How should I (27F) address my husband's (32M) inappropriate relationship with female (24F) friend?
Im going to apologize for the long post in advance. I (27F) and my husband (32 M) have been together for 7 years, married for almost 5 and have two kids (4F,2F).
Some background:
My husband has known "Kate" (24F) for around 10 years. He and her mom (at the time mid to late 30s) had a relationship (casual sex) on and off for a year or so. Him and her met as coworkers and my husband would hang out with the oldest son. When he was dating mom, he saw the conditions the six kids (ages 3-19) were living in and felt bad for them. Single wide trailer, dirty, not a lot of food, etc. He bought the kids beds, would help out with money occasionally, took the kids out, and took care of mom when she frequently "got too drunk". Even after they werent seeing each other, my husband would check in with them as a sort of family friend.
Kate moved out with a boyfriend at 15, got pregnant at 16 by choice and married to him (he was 20). By 18 she had 2 kids, her and husband were fighting and he left the state with them. My husband helped drive her to the other state and gave her money for a lawyer to help with this situation. She has stated that she would have slept with him if he had made a move on her in passing. Which he obviously didn't because she was 18 and obviously vulnerable. They ended up having 3 kids together before eventually divorcing. She is now married to a different man.
Through my husband, I have learned that Kate has cheated on her current husband MULTIPLE times. Slept with her husband's boss, our roommate, other random men. All unprotected. She got pregnant after sleeping with our roommate. She was planning on not telling him and passing the baby off as her husband's. I got involved and said that our roommate should know about the situation and if she didn't tell him then I would.
Im all for being a girls girl, but that was too far for me. She subsequently had a "miscarriage" and blocked me and roommate on everything but would still talk to my husband. In about 8 months, she had a baby and husband has been raising it as his for the past few years. Recently, after a fight, she contacted roommate said the baby was his and asked if he wanted to meet it. This child is several years old now.
Given the above history I have told my husband that I do not like Kate and do not want to have anything to do with her personally anymore. She cant come over to our house and I dont want him to see her alone. If he wanted to continue to be friends with her that was his choice.
I looked through his messages and saw that she is being extremely sexually suggestive with him. "I suck at blahblahblah, im good at sucking a lot of things too", asking him to go drinking with her because "she needs a friend right now", complaining that she cant see him, etc. He is not being flirty back or taking her up on it but he is not shutting it down at all and is constantly messaging her.
She is also asking for money and help and he is lying to her to get out of telling her no. Saying he doesn't have the money, the credit, and saying he cant meet her because he has to watch the kids over night while I sleep(he doesn't).
How should I go about addressing this with my husband, since I have not brought it up yet? And what would be an appropriate plan to put into place going forward with our relationship?
tl;dr: Recently found out that my husband's "friend" has been sending him pretty sexually suggestive messages and wanting to "hang out". She has a long history of infidelity and bad decisions around men. We are no longer friends because of this. He's not reciprocating but is not shutting this down and is still constantly messaging her. how should I address this situation?