Trans & Non-Binary

Yesterday I was at a party. A young trans man I had just met found out that I was also a trans man, and very boldly told me that he “could never sleep with someone assigned female at birth, because the sight of genitals reminds him of how fake they are and how much that causes [him] dysphoria.”

I know this is mostly self-hatred, but I was a little surprised that he would come up to me and tell me how much the idea of sleeping with me disgusted him, even though I hadn’t shown any attraction to him. I gently shut him down, but I’m still really upset. Dude, why are you doing this? 😭

I saw a post on a trans subreddit the other day where a poor trans woman on Transgender day of Visibility was writing about how she wished she was more invisible since her hypervisibility as a trans woman has caused a lot of issue for her.

And a transmasc person out of nowhere commented that they she was being mean and dismissive towards transmasc people by wishing to be invisible when so many transmascs/men suffer sue to being invisible as trans people. But she didn't even bring up transmascs, she was just alarmed that especially trans women of colour is harmed at much higher rates than so many other demographics.

I am so annoyed that so many trans spaces allows other trans people to talk over trans women like this. No-one was making it about transmascs until a transmasc inserted themself into the situation. And we should try to, as a trans community, stand together and protect trans women (and especially those who are POC) from harm. Trans men face real issues with transphobia, but that doesn't mean trans women can't wish to be invisible and not have to face the demonisation we currently face

I had to provide proof that I was assigned female at birth to my fucking health insurance because legally I’m still female according to the government. Which just felt really gross. I’m okay but I did cry. I had changed my gender to X on my work paperwork thinking it didn’t matter but now they’re denying my claims because my gender doesn’t match my driver’s license.

I can submit paperwork to legally change my gender but in this administration I’m worried I’d be putting a target on my back. I just feel small.

26 MTF here. Posted here about my egg crack not long ago. As the title says, I came out to my fiance who I've been with for 11 years, engaged for 2, and it did not go well whatsoever. I thought she wasn't transphobic but the things she said and her reaction was very hurtful. She told me it was selfish, that I was ruining her life, that all I care about is me and putting this above her shows it. She called me weird, gross, said it made her uncomfortable to be around me. She said our relationship is likely over, regardless of if I decide to go ahead with transition or not. She said she wants a masculine guy and she wouldn't be able to date someone "fruity" which frankly is annoying because just because I feel like my identity lines up with being female, doesn't mean I want to dress super girly or act girly? I guess in my research since my egg crack I've really broken down how I think of gender, and I can't blame her because I used to think the same as her until I had my egg crack. Anyway I told her because I needed to get this out of my head and actually talk it out with someone, I told her because I wanted to be vulnerable and honest with my partner of 11 years who is the most important person in my life. I thought she'd be more understanding, maybe shocked still, but understanding. Instead she now thinks I'm a freak and won't ever look at me the same way again. She didn't let me sleep on our bed last night, wouldn't let me near her, and even went as far as to get things ready for moving out. I felt so numb and overwhelmed by this reaction, I wanted to cry but I also immediately shut down internally and felt nothing. I laid on the couch staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I did something wrong. Clearly my emotions mean something if they felt strong enough to tell her. But was it worth it? I don't absolutely hate being a man , Infact I could probably live the rest of my life this way and be relatively happy. But you can't uncrack an egg. I tried to smother these feelings. It doesn't work anymore. If I did repress, it wouldn't be as easy as before. I know as I get older I'd regret never trying to go for it. And at the end of the day, sure I'm okay as a man, but I WANT to explore these feelings. Ive learned there isn't anything wrong with that. I've learned I absolutely do not see gender like a cis person and I don't particularly like the limits society tries to keep us within. And I feel absolutely awful because telling her kind of felt like making these feelings real for me, and the relief of that is kind of outweighing any grief of potentially losing her. Sure it's still painful, but the fact that she immediately was disgusted and pushed me away kind of upset me enough that I don't care. I don't know. I'm feeling a massive amount of emotions right now and just need to vent about it. Love you guys❤️

It's so annoying. I'm 15 trans man and almost fully diagnosed and almost going on t. whenever I do something wrong they threaten to stop my transition and go back to deadnaming and missgendering me (while saying that they say my deadname, like "you better stop doing that or we will start calling you (deadname) again." "you'll be (deadname) to me again") and I will be able to transition when I'm 18.

I just wish they'd threaten to take my phone for a month or something...

Edit:

The most recent situations that this happened were:

my father was trying to test me in math and I told him I'm not good with math when I can't see the question and he started raising his voice so I told him to leave me alone because I don't want to take this stupid test (I don't know got to translate it well, I said "Dobra, zostaw mnie, nie chce robić tego głupiego testu") and he started yelling and telling me I'm a whipster (I think that's how to say it) and a brat and I should go to my room immediately (in a vulgar way) so then I told him that he's not acting normally to what he responded that if I talk to him like that again I'll not be going to the hospital to get me tested before going on testosterone.

The day after that my mother told me to get groceries from downstairs so I went there leaving the door open to be able to just walk back in with the groceries, I got them and it was hard to even lift them up, but I carried them up the stairs and halfway through I heard the door close. I knocked on it a few times and my arms started hurting, the my mother opened the door and I asked "what genius closed that door" In a loose, playful tone (It would've been taken as a joke in most of the previous interactions I had with them so I figured that it wouldn't be an issue for me to say that) and they told me to think about what I'm saying and got very angry, I asked them what's wrong with them lately and they only escalated the conflict telling me that im not going anywhere on 4th May (the day I was supposed to go get everything checked) I snorted, which was really more of a sudden exhale of helplessness, and my mother started yelling that I'm disrespectful and I'm laughing as soon as she leaves the room and I must apologise to her.

As I said, usually they are just kind and accepting but moments like this make me question everything I know about them...

I apologize for a long post.

Hello. I'm asking you for help. My trans friend went study to another country a longer time ago. We've been occasionally in touch, she was able to continue her transition there, but texted me she's very exhausted because of school and she doesn't really have any energy to respond. I used to occasionally text her with my life updates and added "you don't have to respond, just like this message so I know you're alright".. she always liked it and I knew she just doesn't have energy to respond and respected it.

Always when she returned to our country for holidays, we scheduled a meeting and the last one happened in January 2025. We made a deal she'd let me know when she comes back for summer holiday and we were supposed to meet again. Since the January meeting, she stopped responding to my messages, she hasn't even seen them.

I've been trying to reach her for the past year - without any result. I've tried emails, sms, calls, whatsapp regularly in the past year. We didn't get into any argument and I'm sure she isn't the type of a friend who would completely ghost me for more than a year.

When I tried to call her on several different days and times, nobody picked up (she knew that I call only in extremely serious situations because of my insane call anxiety and promised she'd always call back)...

None of our friends have heard from her. I don't have any contact for her family. She doesn't have any social media.

I've been seriously worried for her safety the whole time. I can't contact police, because

1. I don't know what's her current or previous legal name (as she was extremely dysphoric about it and she couldn't choose her preferred name due to our country's legislation, so she didn't want to tell me her legal name, which I respected)

2. police and laws in our country are extremely transphobic

I tried to ask for help on a different sub-reddit of the city where she was supposed to study, but it got removed and mods told me to just contact the police. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Is there anything else I can do?

it's a vague title because I'm really embarrassed about this. Pre-HRT trans girl here, but I should eventually get it by the end of this year or the start of next year, and from my friends I've heard 2 specific things.

1: HRT can completely nuke your sex drive.
2: HRT can also make your junk really small.

#1 is fine by me, but due to some unfortunate medical stuff in my life that required surgery, I am absolutely terrified of things changing down there. so the idea that it could become smaller is extremely paranoia-inducing.
I've heard that if it's not "used" it'll get smaller, but is that just.. a permanent thing? do I gotta deal with that and just have it constantly getting smaller and smaller for every day I don't do things with it? is that my only option? if I stopped taking the HRT, would it bring it back to it's old size? I mean, I wouldn't mind a reduced sex drive, but I wouldn't like the shrinking to happen.

..also, if this isn't the right place to ask, or if this breaks any rules, I am really sorry, and I'll try to find somewhere else to ask this question.

I live in a very progressive, liberal neighborhood. There are gay and trans people, everywhere here. There's not a day I've gone out without seeing another trans person. That's great! However, I guess I pass very well... My room mate is a direct opposite with his expression. He's very fruity. Colored hair, twink, pale, high voice, fem/androgynous clothing taste, very early into his transition. No problem with that, at all. But when we're together, all of the trans people we encounter will ONLY acknowledge and interact with him.

The other day there was a woman with a beautiful outfit on, so I said "Oh my goodness, your outfit is so cool!" and she goes "Oh, uh.... thanks?" and then, my room mate in agreement, said "I agree, it's so cute!" and her tone changed, immediately. She said "OMG Thank you so much!" and then proceeded to have an entire conversation with him, facing herself away from me even. It really breaks my heart a bit to be alienated on several occasions. I face this problem as well in cis spaces at times, just less frequently. I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me.

The phrase when translated to English is close to Woman At Heart. A term used by trans women in Japan to mean trans woman, heart here in reference to one's very soul or their essence in other words.

A mastectomy is the most common operation among transmasc people. You could say it's a top surgery.

ive been on T for almost 1 yr now, my levels are good but my estrogen is still higher than a cis mans bc my body keeps producing it. I just read that womens hips keep widening almost all throughout their lives bc of estrogen, and im insanley worried that that'll be the case for me as well. Tried to research it as best as i could but didnt rly find any information regarding if thats also the case for men who r trans, and if yes if theres a way to prevent that from happening. Thanks in advance for any answers!

I don't know why im even posting but yeah, got ghosted again after months of being told she cares and would never just dissappear. No goodbye, No reason, just blocked on all accounts and she's gone. I'm just done, I swear i could have handled a breakup, a fight, a mutual goodbye, ANYTHING except being ghosted and thrown away like garbage. Ghosting is rude but ghosting after MONTHS, after everything we talked about, everything we promised? it's CRUEL. I had plans in place, i bought a ring. I'm an absolute idiot and obviously should have known better but i guess i was being hopeful that it wouldn't end in me crying alone again. This isn't a cry for help, i don't want any. i guess i'm just shouting my sadness out into the world but I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore, goodbye, Willow, sorry i wasn't good enough and i hope you find the one for you. life sucks and I'm done

Now before you get mad I AM trans I have known for 8 years and have been out for 6

I’ve been talking to this guy (romantically) for a very long while now and he’s ftm aswell- he wouldn’t care if I’m trans or not but I’ve lied about it for so long I think he’d be offended to find out I lied..

He’s gunna find out eventually I just know it but idk how to tell him..

I’ve listened to him rant abt the dysphoria he gets FROM ME???? I’ve somehow convinced him I’m just a very feminine guy..

I even slipped up one time talking about a pregnancy scare and he still thinks I’m cis?? Idk

Maybe he knows and is just pretending but like..

Why would he be texting about how jealous he is of me… it doesn’t make sense but I feel so bad

Idk what to do I feel like an asshole

It’s been almost 6 months since I had my bottom surgery and my doctor gave me to all-clear to stay having sex again.

But since my surgery, my desires for sex is nonexistent. I don’t want it, I don’t crave it and it’s the last thing ever on my mind. And if any of you knew me before my transition, that was NEVER the case as I was horny all the time.

I’m worried. My wife is 11-years younger than me and she’s in the mood all the time. She incredibly attractive and my attraction to her has not changed, but I just don’t want sex.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this…

I can't focus on anything. I can't orgasm and that hasn't been an issue before because when I was hormonally female I could indulge in sexual thoughts without having physical discomfort/arousal. But now I can't do that. It's genuinely interfering with my life. I've gotten really unproductive because most of the day I'm either hard or constantly thinking about sex (which I can't have/it would just make it worse if I had it because I wouldn't come) or both. I have issues sleeping because of it too and I've done some stupid things from horniness. How to deal with this if I can't orgasm? Whoever originally said cold showers is a scammer and should be sued for fraud, that does nothing.

I’m MtF and my gf is a cis lesbian.

Shes been super supportive of me being trans and is doing everything she can to make me feel feminine. Giving me nicknames, wanting to do more girly activities all of that.

She wants me to go to prom with her, and even has a spare dress she’s letting me borrow for it. She has multiple ideas on everything she can do to make me feel like a girl.

That’s all, I just wanna say how happy I am that she’s here for me

I just woke up to a pic on my story of me posing in decidedly not man clothes.

On my friends only story. Posted at midnight. When I wasn't even awake.

So um. That's one way to tell everybody I'm trans. I guess. I'm going to laugh about it otherwise I'll cry. We just broke up for easter, so hopefully everybody will forget about it by the time we come back?

Changed my password and everything, 'cause I'm confused as to how it happened.

24 whole ass people. I'm SO glad it wasn't my public because I'm currently in an end of year party GC with my entire year. Think that actually would've tipped me over the edge.

Fml this **had** to happen right before my A levels.