u/Prior-Cause7908

Hey everyone,

I’m a 21yr female and in my first relationship ! (just over a year) he is also a 21yr man, and I feel like I’m spiralling a bit and don’t know if I’m overthinking or ignoring something important.

I’ve actually been putting off posting this because I genuinely don’t want to break up with him, and the thought of people telling me to do that makes me feel really uncomfortable. But I think I need honest perspectives.

I really love my boyfriend. He’s kind, patient, emotionally supportive, and makes me feel safe in a way I’ve never felt before. He comforts me so well when I’m anxious and has been such a positive influence on my life. The thought of not being with him honestly makes me really sad, and my mum, dad and extended family loves him so much which somehow makes this feel even heavier.

But I have pretty bad anxiety (always have), and I have this pattern where I latch onto one issue and overanalyse it until it feels like everything depends on it.

Right now, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is our communication style.

I’m very in my head, I like deep conversations, analysing things, going on long tangents about random ideas or feelings. He’s more laid-back and simple in how he communicates. He’ll respond, but not with the same level of depth or curiosity I think I’m craving (not always but sometimes).

We do have good conversations sometimes, including meaningful ones, and we’re very rarely sitting in silence. But when I feel like something I’m saying isn’t really landing or he’s not engaging the way I expect, I get this horrible anxious feeling and start thinking things like:

•	are we intellectually incompatible?

•	am I going to feel unfulfilled forever?

•	am I forcing something that isn’t right?

And then I spiral.

The worst part is that when this happens, I stop being present and start analysing the conversation while it’s happening, which obviously makes everything feel worse and more disconnected.

I also hate that part of my brain is judging him or comparing him to some unrealistic idea of what I think I “should” have. He is genuinely intelligent in many ways, just different to me (he is a 21 year old boy), But I get stuck on this one thing.

I can’t tell if:

1.	this is just anxiety and a pattern of hyperfixation

2.	a normal difference in communication styles

3.	or an actual compatibility issue I shouldn’t ignore

I don’t want to lose a really good person because of my own overthinking, but I also don’t want to stay in something if deep down it’s not right.

Has anyone felt like this in a healthy relationship? What did you do?

TL;DR:

I love my boyfriend and he treats me really well, but I keep overthinking whether we’re “mentally/communication-wise compatible.” I have anxiety and a tendency to hyperfixate, and I can’t tell if this is just that or a real issue. The thought of breaking up makes me really upset, but I also don’t want to ignore something important.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 21yr female and in my first relationship ! (just over a year) he is also a 21yr man, and I feel like I’m spiralling a bit and don’t know if I’m overthinking or ignoring something important.

I’ve actually been putting off posting this because I genuinely don’t want to break up with him, and the thought of people telling me to do that makes me feel really uncomfortable. But I think I need honest perspectives.

I really love my boyfriend. He’s kind, patient, emotionally supportive, and makes me feel safe in a way I’ve never felt before. He comforts me so well when I’m anxious and has been such a positive influence on my life. The thought of not being with him honestly makes me really sad, and my mum, dad and extended family loves him so much which somehow makes this feel even heavier.

But I have pretty bad anxiety (always have), and I have this pattern where I latch onto one issue and overanalyse it until it feels like everything depends on it.

Right now, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is our communication style.

I’m very in my head, I like deep conversations, analysing things, going on long tangents about random ideas or feelings. He’s more laid-back and simple in how he communicates. He’ll respond, but not with the same level of depth or curiosity I think I’m craving (not always but sometimes).

We do have good conversations sometimes, including meaningful ones, and we’re very rarely sitting in silence. But when I feel like something I’m saying isn’t really landing or he’s not engaging the way I expect, I get this horrible anxious feeling and start thinking things like:

•	are we intellectually incompatible?

•	am I going to feel unfulfilled forever?

•	am I forcing something that isn’t right?

And then I spiral.

The worst part is that when this happens, I stop being present and start analysing the conversation while it’s happening, which obviously makes everything feel worse and more disconnected.

I also hate that part of my brain is judging him or comparing him to some unrealistic idea of what I think I “should” have. He is genuinely intelligent in many ways, just different to me (he is a 21 year old boy), But I get stuck on this one thing.

I can’t tell if:

1.	this is just anxiety and a pattern of hyperfixation

2.	a normal difference in communication styles

3.	or an actual compatibility issue I shouldn’t ignore

I don’t want to lose a really good person because of my own overthinking, but I also don’t want to stay in something if deep down it’s not right.

Has anyone felt like this in a healthy relationship? What did you do?

TL;DR:

I love my boyfriend and he treats me really well, but I keep overthinking whether we’re “mentally/communication-wise compatible.” I have anxiety and a tendency to hyperfixate, and I can’t tell if this is just that or a real issue. The thought of breaking up makes me really upset, but I also don’t want to ignore something important.