u/summersmilesss

TLDR: my partners family is using him as a cash cow , and I also don’t like our kid around them. Tensions growing daily. I’m considering returning abroad . Advice needed and welcomed.

As the title reads. My partner is a hard working , funny, witty , good looking and good man. We share a 3 year old daughter. We’re living in London.

Let me make it clear my partner provides for our daughter and our family as one could expect.

The problem : he has a financially illiterate family

Every year , something unexpected happens in his family , that requires my partner to pay up thousands and thousand of GBP £. He also non stop filling the holes the parents create again and again (over drafts , etc ) .

Expectations are multiple airline tickets yearly , cross Atlantic , and they won’t fly anything under premium economy.

The other week, his half sibling died , across the globe. So that’s now 5x tickets back and forth , funeral arrangements, catering , all the expenses weighing on my partner again. Like a fucking cash cow. A few thousands of credit card debts every year; sometimes multiple times a year. The total he spend this calendar year aka the 4 months is over £10k. This is without the recent airline tickets and funeral arrangements…

The same time; we live in a relatively small apartment, and the money we blow on his lazy relatives could be used to better our living situation. We’re also saving very heavily for our daughter’s future (junior isa , junior sipp) so she won’t have to go through the same experiences we had to. So to see money wasted on a bunch of working age, entitled, jobless people is just tiring.

I also voiced my concern about my child spending time there , as my partner sent a video the other day when they visited grandma’s, and my daughter’s grandparents just literally argued throughout the whole video, while they blasted screen in her face. Proper ghetto behaviour. I raise her screen free and try to provide and emotionally stable environment. Obviously my partner was not happy about is but I don’t want my kid to turn out like the family, so the less she’s around the better . Sorry not sorry. I have judges,professors, scientists, and normal hard working people in my side of family. Everyone in my family works and I want my kid to have high aspirations and work ethic. So I rather my kid be around them and their kids.

I have a growing resentment towards my partner, he’s always super pissy and frustrated recently due to the family stressing him out. I am at a stage when I don’t even like his presence anymore, the topic will be this so called family and what’s to pay next. Like ..I don’t even wanna hear this shit!

I am also of Eastern European heritage with 0 family around, and I’m considering more and more moving back home, as i have a great family network back home, and I own a high quality apartment so literally would save myself the insane London rent. I WFH and could continue from back there. I also think it would be a safer environment for my daughter. I also miss my people and my daughter could profit off of seeing them more regularly.

On the other hand , my partner is a really hands on, extremely loving dad , so it would not be fair on my daughter or him , so I really don’t know what to do.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What to do with a toxic family ?

I ignored this thing for a few years now but with the economic crisis and the way it blew out of proportion I am fed up.

Also to clarify , I work hard and provide hard myself, it’s the fact that we could live so much better as a unit without the family pulling him back, or I personally could live so much better with my kid if it was just the 2 of us…

Thanks for anyone’s thoughts on this, not sure I see clear anymore.