u/Careful_Mortgage_356

My fiancé and I are getting married in 4 months and we’ve decided not to invite his brothers to the wedding, but I’m struggling with guilt and wondering if we’re being unfair.
For context: his brothers have hated me from the beginning. They’ve called me manipulative, said I’m a bad person who doesn’t love him, and even told him he’d end up homeless if he stayed with me. They also mocked me for bringing him to church and called me a “witch.” None of this was ever said in a constructive or respectful way — it was constant judgment and hostility. I was supposed to move in and a day before the brothers said that I had two weeks to find a place, I decided not to move in.
My fiancé used to live and work with one of his brothers (the brother owned the company). He was treated horribly both at work and at home, so he felt like he had no escape from the negativity. About a year ago, we stopped talking to his brothers completely. Three months ago, my fiancé finally moved out, quit the job, and we moved in together. Since then, our relationship has honestly been peaceful and healthy.
What hurts him most is how his family has handled everything. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and even his birthday passed without his brothers contacting him at all. They’ve made it seem like he is the bad person for leaving. Their dad also mostly sided with them and barely spoke to or saw him for months.
Recently, his dad finally came over to see our house, his new car, and hear about his new job. But emotionally the visit felt very distant. At my fiancé’s birthday dinner, his dad only talked about the gym for two straight hours and barely engaged with us on a personal level. His birthday gift was literally a small bouncy ball. Meanwhile, his dad had gone on a 3-week trip to Mexico with the other sons and never even called him.
To make things worse, my fiancé’s mom tried talking to his dad about repairing the relationship, and his dad claimed my fiancé “stole something” (he had cameras in the garage in the house to keep an eye on us) when he moved out and needed to return it. That accusation really hurt because it feels like they’ve completely rewritten him as the villain.
Now that we’re getting married, neither of us really wants his brothers there. We’re currently not speaking to them, there’s been no apology or accountability, and honestly I worry they’d bring tension or try to ruin the day. At the same time, I know weddings and family situations can be emotional and complicated, so part of me wonders if excluding them will make things even worse long term.
Are we the AH for not inviting them?

I 29F and my friend Alita 30 F have been going back and forth on this one. My wedding is coming up and after 11 years of friendship i was sure she would be my MOH but with her having two kids and her culture/religion restricting her from certain activities/food, i thought asking her to be a BM would work. i have always been so understanding and accommodating when it came to anything that her family/culture/religion required her to do or not do, since i was raised with really strict Mexican parents, i completely understood her stance. But there were occasions where her honesty with her religion/culture were a bit offensive... she cant come over to my house because i have two dogs and for them they are considered evil and since we have small dogs she would just call them rats... i have told her a few rimes that i dont appreciate that but she just laughs it off. on my bday i had taken 2 hours to get ready to go to a family dinner, and she begs to wait for her so she can give me her gift. when i do and were taking pictures, she proceeds to smash the cake on my face.... not funny at all and what her response was that she will make one for me from scratch later that weekend. During her pregnancy, since her husband has been absent (works all day and night) i helped her alot to the oint my brother would ask if i was the husband or something. i just brushed itoff because i knew th situation she was in. Baby shower comes along and im doing all the heavy liftng and taking over the whole day to make sure she enjoys her moment. i get so sick frm running aounf in the rain but at the end of the day i was happy that my bestie got her day. She gives bith and has many complications and im worries and would like to see her, she messages me saying that maybe in 2 months because i might bring bad energy to her newborn. that really hurt me but then again her "culture". Even wiht her kid i tried everything to be there for her. she started a decor business where i helped out for free, since it didnt affect my work hours. normally it was weekend when she needed me so it didnt bother me, but when i started dating and needed weekends to spend with my partner she would get upset and say she needed me and that i had agreed. came a valentines day where she asked if it can be in my house (note that my dogs are not a subject) and i said of course, i have a huge backyard so why not. when she mentioned she wanted to do a powder bomb to also promote her gender reveal buisiness i stopped her and said maybe not that since my dad had just built from scratch his shed and had painted it snow white. that she could use confetti but not the powder. she decided to cancel the event the morning off, leaving all of friends hanging and me having to call a restaurant to host everyone. alita and her sister never showed up, apparently i was the bad friend for not letter her. I had said yes to EVERYTHING but the powder was her deal break. came my bday and she decorated a wal which i kept insiting i did not want because i just wanted everyone to relax, well she comes 30 mins before and takes down my decor and starts doing hers,.... after an hour she was upset that my borther who just had knee surgury was home in his room because if her husband found out then he would be mad at her. so that killed the party vibe. comes her second babies baby shower and asks me if i still have my big yeard and if im available a specific date, im unsure and ask why she mentions that she would like to host her babyshower at my parents house and is inviting a few religious group out of state and that she would be super excited to use this opportunity to meet my bf and for my bf to finally meet her husband.. i say that id have to talk to my parents but that it wouldnt likely happen. they are strangers and we thought that our dogs were against her religion. she was not happy and ended up doing it at her parents and did not invite me. if she would come to my house, she would have to bring her own pans because since we eat specific meats that she cant, she cant eat out a pan that has touched it. cant talk about guys, not even about my bf in front of her husband or hed think we were cheating. there has always been something. I want her to come over to meet my new place that my fiance and i gor and she aks if i can have my fiance drop me off her house so i can ride on the back seat with her daughters. and then leave my house with her and have my fiance pick me up from her house. she failed to come to my engagement party... but its ok because she sent flowers. i called her when i got engaged and she said yay and now come back so you can change my daughters diaper. i wanted her to be my MOH before but with everything that has happened i decided to just ask her to be my bridesmaid which she said she would talk to her hubby about it first, which i underestood. she has two daughters and he would have to take care of them in case she is needed. but i emphasized since the wedding is in 4 months i just need her the day of the wedding, i wouldnt worry but bridal shower (with partners so her husband wouldnt trip) nad bach party combines as well. apparently he said it was ok until 2 days ago where she said she wouldnt because itd be disrespetful to her marriage to walk down the aisle with another guy and asked if i could change the walk so she could walk with another bridesmaid. i said no that traditionally its with a groomsman and that they wouldnt hold hands or anything and that it d be like 5steps since ceremony is outdoor on an island so its a short aisle. she refused and said she would have to step down... i understand but after WVERYTHING ive done and have to change for her, i cant do this friendshi anymore. i told her that i need to step back from this friendship and that we could ralk after my wedding. she was a bit hurt and defensive but finally said that she'll give me space. i feel horrible bu hoenslty im so fucking tired. AITAH or AIO for wanting to end this friendship over her stepping down from being a bridesmaid.?

I 29F and my friend Alita 30 F have been going back and forth on this one. My wedding is coming up and after 11 years of friendship i was sure she would be my MOH but with her having two kids and her culture/religion restricting her from certain activities/food, i thought asking her to be a BM would work. i have always been so understanding and accommodating when it came to anything that her family/culture/religion required her to do or not do, since i was raised with really strict Mexican parents, i completely understood her stance. But there were occasions where her honesty with her religion/culture were a bit offensive... she cant come over to my house because i have two dogs and for them they are considered evil and since we have small dogs she would just call them rats... i have told her a few rimes that i dont appreciate that but she just laughs it off. on my bday i had taken 2 hours to get ready to go to a family dinner, and she begs to wait for her so she can give me her gift. when i do and were taking pictures, she proceeds to smash the cake on my face.... not funny at all and what her response was that she will make one for me from scratch later that weekend. During her pregnancy, since her husband has been absent (works all day and night) i helped her alot to the oint my brother would ask if i was the husband or something. i just brushed itoff because i knew th situation she was in. Baby shower comes along and im doing all the heavy liftng and taking over the whole day to make sure she enjoys her moment. i get so sick frm running aounf in the rain but at the end of the day i was happy that my bestie got her day. She gives bith and has many complications and im worries and would like to see her, she messages me saying that maybe in 2 months because i might bring bad energy to her newborn. that really hurt me but then again her "culture". Even wiht her kid i tried everything to be there for her. she started a decor business where i helped out for free, since it didnt affect my work hours. normally it was weekend when she needed me so it didnt bother me, but when i started dating and needed weekends to spend with my partner she would get upset and say she needed me and that i had agreed. came a valentines day where she asked if it can be in my house (note that my dogs are not a subject) and i said of course, i have a huge backyard so why not. when she mentioned she wanted to do a powder bomb to also promote her gender reveal buisiness i stopped her and said maybe not that since my dad had just built from scratch his shed and had painted it snow white. that she could use confetti but not the powder. she decided to cancel the event the morning off, leaving all of friends hanging and me having to call a restaurant to host everyone. alita and her sister never showed up, apparently i was the bad friend for not letter her. I had said yes to EVERYTHING but the powder was her deal break. came my bday and she decorated a wal which i kept insiting i did not want because i just wanted everyone to relax, well she comes 30 mins before and takes down my decor and starts doing hers,.... after an hour she was upset that my borther who just had knee surgury was home in his room because if her husband found out then he would be mad at her. so that killed the party vibe. comes her second babies baby shower and asks me if i still have my big yeard and if im available a specific date, im unsure and ask why she mentions that she would like to host her babyshower at my parents house and is inviting a few religious group out of state and that she would be super excited to use this opportunity to meet my bf and for my bf to finally meet her husband.. i say that id have to talk to my parents but that it wouldnt likely happen. they are strangers and we thought that our dogs were against her religion. she was not happy and ended up doing it at her parents and did not invite me. if she would come to my house, she would have to bring her own pans because since we eat specific meats that she cant, she cant eat out a pan that has touched it. cant talk about guys, not even about my bf in front of her husband or hed think we were cheating. there has always been something. I want her to come over to meet my new place that my fiance and i gor and she aks if i can have my fiance drop me off her house so i can ride on the back seat with her daughters. and then leave my house with her and have my fiance pick me up from her house. she failed to come to my engagement party... but its ok because she sent flowers. i called her when i got engaged and she said yay and now come back so you can change my daughters diaper. i wanted her to be my MOH before but with everything that has happened i decided to just ask her to be my bridesmaid which she said she would talk to her hubby about it first, which i underestood. she has two daughters and he would have to take care of them in case she is needed. but i emphasized since the wedding is in 4 months i just need her the day of the wedding, i wouldnt worry but bridal shower (with partners so her husband wouldnt trip) nad bach party combines as well. apparently he said it was ok until 2 days ago where she said she wouldnt because itd be disrespetful to her marriage to walk down the aisle with another guy and asked if i could change the walk so she could walk with another bridesmaid. i said no that traditionally its with a groomsman and that they wouldnt hold hands or anything and that it d be like 5steps since ceremony is outdoor on an island so its a short aisle. she refused and said she would have to step down... i understand but after WVERYTHING ive done and have to change for her, i cant do this friendshi anymore. i told her that i need to step back from this friendship and that we could ralk after my wedding. she was a bit hurt and defensive but finally said that she'll give me space. i feel horrible bu hoenslty im so fucking tired. AITAH or AIO for wanting to end this friendship over her stepping down from being a bridesmaid.?