Co-parent relies on partner for childcare and it’s causing issues - am I being unreasonable?
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I’m looking for some outside perspective on a co-parenting situation.
My ex and I share a young daughter. Since we split, I’ve been the primary caregiver most of the time, he was only taking her for an hour or two a week before meeting his current partner and while he does have her regularly now that they are moved in, I’ve noticed a pattern that’s starting to frustrate me.
A lot of the time when he “has” our daughter, it’s actually his partner doing most of the care (pickups, meals, bathing, general looking after her). On top of that, any additional support I ask for tends to depend on his work schedule or whether his partner is available, rather than him taking direct responsibility as her dad. When he had our daughter even for an hour or two at the weekend he would bring her back with soiled nappies, he's consistently shown me he cannot take care of her not has an interest in her other than showing her off as a trophy
For example:
When I’ve asked for help during stressful weeks, he’s said he can’t unless it fits around work or his partner can step in
Plans often change last minute
Even basic parenting tasks seem to be passed to his partner
I’ve tried to communicate that I need more consistency and for him to take a more active role himself, rather than things always going through someone else.
From my perspective, it feels like I’m carrying most of the responsibility, and it’s starting to affect my stress levels, especially given his partner has already came to my door yelling and telling me i can't take my daughter away from her (my daughters dad was being difficult and i suggested different hours)
Am I being unreasonable expecting him to step up more directly as a parent, or is this just something I need to accept in co-parenting?
Also I'm concidering removing more time that he has with her for my daughters wellbeing