r/marriageadvice

Am I being crazy here? tl;dr I feel like I’m competing with a video game for his attention. For some context we do live far away from his close friends so he doesn’t get to hang out with them as much. So I do understand him wanting to play video games with them. But he plays games for hours and hours every single day, I feel like I’m always waiting for him to log off and hangout with me or have sex. And when he does log off he says he’s too tired or just too full from dinner to do anything. Tonight I put on some really sexy underwear, laid down in bed and called for him. It took him about 20 min to get to the room and when he did he rejected me. He told me I could wait an hour or two for him to finish. I felt so embarrassed and I got upset and changed into my pajamas. Now I don’t even want to hang out with him or for him to touch me. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, I’ve tried talking to him about this but he just tells me it’s nothing and that he still loves me just as much and wants me sexually, but I don’t feel it.

I am not the type to look for advice for something like this on reddit usually but i really want an objective option from a third party.

my wife (42f) and i (43m) have been together for 15 years and married for almost 12 years. we have to kids together. our marriage has been good for the most part. we have had our ups and downs like any couple with some bigger bumps over the last year but have always been pretty strong.

We are catholic and for lent i gave up social media which was from like late feb until early april. got back on social media a few days ago and i am looking on my wife’s threads account which i follow because she posts dance videos and running/workout videos. i always like to see what she posts because i like to follow and support her. anyway two days ago im going through her posts from the last month just trying to catch up and see that she responded to an open post about dating a virgo. she basically said that she dated a virgo and it was the most amazing relationship and that 16 years later she is still not over it.

needless to say i was kind of floored when i read this as that is literally the entire length of our relationship. that night i showed it to her and pretty much asked her wtf. she said she posted that when her and i had had an argument and she was angry. she apologized and deleted the post and assured me that she is over this person and that her posting something like that is inappropriate and disrespectful to our marriage.

the thing is i cant get this out of my head. she seems to want to just move on like this never happened. meanwhile i am second guessing our entire relationship and marriage. has she really been thinking about this person for our entire relationship?? she swears up and down that this is not the case and that she is sorry and this very well could be the case but that is the exact response i’d expect from someone trying to gaslight their way out of this situation. like is she truly sorry or only sorry that she got called out on it. she had no problem posting it and leaving it on social media for the world to see for a month and was not sorry for it at all until confronted about it.

i really do love my wife and im trying to get passed this but it really feels like a betrayal to me. she can say she’s over this person all she wants but that post came from somewhere, right? since reading this i feel weird when she touches me, try’s to kiss me, hugs me, etc. like i used to feel excited, and feel love and feel happy and now i feel… nothing, emptiness.. why do i feel this? i do love my wife and want to get passed this. but i feels like i was betrayed, trust was broken and maybe the empty feeling is just the way my body/mine/heart is reacting to protect itself?? i don’t know.

how did you regain trust in your wife/husband when it was lost? did you get that feeling back? did the feeling of emptiness ever go away?

tl;dr: wife broke trust. i feel nothing and emptiness now toward her when we touch. i want to make it work but need advice on how to feel that spark again

So I'm at a lost here. We've been together since 2010, but married for 7 years. we have had our ups and downs throughout the years.

In early March I had gone through her purse because I felt like something was off. I didnt find anything. I was wrong. I asked her why she had another phone in her purse, turns out it was her old phone and she was trying to get photos off of it. I apologized.i had seen she was active on snapchat one day and asked if she used it. she said occasionally yo twlk to some old female co workers, so i let it go. we went on vacation shortly after and she was on her phone a lot it seemed. I checked her Snapchat from my account and she was posting things. nothing bad, but I didnt know. fast forward a week later and I told her I was thinking certain things, I guess I accused her of cheating but I tried to tell her it made me all uncomfortable. she said she wouldn't do that and she hasn't given me q reason to think that. She also blocked me on snap since I kept viewing her stories...

as the weeks progress I still tell her how I'm feeling and shes still on snap but now using it more, daily it seems, posting to her stories etc. she then tells me because I was acting that way, she wants to move into a separate bedroom in the house for space. and in her mind she is on a separation until we can rebuild our marriage foundation. when we talked about that she said she wasn't sure if it would work. "it'll be what it'll be" but she hopes it works out for us.

she said previously in one of our talks that we met all those years ago and just drank and had sex and ended up starting a family. she said she didnt know if we were actually compatible.

last easter weekend was great we spent a lot of time together and there was a lot of flirting. no sex though, which is fine. I gave her a really great back rub. I let my thoughts slip that night and said she was giving me mix signals ( because I thought she wanted more but ended up falling asleep at the end of the backrub). the next day she said she thinks sex should be a bonus not a expectation, I agree, no pressure right. I just want to fix things.

fast forward to this week. no deep talks about feelings, but she constantly posts on Snapchat. she added a bio that says

location marker icon (only state) < does that mean she shares her location in real time or just the state shes in?

here for good vibes and new friends ✨️

🫠 doesn't respond to just hey hi or how are you

keep it classy 💖

I dont know what to make of that. I have talked to crisis about how I feel but I dont want to leave her or my family to get help. I know fixing this will fix how I feel and I won't feel like I'm losing it amd want to kill myself.

at home in the evenings we eat together sit together cuddle, ill rub her feet, and at night she will come over and lay with me and fall asleep as I hold her.

is she trying to create space so she can talk to other people while deciding if she wants me? is Snapchat a issue? I just dont think creating that emotional distance with moving rooms will help anything.

sorry if this is confusing I'm typing while crying. can anyone make sense of this?

tldr. I snooped in her stuff, she posts a lot on snapchat, she wants to move into another bedroom for space and to rebuild marriage, but we get along great at home and are flirty.

I am going to apologize for the long post in advance. I (27F) and my husband (32 M) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 5 and have two kids (4F,2F).

Some background:

My husband has known "Kate" (24F) for around 10 years. He and her mom (at the time mid to late 30s) had a relationship (casual sex) on and off for a year or so. Him and her met as coworkers and my husband would hang out with the oldest son. When he was dating mom, he saw the conditions the six kids (ages 3-19) were living in and felt bad for them. Single wide trailer, dirty, not a lot of food, etc. He bought the kids beds, would help out with money occasionally, took the kids out, and took care of mom when she frequently "got too drunk". Even after they werent seeing each other, my husband would check in with them as a sort of family friend.

Kate moved out with a boyfriend at 15, got pregnant at 16 by choice and married to him (he was 20). By 18 she had 2 kids, her and husband were fighting and he left the state with them. My husband helped drive her to the other state and gave her money for a lawyer to help with this situation. She has stated that she would have slept with him if he had made a move on her in passing. Which he obviously didn't because she was 18 and obviously vulnerable. They ended up having 3 kids together before eventually divorcing. She is now married to a different man.

Through my husband, I have learned that Kate has cheated on her current husband MULTIPLE times. Slept with her husband's boss, our roommate, other random men. All unprotected. She got pregnant after sleeping with our roommate. She was planning on not telling him and passing the baby off as her husband's. I got involved and said that our roommate should know about the situation and if she didn't tell him then I would.

Im all for being a girls girl, but that was too far for me. She subsequently had a "miscarriage" and blocked me and roommate on everything but would still talk to my husband. In about 8 months, she had a baby and husband has been raising it as his for the past few years. Recently, after a fight, she contacted roommate said the baby was his and asked if he wanted to meet it. This child is several years old now.

Given the above history I have told my husband that I do not like Kate and do not want to have anything to do with her personally anymore. She cant come over to our house and I dont want him to see her alone. If he wanted to continue to be friends with her that was his choice.

I looked through his messages and saw that she is being extremely sexually suggestive with him. "I suck at blahblahblah, im good at sucking a lot of things too", asking him to go drinking with her because "she needs a friend right now", complaining that she cant see him, etc. He is not being flirty back or taking her up on it but he is not shutting it down at all and is constantly messaging her.

She is also asking for money and help and he is lying to her to get out of telling her no. Saying he doesn't have the money, the credit, and saying he cant meet her because he has to watch the kids over night while I sleep(he doesn't).

What would you do in my situation? Looking for any and all advice.

tl;dr: Recently found out that my husband's "friend" has been sending him pretty sexually suggestive messages and wanting to "hang out". She has a long history of infidelity and bad decisions around men. We are no longer friends because of this. He's not reciprocating but is not shutting this down and is still constantly messaging her. What should I do?

Looking for advice on how to navigate a living apart situation with my wife and our jobs.

About 8 months ago my wife took a job that is 2-3 hours away from where we were living at the time. She was hating her job at the time and was having such bad anxiety about going to work, so it came at a good time and felt like a good opportunity for her.

Her new job offered her 2 days in the office a week with the rest of the time work from home. However just before she was about to start they changed their policy for her to be in the office everyday during her initial 6 months. This was a last minute change and made things difficult but there wasn’t really another option.

I wasn’t able to leave my job at the time and I work in the office everyday so couldn’t move with her. I bought it up to my company and my situation and they said they would make it work if I needed to be remote. However about 2 months after I had asked, my company changed its policy that it wouldn’t be able to do remote work anymore and only hiring for people in office. It’s a small company of only about 15 people.

One of the main reasons my wife took the job is the health benefits as she want to freeze her eggs and I have not been able to support her, which is tough and I don’t want her to go through this alone. My wife likes her job and doesn’t want to quit and I like my job but would move if a better opportunity came along. My wife’s work has now allowed her to work from home 2 days a week. My wife wants me to move down, I want to move there too because it’s been hard living apart. I tried floating the idea of somewhere in between as my work does not want me to work remote. That way my wife’s commute is an hour each or so 2/3 times a week and mine will be about the same. I already commute that now anyway.

TL;DR: my wife and i have been living apart for the last 8 months and my lease is coming to a close and figuring out the next best option without losing my job if I can.

I'll try not to make this too long. My husband and I have been married over 20 years. I've known from the beginning that he likes to watch corn, no big deal. when we were first dating (think early 2000s) I remember he had a really large phone bill from calling 1-900 numbers. That kinda bothered me but I let it go. Then the internet became more popular, we had a couple kids and I found he was "chatting" with women online. He actually left one of his sessions on the computer and I saw all the cybersexual conversation that happened. I brought it to his attention and he accused me of being crazy. I pretty much just let it all go to keep the peace.

Fast forward to 2 years ago: He ran into his ex and she started messaging him, asking him if he's on SC . He said he wasn't andbdidnt see a point. He told me about it, but he was acting, weird. So i did what I really dont like to do and went through his phone. He actually has 3 SC accounts. I found a screenshot of him without a shirt, video chatting with a woman in her bra and panties. I was obviously upset. This, along with other issues, created an argument and I asked if he wanted an open relationship. He said he didn't, so we worked it out. For the last 2 years, I've really been trying to make the relationship work. I initiate sex about 90% of the time. I told him anytime he wanted it, I was up for it.

In the fall, I noticed he was still talking to women on SC. I cried and told him it bothers me and I'm having trouble dealiny with it. In February, things just werent feeling right. So, once again. I went through his phone and found dozens of women he's video chatted with, had phone calls with, daily bites saying things like, wife is at work, who wants to play? He would say negative things about me to these women. That definitely hurt but what hurt the most, was thar he's had an emotional relationship with a woman for nearly 4 years. He tells her he loves her when I leave the room. He bought flowers and gifts for her and her child. He has a sex toy with her. Granted, she lives in a completely different state but I found out they met last month and she was also in our state last year. He says nothing happened, but its kinda hard to believe. He told me its a hobby for him and he likes to manipulate women. Thats why he does it.

Is this normal behavior for a guy? Am I overreacting? There's obviously more to the story, but Im trying to not write a book here. I told him I think we need a break as he has also said things like, he's not sure what he wants, sex feels like an obligation, he's not sure what makes him happy. when I talk about a break though, he goes completely silent. Sometimes I feel like he's trying to play mind games with me. I just really need a guy's opinion. I know what most women are gonna say, divorce him. I want to know if the marriage can be saved though and if he might ever change.

Tl;dr Husband video chats with other women, involved in 4 year emotional/possible physical affair, likes to play mind games with women online, is this normal

Problem: I’m currently dealing with a stressful situation with my father’s health, and I’m in a different country from him. It’s been really hard on me emotionally, and I feel anxious and drained most days. I don’t have the energy to socialize or do much, so I’ve mostly been staying at home.

My husband does check in from time to time and asks what he can do to support me, but honestly, that question feels overwhelming. I don’t have the mental energy to figure out what I need or give him an answer—I barely understand it myself right now.

Because of that, he’s just been continuing with his normal routine—playing sports, going to friends’ birthday (planned prior), etc. Meanwhile, I’m at home feeling low and starting to feel alone, even though I know he’s technically trying to help.

Context: When he first asked how to support me, I said “nothing” because I couldn’t think straight at the time. I don’t think he’s a bad or uncaring person, and I know he probably assumes I’ll tell him if I need something.

I think part of the problem is that I don’t have the capacity to think what are my needs right now, but I still wish he would take more initiative or just be there without me having to explain everything.

Advice Request: Am I being unfair for feeling this way? How would you handle this kind of situation where you don’t even know what kind of support you need?

TL;DR:Dealing with my dad’s health from another country and feeling emotionally drained. Husband asks how to help, but I don’t have the energy to answer, so he continues his normal life. Now I feel alone but also unsure if it’s my fault for not being able to communicate my needs.

My (28F) husband (28M) got married a few months ago and suddenly sex life post marriage is dead (once or twice a month) compared to our past history, which was several times a week usually. He has switched antidepressants/dosages several times in the last year and I know low libido can be a side effect of SSRIs, (I was on them for years and know what it’s like) but I got sick of taking them because I felt like the negative side effects were outweighing any positives I was getting from them so I stopped taking them altogether and now my sex drive is the highest it’s ever been in my life, and it feels like his is the lowest it’s ever been. I love him so much and I feel terrible for even feeling this way but right now it feels like he simply doesn’t have the capacity to meet my needs. Not to mention his sleep schedule has changed and he goes to bed hours earlier than me, he gets exhausted at 9pm and I’m a night owl that can’t fall asleep before midnight at the earliest. And yes, I have initiated the majority of the last few times but I’m so tired of initiating I want to feel wanted and desired like he used to make me feel. Because I’ve never had a libido this high, I never would’ve thought that lack of sex would ever be this significant/make me feel like this, I almost feel some shame and confusion for these feelings. But I need sex so bad I’m losing my mind in frustration, I think about it all day and porn or masturbation isn’t cutting it. I would never actually go out and secretly hook up with someone else but sometimes I feel my mind wandering there and fantasizing which has never happened before. I feel so guilty. And I’ve already brought up the lack of physical intimacy to him multiple times before and he said he will look into switching up his antidepressant to see if helps….it hasn’t. And it seems wrong to keep having him change psychiatric medication because i’m horny- especially because we’ve been in reversed roles before and there’s been times in the past I didn’t want sex for weeks.

Anyways, I’m wondering many things like 1) if there’s any antidepressants out there that don’t have any libido related side effects (i know everyone responds to them differently but still) and 2) is this situation a valid reason to ask him about opening the relationship (like is it terrible to ask that when it’s for a medical reason like this?) and 3) does anyone have any experience with this and have some advice on how to go about the open relationship conversation/important guidelines to keep in mind or 4) do i need to just suck it up and be satisfied with the twice a month sex and touching myself

tl;dr dead bedroom because of husband’s antidepressants, wondering if proposing to open the relationship is the right choice

Long story short, we've been together 13 years. Around a year or so back when my son was approaching 2 yo, both me and my wife decided we need some downtime in evenings for ourselves to start working out, so that we get out of the daily grind of managing house. We both picked a separate sport and attended classes twice a week - let's call it a gym in my case. I haven't felt that good for many years, I got really into it and was so glad every time I got to work out. It worked really well, until I noticed a woman there. She didn't really pay attention to me, I just treated it like "well, that girl sure is pretty". At that point, I wouldn't call it a crush but months in it sure started being one. At first I thought I'm just looking for validation, that I got a bit muscular, confident, started feeling good and wanted to be desired (which I wasn't at home). I started having some conversations at home, about how our relationship is stuck and how we should work on it more and be nicer to each other etc. At that point I thought things are going in the right direction. I haven't made any move towards the woman in the gym, I just looked at her from time to time, daydreamed a bit and got on with my life, but I felt I really wanted her attention. Well, I got what I wished for. At first I dismissed it, but she increasingly started working out closer, smiling a lot at me, looking for eye contact up until she started looking at me like me and my wife looked at each other first time we've met. This situation scared me to the bone, because while I don't really have any problem being nice and smiling at random women, she wasn't random. I quit the gym (for a month), I haven't slept for a week and after that week I had really serious conversation with my wife about how I felt and how our relationship is romantically dead, that I've been looking for validation from other women (I haven't mentioned the specifics) and has been for quite some time and the kid didn't break it, but shun a spotlight on it and that we either start a revolution or I won't be able to continue it anymore. What felt the worst is that I haven't felt a thing during that conversation, I was just numb - not angry, not sad, not scared. We both tried for a bit, we finally had sex (which was rare since Covid, then improved when we started trying for child but it took 2 tries and dead bedroom followed suit again). Anyway, I thought that if we regain physical contact and passion, things will fall back into place, but they don't seem to so I've decided to go to therapy. It's not been going great and I'm not getting anywhere near a solution here - of course I know the fundamentals, I'm an immature narcissist, going through mid-life crisis, but knowing that isn't really getting me anywhere. I'm basically stuck at 3 questions: do I still love her? Was the crush the cause of my relationship's downfall or an effect? Will I fuck my son's life if I leave?

5 months from our first conversation, we had two more serious conversations, including one 2 weeks back where she said it's so unfair that every day she wakes up and wonders if this is the day I'll decide to leave, and she's right it is awful. She added that she's ready to rebuilt it step by step if needed. The worst part is that I really can't find the will to try and build it from scratch again. And this is not because of the crush, which till date I haven't spoken to or even said hi, because everything that would follow would be close to if not already emotional infidelity and even the current situation feels awful to me. What I'm trying to say is that it isn't an "option", but at the same time I am sure it is clouding my judgement even if I'm trying to be confident that it isn't.

I was not a good partner myself - not that I was abusive, non-attentive, shouting, arguing, dismissive or anything, but I feel I haven't been putting in the work and care where and how she needed that emotionally, at the same time, I haven't been feeling in any way needed or desired in the relationship for quite some time, but I dismissed that just as my father or his father did. I feel like I'm going to fuck up everyone's life if I leave (I would like to co-parent 50:50 if it came to that), but at the same time I can't find will in myself to try and rebuild it over the course of n-years if all that's left for me given my family history is 20 years of relative health tops. For the last 4 months, we have been worse than roommates. My body has been responding badly when she tries to touch me casually, we haven't really talked about much other than stuff related to our child and I find myself trying to spend time either myself or 1:1 with my kid. What makes it even more awful is that she isn't a bad person, she's never hurt me and she's the best mother my son could hope for. We just lost interest in each other, and I could go on with her not caring about what I do, what I'm into (hobbies, interests, projects) as long as I was still interested in what she was up to - but I just stopped.

tl;dr a crush (31F) has either been eating my (38M) relationship (with 39F) alive or just manifested all of its problems and I am failing to find will to rebuild regardless of the crush

Hi! Me (27M) and mi wife (27F) are currently on vacation on a resort in another country.

Last night, at 4:46am I was woken up by the sound of The Office (the tv show) my wife was watching next to me on her phone

I didnt say a word, got up, went to the toilet and came back, when I woke up I kindly said it at the conversation went like this

- hey when you watch tv at night you should use airpods

- i did

- I think youre wrong, I heard The Office

- i was using airpods, they must just runned out of charge (with a serious voice)

Then i said nothing, and Im just kind of pissed off she didnt just say “sorry! It seems my airpods were off and I didnt notice”

Am I being too sensible? Its okay to expect some kind of little apology? Any advice would be aprecciated!

tl;dr: wife woke me up at night with the sound of The Office, and wasnt even sorry

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My wife (F26) and I (M28), have been together about 9 years, and married for 2. We have been basically attached at the hip our whole relationship. We love and respect each other emotionally and have been supporting each other our whole relationship since we both have one form or another of mental illness that we struggle with. I have ADHD and anxiety, and she has bpd. Not sure if that's relevant, but it has caused a lot of miscommunication between us. We have gotten very good at recognizing when we have a miscommunication that turns into a bigger argument, and usually one of us is able to be the calmer one that can direct the conversation to something productive so we can both understand each other better. All of this is just to say that we have a good relationship in a lot of aspects, but there have been some glaring issues that I cannot seem to overlook.

The first is that she has tried to find a real career that she can work in for the foreseeable future over the last 5 years. I have supported us financially completely on my own for 3 full years, with her finding a job for a short stint of a month or so with long breaks of 6 months or more between. This has put a lot of stress on my shoulders, and I've been able to manage it well, but in this economy having one modest income is not enough. I have supported her in trying multiple new career paths, but every time she finds something to justify why she cannot work there any longer and wants to just give up. I always tell her that it can get better, and jobs will never be perfect, but it seems that she cannot build up enough mental fortitude to stick it out until she finds a different job. We have been working on not masking at work or in public and being her authentic self so she doesn't get burnt out on pretending all day long, but there had been little progress in that helping.

The other part of that is she doesn't like to help me with chores around the house when she doesn't work. I cook, clean the kitchen, dishes, vacuum, clean the majority of the house, and she sporadically does the laundry. She also doesn't take care of herself at all. I have to carry the mental load of keeping her healthy. I design meal plans for us for the week on conjunction with her of course, but with little more than a, "idk whatever you wanna make for us." I have to remind her to shower occasionally, drink water regularly, and go for a walk with me. She has gained a significant amount of weight since we started dating, but that is not the issue. I love her for her, not just for looks. She has a family history of health conditions related to being overweight, so it is important to manage it while we are still young. I have a very active career where I have the opportunity to find some cool spots for hiking and camping in the mountains ,and I would love to experience them with her but she cannot physically keep up with me. I would love to get to the point one day where I can have these experiences with her finally.

On top of these issues, there is an issue in the bedroom of course. Whether it's an issue with self confidence or just a general uncomfortableness she feels, it sex life isn't great. We go weeks at a time without being intimate, and then we have one weekend where we get busy everyday. She always has a good time, but I cannot say the same. It can be difficult some times as I can cause her some pain if I last too long and she has multiple orgasms. She gets tired of it, and then I ask to be finished and she says maybe later. Nothing happens later on though, it's usually multiple days before there's even a whiff of more action. This can be very frustrating, as I feel I give my all to her in multiple facets of our relationship, but it doesn't seem as though she gives me the same. This is causing a feeling of resentment in me that I don't want to feel towards her. I'm a very level headed guy and am good and being introspective, but I don't know how to place these feelings or how to get them to subside.

I have brought this up with her before, and we have had long conversations about it, but I don't see much overall improvement from her.

I'm just looking for some advice on how to approach this with her in a new light, or any other suggestions to help continue to build our relationship stronger. Obviously, I don't want to get a divorce, it else I wouldn't have married her in the first place. Thank you for the help!

Tl;dr

My wife and I have a strained relationship from discrepancies in mental load, work load, and sexual wellness. How can I talk with her to make a serious change?

I (28m) have been married to my wife (24f) for 3.5 years and together for 6. I will be the first to admit that while we were dating, our relationship was super toxic. I was young and dumb and basically ignored every glaring red flag there was and continued to date her even though it wasn’t healthy and I distanced myself from my friends and family. She was very manipulative when we dated, she was an emotional rollercoaster and would get upset at something very minor and go silent and not tell me what was wrong and just drag on like that for an entire day and basically ruin my day because I’d be trying to pry out of her what was wrong, eventually she would just stop being upset after hours or days of this but still never would tell me what was wrong. This cycle would repeat constantly. We fought constantly, I honestly don’t know how we stayed together for so long, but we did. She ended up getting pregnant while dating and I felt the right thing to do was to get married. So we got married and now have 2 children (ages 3 and 4 months). Since we’ve been married, my wife has definitely grown and become a much more mature person overall compared to when we were dating but she still has issues that really make things hard for me. My wife grew up in a very toxic environment which I didn’t realize the extent of it until we had been married for a few years. But I think growing up in that environment really damaged her mentally and emotionally and has made it really difficult for her to be in a healthy relationship.

She loses patience quickly (but very often like multiple times per day) causing me to have to be careful how I act to not set her off. I feel like I have to overcompensate to try and keep her happy. I do not feel heard or that she’s interested when I tell her about things important to me, when I share a story or accomplishment about my life, I’m usually met with a smart comment instead of love and support. She will say mean or hurtful things and spin them as a joke or say I’m being “too sensitive” if I get offended or upset at it. She’ll straight up deny or flip things on me if confronted about things that I bring up that I don’t like, I seem to always be the one who has to apologize after a fight. She can be very isolated and doesn’t particularly like hanging out with my friends ever, forcing me to either not go or go by myself and make excuses for why she’s not there. Those are just a few examples of things that she does.

Also, she is a stay at home mom and I work to provide. I pay for everything and keep up with the house and cars and everything in our life that needs keeping up with. She takes care of the kids and does a great job but one thing that really irritates me is she really downplays my role in the family. On top of working and keeping up with the mortgage and bills and stuff, I try to help clean up when I’m home and obviously take care of the kids but no matter how much I do right, she always seems to find the 1 thing I did wrong. I could do 99 things to be helpful and thoughtful, but she would point out and get upset at the 1 thing I didn’t do. It’s extremely frustrating.

Honestly what I always come back to is that I feel like your spouse should bring peace and happiness into your life and my wife honestly mostly brings stress and negativity into my life at this point. Sometimes we have days that are really great and I like being with her but most of the time, I honestly dread going home and I fantasize about being single.

I’ve thought about divorce but, 1. I come from a very religious family who would be extremely against divorce and would definitely try to push me to just go to counseling or work things out and 2. I really hate the idea of our two sons growing up in a divorced household and not being able to see them every day but I literally think about being single almost every day which makes me really sad because I know that’s not normal in a good, healthy marriage. Also, I have thought to myself that if we were still just dating, I would absolutely break up with her. Which tells me that I’m staying in a marriage just because we’re married and have kids.

What should I do?

Tl;dr: I was in a toxic relationship and ignored the red flags because I was immature. We got pregnant and I married her and now I don’t want to be married anymore. What do I do?

Hey guys,

Everyone who’s about to get married seems super excited, but honestly, I don’t feel that way right now. And its an arranged marriage iam 28 and he is 29 I’ve been really stressed with work and all the wedding preparations, especially since my dad hasn’t been well so most of the responsibility has been on me and my mom.

My fiancé is actually very calm and understanding. He gives me my space, doesn’t question much, and always just says “take care” and “be safe.” Right now, he’s on a trip he loves traveling and I don’t want to disturb him. He keeps me updated, but even if we don’t talk for hours, it doesn’t really bother me.

I think I’m just so occupied with my own routine and exhaustion that I don’t feel that typical “over-excited” phase people talk about. It’s not like I don’t have feelings for him I feel comfortable, safe, and we’ve had our moments too.

But I keep wondering… is it normal to feel this way?

Tldr; feeling weird about my emotions

So I want to start, I do love my husband, but I don’t know if I’m “in love” or if he is “the one”

He is an amazing person, we get along great, we do have fun together, he is all around a good husband. But there are aspects of our relationship that I feel like lack sometimes.

We have been together almost 6 years and married 5 months. And I wanted to marry him and I wanted to spend my life with him, I genuinely felt he was it. I didn’t have these more negative thoughts about our relationship until after we married. I used to be able to so clearly visualize our future together, I could see it in my mind. But now I don’t. We really want to have kids and sometimes I feel like he might not be up to the real challenge that kids bring. I do everything, cook, clean, manage our lives, everything. And I am already tired. Finances is a 70/30 split with him at 70 so I know he does have that financial burden. He is so hard working but we both work full time, his commute is 8 mins and mine is 2 hours each way. I wake up at 4 am and come home at 7pm, make dinner, clean, get ready for bed then sleep and he is usually on the couch. I just went through a career switch so in a few years we will match salaries and possibly I will exceed his. So I have this fear that when we have kids I will be the main child care as well which would force me to leave a career I absolutely love. I have worked so hard to get where I am and I have the potential to grow so much here. I fear he will not be a good partner. When speaking to a friend she said he used weaponized incompetence and I agree. It is so exhausting to always be “on” to always have to make the decisions, plan everything then lead those plans. And I have brought this up and he sometimes gets defensive and says “I won’t be like that” but words mean nothing, it’s action right??? His actions do not match his words.

Tl;dr: So I am looking for some advice, are these feelings normal as a newly wed? Am I overreacting? Am I unfairly judging him before I am even giving him a chance to rise to the occasion? I just don’t want to have kids and 5 more years later I am in the same position and be a married single parent working a demanding career.

i got married late last year and i knew my husband had a history of opiate abuse but that he had been to treatment and had been off it. a few weeks after the paper signing, i found out he wasn’t off it and he was using daily. i did a drug test for the military, tested positive for fentanyl despite having never used and it was weeks after that he told me. i’m supportive in his road to recovery, he is clean now, and im a clinician for substance abuse to i understand the lies and how its normal even for usually great relationships. i want to be there for him but i just have so much resentment for the fact he let me sign a legally binding contract to him without telling me he was still using and also that i will never be in the military again because of him. is there a way to save this?

tl;dr/summary: my husband and i got married and he didn’t tell me he was using opiates before then. he’s clean but i hold resentment and don’t know how to keep going

I been married for 9 years and I feel like its getting worse. my babe has an addiction to material or online things. not bad stuff like streaming all day or night, watching streamers or streams even while driving. He making all of us (3 kids and me) stay quite so he can play. He never can be without his phone. he works a job that really when he wants and if they call. I work! I deal with the kids come home clean take care of his dog, (he never helps with) he doesnt cook clean help with anything. he definitely has alot to say when he doesnt get his way. like me getting a cup of water after I just worked, picked up the kids(even though he is HOME) came home cleaned cooked still in work clothes myself clean the kettle make sure the kids shower have clothes ready and when I finally sit to just take a break. he asking me after he been sitting all day, to get him water to go to the store to tell the kid to be quite the go get him beer. I hate that he is streaming!!!!! or trying to be a streamer and yes I told him how I feel but I get this "my community comes first, im the king i do what I want, if you dont like it leave! ill go find a place to stay so I can stream in peace ooh and the best one yet .. ima just gunna leave you you complain too much.. I just want him off of it im sooooo close to throwing it all outside to get his dam attention. its like im a maid and Im alone. I want someone to talk to I want a friend I want to get away. I wanna be happy i dont want to leave cause I do love him and I want him to notice what he doing to this family. But at the same time im so alone. Cant go on trips cause he needs to stream. purposely argues so he can be on the game.

what to do..

tl;drwhatuthink