Been staying at my BF's for months, but he says I 'don't care about him' because I don't text him the second I wake up
My BF (34) and I (28) been officially dating for 7 months now but I have known him for 10 years now, with like a 5 year gap. We don't officially live together but I've been at his home everyday for months. We wake up in the same bed and kiss each other good morning, then I go back to sleep. Yet he expects a digital check in the moment I wake up before doing anything else. I'm not always good at the text portion on the morning check-ins but I do and have made effort to show him I am serious about his complaints and grievances.
On some day's I scroll social media as a way to officially wake up, it's just mindless scrolling. Its something I've done since before this relationship. My BF takes my scrolling as a sign that I'm "addicted" to social media and on days, like today where I didn't even scroll my phone for 5 minutes, lead to an argument about how I don't care for him. My BF feels a morning text is a vital sign of love and priority, and when I scroll, I'm choosing social media over him.
I find this strict standard difficult to maintain because it feels like I have to be perfectly in his order of steps for him to not feel like I don't love him, and that if I can't meet his standard, I'm not worthy of his love.
He also WFH everyday, but different days he has different responsibilities. On the day's where his responsibilities aren't so intricate, I literally go to his office and tell him morning and talk with him for a while, before I go do my own tasks.
When we were having an argument about him "catching" me today. It lead to him stating how his friends who are long distance, don't even have an issue with just reaching out and how one of his married lady friends reaches out to say good morning, "so why can't my GF do that?" Why can't I show I care how he asks? I proceed to say how me and his friends are separate people and his friends are not lying in the bed with him everyday, and are not in a relationship with him. Their experience will of course be different, firstly, and secondly, how could he be so sure they are immediately texting him, when they are not by his side to know for certain?
When I try to explain to him that me scrolling social media for five minutes before texting him "morning" is not a testament of my love, or how its a way for me to just come to 'consciousness,' or how I'm not his friends, he asks me "why do I always have an excuse? why can't I just do it?"
This post has been going on for a bit too long and its a lot of factors involved in this dynamic. If more information is needed, I am willing to give it (circumstance pertaining of course).
TL;DR BF believes me not texting him "morning" shows that I don't care for him. He gets upset if I scroll on social media before texting him, even if we wake up in the same bed. I feel like I have to follow a strict order of operation when it comes to our relationship, because when I try to explain my need for fully coming to consciousness, he dismisses my feelings as excuses. I'm struggling to balance his need for reassurance with my need to be human without feeling like my love is constantly under a microscope.
My questions are:
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being dismissive of his needs?
How do I balance loving him the way he asks without feeling like I'm being put under a microscope the second I wake up? I want to meet his needs but my genuine feelings have been dismissed as excuses, it makes me feel pressured more than connected.
How do you find you find a middle ground when one partner's need for reassurance trumps the other's need to be heard as well?