Trans & Non-Binary

She’s not necessarily transphobic, but she genuinely wants me to go through a humiliation ritual. She thinks that I haven’t been “living and acting as man” at all when 1. I’m out to all of my friends 2. Dress and look masculine all the time 💀

She wants me to completely socially transition and while that is nice, I would rather do that in tandem with hrt and she does nawwwt fw that. I’m 18 and I might be able to wait a couple years, even tho I’d miserable, but she does not understand that it’s extremely humiliating (to me) to be out and call myself a man when I don’t look the part… she thinks that ppl will treat me like a man bcuz I call myself one!! Girl I wish!! ik that I won’t totally pass with hrt immediately, but I’d just be crazy dysphoric if I come out completely but still look like a girl (and treated like one) yk?? She just doesn’t think I’ll be treated like a girl even tho.. I look like one even with masc clothes and presentation💀💀

I’m scared to transition bcuz of what my parents will think (they’ll be disappointed) but damn I rlly want to🥲 I fantasize abt driving to planned parenthood all the time.. maybe one day🥀

Im so angry at the fact another sister lost her life, I thought after the other day it would be a while before we heard anything else and now another sister killed this time in her own home, ladies defend yourselfs cause these fascist cunts think they can get away with murder. They cant. Stay strong and defend yourself

it’s such a blatantly stupid comparison, but i’ve been asked it by transphobes more than once, and i’ve never had a super eloquent answer. how do yall respond to this one?

I’ve been on spirolactone for like three years. It’s time for my refill but my doctors won’t refill it! I have one pill left and it’s getting crazy because they say they will and never do it. My legal name change was the excuse for them before but now they have no excuse. I just don’t know what to do because I just want to get my fucking meds. Like what. Should I just DIY at this point like?

She says I go through a lot of phases, such as wearing a lot of makeup, being goth, or learning Japanese. That I need more experience to know if I'm really a boy. She says I may change my mind and that this is too young to make a lifelong decision. I told her I have known this is who I am since I was 16, I just only recently decided I had to do something about it. I'm just super upset and in need of support. She is a liberal, and was absolutely fine with me coming out as a lesbian. This has all been a real shock.

Edit: also she wants to talk to my therapist...
& I would say "accept it or we can't talk", but I still live with her (I'm a mechanical engineering student so I can't work more than part time during the school year)

Recently I was talking to my mom (LDS) about that church's trans policies and how I was planning on starting HRT and she said that supposedly she saw a study they shows that "males taking estrogen" have increased suicide rates compared to those that don't, and also that this study was "from a church member's perspective".

All I've been able to find on that topic is a study that shows that AMAB people who want and have estrogen have higher suicide rates than those who don't want or have it, however those who do want and don't have it have the highest rates, and an article from The Heritage Foundation that I wouldn't trust as they're a far-right organization who also claims climate change isn't real.

This honestly doesn't make any sense to me. Do these studies even exist?

This is a funny story I just wanted to share, so I hope it fits under discussion. Also no, Fat Fuck Dragonite is not a euphemism, it's literally my round bellied pokemon build-a-bear LOL.

I was at a school event just chilling by myself, and someone who I'm not really friends with but I know well enough came and just started chatting with me. We have a few common interests, and shes pretty friendly so I was comfortable enough to show her a stupid picture of my dragonite plushie that I thrifted a few weeks ago. It's important to note that this guy is FAT. All the stuffing accumulates around his belly and makes up for like 70% of his total mass. I like taking 0.5 pictures of him with my camera tilted upward cause it makes him look like a rolling hill with his head being the sunrise just about to disappear into the horizon.

What's also important is that I have a trans pride flag stretched over the underside of my loft bed, and under that flag I have my TV, chair, games ETC. In the photo I was showing my classmate, my pride flag is very visible in the background, like the American flag gently waving in the patriotic breeze behind Uncle Sam. I didn't even realize this in the moment because I was just excited to show off one of my favorite plushies, but she looks at the picture, laughs at my obese little dude, and then pauses. She asks me, "Are you trans?".

It's dead silent. I'm not out at my school, I've been on T for 2 years now and I pass as a cis guy, and I wanna keep it that way. I don't tell anyone unless I have to, and I've never had to. She seems nice enough, so I had a brief dilemma on whether I should come out to this one person, or quickly make up a lie to cover my undercover trans butt for the like 20 more days I have left before graduation. I decided to tell her that I was, about how I'm on T, etc etc. She was like "Oh, okay. Cool!" And it was never brought up again for the rest of the event. She kept my secret too, no one at school has heard about it or has asked me stupid questions, so Im okay. No dramatic ending, I just thought it was a funny story. Hope it made some of y'all laugh too. If enough people ask, I'll post the photo in the comments.

to all my later in life 30+ cracked eggs out there with heavy facial hair:

how do you cope with excessive grow back and shadow.

do yall honestly go clean shaven and full make up every day?? i have sensitive skin and going clean shaven everyday irritates my skin and cause razor burn and makes me look like i got pimples.

mainly just finding a hard time with my transition because of the heavy facial hair growth... are their many other trans women who have dealt with being a heavy haired individual??

keep in mind im on disability and affording laser treatment is pretty much not an option....

for context im about 2 years out of the closet and only started hrt in march, so i know i have a long way to go with changes etc but just looking for maybe reassurances or advice i guess.

Hi I’m nonbinary (21) and getting top surgery!! I haven’t gotten a date yet but I’m signed up with a local clinic and all my paperwork has been sent though. I’m just waiting for an appointment :) I live in Canada as well so the fee isn’t insane.

I was wondering if there are any kinds of resources or hacks that anyone can give me!! I’m looking for anything and everything that I can do to make the experience more accessible and euphoric! I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s going to help take care of me and we’re planning on ways to make the healing process smoother. We’re going to meal prep and buy a bidet before hand but that’s kind of as far as we’ve gotten!

I dont know anyone irl who’s gotten top surgery that I can reach out to for advice or what to expect, so hopefully you all can help me out!

I cant deal with this anymore. It causes impairment on my life to the point i avoid social interactions or going outside. I have major fatigue, feeling everyday this pain everytime i see my face, everytime i remind myself that this is my life now makes me want to give on everything altogether. My sleep isnt best too, everything sucks. I try to focus on my work, my routine everyday but those dysphoric thoughts, self resignation it doesnt go away. I cry most of my days, its no way to live.

Really a vent but posting as sex talk since well, this deals with sex.

Far too often in social spaces I see trans women perpetuating misogyny against other women and treating us as sexual objects. Be it an older (out longer) trans woman and a younger (newly out) trans woman in a ... dubious relationship, or a trans woman (usually in. polycule) who treats every social interaction like it's an opportunity to get in someones pants, we really, as a community need to do better. Both to put up boundaries and to act with grace and maturity.

I say this with the experience of running several social groups in my homecity for trans women and my own personal observations. While the majority of people are chill, there is a loud minority who give a bad rap to these intentional community spaces.

Stop trying to sleep with your friends. Friendship as trans women is SOOOOO vitally important. Friendship can't really exist though when there is expectation of sexual favors and unwanted flirtation. We need each other now more than ever but it seems like women who came out post COVID are under the impression that sex is our social currency. It's not.

I feel like a lot of it is allowed to happen because 1. many people feel like they must accept this as a part of community because they otherwise won't make friends, 2. this may be the only way they'll be deserving of love, 3. they don't and they retreat from community and lose out on real friendships with other trans women.

From a community leader perspective, I've seen first hand people stop coming because they're looking for platonic connections at a platonic event but they get sexually harassed or propositioned or met with the assumption that because they're also a trans woman they're also a lesbian.

We need to have a serious conversation about consent as a larger community.

This is kinda disjointed but I needed to put this out into the universe. Have you noticed anything similar in your community or am I just a crazy prude?

I ask this question because when I pack and people know it’s fake I’m like… do they still sneak a peak? Are people attracted to the packer at all? Or is it just the illusion of having something I could penetrate them with?

I don't know, Carol. It's really hard to say.

And then they go on asking why you didn't correct them on the pronouns and names they were using even though all my files showed clearly I am a male with a male name.

And they get so offended they did that, too. So then I lie and say "don't worry I misgender myself all the time too" to make them stop feeling sorry for themselves.

It's always during professional meetings and emails, too. And it's like dear lord, just copy and paste the name at least. Call me "you" in person. Hell, even call me "that"!

How can I best set boundaries to get people to stop doing this?

So, I have this friend. He's a cis gay man, and 95% of the time he's genuinely really cool and great to be around.

however, he has a tendency to 'half-joke' about being a lesbian, and how many women call him a lesbian, and that hes spiritually lesbian, or whatever. This.. really irks me - primarily because, no, you're a cis man, you cannot be a lesbian. it feels like you're conveying that queer women & non-men are a joke, and it also feels weirdly 'comp-het'?..

secondly, he's dating a trans man. calling himself a lesbian.. it feels sorta transphobic? his bf doesn't seem to mind it, but to be fair i haven't asked him if he does mind it. but like.. wouldn't that imply a 'womanly-ness' to his bf?.. it, idk, it's weird. 

thirdly, i get a little jealous. I feel like i have to sorta prove myself 'worthy' of that term due to being trans ( not specifically that friend group, but like.. just in general). I've had some issues where I feel reduced to an 'amab' or where i dont feel like i'm taken seriously. i feel like i have to justify being myself to society, and then this cis guy just jokes around with a label i have a hard time 'fighting' for?

oh, and also, he called himself a black woman maybe once or twice? - i.e that people say he's 'like a black woman', and he tried to call himself a stud. I quickly shut that shit down. We're a friend group of mostly white people, myself included. I get that lesbian might be a bit of an ambiguous term, but calling yourself a black woman?? that's gotta be racist, no? 

idk how to really feel. this is kind of a vent as it irks me really bad, but i also worry that i might be taking it too personally? thoughts?

Finally managed to get the court order for my name change and social security card with the correct name on it. Went to the Hillsborough DMV today to have my license updated with the new name and was denied without giving consent to revert my gender marker because they have a 15 year old passport on file that has the wrong marker. I already changed my last name after marriage and my address before without an issue. Both being after the Jan 2024 memo.

I made them give me their refusal in writing and sent an email to Simone Chriss, with the document they gave me saying they have to revert my marker to change my name, even after offering documents from social security that say female and my new name on them.

At this point if she doesn't take my case idk what to do. I declined to have my license updated today because I'd rather my name be wrong(Deadname is unisex) than my marker be wrong.

Is there anyone else I should contact? Am I just screwed until Trump is out of office and I can get a new passport?