u/Responsible_Scar83

For context me and my partner have been planning to attend this wedding for awhile. My partner is a part of the wedding party. I asked about dates and I was told only one specific day, not a string of days. I assumed it would be a two day event, go there, attend and come back as it is a bit of a drive to get there, we would only spend one night. I was cool with this and even have had a dress picked out that I planned to wear and was planning to put together a gift box as the wedding is coming up soon.
The other day my partner informed me it would actually be more like 4 or 5 days, which changes the whole concept/trip for me. 2 days off work for me is a lot different than 4 or 5. I’ve also been the date before of someone in a wedding party and it SUCKED for me. I hardly knew anyone and just awkwardly waited around mostly by myself. I do know my current partners family a bit better, but seeing as they’re related to the couple I expect the same sort of things where I’m mostly alone throughout the event. On top of that I cannot exactly afford a hotel or even to split the price of a hotel and unfortunately do not feel comfortable staying in others homes as this has proven to be extremely awkward in the past.
I was expecting to go for only two days, and now I’ve realized I simply do not want to go. I have a vacation coming up soon I’ve been pinching pennies for, as well as needing work on my car.
If I think about it for a bit I can convince myself of FOMO but then I think a second longer and remember I will most likely spend only half that time with my partner as they will be off helping with last minute wedding stuff and preparing. And I unfortunately would be in a very rural area I’m not too familiar with.

Even if I make these points to my partner I still feel as though they’ll pick up on my simply not wanting to go. I definitely want a future with my partner and feel as though this is a momentous event and he has asked me to spend more time with his family once or twice, but I do not feel like I will because well…most of that time would be wedding preparations and given they’re all family this is totally valid and I get that.
Still I feel a bit selfish.
AITA if I just tell them I do not want to go?
Edit to add: I do not get PTO, I have chronic issues that DO NOT make it safe for me to make the 8 hour trip one way alone. We’ve done this travel several times together and I am sick for weeks following and unwell. I cannot drive by myself, I do not get PTO. I need to fix my car, I need to save my own money.

Edit: thank you all for the advice! I sometimes can be a very anxious person and fear people won’t understand my decisions. I also realized that there will be many other times I can visit with his family and get to know them and this one event isn’t the endgame. My partner will be attending SOLO and he said although he’s sad he won’t have a dance partner he understands that the event is just not in my cards right now. I will certainly be sending him with a nice gift and my congrats* to the couple!

My partner isn’t exactly negative all day, everyday, 24/7 more like everyday he picks one thing to passionately hate, and once a week he passionately hates everything. For example I’ll put on a new show I want to watch, he’ll watch a few episodes, next time I go to put my show on he’ll go “I hate this, I absolutely hate this, it’s terrible. Please turn it off I can’t watch this shit”

I’ll suggest going to a restaurant I like or want to try and he’ll go “I’m sorry but I hate the way they decorated the place.”

Sometimes he’ll pick a store, or a certain style of pants, the name of someone, whatever and he’ll lunge into a monologue about how much he hates it and how much the world is ruined.

I cannot express how much disdain, anger, displeasure, and slime this man can put into the word “hate” and how passionately he can hate something as small as pants someone is wearing.

Usually it escalates and if it’s an individual he begins to make horrendous comments on them and his excuse usually correlates to how much he “hates” it.

Today dude…I just wanted to get coffee, a fancy coffee, a sweet treat for myself. I woke up early and thought about just making a dash for it but waited for him. He woke up and he wanted to go with me.

I went to my fav coffee shop and it was closed, yes I was sad but we went to the next…bro it was closed too.

I recently bought my first car and have been offering to drive my boyfriend to make up for how much he drove me in the past as well as really enjoying having the freedom to go where I want.

Because of this YES I WENT TO A THIRD COFFEE SHOP. one I knew was open.

Unfortunately this is where the disagreement comes in. We’re walking away from the second coffee shop - I am sad but unfazed, more so determined at this point to get my little treat - we are also only 5 minutes from our home so no, I wasn’t driving states away for OUR treat (I was paying and I was driving) and he goes without questioning me or anything else and says “get in the car we’re just going home”

And I stopped and said “excuse me, I would actually like to go to the other shop that I know is open, as I’m driving and paying I feel like you don’t have a right to simply decide we end this search”

He starts talking about how much he HATES it. He hates all of it. He hates the car next to us, he hates the coffee shop we’re going to, he hates the price of the coffee shop we’re going to (I am paying and frequently pay), he hates my new car, he hates the man walking down the street.

I ask him basically just hey stop being so negative my guy, we’ve been on this outing for maybe 15 minutes because our town is small CALM DOWN PLEASE.

While waiting for our coffee I get on my phone and see something about queen camilla and I make a joke about princess Diana and the correlation. Just something slight. He asks what I’m talking about and who these people are. Honestly I was confused because my boyfriend has a history minor and is online quite a bit so I’m confused as to how he’s hardly heard of these people. I try to give a quick explanation for my joke but end up stumbling over a quick explanation of it all (I think I knew what was going to happen next) I end up wrapping around and asking him how he’s not familiar with their history as he loves history and that’s his COLLEGE MINOR and he goes “because I do not care and I think it’s stupid”

Today I guess was an “I hate everything” morning, which for me are the worst because I’m still annoyed from his cranky/pissy/negative Nelly behavior and he feels better/forgets by 11AM.

Like why are you treating this situation like a hostile takeover of a coffee shop. Why are you acting like you’re being held hostage.

We’re back in the car and at this point I’m annoyed with him. I tell him if he hates it all so much and he hates the coffee shop so much he can throw his coffee out the window as I don’t mind I am enjoying mine. He giggles and jokingly goes “yes I hate it all” (okay so we’re on the up and up, we must feel better now that we got our mango latte) and I say in a less joking tone “you always act like a boomer an get enraged and worked up over things that don’t really matter and it ruins the topic or energy because you permeate with hatred”

And he laughed and basically said that was his whole thing.

Being a boomer and a self defined “shit head” is his thing 🤷‍♀️

I love my partner dearly but jeez dude, get a grip.

Angry over fucking capris and the amount of buttons in MY CAR.