AITA for keeping his mom "out of the loop" of wedding planning to save my own sanity?
*EDIT: I don't think we are realizing the topic of conversation at hand. I don't need randoms on the internet telling me to go back to work. As it is with my MIL-to-be, that is none of y'all's business. The topic at hand is AITA for not involving my future MIL in the wedding planning. Not AITA for not working. Please refrain from talking about your worldly opinions about me not working. It's a decision between my SO, not everyone else. Thank you.
My fiancé (28m) and I (26f) are planning a very quick turn around for our wedding. We got engaged mid-March 2026 and are getting married mid-August 2026.
Here's a little backstory (and I promise this is important to understand where I am coming from with everything later): My fiancé and I have been together for over 2 years now. We have lived together for a year. In September of 2025, we sat and had a conversation and decided that I would quit my job. He makes enough and then some, and the job I was at was not a great environment and I was constantly too tired and in a horrible mood. In the following months we have touched base with that conversation to see if I would need to go back to work for extra money, and every time we come to the same conclusion that we don't need it, but if I am getting bored at the house he's all for it. Otherwise, it makes him happy having me at home, so he can just come home from his job and not need to worry about anything. It works for us.
Unfortunately, the living situation isn't idea, but it's what he had previous to us meeting. His mom and him have half ownership of the property. There are 2 separate "houses" on said property: we live in one, she lives in the other. Both buildings have separate addresses, therefore all bills for our house comes to us and we pay them, she (mostly) pays for her's. She does not work and gets very little income from some source (unsure if its social security or some settlement from one of her many ex-husbands). So there have been many occasions where we have had to pay for her utilities or her groceries because she "can't afford it that month" (she's constantly having my fiancé pick her up beer and cigarettes every few days). She also does not drive so anything she needs we are expected to get for her.
Now to the story at hand. My parents have been extremely involved in the entire process, from going with me to venues when my fiancé has to work, to planning and hosting our engagement party last month (April 2026). Not to mention giving us money to help with costs. The money that they gifted us came with no strings attached, other than that they would be attending the wedding (obviously). Besides that, "it's your guys' day so we will help out how we can to make sure its how you want it" is always their response.
On the flip side, his mom has had pushbacks through the whole process. It started with small things. For instance, slight concern about how quickly we were planning the wedding. She kept "assuming" that when we said August we were talking about August of 2027. We've had to correct her that it was not next year, but in fact this year. We had to keep explaining that 1. we've been together for 2 years, 2. we want to start a family in the next year if we can, and then to drive the point home we explained that we were doing a very laidback, "family reunion" style wedding. No fancy frills.
From there I would mention small things like my wedding dress. My grandmother's wedding dress was gifted to me by my dad and aunt saying that I have their blessing to use it however I see fit and that they were okay with me using parts of it for my dress. When I mentioned doing this, his mother audibly gasped and said "you can't do that! That is so wrong to do!" I kept my response short and sweet by saying "I have the blessing to do so, I want my grandmother to be part of my wedding even though she isn't going to be there physically" and I left it at that.
Just recently, however, was the final straw for me. Last month at Easter his sister mentioned me not working. My fiancé stopped her and told her we were fine and that I didn't need to right now. I brushed it off. This last weekend, we went over to spend time with his mother on her porch. She started with the usual "So August next year, right". My fiancé stopped her in her tracks "No THIS August. As in 3 months from now." I brush that off. And then she looks straight at me and says "alright so where's your money coming from the wedding?" I kid you not I sat there and stared at her for a good 15 seconds shocked. Thankfully as I was about to compose myself and respond (respectfully of course) my fiancé jumped in and said "We've got it handled, don't worry about it." I also at this point had calmed down enough to respond and say "I've got money going towards it as well, it's not just coming out of his account. We have decided I wasn't going to work, so until he tells me it's time to, I am staying home for him." To which she responded, borderline yelling at us "I will worry about it. It's not his decision if you go to work. You are 26, you need to be working. There's no reason for you to not be working." And my fiancé jumped in again, cut her off, stood up and said "alright, love you mom." as he grabbed his things from the table and looked at me signaling that we were done being over there and having the conversation.
Needless to say, she has not been a big part of the wedding planning process. But on some level I do feel bad not letting her be apart of it because it's her baby and it's the only wedding she will probably be able to be part of. But I genuinely feel that if she does become part of it, it will cause more arguments and cause a rift between my fiancé and his mom. All being said, I am a former people pleaser and still feel a little guilty. AITA for keeping his mom "out of the loop" of wedding planning to save my own sanity?