Should I break off my new engagement?
I’m 20f and my fiancé is 24m. We recently got engaged about a week ago but already been having a bit of issues. I’m someone who’s very in touch with my emotion and know what I want in life. I don’t like dealing w stupid shit and when things go bad I’m quick to say stuff. I grew up understanding that just because you are with someone doesn’t mean you should put up with their crap. And I’m not talking small issues. I’m talking about them letting their family members treat you like shit. Which is what I’m in now.
For context his brother had been treating me like shit for about 3 months and I had complained about it several times until one day it got so bad I broke down crying: eventually I told him that he needed to talk to his brother. Well he told me he would and never did. So I told his mom and his mom got extremely upset with him because the situation was so bad and huge that his brother had been disrespecting me in public as well, and my fiancé never stood up for me. His mom handled the issue in less than 24 hours and now everything solved. It took 1 conversation with his brother and it ended. It made me so mad bc I had waited 3 months for my fiancé to do something and he never did and his mom did in 1 day. Take in mind we all live together. He had multiple opportunities to do something
I’ve moved in with how family about 5 months ago and his dads is an asshole as well. He has very backwards thinking. He believes that woman should just be wives and nothing else. He believes that men should make all the money and woman take care of the kids. He’s a horrible husband. He’s cheated, lied, and admitted to me and he doesn’t really care about his wife. Ever since I moved in day 1 he never tried to talk to me. I’ve tried MULTIPLE times to talk to him. I have literally tried every conversation you can think of. I told my fiancé that I don’t want his dad invited to the wedding because it seems rude that he won’t even try to form a relationship with me at all. I also don’t like his comments he makes. When he found out me and his son where dating he was disappointed that we where bc he wanted his son to go fuck around more and not get tied down. Even though thats VERY clearly NOT what he wants to do. His dad never wanted to get married but since his wife got pregnant with his son( my fiancé) he had no other choice. So now he pressures my finance not to even be with me it seems. When he saw my finance was cooking me breakfast bc I was so depressed and I wasn’t eating and had to take a week off work due to how bad my mental state got, he got mad. I never asked my fiancé to do that either. He did it because he wanted to. His dad told him that basically I wasn’t worth doing that for and he’s “doing too much” for me. So with everything in mind my finance finally talks to him about it this morning and his dad gives 100 escuses why he never tried getting along with me. It was so stupid I’m not joking. For example one of his reasons was because I haven’t lived there for 1 year yet….. even though I’m marrying his son. I’ve never been so baffled before.
So during the night I finally get off my shift from work and his dad says he wants to talk to me. I was lowkey excited because I thought that we would talk things out. Unfortunately I was wrong. He did all the talking and wouldn’t let me talk at all. He basically said the same shit but to my face and said that he won’t ever get to know me because he’s not the type of person to. He said he doesn’t care and would rather keep his business to himself and me to me. He sees me as a daughter but would never talk to me. He says he doesn’t even talk to his wife because “it’s a waste of time” and sees no purpose in asking about her day or saying I love you or anything. I wish I recored it because it was so horrible. Then he mentioned 3 times during the conversation that I don’t have to marry his son to be apart of the family and I deadass interrupted him on the last time he said it and told him “that’s not why I’m marrying him” and he deadass ignored me. I was so pissed. I told him I was thankful for the conversation and left.
When me and my fiancé got back to the room. I snapped. I had never been so disrespected and what’s worse is he didn’t do nothing to defend me and I had to put up with it. I told him i genuinely hate his dad and do not want him apart of our lives or of my future children’s lives, because if I do decide to have kids I want them to have a Grampa who loves them and wouldn’t treat them like shit. My fiancé got upset and left for 4 hours. When he got home he said he still doesn’t want to talk.
I grew up in a way that if someone in your family does someone else wrong, then you talk to them and put them in their place. You don’t let shit slide. Because that’s toxic and not okay. And yet my fiancé won’t stand up for me. Ever.
I know my fiancé loves me and yet at the same time I don’t think he ready for a relationship though. He has to learn that his family can’t treat me bad and get away with it just because “their family” that’s not how that works. He has to learn to communicate. Which he is horrible at. I genuinely cannot fathom how horrible it is. He deadass stoped talking to me for 4 hours because we couldn’t find a Starbucks for him to get coffee at. I wish I was joking. Take in mind we were in a whole different country. That was about 5 days ago. That was so stressful.
Sorry for how long this is, to sum it up I just don’t know what to do. My family says I should have said it nicer but I think after dealing with this for months and him actively knowing about it, then his dad disrespecting me like that, I have a right to be harsh. I don’t know what to do. Because clearly there seems to be no point in talking things out at this point. I do sincerely love him, I really do or else I wouldn’t have put with this shit, but I feel I’m at a breaking point and don’t know what to do. I also live with them and it makes things so awkward. Please be honest, I prefer brutal. If I’m missing something please let me know. I hate to know I’m hurting him.