r/relationships_advice

Would men stay fully faithful if they were in 1 relationship with their first everything, not even watching porn, not emotionally cheating, is that possible?

my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now, and have been living together for a year.

he never seems to put in effort anymore. no surprises, no planning dates, no flowers, no compliments etc.
it’s been like this for months now and i’m at a breaking point where i just don’t know what to do. i don’t want to mention stuff to him coz i know it’ll just cause an argument. i don’t know how to mention it in a non accusing way that won’t hurt his feelings.

when we first started dating he would buy me gifts and take me out on surprise dates all the time.

on multiple occasions i’ve asked him if he wanted to go out and do something together and he will decline, or he will groan n say whatever and is just noticeably not enjoying himself.

just a lil rant , if anyone has any suggestions on what i should do or how to bring up a conversation about this - im all ears. 🙏

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \\\*me\\\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \\\*has\\\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \\\*do\\\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

2 months in to the long distance. She refuses to show her face on camera on video call. She is ok with and also used the rear camera and talked while doing things showing her pets and the place she lives in. She sent me her face pics and some racy pics. Always in voice call. Sometimes she shows camera to show her pets. And things. She’s super clingy. We haven’t met yet irl.She’s really resistant to show her selfies too. Said she’s not comfortable taking her face pics. But she has couple times. She gets mad if I ask but she’s ok sending me noods. She wants me to go and see her irl. But I’m scared to get stood up especially in a different country. Do yall think she is a catfish?

My boyfriend and I got into a disagreement and I really need outside perspectives. (We have been dating for 3 years)

Earlier in the day, his dad asked us to help volunteer with soccer coaching from 5–7pm. I work from home and was staying at my boyfriend’s place. I finish work around 4pm, so during the 4–5pm window I told him I wanted to spend some time together. I didn’t mean anything huge, just being present together before we left.

Instead, he got on his video game. At first I jokingly said I didn’t want him to play, then said obviously he could do what he wanted. He said he wouldn’t be on long, but he stayed on until we had to leave. Around 4:30 I told him I felt upset we weren’t spending time together and I felt pretty ignored.

For context: he’s generally a thoughtful partner. He brought me breakfast/lunch that day and shows love differently than I do. Physical affection matters a lot to me and we’ve talked before about different love languages.

After coaching, I felt really overstimulated (hot, hungry, sweaty, tired). We went to Walmart and he said he wasn’t going to “chase” me because he has a habit of doing that when he thinks I’m avoiding telling him what’s wrong. Eventually I opened up and told him I feel like I’m always asking for affection and repeating myself about certain emotional needs.

Things escalated in the car. He said I’m unfulfilled and that he can’t provide the parental validation I’m seeking, only support me. I brought up feeling ignored earlier. Then while I was crying he told me: “I know you’re crying but you seriously need to get a grip.”

That’s where I snapped and yelled “shut the f*** up.” I immediately regretted it, withdrew, and apologized. I know that language was wrong.

He said that was abusive behavior and that while my point about feeling ignored was valid, it doesn’t excuse yelling/cussing. I agree with that.

What upset me afterward was that he kept saying this behavior isn’t sustainable and that if I ever yelled or cursed at him again in the future, he would break up with me. I asked him later if he meant that even if I genuinely worked on myself and slipped up one day, and he very firmly said yes, he would leave.

For context, he has also had moments in the past where he has snapped or behaved poorly, and I never put the relationship on the line over it.

I understand boundaries. I understand I crossed one. But I’m struggling with whether this is a healthy boundary (“I won’t tolerate repeated verbal aggression”) or whether it feels like fear-based pressure (“one mistake and I’m gone”).

Am I minimizing my own behavior? Or is it reasonable that I feel really hurt and scared by the way this was handled?

So super personal but whatever I need answers and to see if I’m just tripping or not.
So Male would rather watch porn every morning and thru the day rather than please himself with his woman.
Even when it happens porn will be watched before hand.
Is this meaning what I think.

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My boyfriend and I have a general rule where either one of us can wake the other up with sex. We set this boundary on the earlier side of our relationship and have both participated.

The other night I was asleep and half woke up to him inside me, I don't know why but I froze and pretended to be asleep, expecting him to wake me as he usually does so we could start to kick things off. Except he didn't wake me at all, he finished, pushed off me and pushed me to my side of the bed, not even waking me to make sure I didn't get a uti.

I don't know how to feel, on one hand we had agreed that this kind of thing was okay but on the other I feel completely used, uncared for and disgusting. I pretended to wake a while after and we cuddled and he mentioned he inserted himself but then couldnt be bothered 'actually fucking me' but i should probably pee just incase.

It made me so shocked. Not only did he lie, but he also treated me so poorly. I'm a pretty vocal person, especially about my ethics and morals with everything going online atm, with the outting of the academy and all, and when I bought up the cite to him he agreed it was awful but then tried to correct the numbers and everything. I'm not sure what to do, if anything, I just feel so gross. I know I need to talk to him, but it's been 2 days, and he still doesn't know that I know. How would you go about this conversation? I know I need to talk to him. I'm just not sure how I should feel and whether what I'm feeling is valid.

I 23 F and my partner 23 M are in a 3 year relationship, and there's another guy at my job that I can't stop thinking about. Everyone says it's because of the attention I'm getting or it's just a little "work crush" but he teases me more than usual, comes up to me all the time, and he passed by me one point where I took over his job dutys and said "I love you" in a normal tone than usual. He has a girlfriend that works at my job and I would never step that boundary but this "work crush" is getting to my head. I love my partner and I will say we have more downs than ups but we still love each other very much and are working on are relationship.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (24F) have been together officially since 2023 but were talking for almost a year before that, so its been close to 4 years total.

I genuinely thought this was the healthiest relationship ive ever had. He always updated me, acted super loyal, always reassured me, and honestly never gave me any major reason not to trust him.

Lately we had been arguing more and for some reason I randomly checked some girls he follows on instagram. I found one girl whose pictures he liked constantly. When I confronted him he acted like it was nothing and said they never talked.

Turns out he DID message her multiple times and the messages were flirty as hell.

That already hurt enough, but then I messaged another girl and she told me they actually went on a date and kissed 2 years ago while I was traveling. She even had videos.

Now im sitting here feeling completely mindfucked because our relationship has genuinely felt good this whole time. Like stable, loving, healthy. Thats what makes this harder.

Part of me feels stupid because ive been cheated on before and thought I would recognize the signs by now. But another part of me keeps wondering if people can genuinely mess up early in a relationship and still become a different person later.

I know most people will probably say “leave immediately,” but emotions are way more complicated when youve built an actual life with someone. I moved states to be with him, we share a lease, and outside of this discovery I honestly saw him as my future husband.

Now I cant tell if im grieving the relationship or grieving the version of him I thought existed.

Has anyone else experienced something like this where the relationship felt real and loving but then you discovered betrayal from years ago? Did it completely destroy your trust forever or were you somehow able to rebuild it?

TL;DR: I (24F) found out my boyfriend (27M) flirted with multiple girls and secretly went on a date/kissed another woman 2 years ago while we were together. Our relationship otherwise felt healthy and stable which is why this feels so confusing emotionally. Now im questioning whether trust can actually come back after delayed betrayal.

I need some advice. Its 10 months in & I think I'm done. The relationship dynamic is so unbalanced. For one, he treats me like I'm his personal assistant. I mentioned it to him & he says we're supposed to be a team.He is emotionally unavailable when I'm upset. He expects me to be there for him no matter what Im doing or how I feel while he never reciprocates. For example yesterday he got upset that he missed a zoom meeting for his job & asked me why didn't I remind him. I knew nothing about the zoom meeting. I don't work there. I asked him if the person of contact sent him a link via email or text. He says he doesn't know. He hands me his phone to check. Its not my responsibility manage that but I look anyway. He still blames me for not finding the zoom link that was never sent. Its another link but he didn't bother to read the email. Thats just one example. There are many but this was leading to my breaking point.

I loaned him my house keys yesterday he did returned them and he stayed for dinner. As I was leaving for work this morning, I noticed my keys weren't in their usual spot. I looked & looked but couldn't find them so I called and asked if he accidentally put them in his bag when he left . He says to me "You woke me up for this". I was taken aback. Had it been him who lost his keys, he'd want me to drop everything and look while directly blame me for causing him to misplace them. I told him I'm using the spare but he has the spare key to the apartment entrance. I asked for the key & he got irritated, dimissed my feelings, dimissed how important it was to have my keys and not be late for work. When I called him out on the disrespect & he called me a moody Aquarius & asked for his belongings back. Fine with me. I've had enough of this unfair dynamic so I met him at his house to exchange the key & returned an expensive promise ring he brought me. I left without saying a word.

He texts me the rest of the morning saying I need to be responsible, that's not his responsibility to help me find my keys. What!! When I responded telling him how I feel & why I'm not dealing with this behavior, he said its a waste of time texting him. So I said bye & told him he'll be blocked so he won't be seeing anymore texts from me. He bombarded my phone with texts telling me I'm not fighting for the relationship, accusing me of cheating because I'm not answering & blaming me for causing his ulcers to act up & possibly missing work today.

He wants me to return a TV he brought as a gift (for his benefit when he visits. I didn't need a new TV nor did I ask for one) & a men's jacket he also brought as a gift. Those are the most expensive things he brought other than the promise ring.He doesn't want a new guy to watch the TV he brought & I think he's jealous of the compliments I get when I wear the jacket which is why he wants it. It's his size too. I feel he got the promise ring so that's enough. He either wants the tv & the jacket back or wants me to pay him for it. If I knew this relationship was transactional I never would have taken the gifts from him. I don't want to see him. Should I return them anyway? Oh & he's blocked as of now so.

My boyfriend of 1.5 years went on a trip with his family, he suffers from depression of some sort (im not sure, as he has never actually told me his diagnosis, but he does goes to therapy). He was down before the trip, and while he was away (it was a week) he barely texted or call, which I understand as he was in another country and sharing a room with his father. He got home on Sunday, and when I went to see him I asked to see the pictures he took there. As he was showing me he passed very fast over a pic of what I thought was a bumble profile. When I asked him about it he was very apologetic and told me he only used it to distract himself, swore he didn’t talk to anyone on there or anything. I asked to see the app and he said he had deleted it -whilst saying he was sorry and had no excuse other than being sad-.

I told him to re download it and he did, I went through the app and found nothing, like no chats or matches, but it did was his profile-it had a picture and everything.

I think what I´m trying to ask is, is this cheating? I know its wrong but, how wrong really?

Also, do the chats disappear on bumble when you delete the app, but not the account?

This is the first time that he does anything remotely close to this so, please help.

Okay I know I am very very young I am (17F) and my bf is (17M) and I’m aware we can break up anytime. But my bf is about to go into uni and he’s gotta decide on what he’s going to do for his future. And he’s considering doing something I won’t say what but it could possibly most likely be him working abroad for a long period of time.
I don’t expect me to be with him till marriage cuz we are still young , but I do not want a life where my husband is abroad for a long period of time per year at all. that’s not something I’ve ever wanted. I know this isn’t serious at all and no I’m not trying to stop him from choosing what he wants to do. I’m just wondering when I should tell him about this? He keeps making like jokes about marrying me but for me it’s like we’re young and we all know kids fall in love and expect it to last forever so I try to brush it off but how should I let him know that’s not a life I want? And how should I bring it up like in a good way ? please don’t judge

I'm 22F (cis), and my partner is 25 (mtf transitioning process). Two days ago, we had a discussion about how the relationship would be if I found myself no longer sexually attracted to them; I'm questioning if I'm actually Bi or not (said this in my last post ik), as I've only done stuff with cis males before knowing them. I concluded that if it gets to that point, then the necessary assumption would be that I wouldn't be happy in the relationship, if I wasn't attracted to them in all facets; how I see it, and what I told them, is that if one person is unhappy, then the other is unhappy. Last week I asked them if they were in love with me, or just love me - they said they didn't know if they were in love with me, but they love me; I said the same.

I said that if it got to that point, then I think it'd be best if we were to break up and remain friends. They responded with if we broke up, we wouldn't remain friends and instead "mortal enemies,", and that if I was with anyone else they'd k!ll them and anything I had a passion for they'd one up me and always try to be better than me in whatever I do (they said they wouldnt ever physically hurt me though, after I told them I grew up in a similar environment that then led to my bio mother being physically abused for years).

Yesterday, I asked if they were ever jealous of me, or felt insecure with me or something that could explain why they said that, and they replied "im not jealous of you specifically, no". I asked why their answer included the use of "specificallly," and they replied "im not jealous of you." I still dont understand why they'd say that "mortal enemies" thing - they said that they'd only be doing that because they still love me because both hate and love are an expression of passion, which I agree with they both are expressions of passion, but to the "mortal enemies" degree I dont understand. To me that sounds like obsession, because from my perspective, if you love someone you should always want the best for them.

They said they would be doing all of that out of love, but it doesnt make sense to me. Also, at the start of our relationship (they dont do that anymore, the other times they threw something at me was a small bracelet and a large teddy bear, both months ago when they were irritated), they liked throwing balls of receipt paper af me, and said because it was a soft object it was a sign of affection for them, I'm still kinda confused on that.

It's early in their tramsitioning process, and while I am so happy that they are finally feeling better about themselves and seeing a future, I'm also hurt because I only realized they are trans, because I went through their phone in 12/2024 and also that's when I found texts between them and another girl (calling her Q) that were of a sexual manner - they said they saw her as a "sister" and that because they didn't physically do anything they didn't actually cheat (they called me a liar after I told them I told their family member abt it, and that I was making them look bad, which made me feel like sh!t) and it still hurts me that they didn't trust me a year into the relationship (been together for almost 3 years now) but texted Q about explicit things and things we talked about in our future, before I knew they were trans and when they were "playing the part" of a cis male 2 years into our relationship - and said themselves that they didn't actually want to do anything with me or do relationship stuff but were just playing a part. I feel betrayed and like our relationship was based off a lie, but I'm still happy for them being able to start their journey, and I told them I hope they're always safe, loved and happy and protected, regardless of circumstance.

TL;DR - My partner said that if we broke up we wouldn't be friends and instead "mortal enemies", and theyd always be in competition with me and I dont know what to make of that, but its causing alarms to go off in my head.

My boyfriend and I have been together officially since August 2023 and were talking for a year before that, so it’s been nearly 4 years total. I have never checked his phone or ever doubted his loyalty to me. He has seemed super solid and he would always keep me updated about where he was and what he was doing and seemed to love me very much. Our relationship has been very stable.

Lately we have been bickering and for some reason I got the urge to scroll through his instagram followers and see if there were girls whose pics he was liking. I found a girls profile where he liked all of her pictures. I confronted him about it but he said it was nothing and she was just a random instagram girl. He said he never messaged her, only likes. I decided to message her to ask and it turned out he had messaged her 3 times, twice in May 2025, and another time this past February. I was genuinely shocked. They were extremely flirty compliments. I confronted him about it and he insisted it was just her and he would never actually meet up with a girl in person, but I decided to message other girls with the same pattern.

The second girl I messaged told me that 2 years ago he took her out on a date. They went dancing and kissed (I was traveling at the time). She had video proof too. They never hung out again after that. I confronted him and he’s swearing up and down it was just her it didn’t mean anything, and never happened again, the usual sorry excuses. I saw the texts on his phone and while it was true he didn’t hang out with her again, he did follow up to say he had a good time. I cursed him out crazy screaming at him and did tell my family and friends because I was so upset and needed support.

I know breaking up is the right thing to do, but I moved to California from the east coast to be with him and our lease isn’t up until July, so I’m really not sure what to do. I also have a job here that I love. I am distraught and in so much pain I can barely function. And the crazy part is that I still love him and for some reason want to make it work. I guess because our relationship has seemed so good this whole time and this was a huge shock to me.

I have been cheated on before so I really thought I knew better by now how to tell the signs. I feel so stupid. What do I do? Do I try to work things out because this was earlier in our relationship? Or is it doomed and already for sure ruined?

This is really long i’m sorry, but i really could use some advice since i’m in the verge of breakdown.
My boyfriend (31M) and I (27F/ eldest daughter) have been together for almost 5 years ( it’s my second relationship and the first one lasted 1.5y)

Around 2.5 years ago I broke his trust. I deeply regret it and fully understand that it hurt him a lot.

The first year after the incident, I naturally started limiting some things to reassure him: I went out less, avoided certain situations, etc. But I still saw my mixed friend group (basically my only friends + one female friend), still occasionally went to electro parties/festivals, dressed how I wanted, and had even traveled with my friends without him. Things weren’t perfect but still relatively normal.
Then I lost my friend group for a few months because of drama caused by someone who turned us against each other. During that period I barely went out at all. Eventually one of my best friends reached out and we made peace, so I started seeing him occasionally. Then almost a year later I reconciled with the whole group.

That’s when things started feeling different. The first couple birthdays/hangouts were okay, but then conflicts slowly started again: comments about my outfits (including outfits I had worn before without issue), comments about who I was with, what time I came home, etc. Since reconnecting with my friends, it feels like he has become more and more controlling, almost like he got used to my restricted lifestyle when I wasn’t seeing people anymore.

Now I barely see my friends anymore, especially mixed groups. I stopped going to electro parties/festivals even though I love them. I avoid birthdays, nights out, trips etc because almost every outing becomes a source of stress/conflict.

The issue is that even when I adapt, there’s always another problem. If plans change unexpectedly, he assumes I lied from the beginning. If I go out with friends, he questions details and looks for inconsistencies. I now feel anxious before almost every social outing because I know there’s a high chance of conflict before or after.

Recently we had a huge fight because of an outfit for a concert ( i was going with him). I wore loose pants and a backless top. He wanted me to change because according to him the pants were too tight and we were going to an Arab concert with “men he knows”. I said that the pants were normal and i wore them in arab countries and even with my arab family. He kept telling me that they were tight, even tho i responded. After feeling increasingly controlled for months, I snapped and told him he had no right to tell me what to wear.

For him, this was deeply disrespectful and proof that I don’t respect his role/place as a man in the relationship. For me, it felt terrifying because I was already in a previous relationship where I slowly lost my autonomy: I was isolated from friends, couldn’t travel freely, couldn’t dress how I wanted, etc. That relationship traumatized me, and independence/autonomy are extremely important to me.

I’m very self-aware in conflicts and tend to constantly analyze my own role, even when I feel hurt or think something is unfair. I already carry a lot of guilt over my past mistakes, so when he says things like “you ruined this relationship” or “you killed the man in me,” I end up internalizing it and questioning myself deeply.

I feel emotionally exhausted between guilt, fear of abandonment, walking on eggshells and slowly losing confidence in myself. Every conflict now feels like a crisis, and he has even broken up with me instantly before over things like lying about the exact name of a bar because I was scared he’d assume I was dancing/flirting when I genuinely was just sitting at a table with my coworkers that he knows well.

That sudden breakup after 4 years together and living together was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He later came back and said he forgave me, but never really acknowledged the impact it had on me or how abruptly he ended things. Since then, I feel like I’ve developed a trauma response: whenever we have a conflict and he withdraws, I immediately imagine the worst and experience it as a real breakup, staying in a constant state of alert.

What hurts me most is that many of his reactions are framed as justified consequences of my past mistake, so I feel like his own role in the dynamic is rarely questioned.

Can trust issues realistically become this controlling/anxiety-inducing without the relationship becoming unhealthy? And how do you distinguish rebuilding trust from slowly losing yourself? Do you think there is hope that this relationship will work?

My ex (M33) and I (F30) are working to build a stronger relationship and hopefully get back together (we each communicate differently and have opposing inherent beliefs built from our childhood and reinforced by our unhealthy relationship patterns together - probably). It’s been a process, but I’ve been optimistic about the change I’m seeing in myself and how I communicate and that is something he recognizes as well. We are not technically dating but at the very least it’s essentially a situationship. He feels emotionally safer not having to fully commit as I tend to make him feel unloved and he can mentally give our relationship more leeway to work through our issues.

One thing that has been difficult for me in this situationship process is his ongoing friendship with a previous ex that he cheated on me with and that, at least in my eyes, is still obviously in love with him and wants to be more than friends with him. He knows that their ongoing friendship is something that I struggle with and that I would not be ok with long term (she is autistic and has been hyper-fixated on him for years now and has said she could never be just friends with him). He has said it would make him uncomfortable if she tried to be more than friends with him but until then, he will treat her as his friend.

We had a tough argument come up on Tuesday that resulted in him needing to have space to think. We reconnected yesterday and talked through the argument successfully together with takeaways for ourselves and each other, but I did find out that he spent Friday night with his ex at his new house where they watched a movie. He said that he got his house so he could have people stay over, so he invited her to stay the night. They slept in the same bed on opposite sides. At one point, she asked to if he wanted to cuddle, he said no, and apparently that was the end of the conversation. The next day, everything was normal between them.

I think I have trouble here with two things: he told me he knew that she would probably ask for cuddles, and asking for cuddles feels a step beyond a regular friendship to me, especially since they’re exes and I know she is still interested in him. He seems to not see it that way and when I reminded him that he told me he would be uncomfortable if she tried to be more than friends, he couldn’t remember ever saying that. I asked him to clarify his boundary again to me where he would be uncomfortable with her, and he said it would be an issue if she was upset he said no or if she cuddled him anyway despite saying no.

I feel uncomfortable in what feels like a change of his boundaries to me and his willingness to test their friendship boundary by sleeping in the same bed with her (knowing she may ask this and that he has a very comfortable couch). I feel like overall he has poor boundaries with his ex (as an ex he’s currently sleeping with it just adds more fuel to my mental spin out about this) and I don’t know how I, or if I should, even reconcile these feelings.

Are his boundaries with his ex reasonable and I’m overreacting due to our past and current relationship ambiguity or should I have a follow-up conversation with him regarding my comfortability with his boundaries regarding his ex?

TL;DR: My ex and I are trying to reconcile our relationship and work on our issues. He hung out with his ex gf that he sees as a friend at his house, she spent the night in the same bed, and asked him if he wanted to cuddle (which he assumed she would ask). Am I being unreasonable by being bothered by this? Should I even be dealing with this high school level drama?

Yesterday at 5am I wake up to a message from my current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend warning me about him - explaining that throughout their 3 year relationship, he turned out to be physically and financially abusive. She “implored for me to hear her side” and offered to send videos from an “altercation” between the two of them.

I am with him for only 2 months, without any signs of worrying behaviours. Our dynamic is structurally different as we are in a long distance relationship, where physical abuse is limited.

I am a bit conflicted over this situation: I am not completely dismissive of her accusations, as I am only with him for 2 months. But I am also taking it all with a pinch of salt, because not two relationships will be the same.

Besides dealing with my own insecurities, of why she stalked me to track my instagram down (she said she found out about me through a Spotify playlist on his account, but I don’t know how she got to my instagram considering they don’t follow each other), and the normal worry of if this her trying to get him back.

I was yesterday introduced to his family, so I guess that tones down my fear of him being shady towards me and our relationship. But still. I have not told him, as he’s spending time with his family on holiday - maybe by fear of his reaction towards me or her, and because I don’t plan on acting on the accusations, just be aware.

What would you do in this situation? Would you tell him?

My (F23) boyfriend (M25) is so petty. This situation happened over the long weekend and I need some clarity on how to move forward or if I should at all. His friend invited him to a game night next weekend over the phone while we were driving home from the cottage. At the game night, it’ll be his friend and his girlfriend, another couple, and he invited my boyfriend and I as well. I initially said I didn’t want to go, as I don’t typically like meeting new people (I have already met his friend and his girlfriend, but not the other couple - my boyfriend has also not met them). My boyfriend says that he has already told him he is coming and it would be rude to cancel. I didn’t say anything as I was just wrapping my head around convincing myself I can go and that meeting new people is not a big deal. My boyfriend then suggests if I don’t want to go then he will go alone. This upset me, as I am obviously not going to sit at home while he is out on a couple game night alone. I would have preferred him to say that he has already said yes so we have to go. I didn’t say anything and we didn’t talk for an hour and a half (the rest of the car ride home)

When we got home I helped unpack the car, but we didn’t speak at all. We had previously discussed that I was going to order us diner when we got home. Just because we weren’t speaking didn’t mean I wasn’t going to order him food. He was in our room and I was on the couch, still not speaking. His phone is connected to the buzzer in our building, so 5 minutes before the food came I went to go speak to him in the bedroom to clear things up so that we could eat together when it came. I went to speak to him and asked him if he wanted to talk, he said he didn’t really want to talk. I tried to explain to him anyways that I will come to game night he just said that I was bored and emotional to still be talking about this. I was frustrated and said I was so over this and he told me to go home (my parents house).

To be clear, we live together, but it was initially his apartment. We’ve lived together for a year. I walked away and went back to the couch. When the food came, he brought it to the kitchen then walked away back to the bedroom. I was crying and I’m sure he heard me but he didn’t come to check on me. I ate my food then watched some tv by the couch, and he eventually came to the kitchen to eat as well. He didn’t say anything to me, not even a thank you for ordering the food. He ate and went back to the room. At our usual bed time I came to bed, then I asked if he wanted to talk again and he asked what I wanted to say. I told him I’ve thought about it and will come to game night, but I thought the way he acted tonight was rude. He said I was rude as well and wouldn’t elaborate. We went to sleep and he didn’t say goodnight or I love you, like he usually does.

In the morning, he didn’t speak to me. I didn’t attempt to speak to him either, as I was waiting to see if he would be the bigger person. He said good bye when he was leaving for work. He usually says I love you and gives me a kiss before leaving. I walked to the front door as he was leaving to lock it (also giving him another chance to say good bye as we usually do), and he slammed the door in my face.

I’m really frustrated by the situation and do not feel loved. We have been dating for a year and a half and I find that whenever I am annoyed by his behaviour he just gets annoyed with me instead of trying to understand where I am coming from. This situation could’ve been resolved in two seconds and I gave him many opportunities to talk things over and move on but he doesn’t take any of them. I think that he would prefer if I would just ignore it and move on, but that’s not how I am and I have explained this to him many times. We have many plans for our future together and have a dog. He is my best friend but this issue of me “being emotional” seems to come up often, when I don’t feel I am being overly emotional. I feel like so many of our “arguments” would not even be big issues if he worked with me to address them shortly after. For example, I know If I text him now trying to tell him any of this he will get annoyed that I am still speaking on this “stupid” situation. What should I do?

need help to understand why you can’t fall out of love with someone that doesn’t want u