r/Marriage

So I’m internally freaking out. I do know that I’ll need to have a conversation with him about this but I need to vent first.

I just found a mid sized bedazzled anal plug in my husbands bathroom drawer. And the worst part that’s grossing me out is it wasn’t clean! (Yes I touched it) I’m disgusted.

We have done anal play with me before because he almost always begs for it. I even have a little sleek black silicone one. So I’m not a prude.

He’s never mentioned being into anything like that. He’s acts almost aggressively homophobic. (🚩) We’re literally tittering on divorce I just came back home after a week of “space”.

A bit of background: last year I remember him getting obsessed with being “cleaned out” he was complaining of unproductive bowel movements. This lead to him buying an anal douche and a very small anal plug (the one found today is bigger and bedazzled ) he said he needed to stretch it before douching. (I told him he needs to fix his diet but ofc that didn’t make sense)

Y’all am I dumb? Has he been DL and I never noticed?! I’m spiraling atp!

Hello all, hopefully someone can help me here.

Over the past few years I have changed my diet and exercise to an extreme degree. I have gone from 340lbs to just over 200lbs in good shape. I am six foot one inch tall. What has me confused is my wife's interest in me physically seems to have only decreased to the point we are barely ever intimate. When I was heavy, it was probably 2/3 times a week. It is now once every few months.

For some background info, we are both in our mid 30s. We have been together 14 years, married for ten. We have three kids but our last child was born five years ago so this is not a postpartum connection. Honestly, postpartum never had an impact on our sex life beyond the medically necessary time period. I was also in pretty good shape when we first got together, so this is also not a case of me always being big and that being her type. She was definitely a fan of me back then. Honestly at a loss as I had assumed the opposite would be the case once I lost weight and got in shape.

Maybe I am missing something. Please let me know your thoughts.

**EDIT**

I have spoken to her about this. Pulled from a response to a comment: She said the usual stuff like things have been tiring lately and everything is okay, or she does the very frustrating playful/flirty thing in response but brick walls me as soon as I start making it known I am into it.

She seems very comfortable alluding to getting intimate, but never actually moves past the flirting phase.

I(F25) and him (M23), we had made plans to go the strip club with our close friends. I was only down because I was curious to see what it’s like in a strip club and because my bestie wanted to go. Our friends have gone multiple times and it was mine and my husband’s first time. I had made it clear to him that I didn’t want him to have any lap dances but he can go through money at the girlies on stage cause that was all I wanted to do only. Well two girls started lap dancing on our friends after being there for like 30min of just vibing and looking around. One of the girls mid lap dance asked me and my man if we wanted one. I was very firm on not wanting us to get one. The girl kept insisting and my man kept asking what I thought and if it would be ok. After multiple times of them asking, I told him “whatever you think, if you want it that bad get one” I was hoping he would see how un-comfy I was and just decline… well he didn’t. I watched how she got on him and then grabbed his hands and placed them on her chest. I tried to be cool and not let it ruin the vibe since it’s was my besties b-day. Then I noticed he was having way to much of a good time while having that lap dance. She then got in his face almost looked like she was going in for a kiss and asked who I was he replied “that’s my wife” she still proceeded to dance and get super close in his face. And then asked him if I was the jelly type. I overheard and looked at my friend and told her I was uncomfortable and I need to get out before I have a melt down in front of everyone. I asked my man to stop and he did and followed me outside. We ended the strip club there. Our friends were super understanding and were making me feel valid for my feelings. My mans best friend even told him he went to far. Anyways am I overreacting or do I just need to build a bridge and get over it or am I valid for how I ended up feeling? I’m still super upset and see my husband differently now:(

My husbands friend had a get together Friday and at the end of the night his best friend brought up the fact that my husband and I agreed he’d no longer be going to clubs until 5am. He brought this up damn near attacking me personally and addressing me directly claiming I’m controlling my husband.

The agreement was my husband would make more time for his friends at reasonable hours especially considering we have kids. Apparently his friend was upset about this because “he’s a night owl”.. I’ve said many times I’d love for him to make more time for his friends within a healthy timeframe. Even if he comes home at midnight I find that reasonable, but they choose to go partying until 5am. I’m not comfortable with this and we agreed this would change.

At the party the friend said they all discussed behind my husbands back how they think I’m controlling him and how he should prioritize his friends. My husband sat in silence and said NOTHING… I even cried out of frustration because I am 0% controlling… I’ve even planned boys trips for my husband to make sure he has time with friends…. I would never try to keep him away. My husband just chooses to spend time with myself and our kids because he’s a grown man and that’s his priority. But in this moment he said nothing… he just watched it happen and I had to walk away to gather myself. He didn’t come check on me or nothing… that night I told him how it made me feel like shit that he didn’t have my back or couldn’t diffuse the situation and he said he was too tired to discuss it.. he went to bed, fine. Now he’s saying he understands where I’m coming from but today when his friend called to finally apologize he not once addressed the manner in which his friend attacked me and simply said “yeah bro I need to prioritize you both equally”… am I an A-hole for expecting him to stand up for me and what we agreed to but also…. Why equally? I’m his wife… I don’t feel value. Should we be equal??

i’d like to hear from the men. advice from anyone is welcome though.

my husband has shut me out emotionally and it’s been an ongoing issue for over a year now.

he completely denies doing so. but since we’ve been married he has not once come to me with any complaints in our relationship. when i come to him with something he is very defensive. he says things like “you’re overthinking” or “really, you want to talk about this now?” (i’ve tried managing when i bring up things and he says this even when i’ve told him i’d like to talk and planned a time). i do overthink because he has changed into a different man from the one i have married and doesn’t let me in on his deep thoughts or worries. i can tell when he has bad days or is stressed or anxious. but he will never admit to it. i don’t understand if he scared of me or if he’s hiding something. he completely stopped having sex with me for 4 months and rejects my advances. he doesn’t cuddle unless he initiates it, if i try he pushes me away. i accept his love when he chooses to give it to me but he doesn’t allow me to do the same for him.

i’ve been giving him space for months and stopped trying to understand what’s happening between us. it has sent me spiraling many times. i don’t feel safe to cry in front of him because he’s said things like “you’re trying to play victim” and “you do this to get your way” which hurts me a lot because there’s only been a few times i’ve ever cried to him and i only did bc i feel so alone, hurt, and unheard. now i wait until i can be alone to cry or if i can’t hold it in i run to ‘wash my face’.

he looks at me with, what seems to me, a look of disgust. i feel he maybe regrets marrying me but he’s not the type to divorce. i just don’t understand what the reasoning would be if that’s the case. we’ve never had any major issues. in the beginning when he would come to me with something on his mind we would sit and talk calmly about it. our disagreements never turned into arguments.

i’ve had to force myself to not care as much bc caring about it has only ever hurt me. i still think about it everyday but ive pretty much accepted it. i don’t ask him about his feelings anymore. and i think he feels that im starting to give up.

bc today we cuddled and had sex. it came out of nowhere and it honestly was good. the last time we had sex was just so awful. i hate thinking about it. he could hardly get it up and the chemistry was in the negatives. but i’ve been waiting for this day forever so long and i’m very happy about it. i hope this means he’s coming back around but idk. i’ve been considering divorce for a while now and good sex isn’t going to solve anything.

i think i should add some things that really bother me but i hate to say. these things really push me towards wanting a divorce which is something im so scared of doing. but i feel i should add to get real advice. we disagree politically about a lot of things. he’s very extremely republican. to the point that he says things like: “muslims should be killed off” “women shouldn’t have the right to vote” he supports hitler and many other things. it’s pretty much all he talks about and i don’t like talking about it. i listen but don’t add to much because im not into politics but also would never support any of that racist, sexist, inhumane, pathetic shit. when i think of this i feel i have no other choice but to divorce him. but my love for him is so overwhelming. i haven’t let go of the man i once knew. but im close to accepting that man is forever gone.

I have been married for almost 16 years. We have a great s3x life….here it comes…BUT,

He wants me to talk to him during ‘relations’. I didn’t know this until well into our marriage. Basically, talk dirty to me. He is 65 and I am 56(F).

He had a problem with porn on and off in his life, which I think it is part of it. He needs more stimulation or visual/audio type thing since his brain has been infused with unrealistic activities. Just know I will do anything that doesn’t hurt mine or his back. 🤪🤣

He was an addict and had to get help etc. He had to have restrictions on his phone/computer (therapist suggested) so he wasn’t so blatantly tempted every moment of the day. He’s done really well, or he hides it very well.

All these years I can’t stand the talking thing. I do it as best I can. But, man, it is so not ‘me’. I am more of a quiet/dark room/whispers of love or even some music. He is in the middle of the day/chatty type. He has trouble performing in my scenario 50% of the time.

I know it bothers him. I try my best. I would rather him have his way so he can be successful because I still get all mine regardless, if you know what I mean.

Any advice besides-just give in and talk dirty?

Hello, I’ve been with my husband for about 8 years married for one and half years. Through out the years there’s been hidden behaviors that’s I usually find out after the fact. I’m not a prude and a lot of things I can find understanding for but recently I found out the extent was much deeper than I thought.

He had been paying this stripper for five years for sexual content via his phone. And perhaps physically I don’t know for sure. ANYWAY totaling in over 8000 dollars to this person. Starting after we had our son in 2021.

There’s been other like offenses through the years but again I’ve never known the extent. And now I’m so creeped out by him. NOT TO MENTION he Denys me sex or only has sex when he wants it and makes excuses for when I want it! I’m very exploitative and he’s not willing to go there with me? I’ll dress up in slutty lingerie and go the extra mile and met with so much resistance.

Yet he’s having par-asocial relationships with strippers and cam girls?? I also just found out in two years he spent another 8300 on cam girls like chatterbate??????????

Now we have two kids and I’m really at a loss for a lot of this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle and manage any of this

So I did address these things everything’s blown up and he wants to make things work and it’s attracted to me he says but now he’s been binging thirst traps on YouTube and I’m still not getting laid.

He’s acting shameful and deviant I’m very open to about all things sexual and I’m insecure he can explore that with others online and not with me in real time

My wife started dressing nice mid week, reconnecting with her single friends and staying out late. While we were going through hard times and I wasn’t ed to fix our relationship, sometimes she would just say I can’t go out with you this weekend, I have plans. I offered her many times to divorce because we were incompatible but she always refused. I had a gut feeling one night she came home late tired got undressed and fell asleep right away. Her hair was a little messy and she smelled different. I went through her phone the next week when she fell asleep with it unlocked. And found out she was talking to multiple men. But this particular man who is an ex that she hadn’t seen in 2 years came back into her life and she had been sleeping with him. When I confronted her with the facts she tried to downplay it saying that he wants her and it only happened once but she doesn’t want him. When I can clearly see they slept several times together even on Valentine’s Day and he bought her flowers and she wore lingeries which she did a photoshoot and posted on instagram. I can clearly see she in love with him and chasing him and even bring him into her circle of friends. Now that I decided to leave when I went to pick up my clothes she started an argument and said we’re married and it’s not a big deal we will get over it. She refused to let me get my clothes. So I decided to leave and that’s when she tried to get in front of the car so I swerved left and got stuck on the side walk. She came and tore my side view mirror and smashed my windshield repeatedly. The police came which I called and they didn’t do nothing. The next day she came to my job and gave me 4 flats. And next thing you know a couple days later I’ve been served a temporary protective order and she lies about me running over her foot pulling out a knife and punching her in the face. I already got a lawyer and all the evidence that she’s lying and she is the aggressor. But in the meanwhile I going through darkness while she’s on social media partying having a good life and already showing up with her new partner. The divorce paper I filed is on the way and I’m so stress that the judge might believe her because she’s so manipulative.

In the best way possible.

This man works his ass off everyday to support our family. He’s an amazing dad, and i’ve never had to ask him for equal parenting when it comes to our kids.

He is empathetic, very emotionally aware, and takes care of himself.

He’s so fucking attractive, and having sex with him is absolutely addicting. He remembers every little thing I like, and just thinking about him drives me insane because I didn’t know someone could be so perfect.

Just wanted to rave because meeting him, getting married to him, and having children with him was the best thing to ever happen to me.

I became a father at 15 to a beautiful little girl. Now at 24, have 3 kids and married to the same girl. I’m not affectionate, I get frustrated very easy. I work a job I dislike at a steel mill on swing shift so I’m gone a lot, I have a lot of time to think. I’m always sad, the way I don’t play with my children, the way I’m not affectionate to my wife. Idk Whats wrong with me. I have no one to talk to about this in my life.

We have a toddler and a little baby. Our toddler has additional needs and had a meltdown today. After 10 minutes of the meltdown, my husband stood up and shouted "enough" at them, got his shoes on, walked out and slammed the door. Both children were crying at the top of their lungs. I eventually managed to settle the youngest while comforting the eldest. He sent me a blunt text message, and after 15 minutes, he came back. He said to me "if I wasn't so cold outside, I wouldn't have come back yet. I'd have been hours". He has made passive "jokes" about "how he wishes he'd worn a Jonny", how he misses the peace and quiet, sending our eldest off to his Nans, etc. I'm absolutely gobsmacked. He's trying to pick fights. Except from telling him despite being in self-destruct to stop trying to destroy everything else around him, I'm not entertaining them. I've said that I think he needs professional help. He won't acknowledge it. I'm at a loss for words right now.

I’m M (33) and my wife is (28) - we have been in relationship for 8 years and married 4.5 years.

For the first 3 years my brother in law moved in (22) with us and it was really suffocating for me. We didn’t have the privacy we wanted and she refused to make him move out. I tried to make him move out by getting him jobs but he never initiated the act (rent free btw) - we had a fair bit of heated arguments over him over the years

Eventually he moved out when their parents asked him to comeback to their house.

After that things were different, different in good way, till I started to feel she was really off. This went on for a while till one day she walked in and said she had cheated twice, she said since the first fight over his brother she wondered if there is better option out there. She said “I have changed and now have different needs and I can find people who answer them better”.

I was so shocked, I couldn’t bring myself to even say anything let alone shouting. I’m generally a very gentle and caring person. I do all house work (about 80%) on top of working full time. I used to clean after her brother too but enough was enough. We wanted to have kids, so we saved a lot of money on top of buying house, anytime I wanted to spend some money for us she would refuse it immediately “save for kids” - now she comes and say “i wasn’t ready to have kids” - naturally I started blaming her brother being the third wheel and cause of us growing apart. She also spends a lot of time with her friends.

Where I work, is a very large office but it’s very restrictive as we work in lab, she works in a role that is more involved with people so she found a lot of friends. Sometimes she would spend the entire week hanging out with these friends and even if I asked to go out she would say “there isn’t much time, one of my girls is having a family drama and need my help”. There was/ is always reasons like that. I felt like I was always the third. 1. Work and friends 2. Brother 3.me.

I am not good at talking and I have a small circle of friends. I’m into gaming and such but I also like drinking, going trip, shopping however says “you aren’t that fun” - she calls this “me being honest” -

Eventually she said she had already talked to lawyer about separation but wanted to go through a phase of therapy and give this a try.

ATM her mood is full of mixed signals. There are days that she says “all the nice things u do are too much for me” - when I dial back “I like those things, do it agian” she said. We went to trip to her bday and it was so much fun, we were sensual agian, held hands, slept together. Shopped and went to show but once we back. After a session with her therapist “you don’t make me happy, it’s so so” - then the following week the cute things started “morning hun” - giving kisses when I leave. Or surprisingly reporting me her exact whereabouts and eta of arriving homes and who is she with.

I feel so broken honestly…. I still love her but idk what I’m suppose to do. My therapist says “it’s normal” - but to me it isn’t….

If she's with you, then stop what you're doing and tell her you love her. If she asks why, then tell her "just because you're awesome" or whatever. If she's not with you, then send her a text. If you have enough time to look at this post, then you have enough time to tell her. If she has put up with your ass for this long, she deserves more than a couple of words. But even a little bit will mean a lot. TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! And this is not a suggestion. This is a demand.

Does anyone elses husband seem perpetually annoyed at them? I genuinely feel like any sign of emotion I have that isn't happiness, or any feeling/reaction that isn't positive annoys my husband. We have two kids, 3.5YO, and an almost 1YO. We are lucky to live an extremely comfortable life. We are in our early to mid 30s.

I recently had a miscarriage in January and that triggred some anxiety that I've never experienced before. He is a good dad, but I honestly feel like him telling me he does not want to be around me unless I am happy is pretty shitty. I get it, women can be a lot with their mood swings, hormones, cycles, emotions, "nagging"..... blablabla - but how can I always be happy and unaffected by things in life? Sometimes I may get stressed about the babys naps, or the kids being sick and I'm always such a buzzkill according to him. Sometimes I get a wave of sadness over my most recent miscarriage, sometimes I get anxious about my health and all of that is irritating or appears to be a drag. Is this normal? Is this how men really feel but don't say it publicly?

These examples are just scratching at the surface.

My husband and I have a large living room, and our plan is to section off part of it with a stud wall to create a baby room. My husband is very handy, he has carpentry and joinery experience and qualifications, so he could realistically build the room in two or three days.

I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant, and he hasn’t even picked a date to start the build yet. He also hasn’t taken measurements or made a list of the materials and items he’ll need.

Whenever I bring it up, he gets defensive and asks me to stop going on about it. He says he’ll do it and that we still have plenty of time before the baby arrives, and that it’s only a two-day job.

The thing is, I’d really like the room finished sooner rather than later so I can start buying and organising baby things.

Husbands (or anyone who has been in a similar situation), how can I encourage him to get started without coming across as nagging?

TL;DR: My (42F) husband (42M) had an emotional affair with my cousin (37F) for 18 months when I was mentally unwell and recovering from alcohol addiction. I’m now sober and well, but I feel betrayed, can’t trust either of them, and don’t know how to move forward.

My husband and I have been together 9 years and have two young kids. We moved to his hometown 6 years ago where all his family lives. I haven’t made any super close friendships locally (it’s a small cliquey town). 

My family is dysfunctional but I have always been very close with my cousin. She was my best friend. I shared literally everything with her. She lives a 7 hour drive away but we would still see each other a few times a year, and call or text most days. She has a partner (20 years together) and has no children by choice. She would treat my children with so much love - as if they were her own. 

In late 2023, I rapidly developed a severe dependence on alcohol. I didn’t see it coming. Previously I drank a few times a year if there was a celebration and in a space of a couple of months I was alone, binge drinking myself to sleep every night. I felt like gollum hiding out in the darkness of our spare bedroom pretending to study. It was revolting. I was not me. I went from vibrant, chatty joker to this secretive and deceitful monster who lied a lot to my husband to hide my shameful secret (and I was stupid to think I was doing a good job of it).

Almost every night when the kids went to bed I’d isolate and drink heavily for 2 hours until I passed out. I’m not saying this to make it sound like my drinking was ok, but want to be clear I wasn’t drink driving or going to work intoxicated.

From the outside I seemed to be “functioning” well day-to-day (I was working full time, didn’t take sick days, I was making good money, people commented on my success and I was getting high distinctions at university). Internally I was imploding. I felt like awful, I gained a lot of weight and I was very depressed.

I was under intense pressure after leaving a very comfy and stable job to start my own business while also studying my Masters. I was also parenting a 2yo and 5yo. And then some past trauma started resurfacing for reasons I couldn’t figure out (I guess I was just stressed and vulnerable so it crept back in), which was followed by a distressing decision that I had to make when I found out that I was pregnant with twins.

To be clear - I’m not offering this information as some kind of ‘poor me’ excuse. I absolutely own all of my choices and behaviours. It is more giving context to the accumulation of factors that contributed to my lack of capacity to cope.

Eventually, my husband, who is known to be very patient, gentle, introverted and non-confrontational, broke down watching me destroy myself and gave me a pretty hard reality check when he told me in no uncertain terms, that if I didn’t sort myself out I would need to leave. I had avoided getting help because we live in a small town, I work in healthcare and I know a lot of people - the stigma and shame were HUGE. I also thought if I wanted to stop, I wasn’t like others and I could just do it- words of an addict - I know. But, I swallowed my pride and in early 2024 I got professional help. After a messy year with lots of ups and downs and some relapses, I won the battle. I’ve now been sober for a year. 

During this dark time in 2024, my cousin started visiting us more frequently and staying for longer periods. She knew what was going on for me and I was grateful for her presence and support. She became very involved in our lives and then became close with my husband. 

They shared similar interests (that I didn’t) and would do activities together without me, which to be fair was my choice (metal-core concerts, horror movies, escape rooms). They stayed up late together every night watching TV long after I would go to bed. I noticed that they always sat next to each other on our big 8-seater couch, sometimes sharing blankets, and weirdly she started always offering hand massages to everyone each evening and he was always very keen for that (he doesn’t usually like being touched in that way). They were sending messages privately - I would see them pop up and was curious what she wanted as I hadn’t received anything - he always told me they were just sharing Wordle scores. And during all of this I let it go - because I was an alcoholic.

Of course I felt increasingly uncomfortable and even cried sometimes, feeling sidelined and like a third wheel. I noticed he would really enjoy chatting with her (often about things I couldn’t contribute to). I observed her receiving attention, which I craved, and what I was getting was a lot of silent treatment and resentment. When I shared my insecurities he told me I was ridiculous. I told myself that as the recovering alcoholic, I was “the problem” and that I shouldn’t dare start any more problems. 

Once sober and thinking clearly, I started to remember and also notice a lot of things. I started to observe things between them very closely and I couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t right but I had no hard evidence. Then in February, I noticed she was getting REALLY pushy about coming to stay with us over a long weekend in March, despite me saying that weekend didn’t suit because I had to work. She said it didn’t matter that I was working and that she still wanted to visit. The ick was strong. I couldn’t handle the discomfort I was feeling and eventually I snooped through his phone. I have never done this before. I found nearly two years of messages between them. Nothing sexual, but it was emotionally intimate:

• Daily messaging usually initiated by her
• Lots of “I miss you,” “thinking of you”
• “It’s getting harder to say goodbye”
• Constant heart emojis from both of them with every message
• Multiple “I love you” messages from him
• “You’re incredible” “you’re amazing” from him 
• Ongoing conversations about me

 

She didn’t reciprocate the I love you and you’re incredible/amazing messages but would reply with things like “awwww thanks.”  She definitely wasn’t shutting it down.

I stayed composed and calmly told him what I had found and also what I had observed over the past 18 months. He was stunned and seemed panicked. He was adamant that it was not “like that” and it was never physical/sexual. He said that he saw her as a “best friend/little sister.” He explained that he had felt alone and scared when I wasn’t well and needed someone to talk to. He has apologised and said he didn’t realise it wasn’t appropriate and that he’s committed to our relationship. He agreed to stop contact.

I then spoke with her. She says she is horrified I would think it was sinister and anything more than friendship. She said that she would never do that to me and she was just supporting him while I was struggling because she was worried about us. She mentioned that she felt that I was not fit to parent (her assessment) and so she had to step up and had to make sure he was ok to keep going on. 

I reject all of this as BS because:

• She was telling him things about me and not coming to me directly - she never spoke to me about my mental health or drinking unless I raised it
• She never mentioned any of this contact that she had with him to me at any point 
• She would tell me frequently how he was so difficult to talk to and she worried he didn’t like her or was annoyed with her staying with us 
• I would regularly confide in her that I was worried he didn’t love me and that he would leave me. I told her how he didn’t tell me he loves me (meanwhile was telling her he loves her) and there was no intimacy - she just reassured me that everything was ok

 

There’s so much more to add to this story, but I can’t keep rambling forever. The bottom line for me is this - if they couldn’t do or say things in-front of me or in the group chat we have - then it’s probably a good indication that it wasn’t appropriate and they knew it. 

I’ve cut her off completely. It’s not that I’m more angry with her than him, or that I’m trying to punish her for something they both did. The reality is though, I live with him and our two young children - I had to make some hard decisions.

Since then, the universe has continued to test me and life has piled on. He lost his job, my dad found out he has cancer, and I’m now the sole provider while still parenting, running a business and studying. I feel like I have had to put my unresolved anger and grief on the shelf because there are other things to focus on. 

But deep down, I am raging hard. I think about all of this every day, but I say nothing. I feel completely lost and so alone. There’s so much shame and I feel like I can’t share this with friends and family. And I blame myself - I feel like I caused this and I deserved what has happened. 

I’m grieving the loss of my relationship with my cousin and I am questioning my marriage. I am a very good actress when the kids are around but I find myself very shut down when alone with him. I really don’t want to talk to him unless I have to, I don’t want him to be near me or to touch me, I can’t sleep next to him, and I just can’t help but feel yuck. I feel trapped.

Questions I keep asking myself: 

• Was this an emotional affair, or am I overreacting? 
• Is there any scenario where I should let my cousin back into my life?
• He stood by me for so long and forgave me, do I owe him the same in return?

 

PS. I’m still sober and I’m so proud of that. 

Also - we cannot afford individual or relationship counselling currently with me being the sole provider and the rising cost of living - I accept and understand that this is going to be an important thing to prioritise when we are able to.

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 9. I have been wanting a divorce for 4 years, but has been difficult given he keeps wanting to try and take my kids, etc. well we got into an argument a few weeks ago and he comes up out of the blue and states that he has HSV-2. I am appalled! He stated that he was hoping there would eventually be a cure and that he was waiting for the right time to tell me. I told him the right time would have been before we had sex and before we signed a marriage certificate. So I decided to get tested, because a little over a year ago I had some blisters that popped up on my side. Went to the doctor and they said it was shingles. Gave me meds(of which are the same meds they give you for HSV) and I isolated that area, etc. well it came back 4 times within a 6 month period. My doctor said that it may not be shingles, to come get the fluid in the blisters tested if I break out again. Well I never got any more blisters. Fast forward to now…. I get a pull std/sti panel from my doctor through a blood test and the test came back positive for HSV-2!!! I tell my husband while in tears and he tell me, “well you knew the risks of having sec” and “it’s not that bad to have it” etc… WTF!!! I married him and at that point I would have assumed that if you had some sort of disease or infection, etc, that you would tell your partner! He said he chose not to tell me, because he was afraid I’d leave him. So now I feel like I had been trapped into a relationship that I otherwise may not have stayed! I feel like I didn’t get a choice! We had a child together, and built a life out of lies! More lies than just this!!!! I’m curious how others would feel about this situation. I know I can sue for this, and definitely pushing for divorce now, and going to use this as leverage. If he doesn’t do this amicably, then I’m going to pursue charges….

We picked up where we left off. Trying to fix a broken freezer drawer.

"hey hun, do you have any ideas? I tried using this as a tool but it's to big to get in the right position....not that you're super familiar with that concept...love..."

Spicy lady lol. Married humor.