perfect provider and a man to look up to you are the problem. you should have married someone who is not ambitious. The crowd is what I would have expected too lol. "

tl;dr: my husband has been spending a lot of time with his mother's caregiver

Like the title said, ask my boyfriend about his fantasies to which he told me that he didn’t have any and asked me about mine. I am bisexual, and I have been with females before and recently have been having an urge to be with a woman sexually. Not saying that my partner doesn’t please me because he definitely does. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to try. I love my boyfriend and he loves me and we have a very good healthy relationship. I brought it out with my partner which he was very accepting and open, but more confused than anything.

He thought that I was trying to set him up because it’s weird from a man standpoint that his girlfriend is asking for a threesome which to me I guess makes sense but at the same time it’s my fantasy.

He has been dwelling on this for the past few days and has even told me that he would be okay if I had sex with women and explore my sexuality with women he even brought up me having a girlfriend but honestly to me I feel like that’s cheating and I wouldn’t do that to him, but in his mind that he’s okay with it, which doesn’t make sense.

Has anyone else felt this type of way or had something similar happened to them? Am I weird for bringing that to him?

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend that my fantasy is having a threesome and he told me that it’s ok if I sleep with women or get a girlfriend.

I’m currently sick with what’s probably the flu and have a really scratchy throat, so I’ve been coughing a lot — maybe every few minutes. I know hearing someone cough constantly probably isn’t enjoyable, but I’m obviously not doing it on purpose and I literally can’t help it.

What’s bothering me is that almost every time I cough, my boyfriend makes some kind of comment about it. He keeps asking things like “why are you coughing so much?” and even mocked my coughing at one point. It didn’t come across as playful, more like he was kinda annoyed.

Now I actually feel guilty every time I cough around him and almost feel self-conscious about it. I don’t know if I’m being extra sensitive because I’m sick already, but it honestly hurt my feelings.

Am I overreacting or would this bother other people too?

TL;DR: I’m sick with the flu and a scratchy throat, so I’ve been coughing a lot. Almost every time I cough, my boyfriend makes comments about it, asks why I’m coughing so much, and even mocked me once. Now I actually feel guilty and self-conscious about coughing around him. Am I overreacting for being hurt by this? 20F, 20M

hey everyone,

pretty much what the title says. my boyfriend and i have been together since sophomore year of college, so almost two years now, and this whole mess just blew up. he’s always been very protective and loving to me. he makes me feel safe and cared for most of the time, but he also has a pretty bad temper. in the past year, he’s gotten physically rough with me a few times when he gets angry, like grabbing me too hard or shoving me during arguments. it’s never been a full on beatdown or anything, but it’s scary and it hurts, and i always end up making excuses for it in my head.

on mother’s day i went on his phone to set up a dentist appointment for him since he’d been putting it off. instead i opened snapchat and saw messages from this girl. i’m not going into all the explicit details, but basically he’s been cheating on me with her for the past six months, according to what he admitted. we never really go on each other’s phones because i respect privacy and i’ve always trusted him, but now i just feel so betrayed and stupid for not seeing any signs sooner. i haven’t told my mom and dad yet because they’ll completely freak out and probably make things worse. i don’t think he’s told his parents either.

he keeps saying he wants to work this out, that it was a mistake and he’ll do whatever it takes to fix things. but i’ve always had zero tolerance for cheating. the problem is i’m terrified of being alone again. even though i have good friends and a decent support system, the idea of starting everything over, downloading dating apps, going on dates, building trust with someone new, it all just feels exhausting and scary. i don’t know what to do and that’s pretty much why i’m here. any advice would help. thank you.

tl;dr:
my boyfriend and i have been together almost 2 years since college. he’s usually protective and loving, but he’s gotten physically rough (grabbing/shoving) a few times when angry. on mother’s day i found out he’s been cheating with another girl for 6 months. he’s begging to work it out and says it was a mistake, but i’ve always said i have zero tolerance for cheating. the problem is i’m terrified of being alone and starting over, even though i have friends and support. i don’t know what to do.

Hello,

I'm looking for suggestions on how to move forward. Me (31F) have been with my husband (35M) for 14 years. When my daughter was less than a year, (she's now 10) my husband had left porn up on his laptop. This is when I found out he's into 18 year old girls. Over the years I've tried everything to forget, but he stares at restaurants, when he's scrolling through fb, and tiktok.

I've spoke to him about it and received every excuse, the main one being he's not into them because they are young, he just likes thin girls. A little background, I am a thin girl, who appears younger than my age, but knowing this information over the years has left me a shell of myself. I LOVE food, but have grown to see it as a bad thing. I look at myself in mirrors and am afraid to gain a pound. It's also left me very unattracted to him because he had let himself go over the years and gained a lot of weight himself. So all I can picture is a old large man, pleasuring himself to what I would consider to young.

Everything feels wrong. I know I've let this go on to long, from the outside we are a family most would be jealous of, but on the inside, it's getting harder to live with myself. This is my largest secret.

TL;DR MY HUSBAND LIKES YOUNG GIRLS

My BF (34) and I (28) been officially dating for 7 months now but I have known him for 10 years now, with like a 5 year gap. We don't officially live together but I've been at his home everyday for months. We wake up in the same bed and kiss each other good morning, then I go back to sleep. Yet he expects a digital check in the moment I wake up before doing anything else. I'm not always good at the text portion on the morning check-ins but I do and have made effort to show him I am serious about his complaints and grievances.

On some day's I scroll social media as a way to officially wake up, it's just mindless scrolling. Its something I've done since before this relationship. My BF takes my scrolling as a sign that I'm "addicted" to social media and on days, like today where I didn't even scroll my phone for 5 minutes, lead to an argument about how I don't care for him. My BF feels a morning text is a vital sign of love and priority, and when I scroll, I'm choosing social media over him.

I find this strict standard difficult to maintain because it feels like I have to be perfectly in his order of steps for him to not feel like I don't love him, and that if I can't meet his standard, I'm not worthy of his love.

He also WFH everyday, but different days he has different responsibilities. On the day's where his responsibilities aren't so intricate, I literally go to his office and tell him morning and talk with him for a while, before I go do my own tasks.

When we were having an argument about him "catching" me today. It lead to him stating how his friends who are long distance, don't even have an issue with just reaching out and how one of his married lady friends reaches out to say good morning, "so why can't my GF do that?" Why can't I show I care how he asks? I proceed to say how me and his friends are separate people and his friends are not lying in the bed with him everyday, and are not in a relationship with him. Their experience will of course be different, firstly, and secondly, how could he be so sure they are immediately texting him, when they are not by his side to know for certain?

When I try to explain to him that me scrolling social media for five minutes before texting him "morning" is not a testament of my love, or how its a way for me to just come to 'consciousness,' or how I'm not his friends, he asks me "why do I always have an excuse? why can't I just do it?"

This post has been going on for a bit too long and its a lot of factors involved in this dynamic. If more information is needed, I am willing to give it (circumstance pertaining of course).

TL;DR BF believes me not texting him "morning" shows that I don't care for him. He gets upset if I scroll on social media before texting him, even if we wake up in the same bed. I feel like I have to follow a strict order of operation when it comes to our relationship, because when I try to explain my need for fully coming to consciousness, he dismisses my feelings as excuses. I'm struggling to balance his need for reassurance with my need to be human without feeling like my love is constantly under a microscope.

My questions are:

Am I being unreasonable? Am I being dismissive of his needs?

How do I balance loving him the way he asks without feeling like I'm being put under a microscope the second I wake up? I want to meet his needs but my genuine feelings have been dismissed as excuses, it makes me feel pressured more than connected.

How do you find you find a middle ground when one partner's need for reassurance trumps the other's need to be heard as well?

I (33f) have been with my boyfriend (34f) for 7 years, and have been friends with my best friend (34f) for 10 years. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 3 years. For context, I'm currently in between jobs and living off of savings.

Since January of this year, my boyfriend has been wanting to plan a European vacation for July which I agreed to and had saved up for. This would be our first international trip in a while, so we've both been looking forward to it. The dates he originally communicated to me were Monday 7/6 through Sunday 7/12. The field he is in pre-schedules everyone's vacations, so it's not flexible unless someone trades with him, which is not possible in this case.

A few weeks ago, my best friend asked me if I would like to join a trip with her and her family to St. Lucia for her birthday. It's something she and I have talked about before in passing about doing something like that together, so I was really excited about it and expressed my interest, but reminded her of my boyfriend's vacation dates which have been set for a while. However, when she communicated her dates to me, I discovered they wanted to leave Thursday 7/2 before my boyfriend's vacation started, and stay on the island through the following Tuesday 7/7. So, there's overlap.

Around the same time, my boyfriend realized he was actually not scheduled to work that weekend before -- Saturday 7/4 and Sunday 7/5. And given the long travel days, he hoped that we could fly out that weekend to Europe.

I didn't think to ask my friend to change her travel dates because I figured this wasn't really my vacation, and I was simply tacking on to a family vacation. I suggested maybe I join them Thursday - Sunday, and then fly out to Europe to meet my boyfriend. My friend pushed back on that and said it wouldn't really leave enough time for me to enjoy the island, and ultimately, if I couldn't make it work, then she would understand. After a lot of consideration, I decided it wasn't feasible for me to do both trips. I felt terrible about how things shook out, but took some comfort when she said she'd understand. While I have a decent nest egg of savings, I didn't think that a less-than-3-day trip to St. Lucia would have been worth it, and the physical toll of flying out immediately to Europe would have been too much.

I texted her about this decision, but was a little surprised when she wrote back a very long text message about how while she understood, she was still very disappointed in my decision. She said that I had prioritized my boyfriend over her, and this wasn't the first time this had happened. She referenced a conversation we had last year about one day traveling to Southeast Asia together and said that I had also bailed on a trip. I was taken aback by this because we had never discussed any real plans around specific dates, time of year, cities we wanted to visit, flights, etc.

I should also mention that she and I have taken many meaningful trips together to several countries in Europe, Mexico, and around the U.S. in recent years. Most of those trips were just the two of us or with our friend group.

I wrote back to her profusely apologizing and saying that I understood where she was coming from, and that I was truly sorry that my actions had made her feel this way. I reinforced that she was very important to me and that I wasn't prioritizing my partner over her, but was sorry if it came off that way. The dates just didn't work out this time, but next time we would plan something further in advance and avoid any conflicts.

She hasn't talked to me since which has been killing me. Even when we all went out as a group recently, she barely made eye contact or spoke to me. I've been feeling horrible about this ever since our exchange and just want some thoughts on this situation and any advice you might have for how to navigate this.

TLDR: Best friend and boyfriend's vacation dates overlapped. I had already committed to boyfriend's dates, so had to say no to friend. Friend is now mad.

Sunday night me (F29) and my boyfriend (M35) had an argument and we broke up. He is upset I made a joke and he did not like it. I apologized, he says he forgave me. But I still wanted to leave. I packed my things and said it would be best if I went back to my parents house due to us having problems for a few years now. We seem to keep fighting and breaking up every few weeks. Each time it is him who asks me to leave and then has some reason as to how I have offened him or hurt him. I apologize and then he says ok. I want to work things out but find it hard since it feels like he is nitpicking at each thing I do or say.

Like I got a new car. He says I shouldn't have due to him now needing to work two jobs and I have less free money to give him to help him. I feel bad but did not expect him to need more of my money to help with bills. (I pay some bills at his house already) now I have packed and moved out for two-days now to my parents house. Having to leave behind my special needs dog who needs me due to my dad not allowing pets in his house.

I today got texts from him asking for the power and water bill info and when would I be coming to get my other car.

I responded back and now he is accusing me of being shady and not returning an engagment ring that he got me but never gave to me yet even though I of course did not steal the ring I said I would bring it over to return it to him on Saturday and also get my car and other things. He is accusing me of trying to swap the ring and he will now need to go to kay Jewelry to verify if I swapped it. I want to work things out what should i do?

TL;DR: almost 10 year relationship, have a dog together, got an engagement ring, have been arguing a lot

There's a guy I'm talking with. We have been talking for more than a year and we fight a lot because of a girl he often play online gameswith. For context, the girl is 16F when they met last year, a few weeks after I met him. This dynamic challenges my mind so much that I become so anxious every time I know they are together. I will only get answers, a bit of my whys, months after I questioned them usually when we have already talked about the same issue for so long.

He said he knows her brother, and I thought it was a sister of a friend but it turns out he only played once with the girl's brother, that's it. That she lied about her age at first. That they are talking on Discord while playing games just the two of them. They also watch movies or series. That he has been having a snapstreak with this girl for months, around 2-3 months, exchanging more than a thousand pictures with each other which she later claimed that the picture he gets is a picture she sends to a lot of people. That he created a Roblox account for her when he mocked them for stealing game ideas when I talked about how I played Roblox with my niece and nephews sometimes, which by the way I understand because I love reading and I experience this kind of app too, where users steal novels from different websites.

During her school break, they are even playing every day for two months and he said it was because she will be busy again after school and they are just getting the most out of her vacation to play. But afterwards, they still play regularly, because it turns out she has more time now. He will randomly send me several wrong messages that are supposedly for her when they are playing together. He will try games with her that I wanted to play with him but he refused to play with me. Even at first he was the one who was so excited to make me try games he was playing. He even bought a game she has just to be able to play with her, which he said only cost him a euro, I have accessed in his Steam account because I play on it too and it is around 3 euros. I know that’s nothing but why does he have to downplay it? She is on his every social media account that he has. And because of a random thought that I wanna see how I'm named in his phone, I asked him to screenshot his whatsapp, and ofcourse she was there again with a missed call notification. I don't know if he truly answered any of her calls but he doesn't do that with me.

So with this, every time we have plans that happen to coincide with their games or hangouts, I will be forgotten, or I have to wait. And then I will be mad and ask him about it but he will also be mad and act so defensively when I question him. This is the only thing we always fight for, everything else is really good. I often ask him about certain issues and some of them also brushed issues with grooming, and his opinion is always solid. So I always questioned myself if maybe I am really overreacting. And if there's someone here who is judging me for not being worried about the girl, I do, I have a lot of nieces and that's why I never understand this dynamic but also because he always said that there's nothing.

He said the girl is too mature for her schoolmates and was after his brother, her interests were different from those of the people around her and so I sucked it up and tried to understand it. Last November I even asked him to introduce her to me, which he never did. Until we fought again last month because of him playing longer with her while I was waiting for him because he was supposed to watch a series with me. He said that he doesn't want to try this relationship anymore. Questions never stopped, especially since they started hanging out more often again and I still questioned him about it.

So I talked to her, on my own, I know, I felt bad because I felt I caught her off guard. She somehow knows me, even though my username in discord aren't really my name. She wondered why I called her and I apologized and explained to her why. She denied that she was on Snapchat or ever been in snapchat, it shocked me, so I asked again, and again, and again. Then she said yes, she said she deleted it already but also said afterward that she created a new account. I don't know which is which. I asked her where they met and if the day they added each other on Steam is the first time they met, she said yes but 2 days before the date she said they met in The Finals game on Steam, he wrongsend something in Snapchat that is supposedly for her, I didn't tell her this. She also said that he never asked for them to hang out, that she always chatted with him first, and that he can say no if he wants to. That she somehow stayed away from him because she was so attached to him and overwhelmed but she went back after a month. And then I talked to him the next day, he sent me a screenshot of their convo when she messaged him that I called her and asked "Does she know how we met?". I questioned him about her being so attached to him, and he just shrugged and said that it doesn't matter and he doesn't care even if she really does have feelings for him because his intent is good and he never thought about anything like that with her. I told him his intent is walking but the impact is running. I never knew he took it so badly that I talked to her until I learned now that he told her that I’m always looking for a problem and that’s annoying him a lot. We only fight because of this issue, and yes, I admit, a lot but I always thought he understood my point.

**TL;DR;** I’m talking to a guy who plays online games with a minor.

TL;DR: I was not invited to a friend's daughter wedding after 25 years of friendship with the mom.

For context: I’m European, my husband is also not American, and we’ve lived in the US for almost 30 years. I became friends with three other moms when our younger kids were in daycare together. The other women all live on the same street, have known each other forever, and are white, upper middle class.

Over the years we did a lot together: birthday parties, girls’ dinners, weekends getaways, endless emotional processing over wine, listening to complaints about husbands, teenagers, aging parents, colonoscopies, you name it.

Anyway, now one of their daughters is getting married.

Not the daughter who grew up with my daughter. The OLDER daughter. Which somehow makes this even more fascinating sociologically, because this has absolutely nothing to do with kids’ friendships drifting apart. This is purely an adult decision made by people I’ve known for a quarter of a century.

Everyone else from the sacred white upper class mom alliance is invited.

Except me.

Which honestly is impressive in a way. Because after 25 years they finally clarified the relationship with remarkable precision.

Like:
“Oh no, you misunderstood. You were not inner circle. You were long-term honorary international outreach program.”

And honestly, the most American part is that everyone still expects me to act perfectly normal about it. Smile, send a gift, say “Oh I totally understand!”, and continue discussing gardening and vacation like I didn’t just discover I’ve spent 25 years socially auditing a friendship.

So am I wrong for feeling stupid that after three decades in America I still occasionally confuse friendliness with belonging?

TLDR:

Basically me and my ex have been split up for less than 2 months

I, D (22) and my ex G (21).

We share a beautiful 2 year old girl together

Our relationship was difficult from the very beginning. We were together for 3.5 years.

We were very different from each other

She came from a broken home dynamic: her mother is a deadbeat for abandoning her fist 2 children and had an aborting outside of her existing marriage. My exes’ biological father abandoned her when she was 3. My parents have been together since ‘97.

I always had issues with her mother. Me and her just never really got along

I got along with the stepfather since the very beginning. I am very thankful for what he’s done for me.

So the situation is

Before we broke up I found out my ex had cheated on me. She went out with some of her girlfriends. Me feeling bored at home and alone, decided to head out as we lived in the CBD.

I ran into my ex and her friends at the club. My ex saw me and immediately told me to go away. I felt hurt as I just came over to say hi to her.

I came back into the same club later that evening and I saw her talking to 2 different guys on different occasions. She told me she kissed one of them but she said it wasn’t good lol

I felt very angry so I went home.

At home our relationship was difficult

I felt like she was with me only for tolerance

I never felt like she truly loved me.

Whenever I wanted us to be intimate she rejected me at every opportunity

Whenever I wanted us to watch a movie, she rejected all my ideas and only wanted to watch what she suggested.

Yes I have made mistakes myself in the relationship as no one is perfect

But I could not bear living in a home and being in a relationship where I was not wanted or desired and loved.

Fast forward to now

And it’s been just under 2 months we broke up

She has already started dating someone else

He is also a single dad with 2 kids

She has introduced our daughter to his kids when they had dinner together and they weren’t even dating then, just getting to know each other

Recently she also told me she introduced our daughter to his family. Not his parents sine they have passed. His grandparents however.

I felt hurt as she did not mention anything not me prior and I felt somewhat betrayed.

As I feel communication is very important when there are important things going on in a child’s life.

I feel disrespected as a father due to the lack of communication on her side.

She told me she doesn’t need to tell me what she does with our daughter. I strongly disagree.

Overall i just feel so hurt and betrayed

I understand I wasn’t a perfect partner

But I just feel like she was with me for tolerance and she never truly loved me. And she is already with someone new less than 2 months

It’s been hard for me, as I just wish I’d erase her from my life completely but I understand I cannot do that since we share a child.

Overall my relationship with her was toxic and awful and really brought down my self esteem

I am back at the gym again trying to fix myself and move on so I can find someone who is good for my life

I just don’t understand how someone can move on so quickly

If it was me she’d be saying all kind of things to me and my parents

What do I do?

How can I move on without having the constant reminder in my head that she is with someone else already?

TLDR:

Need Help

For context: My partner (24M) and I (24F) have a 11 month old baby. We live at his mums house and visit my parents on the weekends so we never really get ‘alone time’ or even time for the 3 of us as a family on our own. We are always around other people which can make me miss spending quality time with my bf.

I’m also a SAHM so I look after our baby everyday while he and his goes to work- it feels a bit lonely sometimes.
Not only do I do everything for our baby during the morning and day but I also cover nights too without him ever helping so I get only a few hours of sleep each night. Oh and I’m also expected to do house work like wash the dishes, laundry, hoover and so on for the whole household while they’re at work and I’ll be honest I don’t always do it- sometimes I’m too exhausted but it’s always a problem when I don’t because to them it feels as though I’m not allowed to burn out or feel exhausted.
I can never really bring up any concerns or talk to him about me being upset because we’re never really alone and if we are it’s early in the morning while he’s getting ready for work or night time when he goes to bed and I’m not allowed to talk to him because he’s got work in the morning otherwise I’m a “sleep thief” and “don’t care about his sleep”.

We’ve also had a few problems this year with me feeling a bit neglected within the relationship and not really feeling loved enough. He struggles to show it to me, he can say it but doesn’t do any actions to even show he cares let alone loves me, no dates, no flowers, no compliments unless I initiate him to say something, nada. I mean I get our lives are different since having our baby and that’s draining in itself but does that really mean you just stop showing up for the relationship?
So I suppose I’ve been feeling a little resentful, lonely and overwhelmed by everything.

Fast forward to this week, we’ve come to my parents house for the week or two so that I can start preparing for our almost 1 yr olds birthday party :). I miss staying at home, I don’t feel at home at his mums house really but it’s close to his work- this week he’s been commuting into work which is about an 1hour 45min each way.
Which brings me to last night!
My parents were out for the night to go to a concert together so it was just us and our baby. I thought finally some time we can spend together, man was I wrong.
I had spent the afternoon preparing home made pizzas and making sure dinner was nice. I had music on and was in a good mood. When he came in he assumed my friends were over because of the music so his mood was a bit… hesitant I guess? Idk
The pizzas were still in the oven when he had arrived so he decided to put up the gazebo that had just arrived- he continued to stay outside and do that until I had called him for dinner. Dinner was nice but immediately after he went back out to finish it even though it was already up and was apparently on ft to his mum the whole time while he left me to put the baby to sleep and tidy up the kitchen on my own…
After this I tried talking to him about how I’d appreciate if he was to help me but mid way the baby woke up and he went to get her back to sleep in the middle of me talking. Once I had finished I went upstairs and they were both asleep. So yeah great night…

TL;DR: My bf (24M) doesn’t make an effort to spend time with me, make me feel loved (although he says he does), help me with our baby enough. I (24F) need advice please. 🙏

So it's hard to navigate life and honestly I am just trying my best to figure out what life can look like and what is out there. It can be hard for me to get out and see what other people are like in the world and I am just wondering is what I am looking for in a partner too much? I don't want to keep moving through life feeling like I keep setting these high expectations to just let myself down. I feel like I get in my head a lot and I don't have a lot of people to talk to so I wanted to put this out there and see what others think.

tl;dr is all of this too much to look for in just one person?

I want someone who genuinely enjoys movies, like really enjoys them. Someone who keeps up with new movies coming out, knows different actors and directors, watches all kinds of genres, and actually likes discussing what happened. I also personally have a hard time sometimes understanding what’s happening in movies, remembering names, or even remembering what just happened a few scenes ago, so I want someone who can gently help me with that without making me feel bad about it. I ask a lot of questions while watching things, and I want someone who doesn’t get annoyed by that and won’t mind helping me understand and talk through it with me. 

I also want someone who is really into music. Someone who keeps up with newer artists, puts me onto music, and has similar taste to me. I want someone who can actually talk about music with me beyond just “yeah it sounds good.” Like someone who can hear why a song sounds good emotionally or sonically and wants to talk about what makes it work. I just want to feel like I can say this song is good and talk about why with them and feel like they have something to say besides just about it instead of “yeah it sounds good.”

I would really like someone who is into computers too. I have a PC, and while I’m pretty computer literate overall, there are still so many things that confuse me or feel overwhelming sometimes. Things like understanding specs, figuring out why programs work the way they do, setting things up properly, attaching parts, or troubleshooting problems can be really difficult to learn completely on my own online. Having someone who already understands those things and actually enjoys computers would honestly feel like a huge weight off my shoulders. 

I’m also super into gaming, so they would definitely have to enjoy video games too. I love gaming, but I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with new releases or understanding certain mechanics and technical aspects of games. I would love someone who knows a lot about games and can introduce me to older games I might’ve missed or teach me about gaming history and different genres. I really like the idea of sharing that hobby together and learning from each other. 

They also have to be into anime because I genuinely love watching it. There are so many series out there now that it can feel impossible to keep track of what’s good, what’s worth watching, and what people are currently loving and talking about. I would love someone who actually keeps up with anime, knows what new shows are coming out, and stays connected to what people are enjoying in the community right now.

I want someone who gets excited about recommending shows, introducing me to series I might’ve never found on my own, and watching things together. Anime is something I really enjoy, so being with someone who actively keeps up with it and genuinely wants to share that interest with me would mean a lot.

I also want someone who is really into politics and current events. Someone who follows what’s going on closely, even day by day. I struggle a lot with remembering information and keeping up with everything happening all at once, so having someone who can help me learn about politics, history, and current events is really important to me. I like the idea of being with someone who stays informed as things are happening instead of hearing about everything days later, because I want to feel connected to what’s going on in the world too. 

I also want someone who has at least a basic understanding of history, because I’m trying really hard to learn more myself. I feel like the U.S. education system left me with a lot of gaps, and I think understanding history and the world is really important. I would love to be with someone who can teach me things, answer questions with me, or even help me find the answers together. 

I want someone who understands the way I think emotionally. Sometimes I’m trying to explain a feeling and I don’t fully have the words for it yet, and I want someone who can meet me halfway instead of making me feel like I need to perfectly explain every little detail before they understand me. Like if I say “it feels like same brand different product,” I want someone who can go “yeah I totally get what you mean” instead of making me fully break down the metaphor and explain every step of my thought process. It can already be hard for me to process my emotions in real time, and being neurodivergent, it takes a lot of energy to constantly explain myself over and over. Sometimes while explaining, I can get lost in what I am trying to say, so having someone who naturally understands me or at least tries to understand me without making me feel exhausting to listen to is really important. I want to feel heard instead of misunderstood all the time. 

One thing that’s really important to me is not leaving things open-ended all the time. I have a hard time when I ask questions and I’m just met with “I don’t know.” Open loops can create a lot of anxiety for me that just sits in my brain for a long time. I ask a lot of questions because understanding things helps me feel grounded and safe. So I really value someone who is willing to help me find answers, whether that’s through their own knowledge, giving their thoughts, or even just looking something up with me. I don’t need someone who knows everything, I just need someone who cares enough to help me work through the uncertainty instead of leaving me alone in it. 

Overall, I really want someone who has a genuine thirst for knowledge. Someone who loves learning, loves understanding things, and wants to keep growing as a person. Curiosity is really attractive to me. 

Back in March, I [18F] went on a college trip to NYC and ended up having this vacation romance with a guy [19M] from my school. I had never spoken to him before this, but we connected instantly and spent the entire week together. It genuinely felt like something straight out of a movie, especially compared to the ordinary, mundane life I was used to at home. We walked through the city together, talked for hours, wandered museums together, etc. It was the most romantic experience I’ve ever had.

For context, I’m 18 and I’ve never had a boyfriend before. He’s the first guy who’s ever shown interest in me or given me any attention. When we got back home, we talked for a week over text then went on a date, but the chemistry we initially had just wasn't there anymore. It was extremely awkward and we were both pretty nervous. I have no idea what happened. I guess whatever occurred in NYC just wasn’t meant to exist outside of it. Despite this, I still wanted to give it time to see if we could renew what we had on the trip and because I deeply valued the moments we shared, but clearly he didn’t want to do the same.

After the date, he stopped texting me. Before that, he had been texting me every day, but I deluded myself into thinking he was just busy or something happened to him rather than accepting that he wasn’t interested anymore. I reached out a week later and got a dry response. Two weeks after that, I texted again hoping for at least some sort of closure but he never replied. That was when I completely spiraled and realized it was over.

What’s bothering me the most isn’t even him specifically at this point, it’s my reaction to all of this. I became ridiculously attached in such a short amount of time. After he stopped talking to me, I started to obsessively replay every interaction we had, imagine alternate outcomes, ruminate about what I could've done differently to make him like me more and not leave, and check my phone constantly for an unlikely text from him. What we had only lasted two weeks and I realize it affected me way more than it should have.

Even though this happened two months ago, I still think about him every single day and hour. Part of me still secretly hopes he’ll randomly reach back out someday, even though I know deep down that won’t happen and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I constantly daydream about scenarios involving us and how things could've gone if he hadn't given up on me so early on.

I also feel a little conflicted since I'm aware of several different factors that led to me reacting this way yet I'm still having difficulty moving on. For one thing, I know being in NYC (a big, exciting environment) made me romanticize every interaction I had with this guy all the more. I think part of my reaction also came from loneliness and finally feeling desired for the first time. I even noticed several traits I didn't like about this guy, but ignored them because I didn’t want to lose the attention I was getting.

I also struggle with depression, anxiety, and OCD, and I think that may have made the obsessive thoughts and rumination worse after it ended. It feels like my mind latched onto the situation and keeps replaying it even when I try to move on.

I don’t have any obvious childhood trauma or reason I can point to, which is part of why I’m confused. I had a stable upbringing and supportive family. That’s why I’m struggling to understand why my reaction was so intense for something so short lived.

Could someone help me come up with some sort of definite reason as to why I'm being this way?

TL;DR: I had a 3-week vacation situationship that felt intense and romantic at the time, but it ended abruptly when he lost interest. I became very emotionally attached very quickly and still struggle months later with obsessive thoughts, rumination, and fixation on what could’ve been. I’m trying to understand the psychological reason for my reaction.

TL;DR;
So I will try to keep this simple. My gf(27) her son(7) and her entire family Mom, Dad, younger brother. Are planning on going to the beach to see her BD’s (baby daddy’s) grandmother. Yes HER EX/BD’s GRANDMOTHER. Staying at her house mind you. For a week. Now I understand that she might not want to neglect her son from knowing her BD side of the family. I get it thats his blood family. But to actively take her entire family to stay with her is something I’m not comfortable with. I personally don’t want anything to do with her BD and any of his family because they don’t like me (Obvious reasons). I don’t understand why we can’t stay in an Airbnb or a Hotel and she can visit/ she takes him for the day. But to stay at her house for a week? I simply do not feel comfortable. Am I wrong for not wanting to go?