Looking for a guy's perspective
I'll try not to make this too long. My husband and I have been married over 20 years. I've known from the beginning that he likes to watch corn, no big deal. when we were first dating (think early 2000s) I remember he had a really large phone bill from calling 1-900 numbers. That kinda bothered me but I let it go. Then the internet became more popular, we had a couple kids and I found he was "chatting" with women online. He actually left one of his sessions on the computer and I saw all the cybersexual conversation that happened. I brought it to his attention and he accused me of being crazy. I pretty much just let it all go to keep the peace.
Fast forward to 2 years ago: He ran into his ex and she started messaging him, asking him if he's on SC . He said he wasn't andbdidnt see a point. He told me about it, but he was acting, weird. So i did what I really dont like to do and went through his phone. He actually has 3 SC accounts. I found a screenshot of him without a shirt, video chatting with a woman in her bra and panties. I was obviously upset. This, along with other issues, created an argument and I asked if he wanted an open relationship. He said he didn't, so we worked it out. For the last 2 years, I've really been trying to make the relationship work. I initiate sex about 90% of the time. I told him anytime he wanted it, I was up for it.
In the fall, I noticed he was still talking to women on SC. I cried and told him it bothers me and I'm having trouble dealiny with it. In February, things just werent feeling right. So, once again. I went through his phone and found dozens of women he's video chatted with, had phone calls with, daily bites saying things like, wife is at work, who wants to play? He would say negative things about me to these women. That definitely hurt but what hurt the most, was thar he's had an emotional relationship with a woman for nearly 4 years. He tells her he loves her when I leave the room. He bought flowers and gifts for her and her child. He has a sex toy with her. Granted, she lives in a completely different state but I found out they met last month and she was also in our state last year. He says nothing happened, but its kinda hard to believe. He told me its a hobby for him and he likes to manipulate women. Thats why he does it.
Is this normal behavior for a guy? Am I overreacting? There's obviously more to the story, but Im trying to not write a book here. I told him I think we need a break as he has also said things like, he's not sure what he wants, sex feels like an obligation, he's not sure what makes him happy. when I talk about a break though, he goes completely silent. Sometimes I feel like he's trying to play mind games with me. I just really need a guy's opinion. I know what most women are gonna say, divorce him. I want to know if the marriage can be saved though and if he might ever change.
Tl;dr Husband video chats with other women, involved in 4 year emotional/possible physical affair, likes to play mind games with women online, is this normal