u/vinnyorvinnie

Hi! This is my first post here. I'm here to talk about an issue I do not know how to navigate. I want to start off by saying that my wife and I are WLW, and have been married for 4 years, together for 6. Our relationship was perfect, or as perfect as relationships can be. We are fine financially, which in this economy feels like a blessing, have a decent house, and have work schedules that align with each other, and yes, we were incredibly affectionate towards each other. So, around 6 months ago, we went through with IVF, and I am currently carrying our daughter. But, around the same time, my Wife got a promotion at the company we both worked for, and it consumed her life.

I'm not being dramatic, I understand the stress of a new position, and I did my best at home to make sure she would come home to a nice house, home-cooked dinners and lunches to take to work, but nothing has seemed good enough. I noticed around a month into her new position, she was coming home later and later, often staying well past dinner time, so I would work my schedule around her in that regard so that she would always have a meal to come home to, but it felt like she stopped seeing me. Her entire life has been consumed by her work, and I'm worried. I know this behaviour isn't healthy.

It's been 6 months since she received her new position, and things have gotten so bad that I feel like a shadow in my own home. To make matters worse. I've been struggling with the pregnancy, yet she doesn't seem to care. I try to talk to her, ask her about her day, and I'm met with dry answers, or some nights she's home well into the evening when I'm already asleep, so we don't talk at all. I feel discarded, Its weird to miss someone with whom you still share a bed with.

Now to the issue at hand, yesterday when she came home from work at 11 pm, yes, 11 pm. She caught me upstairs crying because 1 I'm pregnant, and 2, it feels like my wife hates me. She just stared at me blankly, then asked why I was crying. And I lost it. I spilled everything, I told her how her negligence was making me feel, i didnt yell, just cried while she stood awkwardly in the doorway.

She responded by saying I was being ungrateful because she was providing for our family, and our daughter, and in the heat of the moment, I told her that the baby was MY daughter, not hers, as she had not been involved in the entire pregnancy. She never went to any appointments past the IVF ones, skipped our small gender reveal, and hasn't even tried being there for me while I am slowly getting sicker by the day. So this reaction felt justified. I was not trying to be ungrateful, I just feel so unloved, unattractive and like I'm not doing enough to win her attention. I am grateful that she works so hard. I just miss her so much. I don't think we've even kissed in weeks.

She left the room without another word, and I can't help but feel like I've messed everything up. All I wanted was my wife to come home, not this hollow workaholic she has turned into. She left for work early this morning, hasn't called or texted, and to be honest, I'm scared that anything I say will make things worse.

I don't want to divorce her, but I can't imagine raising a child with this woman anymore. I know posting here probably isn't a good call, I'm just so tired, and my therapist has no openings for another week. I'm not angry, I'm worried that she is falling down a path that I cannot help her with. Please give any advice you can. I want to be seen again.

(For a bit more context, I don't think she is cheating. I did make the horrible mistake of looking through her phone, and nothing is incriminating. Yes, I have tried talking to her many times, I've texted paragraphs after paragraphs, and she has said she is sorry, and does try a bit more for a few days, but then falls back into her schedule.)