r/aitaweddings

*EDIT: I don't think we are realizing the topic of conversation at hand. I don't need randoms on the internet telling me to go back to work. As it is with my MIL-to-be, that is none of y'all's business. The topic at hand is AITA for not involving my future MIL in the wedding planning. Not AITA for not working. Please refrain from talking about your worldly opinions about me not working. It's a decision between my SO, not everyone else. Thank you.

My fiancé (28m) and I (26f) are planning a very quick turn around for our wedding. We got engaged mid-March 2026 and are getting married mid-August 2026.

Here's a little backstory (and I promise this is important to understand where I am coming from with everything later): My fiancé and I have been together for over 2 years now. We have lived together for a year. In September of 2025, we sat and had a conversation and decided that I would quit my job. He makes enough and then some, and the job I was at was not a great environment and I was constantly too tired and in a horrible mood. In the following months we have touched base with that conversation to see if I would need to go back to work for extra money, and every time we come to the same conclusion that we don't need it, but if I am getting bored at the house he's all for it. Otherwise, it makes him happy having me at home, so he can just come home from his job and not need to worry about anything. It works for us.

Unfortunately, the living situation isn't idea, but it's what he had previous to us meeting. His mom and him have half ownership of the property. There are 2 separate "houses" on said property: we live in one, she lives in the other. Both buildings have separate addresses, therefore all bills for our house comes to us and we pay them, she (mostly) pays for her's. She does not work and gets very little income from some source (unsure if its social security or some settlement from one of her many ex-husbands). So there have been many occasions where we have had to pay for her utilities or her groceries because she "can't afford it that month" (she's constantly having my fiancé pick her up beer and cigarettes every few days). She also does not drive so anything she needs we are expected to get for her.

Now to the story at hand. My parents have been extremely involved in the entire process, from going with me to venues when my fiancé has to work, to planning and hosting our engagement party last month (April 2026). Not to mention giving us money to help with costs. The money that they gifted us came with no strings attached, other than that they would be attending the wedding (obviously). Besides that, "it's your guys' day so we will help out how we can to make sure its how you want it" is always their response.

On the flip side, his mom has had pushbacks through the whole process. It started with small things. For instance, slight concern about how quickly we were planning the wedding. She kept "assuming" that when we said August we were talking about August of 2027. We've had to correct her that it was not next year, but in fact this year. We had to keep explaining that 1. we've been together for 2 years, 2. we want to start a family in the next year if we can, and then to drive the point home we explained that we were doing a very laidback, "family reunion" style wedding. No fancy frills.

From there I would mention small things like my wedding dress. My grandmother's wedding dress was gifted to me by my dad and aunt saying that I have their blessing to use it however I see fit and that they were okay with me using parts of it for my dress. When I mentioned doing this, his mother audibly gasped and said "you can't do that! That is so wrong to do!" I kept my response short and sweet by saying "I have the blessing to do so, I want my grandmother to be part of my wedding even though she isn't going to be there physically" and I left it at that.

Just recently, however, was the final straw for me. Last month at Easter his sister mentioned me not working. My fiancé stopped her and told her we were fine and that I didn't need to right now. I brushed it off. This last weekend, we went over to spend time with his mother on her porch. She started with the usual "So August next year, right". My fiancé stopped her in her tracks "No THIS August. As in 3 months from now." I brush that off. And then she looks straight at me and says "alright so where's your money coming from the wedding?" I kid you not I sat there and stared at her for a good 15 seconds shocked. Thankfully as I was about to compose myself and respond (respectfully of course) my fiancé jumped in and said "We've got it handled, don't worry about it." I also at this point had calmed down enough to respond and say "I've got money going towards it as well, it's not just coming out of his account. We have decided I wasn't going to work, so until he tells me it's time to, I am staying home for him." To which she responded, borderline yelling at us "I will worry about it. It's not his decision if you go to work. You are 26, you need to be working. There's no reason for you to not be working." And my fiancé jumped in again, cut her off, stood up and said "alright, love you mom." as he grabbed his things from the table and looked at me signaling that we were done being over there and having the conversation.

Needless to say, she has not been a big part of the wedding planning process. But on some level I do feel bad not letting her be apart of it because it's her baby and it's the only wedding she will probably be able to be part of. But I genuinely feel that if she does become part of it, it will cause more arguments and cause a rift between my fiancé and his mom. All being said, I am a former people pleaser and still feel a little guilty. AITA for keeping his mom "out of the loop" of wedding planning to save my own sanity?

EDIT #2: My fiancé and his mom are not close. They are close proximity-wise, that is it. She didn't raise him, his grandfather did. She didn't join back into his life until the last 5-6 years. The reason for them half owning the property was more so to help her out after her third divorce. We are in the works of getting a new place, out of town, closer to his work, so living on the same property will only be an issue for a few more months.

I am a 26 yrs old amateur photographer. I have spent thousands of dollars on my photography material. Despite being an amateur photographer and not a professional, I'm generally the go-to guy in the family when it comes to pictures at any events. Usually, it's fine; I enjoy the experience.

However, this time it's a completely different scenario this August my sister Chloe, 29 yrs old, is getting married. A while back she asked me to photograph the ceremony so she could save some money. I promised her I can definitely work for free at the dinner rehearsals and preparation before the ceremony(family) but, they should hire a professional photographer because I want enjoy my evening there, you know being a guest at my sisters wedding.

Unfortunately, Chloe couldn't find any good photographers and asked me to do everything alone. We agreed that in this case, I can shoot the whole wedding but I'd want a $1,200 lens that I've been wanting to buy for a while now.

Yesterday Chloe had sent me my official invitation along with the "Registry Note." basically she intended to fund her honeymoon with contributions from each guest who could give something towards her honeymoon. She was wondering why I hadn't contributed the $500 yet. So I told her that actually, I will be working for nothing at the wedding ceremony just for the sake of getting a premium camera lens that costs more than the total contribution put together.

Chloe went ballistic and claimed that the camera is a gift in return for the help I'm offering but I have to contribute $500 as the "standard guest contribution" because we are family. Essentially, she meant that if I don't contribute $500, then I will be charging my own sister to attend her wedding but if I do I'll basically be working a whole day for $700

I told her that if I am supposed to work for 12 hours and contribute $500 then there won't be any deal. I won't attend the wedding or take any pictures. Now my parents claim that I am being very greedy and spoiling my sister's day with "petty issues."

Am I in the wrong?

The relationship between my fiance and his parents has always been strained to begin with.. he never met his biological dad so his dad is his stepdad, and they had one more child biologically both of theirs who they always treated completely different than him. Babied him his whole life, even now at 40, but kicked my fiance out of the house the moment he turned 18, stuff like that. He claims it doesn’t bother him but it’s hard for me to understand how it couldn’t

Anyways, we are getting married in a couple of weeks. They are insisting they can only drive on certain days for no particular reason which leads to them having to start making the drive back home ON our wedding night, which means they have to leave extremely early since they insist they can’t drive in the dark. We’re talking leaving so early they miss 75% of the wedding. They would just be there for the ceremony and photos and leave before dinner. This came as a total shock considering this isn’t what we’ve been talking about at all for the past several months, MIL picked out mother son dance music and everything and the sudden change makes no sense. We’ve offered many solutions .. changing around which days are driving days (they are retired it’s not like they have to drive particular days), getting them an uber to and from their hotel the wedding night so they don’t have to drive in the dark, etc etc. They refuse every solution without any explanation as to why.

Given their driving schedule they said they would be able to come to the rehearsal dinner but leave early from the wedding to start driving back. I suggested maybe they could just shift their driving schedule back by one day so they could stay for the whole wedding, and said how the wedding is so much more important than the dinner (although we’d love to have them at both!) so if it has to be one or the other definitely make it the wedding! and she responded by saying well if the dinner isn’t important then now they won’t come to that either then.

They’ve made the drive out to see us to visit with our kids so many times but driving out for our WEDDING DAY is suddenly impossible? I feel extremely hurt and keep crying. I can’t imagine how my fiance feels that his own parents don’t give a shit enough about attending their son’s wedding to consider even one of the solutions we’ve offered.

She’s always been a really difficult woman to deal with but I’ve always tried so hard to be a good daughter in law to her despite the difficulties, sending her gifts for special occasions, reminding my fiance to be patient with her… I feel so hurt by this situation I’m considering that if they really can’t be bothered to come for our wedding day that I don’t want any relationship with them at all anymore. They want to come see our kids all the time and act very entitled about getting to visit with them but can’t be bothered to come for our wedding. WIBTAH if I went no contact if they really don’t come for our wedding?

Oh and cherry on top … the venue charges per person and it’s $165 a head. So we’d pay $330 for them to attend 25% of the wedding and not even eat the food since they have to leave so early. Not that I expect it but they have not contributed anything towards our wedding either despite them being extremely financially comfortable and retired. My own mom who struggles immensely financially still pitched in $500 cash plus helping with buying various decorations

TLDR MIL/FIL insist they have no choice but to miss 75% of our wedding day despite us giving them many solutions for all of the reasons they have to leave early. They act entitled to come see our kids whenever they want but can’t be bothered to be at our wedding day, and only gave us this bombshell of information 2 weeks before the wedding. If they really go through with this I’m considering going no contact. WIBTAH to go no contact over this?

My sister 23 F is creating a team to participate in a walk (an annual event) the day after my wedding(26 F). This cause is near and dear for her and my whole family is participating in it. Unfortunately i can not participate in it because my fiance and I have PAID a lot of money to host a brunch that has been in the works for over a year.

My immediate family is ditching my brunch to attend the walk and now she is trying to get my extended family. It feels like a competition and it is making me upset because we have spent so much time planning our wedding weekend. My mom told me that they are all going on the walk that is an annual event in our town.

AITA for being upset over the walk that is taking place during my brunch and AITA because I am not attending the walk?

AITA for not wanting to send two separate invitations, one to my side and one to my fiancé's? For context, my fiancé's whole family is very open about being late (on purpose) for everything, they keep saying its a cultural thing. We showed up to a family event of his almost two hours late and were the first people there. They're all telling me that I should make two invitations and send one to their side of the family with the start time at least 2 hours earlier then we actually want them there, and one to my side with the correct time. IMO I feel like this is ridiculous and have stated to them more then once that if you can plan to be late, you can plan to be on time.

My fiancé is on my side with this and has said that he will call everyone and let them know if they can't be on time to RSVP no. This isn't a random backyard birthday party and I just feel like it's really disrespectful to the people who are planning, paying for, and wanting you to celebrate with them. I also understand that it's just one extra step (on top of everything else that goes with planning a wedding), but I guess when do I actually put my foot down? AITA?

Context:
Getting married very soon and my mother will be coming from abroad, she doesn’t speak English or local language.

Im trying to keep the guest list small with only people I would love to see on that special day unfortunately my in laws have a guest list of their own. They know how I feel about inviting random people I don’t know but in their “tradition” you should extend the invitation to certain people even tho they are not related in any way to the couple.

So far I have been very flexible with them and I have accepted these guests against my will just for the sake of avoiding any problems. But even after a serious conversation that made my feelings very clear about this topic I received an affirmative RSVP of 4 people I didn’t invite and I was livid.
They didn’t even ask.

The reason why those people were invited is because the daughter speaks the same language as my mom and she could keep her company.
I appreciate the good intentions but once again they overstepped the boundaries and went against my wishes. I’m feeling completely ignored.

I know the people who are invited and as much as they are nice and kind I simply don’t want them there. We are not close to them and they are not close to my in-laws either. Just some people we know through other people and we meet 1-2 a year when there is some kind of big reunion.

My FIL says that it will be embarrassing to uninvite them and it is going to ruin the relationship. I think that’s dramatic as there is no relationship to be ruined. And he should have thought about it before inviting them without my permission.
My fiance doesn’t care too much and doesn’t think is a big issue if these people come.
I don’t have anything personal against them but I feel powerless over my own wedding and I’ll be upset with myself if I give in.

At the same time I feel bad for the girl and her family because it’s obviously not their fault and it’s going to be awkward for them too.

Am I overreacting? Am I exaggerating? Should I just let everyone come?

Nobody thinks my in laws personal guest list is a big deal except me just because “that’s how it is”

EDIT:

Hello OP here, I’ve come to answer some questions and to share my final decision.

1.My in laws are not paying for everything but they are happy to help with some expenses, however I would rather pay everything myself and do it my way.

2. I’m not making a big deal out of 4 people. There’s a guest list of about 20 people that they have invited and I agreed even if it didn’t please me. I was assured that was all and now those 4 people without even asking was just the last drop.

3.No the parents of the girl don’t speak the language, only she does. But as I said my mom speaks Spanish and she’ll have plenty of people to talk to. I’m not trying to isolate her.

4.I consider myself to be a reasonable person and for this reason I have compromised on multiple things (agreeing to a wedding, 20 unknown guest, date of the wedding, videographer and table setting).

5. My fiance doesn’t have strong feelings about this. He has spoken to his parents about the situation and expressed our feelings but at the same time hasn’t shut them down. The ways he sees it is that it’s a wedding and this is just how they go, and we should do X and Y because that’s how weddings are, he doesn’t really realize that’s is also his day and he can do whatever he pleases (guests, music, food, dance) I have told him multiple times that we can do whatever he wants if he thinks it’s fun for him even if it’s not the “standard”

6. It does cost extra money per plate/guest however here the wedding gift given to the couple is usually money (enough to cover for yourself) It’s not about the money it’s about looking at the picture and not knowing who are those strangers

I want to say that I never wanted a wedding party, I would much rather elope but I let everyone convince me that we MUST do a wedding because that’s how life goes. I agreed on the party as long as it was small and intimate, I don’t like to be the center of attention and I find weddings very performative. But as the time passes I feel like we have lost control

I have spoken with my mom and even she agrees that FIL overstepped and those people shouldn’t have been invited as she would never do that. However she BEGGED ME for the sake of my relationship with my FIL not to uninvite them.

Final decision:

I’ll let them come.

Once again I’ll put my head down to make somebody else happy instead of choosing my own happiness. On my wedding day. The only day where I feel like the bride gets a free pass for anything. But out of respect for him and for the love they have for me I won’t “embarrass” him in front of those people. They accepted me as their own daughter when my own family is far away, even though family also needs boundaries.

Anyway those people are not at fault to be put in an awkward situation. And I have already given up on so many things so f*ck it. 20-24 whatever. They can do as they wish, it’s their wedding now.

Unfortunately I am a resentful person and I don’t forget things easily so I will have to work on myself and try to just accept it.

Last talk I had with FIL was when he was informing me that he had to invite his boss and I told him clearly that it’s not okay. He saw I was very upset about the general situation to the point where he started to feel guilty so at the end I had to be the one comforting him for making me uncomfortable. Which is crazy Anyway I’ll have another talk with him and this time I do want him to feel guilty/uncomfortable. If I’m uncomfortable now we all gonna be uncomfortable together.

I’m feeling very conflicted because I can’t tell if I’m making a big deal out of it or if I should be assertive and set a boundary. Honestly I think I will regret either decision.

Thank you all for your input and let me know what you think or what would you do

For context me and my partner have been planning to attend this wedding for awhile. My partner is a part of the wedding party. I asked about dates and I was told only one specific day, not a string of days. I assumed it would be a two day event, go there, attend and come back as it is a bit of a drive to get there, we would only spend one night. I was cool with this and even have had a dress picked out that I planned to wear and was planning to put together a gift box as the wedding is coming up soon.
The other day my partner informed me it would actually be more like 4 or 5 days, which changes the whole concept/trip for me. 2 days off work for me is a lot different than 4 or 5. I’ve also been the date before of someone in a wedding party and it SUCKED for me. I hardly knew anyone and just awkwardly waited around mostly by myself. I do know my current partners family a bit better, but seeing as they’re related to the couple I expect the same sort of things where I’m mostly alone throughout the event. On top of that I cannot exactly afford a hotel or even to split the price of a hotel and unfortunately do not feel comfortable staying in others homes as this has proven to be extremely awkward in the past.
I was expecting to go for only two days, and now I’ve realized I simply do not want to go. I have a vacation coming up soon I’ve been pinching pennies for, as well as needing work on my car.
If I think about it for a bit I can convince myself of FOMO but then I think a second longer and remember I will most likely spend only half that time with my partner as they will be off helping with last minute wedding stuff and preparing. And I unfortunately would be in a very rural area I’m not too familiar with.

Even if I make these points to my partner I still feel as though they’ll pick up on my simply not wanting to go. I definitely want a future with my partner and feel as though this is a momentous event and he has asked me to spend more time with his family once or twice, but I do not feel like I will because well…most of that time would be wedding preparations and given they’re all family this is totally valid and I get that.
Still I feel a bit selfish.
AITA if I just tell them I do not want to go?
Edit to add: I do not get PTO, I have chronic issues that DO NOT make it safe for me to make the 8 hour trip one way alone. We’ve done this travel several times together and I am sick for weeks following and unwell. I cannot drive by myself, I do not get PTO. I need to fix my car, I need to save my own money.

Edit: thank you all for the advice! I sometimes can be a very anxious person and fear people won’t understand my decisions. I also realized that there will be many other times I can visit with his family and get to know them and this one event isn’t the endgame. My partner will be attending SOLO and he said although he’s sad he won’t have a dance partner he understands that the event is just not in my cards right now. I will certainly be sending him with a nice gift and my congrats* to the couple!

AITA for being irritated my friend did not book a flight to my international wedding until 4 weeks before my wedding date? My friend, let's call her Y, is one of those people who thinks they are better than everyone else and newsflash, she's not. My fiancé and I have been planning an international wedding. This wedding has been in the works for TWO years. We did this intentionally to give everyone time to make plans, save and attend if they wanted to. We are covering lodging for all 60 guests. Hotels, airbnbs, etc. as well as drinks and meals for 3 out of the 5 days; day before, day of and day after the wedding. All the guests needed to do was book their flight to our European destination, show up, bring extra money for additional days and celebrate us on our wedding day.

Y decided that she needed to also have a destination wedding. We live in America and she decided on Mexico mere weeks before mine. Why you ask? I don't know. I understand that she can book her wedding whenever, and this is fine, but my gripe is she RSVP'd yes to my wedding knowing damn well she probably was never going to be able to afford to go because she decided she NEEDED to get married before me. Y and her husband, R, are not good with money (this is important for later) and that was a reason for a "cheaper" wedding, aka Mexico. Y made comments in the past that if we didn't go to hers, she wouldn't come to ours. I laughed it off because what else am I supposed to say to that? Well her wedding came and went and she still had not booked a flight for ours. She told me she would be booking it the weekend before her wedding. (I knew she wouldn't; it's the weekend before her wedding she is busy so I ignored it) Did not. Told me she would book it after they got back, she did not. A few weeks go by and she STILL has not booked her flight.

Y just had a destination wedding so she knows the exact stress this causes and continued to add to mine despite me telling her over and over that I am stressed over her not buying it. She did voice to me that she was tight on funds and instead of saying she could not afford it (MONTHS AGO) after paying for her own wedding, she kept pulling the string implying she was going no matter what. As a bride spending tens of thousands of dollars for this weekend for not just us, but our guests, so they can enjoy their trip with less financial stress.

Two weeks later she is proudly telling people "I still haven't booked my flight yet HAHA" as if it's a joke. Eventually A "books" said flight and tells me it's booked. I have been stressed out for weeks over this as my final numbers had already been turned in. I voice my irritation that it has taken her this long to book her flight and she tries to make it my fault that she is terrible with money. And says her finances are not like mine and somehow that is my fault? She has known about this wedding and trip for TWO years. Longer than she and R have been together. After telling Y I was irritated she waited so long, she sends me novel text messages threatening to cancel her flight, then she goes silent for a week. I don't take to threats, so you want to threaten me, play stupid games - win stupid prizes. I finally make the move to text her to see if she cancelled her flights or not. She responds that she did cancel it, a week ago, and did not have the decency to tell me. She booked a different trip that week apparently. Constantly plays the victim, decides to tell me it's my fault she now has flight credits instead of liquid cash because she waited a week to cancel. MA'AM your fault. You should've cancelled that day because again, I don't take to threats. Your financial illiteracy is not my fault.

Item to note: she kicked a girl from her wedding after finding out she did not have a room or flight booked 4 months before the wedding, but thought 4 weeks before mine was OKAY because she had told me they were financially in a tough spot after their wedding. Here's a hint, have a wedding you can afford.

So reddit, AITAH?

I was asked to be a bridesmaid with my other 4 friends for my friend Sarah (F24) almost a year ago now. If I had known that her wedding would cost me over £1000 I would of said no, I don’t make much money so anything over £500 makes me panic. Traditionally where I’m from the bride pays for something for her bridesmaids, anything from the accommodation to the dress, Sarah however has not done this and has said these things are optional. But with the peer pressure and gas lighting makes it not as optional more like demanded. I had tried to back out but the bride guilt tripped be and said I had 2 years to save for her wedding; she never gave us a budget and only asked us a year ago.

Recently we have been planning the hens night, all together there is 5 of us and 2 of them is the maid of honour and man of honour (this boy reminds me of Regina from mean girls), this is a nightmare with in its self, we had a meeting to decide what to do and the budget as the bride may only pay for the accommodation. All the girls where there but the man of honour decided not to show. We all agreed on a small budget between £100 and £250, this would cover the stay and an activity, I was happy with spending a small amount and for the bride to pay for her accommodation. Then a week later the group chat for the hens goes nuts with one bridesmaid and the man of honour changing the plans and the budget being shoved out the window. I raised concerns about budget as one of the other bridesmaids doesn’t have a lot of money either. But I was ignored. These two didn’t even wait of the maid of honour and bridesmaid to yes ok before the booked the places and demanded money.

I will admit by this point I was stressing; they had very sneakily not put a full total budget down and just separate amounts of each activity and stay. I put it all together and the total came out at a minimum of £600. I was horrified to say the least, I was already spending a month’s pay on this wedding and now I’m expected to fork out more. I put the total in the group chat to see if anyone else was ok with this and it exploded. the man of honour and other bridesmaid felt that we should have said something sooner (we did) and called me a dick for bringing it up now (was it probably a dick move yes). The maid of honour eventually stepped in to try and claim us down. But the damage is done, the person I called a friend called me horrid things and made me feel terrible for not having much money and defending the man of honour who is acting like a saint.

So now I gone from not want to back out of the wedding just cause of money and FOMO to now wishing I had listened to myself and left. So would I be the asshole if I just backed out with like 5 months to go till the wedding

I am in a wedding. Bride and I have been very close friends for a decade +. Her MOH is not well liked. Literally everyone cannot stand her. She's just trashy... bad trashy and difficult to be around. I don't care, I don't have to be around her much at all. We're just a few months away from the wedding and MOH hasn't done anything, hasn't ordered the dress, hasn't started the Bachelorette planning. Bride ASKED me and the other BM to get together and get started. We did. All is well. We're doing what the bride wants, not what MOH wants her to want. I reach out in the group text to get some forward momentum from the MOH b/c I don't want to step on toes, but the BRIDE asked me to.

MOH loses her mind. She's rude, trashy, emotionally immature and completely loses it on me. I am physically with the bride as MOH is texting vile, nasty things about me to her. I felt like I had been thrown under the bus and the Bride should have put a stop to it. She didn't.

Next day MOH sends me a text, very "confused" about the scenario. I told her enough, I was just doing as I directed and didn't deserve to be called horrible names and essentially drug... that my only point was to get started and that was absurd and I didn't deserve it. 1. Bride must secretly hate me, b/c that was wild. 2. MOH is indeed as horrible as we all knew all along 3. Bride is mad at ME now b/c I told the MOH I was told some of what was said about me. mad at ME. WTF. Most of our friend group would be on my side, but that's ugly and not my intent. I cannot fathom being to blame after I was treated so badly. AITAH? Am I just not seeing it?

Me (32F) and my fiancé (36M) have been together almost 5 years. Our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs. Early on, I moved into his house after only 4 months together. We lived together for a little over a year, but constant arguments led to him wanting a “break,” which meant I had to move out. We eventually reconciled and stayed together while living separately for the next 3 years.
Recently, he bought a new 5-bedroom home, proposed to me, and wanted us to move in together again and start fresh. However, there are a few issues:
He bought the home without me and my name is not on the deed.
He’s making all the decisions regarding furniture and layout.
The biggest issue: he’s moving in his mom and stepdad.
I like his mom and stepdad, but there’s a major language barrier. I barely speak Spanish and they barely speak English. His mom is very traditional and believes women should always be cooking and cleaning. My fiancé is also very defensive when it comes to his family.
His mom and stepdad are struggling financially and may lose their current place. I understand wanting to help family, and I even tried suggesting other solutions and offered financial help, but he insists they move in with us “temporarily,” which he says could be 1–2 years.
This affects me a lot because I’d be giving up my apartment and independence to move into a home where I don’t really feel comfortable or prioritized. He recently bought his mom a new car and is covering the payments and insurance too. When I expressed my concerns, he basically said our family values may not align and if I’m uncomfortable living with his parents, then maybe we just shouldn’t live together.
Another issue is my cat. I’ve had him for over 8 years and my fiancé has always known we’re a package deal. His mom hates cats and at first he told me he didn’t want my cat moving in. He eventually backed down, but now I worry there will always be tension over him.
I also work from home, while his mom and stepdad will be home most of the day too, so I’d constantly be around them. I don’t feel close enough to his mother to comfortably share a home, especially long term.
My lease ends in June, and now I feel like I unexpectedly have to rush to find another apartment.
Am I wrong or selfish for not wanting to move into this situation?

My fiancé and I are getting married in 4 months and we’ve decided not to invite his brothers to the wedding, but I’m struggling with guilt and wondering if we’re being unfair.
For context: his brothers have hated me from the beginning. They’ve called me manipulative, said I’m a bad person who doesn’t love him, and even told him he’d end up homeless if he stayed with me. They also mocked me for bringing him to church and called me a “witch.” None of this was ever said in a constructive or respectful way — it was constant judgment and hostility. I was supposed to move in and a day before the brothers said that I had two weeks to find a place, I decided not to move in.
My fiancé used to live and work with one of his brothers (the brother owned the company). He was treated horribly both at work and at home, so he felt like he had no escape from the negativity. About a year ago, we stopped talking to his brothers completely. Three months ago, my fiancé finally moved out, quit the job, and we moved in together. Since then, our relationship has honestly been peaceful and healthy.
What hurts him most is how his family has handled everything. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and even his birthday passed without his brothers contacting him at all. They’ve made it seem like he is the bad person for leaving. Their dad also mostly sided with them and barely spoke to or saw him for months.
Recently, his dad finally came over to see our house, his new car, and hear about his new job. But emotionally the visit felt very distant. At my fiancé’s birthday dinner, his dad only talked about the gym for two straight hours and barely engaged with us on a personal level. His birthday gift was literally a small bouncy ball. Meanwhile, his dad had gone on a 3-week trip to Mexico with the other sons and never even called him.
To make things worse, my fiancé’s mom tried talking to his dad about repairing the relationship, and his dad claimed my fiancé “stole something” (he had cameras in the garage in the house to keep an eye on us) when he moved out and needed to return it. That accusation really hurt because it feels like they’ve completely rewritten him as the villain.
Now that we’re getting married, neither of us really wants his brothers there. We’re currently not speaking to them, there’s been no apology or accountability, and honestly I worry they’d bring tension or try to ruin the day. At the same time, I know weddings and family situations can be emotional and complicated, so part of me wonders if excluding them will make things even worse long term.
Are we the AH for not inviting them?

Hey Everyone,

We are T-minus four hours until my rehearsal dinner and T-minus 12 hours until my wedding. Super stoked.

My best man is having a few issues and I’m not really sure what to do. After he agreed to be best man, some more details came together in the planning process that he seems uneasy about. He’s a nice guy but has said he’s not that comfortable around little kids. My 2 YO niece is our flower girl and will be doing the first dance with my fiancé and I at the reception. She’s awesome and it is extremely important to us that she’s front and center to whatever extent possible (and yes, we have my brother’s blessing on this and he’s helping in any way he can). We also have a few other kiddos in the wedding party, such as my nephew (3, ring bearer) and my friends kid (2, there for cuteness). After my best man agreed to be there for me, we later on decided to pair each kiddo with a member of the wedding party. Best man says he’s not comfortable being paired with my niece, which really bothers me. She’s basically our kid too. He says he doesn’t know how to handle any possible meltdowns/screamy episodes. I don’t really have an answer for that…they’re kids, and we decided to include them anyway knowing that that would be a factor.

How would you handle this? It’s already awkward, and I’m inclined to say it’s his problem. But I know there’s a chance she doesn’t make it through (she’s 2, so anything is on the table). Mom and dad may come and get her if she gets really loud but we would honestly prefer not because we still want her in the wedding party, screaminess and all! (If it comes to that)

We’ll see how it goes at the rehearsal tonight, and if my best man doesn’t handle it well I may have to make a last minute change.

So my friend & her whole family HAVE MONEY. Her now husband also has it good-That's not a contributing factor.

There was a wedding with 200 guests. For dinner they had everyone get called to line up for food by their table number, and my table was last. The bride and groom also allowed the people they hired to get in line for food (photographers, photobooth owner, DJ, musicians), so they were with us in line. The line stopped moving when there was like 20something people in line for a while because trays were completely empty and guests were expecting them to get refilled. Nope, they were just out of food (also the reception staff only served what was brought as the bride and groom got catered Mexican from a different restaurant). There was a make your own Mexican iceberg salad and tiny tacos we were served one of. Also they had guests bring potluck desserts because they didn't care for or want a wedding cake. So I'm a bit bummed that I stressed out over helping to make a dessert, then I wasn't even really fed.

This is probably a scenario not going to happen but let's say one day soon I get specifically asked by the Bride or Groom or her family "what did you think of the wedding," "how was the food," - I want so bad to say it was lovely but guests including myself didn't get to eat dinner and ask what happened, but is that not okay? I know sometimes people say you're never allowed to say anything bad about a wedding to the family and couple. Is this a complaint that I should "take that to my grave??"

My roommate and I were extremely close friends for 3 years. We were so close that her parents would call me for everything, and they treated me with a lot of love and respect. I played a huge role in improving her relationship with her parents and siblings.

At one point, her real sister came to live in our hostel too, but my friend still chose to stay with me instead of moving in with her sister. I also became friends with her sister and cousins. I always looked out for her like an elder sister would. Since she had very few friends who would not  hang out with her on weekends, I included her in my friend group as well so that she’s not all alone in the hostel. She also became friends with my sister, and my sister even helped her with her wedding trousseau.

Then came her destination wedding. My sister and I attended as invited guests. When we arrived around lunchtime, my friend was genuinely happy to see me. She introduced me to her future husband and mother-in-law and told them how important I was to her and that she considered me her “second mother.” That honestly made me emotional.

However, after lunch, things started feeling strange. We were waiting for room allotments, and her entire family—people who knew me very well—basically ignored me and the other friends from her side. We sat in the lobby for almost 3 hours waiting for rooms while nobody from the family seemed to care.

Later, during the events, her family again acted like they barely knew us. My friend herself stayed glued to her fiancé and his side the entire time and didn’t spend any time with her own friends. Meanwhile, the groom’s friends were constantly being attended to and included.

By the wedding day, it felt even worse. She barely acknowledged any of us and never left the groom’s side. My sister and I left the dinner party early, only to find her other friends sitting by the pool complaining about the same behavior and saying they just wanted to go home.

The next morning, my sister and I left without meeting her because I felt deeply hurt and disrespected. What upset me most was remembering how involved I had been in her life and how her parents used to call me for every little thing.

I didn’t confront her because I didn’t want to ruin her wedding or happiness. It’s now been a year. She still calls me occasionally, but I usually say I’m busy, make small talk, and end the call quickly.

Part of me wants to tell her how hurt I felt, but another part of me doesn’t want to because of the way she introduced me so lovingly to her husband and mother-in-law.

So, AITA for distancing myself from her after the wedding?

I brought my wedding forward a year because my nan was diagnosed with cancer and likely 12 months to live. This side of my family live 2.5 hours away from myself and my partners family and most of our friends. I moved the wedding to their location so that my nan could make it.

Order of day as I've found out the missing pieces to how the day has played out.

Ceremony: pretty much perfect, my uncle allowed his autistic child to play on his phone loudly listening to toy story (other guests couldn't hear our vows) but I figured this is what he might have needed so accepted it as I wanted them both to be there.

Ceremony finished around 2:15pm and reception started at 4pm. We have guests the instructions to have some chill time and we will see them later at 4pm. I found out by my Aunty (who I've had an amazing relationship with most of my life and has only solidified over the past 10 years as I've been an adult) that my nan wouldn't make it to the reception so suggested going for a drink together and maybe some food. So most of my family (bar my dad) leave and go to the pub we spoke about. I was slightly annoyed as we were taking pictures outside but not too bothered and thought we will have some quality time soon. When we got to the place my guests were turned away, I call my Aunty to explain as the host wouldn't let us in and the line was bad she hung up and no one came to me. It turns out it was a restaurant and my family had not only booked a table but had pre ordered food. Me, my daughter and 2 friends squeezed on the end and my family didn't get up or say a lot. My friend buys me a drink and we grab my daughter some food when my husband returns (he was grabbing some nappies etc). My nan goes home after not too long (my aunt takes her home) and it was about 3:40pm so we said we would head to reception and my family stayed there.

My friends help me with my daughter (my fault for wearing silly heels and walking to the reception!), we get there, my partners family are all there by 4:20pm and time goes on and I'm unsure where my family are. They arrived around 5:15pm and had been drinking at a local pub they go to. I was angry at them and expressed this as I couldn't get why they wouldn't just arrive on time and drink at the reception? There was a bar and I had hired it all for this reason. They also excluded themselves and sat by the bar instead of the large tables round the corner.

They also brought 2 people who me and husband had met one of them once and didn't see an issue with this and hadn't raised anything to let us know that's what they had done. It wasn't heaving and there was space but it's the principal.

There was a misunderstanding with my husband and dad (which is now resolved) which led to another Aunty asking my husband why he had a go at my dad (he hadn't).

My uncles son also fingered our cake and ran out on our first dance.

Turns out there was a few altercations where my friends had asked my family not to talk through the speeches as that was returned with rude comments.

My Aunty then comes to me around 8:30pm saying she's leaving. I was confused and asked why and also got my husband's attention so he could say bye. Within this split second my husband had joked my dad had been a bit of an ahole and my Aunty (the one I was close to) was screaming in his face and pointing saying that he was never welcome at her house again and then all my family stormed out. With my other Aunty mentioned, taking her card back and shouting that we didn't deserve her money.

Obviously we were shocked and it led to me and my husband crying on our wedding day and just put a dampener on the evening. We did spend quality time with our friends and his family after this but it was so embarrassing and we've not been right since.

I woke up the day after with an awful text message from my Aunty saying I just stood there whilst my husband was calling my dad and coercive mind control comes to mind and that she had never felt so unwelcome or uncomfortable in her life and that a lot of apologies were owed. I haven't replied.

The day after this, I'd been messaging my dad and he had sent my Aunty a message about something else. She called him and said my husband had called him a c***. Which wasn't true but she did leave out how she had acted as when my husband explained this to my dad he had no idea they'd done that. For the record my dad is fine with it and laughed it off.

I'm feeling really low and just embarrassed they've done this to me.

My fiancé and I (32) are different cultures and religions. We take both sides into serious account and consider traditional values often. However, me and my fiancé are working together (as well as in pre-marital counseling) to work through some cultural differences that are being placed onto him continually by his side of the family.

His father lost his brother a few weeks ago (my fiancé’s uncle) and he is pressuring us to cancel our destination wedding to continue to grieve the loss. The wedding is 5 months away and in their culture, they expect the close community and family to cancel big celebrations when there is a time of mourning due to respect and beliefs they have around loss. This usually extends to a year, sometimes more. My fiancé does not want to cancel and feels its unfair to us especially after a long time of me not being accepted into his family for over 13 years due to the cultural and religious differences they first denied. We both feel this wedding at our age was a long enough to wait for them to accept our relationship and asking us to cancel feels like pleasing them again. We also feel that this impacts all of our guests and my family who have already made arrangements internationally.

His father has been practically begging us to cancel and offered to pay for a wedding more locally instead. He told my fiancé if he goes to the wedding he will not dance or be happy and asked that there be no music or drinking to grieve the loss correctly. I feel this is a big cultural ask and clash for us. We want to have a talk with his parents to explain how we will still go on with the wedding plans and feel its important to us but naturally we both feel guilt and shame for this now.

AITA for continuing on with the wedding plans anyway?

Sorry for the long post but I am really stuck on what to do. I 31 female and my husband 29 male have been together for 9 years married 6. We never had a wedding and honestly do not regret it in the slightest. We went to the courthouse (which was an absolute nightmare because of my mom but that is a different story) because we wanted to get all the legal stuff and paperwork done and then plan a wedding later as there is a lot to do when you marry someone in the military. We were planning on having one the year after, but 3 months later I found out I was pregnant and then the spicy cough happened and shut the world down so our plans were postponed. The year after, he got stationed elsewhere so we moved away from my family and were there for 4 years.
Well last year he got stationed back to where I am from, and now we have 2 kids. Ever since my family found out we were coming back, they have been pushing us to have a wedding or as my mom says a vow renewal since we had gotten married at the courthouse it would not be considered a wedding (insert eyeroll). In all honesty neither of us really want to. We are kind of considering it as the only thing we really regret about the courthouse was inviting my parents and not telling his, as they are amazing. When we decided on the courthouse, it was a couple of weeks after he proposed and we decided to just do it as we do really love each other and didn’t really want to plan a whole thing knowing it would be stressful and my family would not help pay for anything and I definitely did not want to rely on his to pay for one as they are significantly better off than mine. I know his family would love for us to have one and the main reason my family wants us to have one is because I did not have my dad walk me down the "aisle" at the courthouse. We were only doing it so fast so we could get paperwork and stuff done so we honestly were not even planning on treating it like we were married or that it was a wedding.
I do not really get along with my dad anymore. He made some not so good decisions and I have distanced myself significantly over the years and only have somewhat of one with him for the sake of my kids. I have cut certain family members completely out of my life but those were for extreme reasons to the point where I don’t even want them around my kids because of how toxic they are. My dad has made some bad choices but my kids love him and I am not trying to make my feelings about him, their feelings. Especially since he has cleaned up his act significantly and is putting in the effort as a grandparent. But if we do have a wedding I am still not sure if I would even want him to walk me down the aisle now. Over the past few years my husband's sisters got married and mine did as well and I was more involved with hers. I saw how stressful it was for all of them, especially my sister who hates the spotlight and a lot of things that came with the wedding and honestly she is an absolute rockstar for making it through the day. Seeing the stress they all went through definitely doesn’t make me want to have one.
We live in California and I know some of the costs associated with my sister's wedding and scary is an understatement. I don’t know how much my in-laws' weddings were but they live in the midwest so definitely significantly cheaper than here. We attended all of them and they were all absolutely beautiful and amazing and still so happy for all of them. But personally, I don't think it would be for us. Like the stress wouldn’t be even remotely worth it especially with how involved my family would demand to be. My husband especially is an introvert and we both have large families so it would be hard to make it a small thing. There would also be a ton of drama just with my family that is like watching a telenovela because it is just that crazy with them. There was some drama some of my family caused at my sister's wedding that was a lot on her even though she handled it like a pro.
We already get to get dressed up every year and have pictures done as he is a Marine and we go to the ball every year he’s home and always make it a point to get nice pictures done so it’s not like we don’t like getting dressed up. My family is pushing us to do it and my mom says I owe it to my dad, and his family doesn't care much and both understand and respect why we haven’t done it and don't blame us for not really wanting to do it. I know he does not want to go through the process of planning, paying for it, or anything on top of the fact that there is no guarantee he would be home for it as his job can take him away at any second with minimal heads up. I personally would be perfectly happy getting a dress and just getting pictures done with my husband and kids and our dog who is also our baby and would call that a success. We also would be the ones to pay for it since I know my family for sure would not help and I would feel guilty asking my in-laws for help because I wouldn't feel right if mine didn't help just the same.All in all I feel like the negatives outweigh the positives for why we should have one but we are getting more and more pressured to do it before he gets stationed elsewhere. I know my husband would do it if I really want one but he also would know it would mostly be because of the pressure from my family. So am I the asshole for not wanting one? I am ready to tell my family that it will never happen period and when we do a little vow renewal it will just be us and our kids as we have talked about that.

My husband and I have always wanted to have a small wedding, only inviting close family members. From my family’s side, I really only wanted to invite my mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, and maybe my sister (my sister is extremely problematic but that’s a long story).

I sent invites to these people, including my sister, and my mom got super upset that I didn’t invite my aunt and uncle or my grandma. I had been reiterating since the very beginning that I wanted a very small wedding, plus I’m broke. She didn’t care. She was absolutely not having it and said I HAVE to invite these people. I told her I would consider it and of course she freaked out.

After we “considered” inviting them, I decided to invite my aunt and uncle but NOT my grandma. I did not invite any grandparents or any other aunts and uncles. For context, my family is very, very toxic. My mom’s mom, the grandma in question, is more or less a “cult leader” and follows extremely legalistic “Christianity”. She wants everyone in my family to adhere to her beliefs, so she gives them money and support if they do and ostracizes and mocks them if they don’t. The list of things she doesn’t approve of is very lengthy and consists of tattoos, piercings, alcohol, smoking, vaping, listening to secular music, dressing like it’s not the 1950s, dyed hair, fake nails, being even the slightest bit chubby, and most importantly, believing that mental illnesses exist, let alone having one.

I have dealt with extreme anxiety and OCD since childhood, and I have been emotionally abused by my mom and grandma for as long as I can remember. The two of them have caused so much trauma for me, my sister (though she is under their spell currently and will deny it), and my cousins. I see my grandma as the puppet master of the family and my mom and aunt as her two golden children. Her other children didn’t get so lucky. My family shamed me so much for seeing a therapist and getting on life saving medication that allowed me to finally function as an adult.

Anyway, TL;DR, my mom threw a royal fit and so did my aunt, because I didn’t invite my grandma, and they declined my invites, calling me evil and disgusting. My mom, stepdad, aunt, and uncle did not go to the wedding at all. I have stopped talking to them because I’m so heartbroken. They all think that they are in the right and refuse to apologize. My mom has really hurt me but I broke the no contact recently and she just made me feel worse, saying I was so wrong and cruel for not inviting my grandma.

So yeah, am I the scallywag here? Should I continue to not speak to my family since I know it’ll hurt me if I do? I love all of them and don’t want to hurt them by how I might react as well. It seems like cutting the out is the safest bet.

I 29F and my friend Alita 30 F have been going back and forth on this one. My wedding is coming up and after 11 years of friendship i was sure she would be my MOH but with her having two kids and her culture/religion restricting her from certain activities/food, i thought asking her to be a BM would work. i have always been so understanding and accommodating when it came to anything that her family/culture/religion required her to do or not do, since i was raised with really strict Mexican parents, i completely understood her stance. But there were occasions where her honesty with her religion/culture were a bit offensive... she cant come over to my house because i have two dogs and for them they are considered evil and since we have small dogs she would just call them rats... i have told her a few rimes that i dont appreciate that but she just laughs it off. on my bday i had taken 2 hours to get ready to go to a family dinner, and she begs to wait for her so she can give me her gift. when i do and were taking pictures, she proceeds to smash the cake on my face.... not funny at all and what her response was that she will make one for me from scratch later that weekend. During her pregnancy, since her husband has been absent (works all day and night) i helped her alot to the oint my brother would ask if i was the husband or something. i just brushed itoff because i knew th situation she was in. Baby shower comes along and im doing all the heavy liftng and taking over the whole day to make sure she enjoys her moment. i get so sick frm running aounf in the rain but at the end of the day i was happy that my bestie got her day. She gives bith and has many complications and im worries and would like to see her, she messages me saying that maybe in 2 months because i might bring bad energy to her newborn. that really hurt me but then again her "culture". Even wiht her kid i tried everything to be there for her. she started a decor business where i helped out for free, since it didnt affect my work hours. normally it was weekend when she needed me so it didnt bother me, but when i started dating and needed weekends to spend with my partner she would get upset and say she needed me and that i had agreed. came a valentines day where she asked if it can be in my house (note that my dogs are not a subject) and i said of course, i have a huge backyard so why not. when she mentioned she wanted to do a powder bomb to also promote her gender reveal buisiness i stopped her and said maybe not that since my dad had just built from scratch his shed and had painted it snow white. that she could use confetti but not the powder. she decided to cancel the event the morning off, leaving all of friends hanging and me having to call a restaurant to host everyone. alita and her sister never showed up, apparently i was the bad friend for not letter her. I had said yes to EVERYTHING but the powder was her deal break. came my bday and she decorated a wal which i kept insiting i did not want because i just wanted everyone to relax, well she comes 30 mins before and takes down my decor and starts doing hers,.... after an hour she was upset that my borther who just had knee surgury was home in his room because if her husband found out then he would be mad at her. so that killed the party vibe. comes her second babies baby shower and asks me if i still have my big yeard and if im available a specific date, im unsure and ask why she mentions that she would like to host her babyshower at my parents house and is inviting a few religious group out of state and that she would be super excited to use this opportunity to meet my bf and for my bf to finally meet her husband.. i say that id have to talk to my parents but that it wouldnt likely happen. they are strangers and we thought that our dogs were against her religion. she was not happy and ended up doing it at her parents and did not invite me. if she would come to my house, she would have to bring her own pans because since we eat specific meats that she cant, she cant eat out a pan that has touched it. cant talk about guys, not even about my bf in front of her husband or hed think we were cheating. there has always been something. I want her to come over to meet my new place that my fiance and i gor and she aks if i can have my fiance drop me off her house so i can ride on the back seat with her daughters. and then leave my house with her and have my fiance pick me up from her house. she failed to come to my engagement party... but its ok because she sent flowers. i called her when i got engaged and she said yay and now come back so you can change my daughters diaper. i wanted her to be my MOH before but with everything that has happened i decided to just ask her to be my bridesmaid which she said she would talk to her hubby about it first, which i underestood. she has two daughters and he would have to take care of them in case she is needed. but i emphasized since the wedding is in 4 months i just need her the day of the wedding, i wouldnt worry but bridal shower (with partners so her husband wouldnt trip) nad bach party combines as well. apparently he said it was ok until 2 days ago where she said she wouldnt because itd be disrespetful to her marriage to walk down the aisle with another guy and asked if i could change the walk so she could walk with another bridesmaid. i said no that traditionally its with a groomsman and that they wouldnt hold hands or anything and that it d be like 5steps since ceremony is outdoor on an island so its a short aisle. she refused and said she would have to step down... i understand but after WVERYTHING ive done and have to change for her, i cant do this friendshi anymore. i told her that i need to step back from this friendship and that we could ralk after my wedding. she was a bit hurt and defensive but finally said that she'll give me space. i feel horrible bu hoenslty im so fucking tired. AITAH or AIO for wanting to end this friendship over her stepping down from being a bridesmaid.?