Really need advice
So I want to start, I do love my husband, but I don’t know if I’m “in love” or if he is “the one”
He is an amazing person, we get along great, we do have fun together, he is all around a good husband. But there are aspects of our relationship that I feel like lack sometimes.
We have been together almost 6 years and married 5 months. And I wanted to marry him and I wanted to spend my life with him, I genuinely felt he was it. I didn’t have these more negative thoughts about our relationship until after we married. I used to be able to so clearly visualize our future together, I could see it in my mind. But now I don’t. We really want to have kids and sometimes I feel like he might not be up to the real challenge that kids bring. I do everything, cook, clean, manage our lives, everything. And I am already tired. Finances is a 70/30 split with him at 70 so I know he does have that financial burden. He is so hard working but we both work full time, his commute is 8 mins and mine is 2 hours each way. I wake up at 4 am and come home at 7pm, make dinner, clean, get ready for bed then sleep and he is usually on the couch. I just went through a career switch so in a few years we will match salaries and possibly I will exceed his. So I have this fear that when we have kids I will be the main child care as well which would force me to leave a career I absolutely love. I have worked so hard to get where I am and I have the potential to grow so much here. I fear he will not be a good partner. When speaking to a friend she said he used weaponized incompetence and I agree. It is so exhausting to always be “on” to always have to make the decisions, plan everything then lead those plans. And I have brought this up and he sometimes gets defensive and says “I won’t be like that” but words mean nothing, it’s action right??? His actions do not match his words.
Tl;dr: So I am looking for some advice, are these feelings normal as a newly wed? Am I overreacting? Am I unfairly judging him before I am even giving him a chance to rise to the occasion? I just don’t want to have kids and 5 more years later I am in the same position and be a married single parent working a demanding career.