r/coparenting

My ex’s mom is lovely. She always has been, always will be.

My ex and I have a 7 year old child. Our coparenting relationship has always been great, aside from the last few months. We have been separated for 4 years. Never had to get a court order, we’ve always worked as a team parenting our child.

My ex’s mom tries to be very involved in my new life. I am now married and have another child. She wants to be called “grandma” by the new baby and constantly asks to go out for coffee and make plans.

Recently my ex started seeing a new woman. My ex’s mother has made it clear to this woman that she is not willing to let go of her and I’s relationship. This has caused issues between my ex and myself (ie: this woman is now not willing to meet me), mostly because I feel stuck. I’m a people pleaser and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

The mom wants us all to be best friends, but we’re all not comfortable with that. I know this is not fair to the new woman, and I want to change this. It’s also not fair to my new husband; he is also uncomfortable with our relationship.

I have recently been wanting to set more boundaries in place for the sake of coparenting in a healthy manner. I’ve been denying requests to coffee dates and hanging out, but the more I deny, the more pushy she becomes.

I need advice on how to set up more boundaries with her, but also to keep the relationship civil between families. How to kindly bring up the conversation.

I know she will be hurt, but the way things have gone the past few months, something needs to change. I want the new woman to feel comfortable (she’s good to my child), and our coparenting relationship to go back to what it was before. We need more separation and distance.

Just trying to gauge whether ot not my anger at this is justified.

The last annual well-child visit that I took my 5 yo to was in 2022.

Child's father has been scheduling these appointments during his parenting time for the last 3 years ~ a year in advance.

These medical records were rather difficult to access, but I got them from the dr today and learned that my child's father has not taken child to a single well-child visit- it has only been his girlfriend attending these. In fact, child's father has not taken child to a single PCP appointment at all- it has only been me and his girlfriend doing that.

Am I wrong to think that I should have been given the opportunity to attend these appointments if the father did not intend to?

Just to start me (30f) and my ex (37m) share 1 child together and split when our little one was 1.. We spent the next few years fighting in court and flash forward to now. We have been coparenting successfully for the last 2 years. Mind you, we couldn't even be in the same room at one point and he had a horrible girlfriend at the time that helped make every interaction my ex and I had a living hell basically. After they broke up I received an apology and now we're here. My ex and I are able to talk and we share custody. We have went on family trips and we talk, but I catch myself mid conversation thinking "I can't believe I used to be with this person", so does anyone else have similar feeling when talking to their ex? I do catch myself thinking of happy moments we had together, but also how awful he was towards me during our custody battle. I do catch myself angry at him at times too, but I never bring it up. I just remind myself that it isn't about me. It's about our kid. Anyone else want to share?

Need some reassurance. "Ours" baby is due next Friday, and my exs bday is this Monday... praying this baby comes late so my 10 yo son never has to choose between celebrations. But if thats not the case then how would you handle this?

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I’m looking for some outside perspective on a co-parenting situation.

My ex and I share a young daughter. Since we split, I’ve been the primary caregiver most of the time, he was only taking her for an hour or two a week before meeting his current partner and while he does have her regularly now that they are moved in, I’ve noticed a pattern that’s starting to frustrate me.

A lot of the time when he “has” our daughter, it’s actually his partner doing most of the care (pickups, meals, bathing, general looking after her). On top of that, any additional support I ask for tends to depend on his work schedule or whether his partner is available, rather than him taking direct responsibility as her dad. When he had our daughter even for an hour or two at the weekend he would bring her back with soiled nappies, he's consistently shown me he cannot take care of her not has an interest in her other than showing her off as a trophy

For example:

When I’ve asked for help during stressful weeks, he’s said he can’t unless it fits around work or his partner can step in

Plans often change last minute

Even basic parenting tasks seem to be passed to his partner

I’ve tried to communicate that I need more consistency and for him to take a more active role himself, rather than things always going through someone else.

From my perspective, it feels like I’m carrying most of the responsibility, and it’s starting to affect my stress levels, especially given his partner has already came to my door yelling and telling me i can't take my daughter away from her (my daughters dad was being difficult and i suggested different hours)

Am I being unreasonable expecting him to step up more directly as a parent, or is this just something I need to accept in co-parenting?

Also I'm concidering removing more time that he has with her for my daughters wellbeing

I have been the primary parent of our 10 year old for 10 years. Her father has seen her 9 times in 2 years with no over nights. He now met a girl, got her pregnant and moved her in quickly. He then suddenly wanted more custody. I’m not agreeing to that as he has never been involved in her life on a consistent basis. The judge gave him 3 hours a week to visit with her. He has had 2, and we have already went back and forth because he wants to introduce his girlfriend already on the second visit. Now, I know I can’t control what he does but I am worried about it destabilizing her. He says he wants her to bond with his girlfriend and he does not even have a real bond with his daughter.

How can I handle this situation?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel really overwhelmed.

I share a young child with my ex (under 5). Yesterday, I found out my ex is in a relationship with someone who recently had a professional role in my child’s care. There were some concerns I raised in the past about this person’s boundaries with my young child in that setting, which were taken seriously at the time (they were fired and required to be reported to a governing body etc).

Because of that, I’ve felt really uncomfortable with my child having any exposure to this person. As my ex has hid this relationship from me and his history of lying and keeping information from me (he had an affair etc), I’m not comfortable that he would keep boundaries for our child. I’ve spoken to a lawyer and, instead of stopping contact completely, I offered that my ex can still spend time with our child but with another trusted adult present for now while things are sorted out properly, to ensure no contact from the new girlfriend and our child. My boundaries are the new girlfriend is to have no contact in any form whatsoever until we got things legally sorted.

My ex thinks I’m being unreasonable and says there’s no issue and no reason for me to do this. I feel like I’m just trying to be cautious and protect my child until we can formalise things properly.

I guess I’m just wondering, would other people feel the same in this situation, or am I overreacting?

We were together for 9 years, it started out great. He was excited to have kids and was the one that brought it up, but once they came he seemed to change his mind. After I had our second child he completely disconnected from us and left me to do all of the childcare, household tasks, managing, planning, and trying to repair our relationship. While he played video games or played on his phone. It felt like he was actively pretending we weren’t even there. Any attempt to get him to put effort in, led to an argument where no one would win and nothing would change. This lasted for around 4 years until I couldn’t take it anymore and left for the sake of my mental health and the kids. Now that we are separated he is suddenly very invested in talking to me and telling me that he misses me, wants me back, and he is “working on his mental health”. It makes me angry because I wanted to talk to him for years during our relationship but he always ignored me. So I’m not sure how I should approach this or what the real intentions are? I kind of want to tell him to f*** off because he never cared when I wanted to talk. But I am too compassionate for that, and I’m worried I am going to be taken advantage of.

My son is 2 years old and we haven't signed the papers yet. Well I have but his dad needs to. Anyway in the agreement, dad gets son for 4th of July. He lives states away so we are figuring out that part.

However, dad has a gf he's been seeing and will be 9 months on our agreement for when it's allowable to meet our son. The thing is, instead of like a normal meet and greet, she's staying over the whole time my son is with his dad.

Would you be ok with your child meeting their other parent's gf/bf for the first time at their other parent's house for a week long sleep over? Potentially all sleep in the same room to cause it's a 1br apartment?

I genuinely need help and guidance towards this because I'm not comfortable with my son sleeping with a stranger he just met for the whole week he's there at dads and I'm states away in case of any wrong doing. (I don't know them. Haven't met, and it is in our agreement that we have to meet before anyone meets our son.)

So coparent (who is also my abusive and controlling ex) bought a house in a city that apparently has better schools, the school system is rated at 4.5 and the school system my kids are currently in is rated a 4. My daughter (8yo) is currently in gifted classes to make sure her education is supplemental and a little more challenging. My son (5yo) is on an IEP that just got finalized with a solid team and he also sees a counselor once a week that he really likes and has helped us immensely. Keep in mind I am the custodial parent I live in the house the ex and I rented together so I’ve been here about 9 years. Well since my ex has bought a house he is convinced our kids should be in the school system near him. Mind you this new school is a 25 min drive compared to the 3 I drive now I am a student and work two jobs and told him that I really don’t see it being possible as my in person classes are in the morning and I wouldn’t be able to make it work, well he claims I’m letting my kids education suffer because I have to much going on. This is also the man who is against the IEP because “he only acts like that around women” or “no one in life is going to help you”. He is threatening to fight me on this and I have a lot of anxiety about it.

Hello!

I’m going to preface that me and my coparent are, all things considered, on amazing terms. We’re still friends and sometimes we’ll disagree but we can always come to a mutual conclusion and it’s never over anything big (mostly just whether or not to cut our child’s hair because while it is beautiful long, he likes to push his boogers into it when he wipes his nose).

Just getting that out of the way - has anyone ever flown with just their child? I’ve seen some things online saying to get a notarized note from the coparent that you have permission to fly with your child. Me and my son are going on a trip in June to visit my partners family, and it will be just us flying down to meet up with my partner. Again, we’re all chill with each other, I just wanted to know if anyone has ever had any issues with TSA or the like. We can definitely get a notarized note and I probably will regardless, but anything else I should do?

Thank you!

My husband told my 16 step daughter that she had to go to school when she asked to skip. Instead of going to school she drove to her mom’s home and asked her if she could skip. Mom told her yes knowing dad already said no. Then dad told her when she came home that night she would be grounded for 3 days so she didn’t come home and stayed with her mom. Yesterday she was supposed to come back to our home for her custody days and her dad told her she would start her 3 days being grounded today. So she didn’t come again. Now he is telling her it’s fine if she wants to stay with her mom that’s she old enough to decide where she wants to be but she can’t avoid his home because she has a consequence waiting here. He told her if she doesn’t come home today and fave her consequences then she can stay at moms but he will come get her car (in his name) for three days and mom will have to drive her to school and work and that will be her new consequence for not going to school when told. Mom is throwing a fit saying their daughter shouldn’t be punished because she allowed her to stay home. Dad doesn’t want the kids going to mom when he says no and he’s made that very clear in the past. What are y’all thoughts. Should dad let this go or should my step daughter receive a consequence for skipping school?

Hello, so I am starting to get frustrated with my sons father constantly calling me and texting me. We have been separated a little over a year, and since he has gotten sober me and him have been on better terms. He has our son who is 3 every other weekend. Our son is autistic and is not currently speaking. He used to FaceTime me during his time with our son during the morning, and at night. At first I was happy and ok with this, but I have since realized that it was not healthy for me as I felt like I needed to be home and answer the phone every other weekend. I told him that it’s ok, I trust him and that I am fine with just a text and a photo every now and then. He stopped for a while, but he still calls me, and he tried to FaceTime me last weekend. Now when it is my time he calls me at least once or twice a day, and will send me texts. It’s mostly about our son and what he ate, if he is ok, his program, and stuff like that, but it just feels a little excessive. Last week he was calling and texting me about his bathroom and how he wants me to style it and pick what looks good for him. It’s not necessary to have constant communication, and I have tried explaining this to him before. I tell him I will update him if anything new happens or if I need to speak to him. Last month he was also dropping off food for our son, but he doesn’t even live close it’s a bit far so I wasn’t understanding why do all of this just for some snacks. I told him to not come anymore please, and he stopped. Now today he wants to drop off a book our son forgot at his house and some more food since he will be in the area. I don’t want to make him feel bad and I do appreciate all his efforts but I just feel like it is too much. For reference he was emotionally and physically abusive to me in the past, and our relationship was not healthy and it still gives me a lot of anxiety that I am healing from in therapy. I do everything I can to have a good relationship with him for our son, but does anyone have any advice on what I should do now? It’s not so easy as to just ignore him, because I do. I almost never answer the phone and only try to answer texts. Any advice I would appreciate please. Thank you.

Im sorry if this feels totally irrelevant to this group as im not an parent, but I just have a question for the parents who do coparent or have specific agreements with their child’s father/vice versa or maybe a dads perspective and point of view. What is usually the case when the dad doesn’t have the kid every other week and etc, like most and some agreements but see’s the kid every now and then as kid basically stays full time with mom and her new family. Is this just an specific thing between the parents or can it be questionable? Not saying bio dad is fully out of child’s life because I know he is not, but can this be on the dad choosing when and when not to see his kid or possibly mom having strict boundaries on time with their kid? Dad lives about 35 minutes away so I can’t see this being an distance issue for access to the child. And also, I know I won’t know for sure until I “ask the parent(s), but before I get to that in the mean time I just could use some perspectives before creating a far off narrative in my head.

My daughter is going to start therapy soon and doesn't want her father to know yet. Our coparenting agreement gives us joint decision making regarding medical. Do I have to tell him if she doesn't want him to know? What can happen if I don't tell him?

ETA - I have texted him to tell him I've honored her wishes to speak to a counselor.

Hi all. Pretty new here.
A little back story- I have an 11yo boy with my ex who is in prison & will be there until my son is 22. He has been there since my son was 3. But even when he was out, his mom was the main one helping me from his side with our son because he lived a "street life". My family lives out of state so them helping has always obviously been an issue.

I now legally coparent with her. She won grand parenting rights in 2020 (which I had no idea my state allows this until she took me to court for it). From what the magistrate said, because my son had a solid relationship for so long & his dad is gone, they felt it was in his best interest to make sure she stays in his life. However, she only gets him every other weekend. But things are changing now that he's getting older.

She has taken him to see his dad in prison since she won some of the rights. Our agreement says nothing about taking him or not. I'm having issues with this because now that he's getting older, his dad is starting to tell him things at visits regarding our previous unhealthy relationship from years ago with a lot of it being ass backwards. Now my son has started to shove some of these things in my face & seems to be turning against me in some ways.

I have 2 other children with my now husband & now that my son is realizing he can get away with a lot more at his grandmas & feel included in adult things, he's demanding he moves with her full time. I do not want this because I don't think full time with her type of "parenting" is good for him & I want him with his siblings! Now we are all arguing about this situation & his grandma is showing him texts from mine & hers arguments. He now refuses to come home & I have threatened to call the police but I also don't want to give my son more reason to go against me..

I'm really just curious if anyone here has had to coparent with a grandparent &/or deal with a situation like this? I guess my question is what would the people of Reddit do in this situation? I know it's more of a different dynamic than most.

I'm very open to any & all advice, harsh or not lol. Thank you all!

I 36f have 3 kids with ex husband (12m, 10m and 8f) all are involved in sports/extracurriculars. My oldest plays for a local travel baseball team but are all with 45 minutes of driving. My daughter does gymnastics but has a competition once a month usually a 2 hour drive away. My middle son plays for a travel soccer team that plays every Sunday over 1 hour driving each way. He has had 3 weekend tournaments this past fall with hotel stays and 2 weekend tournaments this spring with 2 more planned all 3+ hours away.

I had my 4th child in December 2023 and my 5th child in September 2025 with my now husband.

I have spoken with my ex husband on exhaust about having my 2nd son playing in these further away games and how hard it is to make them work for our family. He says that it’s too bad he wants him playing at this competitive level.

Fast forward to his next tournament. It is approx 4+ hours away on Mother’s Day weekend. They’ve planned to have a tshirt given to the moms that Sunday. My ex has basically guilted me into trying to go saying he has paid for all the other tournament weekends. It is also my weekend with my kids.

If it was any other weekend I would consider it but it’s Mother’s Day. I would have to leave kids behind or spend the weekend in a hotel watching my 2nd son play soccer.

My husband took off work to plan breakfast lunch and dinner and other things for me that day.

The other part is I can’t really afford to stay 2+ nights in a hotel plus food and etc as it’s not in my budget currently. I’m just coming off of maternity leave so trying to get back at base with expenses. The hotel is $500+ for 2 nights, plus gas and food.

I honestly have no idea what to do but I want to tell my ex husband he’s not going and keep him home with me that weekend which is going to cause a huge fight.

I just need some thoughts of this topic bc it rubbed me the wrong way.

So I have a 10 y/o son, me and his father have always had a good relationship coparenting well.

He ended up getting married last year, I’ve done nothing but had respect for him and his wife and had friendly conversation.

Just a couple days ago I had sprained my ankle at work pretty bad, and I messaged my son’s father letting him know. I’m not working at the moment, he’s picking my son up tomorrow & I have a 3 hr drive to get him. He had responded how he broke his ankle awhile back, told me when the swelling should go down & said good luck, I said thanks!

Nothing crazy, right?

That night get a message from him saying “out of respect for our marriage can our conversations be in our coparenting text group message” which is me, him, and his wife.

I’m irritated because I feel like she doesn’t want us to be civil at all. What I had told him also didn’t pertain to her whatsoever.

We have had some words in our “coparenting text”, where she had became very rude to me, calling me names, telling me I have to listen to her and everything involving my son with his father is her business”. Although she’s a great step mom, I also know she DOESN’T like me. I also do not agree on her even being involved in a conversation related to coparenting bc at the end of the day- decisions are based on the child and two parents. She doesn’t have a legal say so, like she tries to have.

She tells me their marriage is equal and they do everything together. I respect that- but the problem is if I have to conversate about my son, or about any updates that may have to do with coparenting, I’m not obligated to say anything in a group chat.

What would yall do, & am I in the wrong?

her dad and i have been separated since she was 16 months old. she’s lived with me since and we do have a custody agreement where our toddler is with dad three days and mom 4, but within the past 6 months we’ve had a really really hard time with transition from him to me. This past week she’s been beside herself crying and distracting is near impossible. She wants to be with him and has told me that but never with the tears. Also has mentioned how sad he is when she’s not with him and that it makes him cry. I just don’t know what to do and how to help her. Is this normal? has this happened to anyone else?

I also will say i’m not the fun one i’m the baths and doctors and things we need to do one and he is the more yes yes of course one like yes we can stay up or eat this.

My ex and I were together since we were 16, married for 17 years, and I have 2 kids, 17 & 15. We have been divorced for 5 years, he is remarried for 1 year now. Kids have had a rocky relationship with step-mom for various reasons. Ex believes that stepmom should be treated as my equal in everything kid related. 17 year old asked dad if for a surgery consult she was having if just me and dad could go, not step-mom. Dad didn't like that and told her that step-mom needs to be included just as much as mom. 17 year old isn't happy (neither am I). Our relationship has been very high-conflict in the past, looking for a way to tackle this going forward.