r/Situationships

I genuinely need outside perspectives because I’m driving myself insane.

I (25F) was seeing a guy (26M) for a while and the dynamic felt very relationship-like: staying over, cuddling, affectionate moments outside of sex, meeting multiple friend groups (of his), future travel talk, opening up emotionally, good sex, deep conversations, him noticing little things about me and reassuring me when I opened up.

At different points though, he also said things like I wasn’t really his type (even though I’m similar to the kinds of girls he’s dated in the past/ currently follows) / he didn’t see me that way, despite also saying he was a “relationship person”.

Eventually I stepped away because I realised I’d developed real feelings and the ambiguity was hurting me.

What I cannot stop circling is: why?

I understand people can enjoy someone and still not want a relationship, but I’m struggling because it didn’t feel casual at all. This is a guy that drove 14 hours to see me for one night, set up camping trips for the two of us, changed plans with his friends just to travel and see me (without much coaxing from my end).

If you genuinely have chemistry, attraction, emotional intimacy, shared values, great sex and enjoy being around someone, what stops someone from choosing that?

For some context, he’s going overseas for a few months soon. For a while, I thought that might have been the reason - I’d also want to be single for that experience - but if that was the case, he would have just used that as an excuse to”out”, rather than saying he wasn’t interested in me.

I’m not really asking “am I enough?” I think I’m trying to understand whether there are reasons people walk away from things that seem good on paper that aren’t just “they weren’t attracted enough” or “you weren’t good enough.”

So people who’ve turned down someone you genuinely liked: why?

So me and my situationship have been talking for almost a year now, and I’ve liked him pretty much ever since we started texting. I tried giving him hints here and there, but I honestly can’t tell if he ignores them or just genuinely doesn’t get them.

The thing is, over time I started planning to just confront him and tell him how I feel so I could finally know where we stand. But at the same time, he keeps leaving me on delivered for days or even weeks, acts really dry now, and honestly just doesn’t seem to care that much anymore. Whenever I bring it up or question it, he keeps giving the same excuse that he’s “busy,” but who is really that busy for weeks at a time?

At this point I was thinking of just confessing and seeing what happens because I’m tired of wondering, but I’m also scared I’m wasting my time and making myself look dumb. Should I tell him how I feel or is this already my answer?

So I’ve been talking to a coworker of mine for a few months now, and things are starting to take a turn. I (22m) and my coworker (27f) started hooking up about two months after I had gotten out of a 4 year relationship (yes I know not the best idea), everything started out great, but soon developed into basically a full bf/gf relationship just without the title. We talked for a few months and the sex was great, vibes were good, and everything was headed in the right direction. Went to a concert together, took her on really nice dates including a spa day that was several hundred dollars, and was overall treating her really well.
Then I started to catch some feelings. She recognized this decently quickly and after a while sat me down and had a conversation with me basically saying she wasn’t ready for a full relationship with me, but that she was still cool continuing doing what we were doing and still being exclusive.
This was somewhat of a shock to me, although I could kinda feel it coming. In that convo she also said she needed more space from me and thought seeing each other almost every day was too much including how we’re coworkers.
Fast forward a few weeks and I can feel her interest in me decreasing. Hardly responding to me (at least until a few hrs later), dry conversations, the choice of language she’s using, and we haven’t been intimate in almost two weeks.
I guess really I’m deciding how to end things. I don’t want to be investing my time, money, energy, and passion into someone who’s not reciprocating it, and I don’t want to look stupid when she finally decides she’s done. Any advice on how to end things and remain cordial and friendly at work?
(Ps yes I know I’m a bit of a lover boy)

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective on where my relationship stands because I’m feeling really stuck and discouraged :(

I’ve [25F] been seeing this guy [M28] for about six months now. Up until recently, things seemed to be progressing really well. Early on, he was actually the one checking in with me, asking if I considered us to be in a relationship, if I was happy with how things were progressing, and making sure we were on the same page. We eventually had the exclusivity talk, and we both agreed to delete our dating apps.

Fast forward to about a month ago, right before we went on a big trip together. I asked him where his head was at regarding our official status, and his response shifted. He told me he "needed more time to get to know me" before taking that next step. It hurt a bit, but I agreed to give him some space and time since we had this trip planned.

The trip happened, and it was magic… but lately, I’ve noticed a major drop in his effort and communication. To be fair, he is currently going through a major life change, so I’ve been trying to be understanding of his stress. But at the 6-month mark, the lack of effort is wearing on me.
To make matters worse, I just found out that his dating app profile is still completely active. When we first agreed to delete the apps, it happened during a bit of an argument, and he deleted the app off his phone in front of me, promising he would actually deactivate/delete the *account* later since it was a spur-of-the-moment conversation. Now I see the account is still there, and I also noticed he recently followed a random new girl on social media.

I’m torn between two possibilities:

1. He genuinely just deleted the app from his screen and forgot to go back and properly deactivate the profile. This still sucks and I’m not justifying it, but it is the better option.

2. He is intentionally keeping his options open, which matches the drop in effort and his hesitation before our trip.

What should I do? I want to talk to him, but I’m unsure how I should approach this conversation? Is 6 months too long for someone to still need time to "get to know you" when you're already traveling together and have exclusive? I want to be supportive of his life transitions, but I don't want to ignore red flags :/

I'm 25F .. my friend is 25M.. we have known each other since 2020.... he is 6 months younger to me.. we know each other since college.. we studied together from the second year of engineering... he is my best friend.. everyone in college thought we were together.. he said he liked me right in the beginning.. but i said i don't.. he said it's okay and our friendship continued... I liked him too.. but i don't know whether it was lust or something else.. in 4th year we got a little involved physically...it was due to the heat of the moment.. didn't do anything much .. since the past 3 yrs we got lot more physically involved...didn't have sex but we kissed.. went up till 3rd base... maybe just 3 times in 3 years.. we sexted each other a lot...

Every night I think of us.. spending time together... making love..

All this while he kept telling he loves me..i know he loves me..he is veryy genuine.. always cares.. always puts efforts..how much ever i push him away. He always kept coming back.. he is the greenest flag

It's been more than 5yrs since he has told he loves me.. I've been pushing it.. maybe my heart loves him too..

I want more of him..when we meet ..and he leaves..i miss him so much... I'm usually not a person who stays connected to ppl but when it is him i want to talk to him every day..

I always wanted to marry the person i dated.. I'm kind of perfectionist and wanteverything to be perfect.. I come from middle class family..in childhood i had to compromise on lot of things cos of money... to study well amd save...

When it comes to his family..i really don't like them.. they don't really have anything much.. my parents after struggling andsaving so much have done some things for me and my sister...

Both of us are in good job now.. he earns more than me and really well..

He's that kind of person who's so easy going.. Goes to gym.. office.. eats sleeps amd loves traveling.. in this 5yrs never thought of anyone else expect me

When I think about the marriage part with him..i feel like running away and not wanting this..he has a useless sister too who spends his money like crazy..does nothing

All this irritates me.. my parents said let's start searching for marriage next year.. I'm really confused..abt him...i don't know whetehr i love him..is it just physical lust or actual love

When he doesn't talk to me i feel very bad.. he says he'll wait for me until the day i get married..

Sometimes i feel i should meet some boys in arranged marriage and see what i really want...

Some one help me please......

if you want to hear a love story or a sad story or whatever story this truly is outside of my rose colored glasses, please read this for me. 

i've been struggling with letting go of someone who i never thought would have any impact on my life the way this person has. i need to get everything out so that i could maybe find some relief or comfort or understanding in the whole situation. 

to paint a very shallow picture of who i am - or at least who i thought i was - i've always been a pretty avoidant person when it comes to dating - call it daddy issues or mommy issues or intimacy issues - i had one ex from high school who i always pursued and then got cold feet when it came to commitment so i'd find some reason that we wouldn't work or some other self sabotage-y way to ruin it. but then time would go pass, and the space and the missing him would begin to creep in and my feelings would catch up with me and i'd start all over with him again. we had a very toxic relationship and were always trying to manipulate and one up each other. i really did think i loved him in the way that i would do anything for him. i thought we were twin flames or two sides of the same coin. he was the only person who knew absolutely everything about me to my core, especially how fucked up i truly was. i would say awful things to him and he would make me jealous or cry but part of me liked it because if he tried to hurt me this much it must've meant he cared - right? this is where i started to mistake mistreatment as passion.

once this relationship finally crashed and burned, i took on a much more detached approach to dating. i liked flirting and casual relationships because my career and independence always came first. i was really good at surface level relationships and never really cared if men liked me or not because there was always another one somewhere else. i would straight up tell men that i wanted to sleep with them but they weren't allowed to sleep over and needed to leave immediately after. i just wanted to be wanted, but i refused to be known. 

but then things changed. part of me thinks this was some kind of karmic lesson or something that finally caught up to me. i went through my first situationship this past year, which feels weird to say because i'm 25 and he's 27 and this shouldn't be happening at all. 

i met him (let's call him trevor for the sake of clarity) in august 2024 as he worked at a surf shop below my mother's apartment who i had just moved in with after finishing grad school. he was playing a ring toss game and i was rushing to just get nowhere in particular, he immediately stopped me and asked if i wanted to play and i completely clammed up and stumbled over my words which has never happened to me before. i remember i asked him how to play and felt so stupid because ring toss is pretty straightforward and then i said i wasn't athletic, which wasn't even true because i played sports up until college. he laughed it off and taught me how to play. he had a very loud and magnetic laugh. 

i found out he lived three houses down from my mom. oops. 

i didn't think much of him at first, but he was very friendly and after our first meeting always said hi, but i was dealing with residual feelings for that old ex from highschool (the unfortunate consequences of moving back home). 

that ex rejected me for another girl and i was feeling really down about it, but in the most cosmic moment, i ran into trevor the next day helping some customers outside. he immediately stopped what he was doing and started a conversation with me, and for the first time, i really noticed him. he was tan and tattooed and had long hair and that surfer aesthetic that i had grew up dreaming about. he wasn't necessarily the most attractive person id ever seen right off the bat, but there was just something about him that made me super nervous. he asked if i wanted to learn how to surf and out of surprise, i agreed, which was extremely out of character for me. he looked really excited that i gave him my number.

he preferred calling over text - i thought that was interesting. i postponed our date two times, one for a job interview in another state i had to be up early for. he wished me luck right before and it warmed something inside of me. the second time i freaked out and kept trying to cancel but he was so easygoing he kept pushing the time back later and later instead of canceling. i decided to be brave and met with him at 8pm that sunday. he met me outside my apartment and we walked to his and for the first time i noticed how his eyes were deep and warm and brown with long lashes. he was a very odd man who had this stereotypical stoner persona to him. he made me a tequila soda and explained how to play lacrosse to me. i was sizing him up internally wondering if i was enjoying myself or if this was a big joke. 

strangely, i found out he was in the same frat as an old friend of mine, and i had gone to his house a few times back in undergrad. and then, we realized we went to the same concert in california the year prior and i stopped in the same bar that he was drinking in because i needed to pee. and although we never met, i found this odd sense of familiarity with him. like he was a face i’d seen but couldn't fully recognize. 

he had asked me earlier if i was hungry and i was so nervous i lied like an idiot and got so tipsy off my drinks that i was scared i was going to embarrass myself. he suggested to go for a walk on the beach near our houses and i needed that fresh air so i agreed. we stopped at the shop and played the ring toss game and i remember him “showing” me how to throw and his hands were on my hips and he smelled so fucking good. like an angel heard my prayers one of my neighbors happened to come home and offered up the leftover pizza she had from dinner. we accepted immediately and she handed it over with this coy little smile and i knew everyone would in our neighborhood would be hearing about this. 

we got to the beach and i started to relax and enjoy myself. i was taking bites out of the pizza in his hand and we were laughing with food in our mouths and he began talking about what he wanted out of life. and as we were walking i was admiring him and this warmth grew in my chest because he was so passionate and i found myself wanting to kiss him more than anything in the world - i mean i had to or i’d die. so i did. and it felt so good that we just had to continue and we ended up having sex for the first time right there on the beach not even caring if anyone saw. he admitted that he had been crushing on me for weeks and that he'd never been so attracted to anybody in his life. 

but as patterns happen, right after we were done the fear creeped in and i came up with some lame excuse about needing to go home and the next day when he texted to ask me out again, i ghosted him. 

two weeks went by and i avoided him like the plague and he never let me see any type of emotion and for some reason, that itched at me. i couldn't stop thinking about him and i just felt like i had to see him again, so i put aside my pride and i went up to him and apologized and he accepted immediately, wasting no time to ask me to hang out again. 

and so we met up and had drinks and spent the whole night talking and fucking in his living room. 

we fell into this natural sense of comfort, like we'd known each other for years instead of weeks.

i slept over. he was late for work the next day. i spent the morning making out with him in the surf shop. he asked to hang out when he was off and i was right there waiting for him. 

but then the pattern crept in and i started to notice some red flags. 

before we went to dinner, he asked me if i wanted to do a shot and i thought that was strange since we were already headed to a bar. 

he talked about doing drugs a lot. and i mean acid and nitrous and pills. he talked about being fucked up and passing out in random places and drinking until he blacked out. 

he called his ex girlfriend crazy - and don't get me wrong, she definitely could've been - but i noted it anyway. 

when we got back to his apartment we watched a movie and he poured straight tequila into a glass and offered me some. but why would we need to drink to watch a movie? and didn't we just have a couple drinks at dinner? 

and then we had sex and i started to feel this overwhelming nostalgia for my ex. and at the end, (sorry for graphics) he finished on my face without asking. i was silent for the rest of the movie and rejected his offer to sleep over. 

he tried to get me to hang out a couple times that week and i came up with excuses until eventually i sent him a message saying that i needed to get my life in order because i just moved home and got a new job and i was struggling with family and depression and my ex (i didn't mention this part). he didn't answer this text. 

and fuck did i feel relieved after this! until time passed. 

for the next four-ish months, i talked to other guys here and there, but i found myself so bored and uninterested. it reached a breaking point when i met another guy in a bar and had another pointless conversation and just decided to leave. 

on the drive home, my mind drifted to him for the first time and i realized he was the only person who i actually enjoyed talking to. after i ended things i came to understand that i had a hard time being open and honest about myself with people because i was afraid if they got to know me, they wouldn't like me and would leave me. so, i was an intense people pleaser who just adapted to the person in front of me. with him, i did open up a little more than normal and i told him things i would normally be embarrassed to share.

after this epiphany, he took over every thought i had. i fell asleep every night thinking about him and wondered constantly what he was up to. i felt unhinged over it but i didn't realize that the universe was working behind the scenes once again. 

around the same time i met trevor, i had reconnected with a friend named rachel from college, who introduced me to her childhood friend olivia and we became a little trio. one day, i mentioned trevor to olivia and she told me that one of her roommates/best friends from college, beth, was best friends with trevor. i thought that was a little funny but didn't think anything of it. 

fast forward to her birthday in november where i met beth. we connected almost instantly and she thought it was hilarious me and trevor had went out a few times. 

fast forward to january and beth comes to me with the news that trevor called her late at night after seeing a post on instagram of the two of us. he was firing off questions “how do you know her? does she know you know me? does she ask about me? did she like me?”

and it all felt too easy to reach back out with a drunken little “hi” over text and that texting turned into him meeting us out at a bar. he bought my drinks and drove us home and we slept together again and it was so so nice. we just connected back together like nothing changed. i remember giggling together and making out and he slammed me back against the door for one more kiss before i left feeling like i had just fallen from heaven. 

february happened and we started texting casually and he called me a week later to ask me to come over so he could make us dinner. we talk for hours and he shows me an earring i left from the last time, and i tell him i lost the other one so he keeps it by his bedside. we couldn't stop having sex. it felt like i could never be close enough to him - i didn't know sex could feel that good.

but after that second time, the texting got a bit inconsistent and the i was too shy to reach out first and he would text me in the middle of the night to tell me he missed me but he worked nights thursday through sunday and i worked days, so it was hard to find time. 

march happened and the space grew and the time stretched and we couldn't see each other until a month later. and everything was fine, we made out slowly and passionately. he kissed me in public and held my hands and made promises for summer and bought my drinks. 

then the next day i got a uti and beth made a call to find out the details and trevor said “he liked me” but he wanted to move in a few months and he was still “playing the field” so i cried in my car and had to take heavy antibiotics. 

then a week or two later i bump into trevor randomly and of course, we sleep together again. passionately, slowly, lying next to one another and whispering stories. i remember having sex and this overwhelming feeling took over my whole body where all i could think was that it's never felt like this with anyone before. he kisses me goodbye the next day and i think to myself that maybe i could convince him to stay and that was the worst idea i ever had. 

april happened and everything quieted. no texts, no hang outs, just radio silence. i convinced myself he was busy with his two jobs.

may came and i had a dream about him and woke up to take a walk. and the universe happened and i bumped into him again on his bike. we joked around and laughed and he said he’d see me around and i didn't know what that meant. 

and the universe happened even more because beth happened to invite me to a karaoke bar that he was also going to. and i meet his other friends through her and they're all nice and he finally comes late… and nothing. he walks right past me to go say hello to everyone else and beth decides she didn't like that. so she follows him to the bar and the talk was short but she came back raging. she grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes once we got to the car and told me to never talk to him again. because when in a tone that i didn't think he possessed he asked if i was staying and when beth said that i could he said “why? i'm not doing anything with her. i'm going to vegas in a week and i haven't had sex in a month.” and i don't know where i fit into all of that but it stung that i couldn't exist if he wasn't going to have sex with me.

so i drive home in tears and walk through the front door to a text from him asking “where’d you go” and “i miss you” and the next thing i know i’m swallowing my pride and being let into his apartment and the way he looks at me convinces me that i could make him love me if i tried.

i find out the next day that he tried to fuck one of the other girls in the bar and only when she said no came the “i miss you”. 

this time i blocked him on everything. this time he gave me strep throat. 

and he goes to vegas and i try not to think about him. 

i end may sleeping with another guy for the first time since trevor and i cry in the bathroom because i feel like im cheating, and i cry in the bathroom because i know he probably doesn't feel that way when he's playing the field.

then comes june and the shop opens and i run into him. he stops talking to the customers to talk to me and there's an earnest tone to his voice as he asks me how i've been. and it's so odd to think about how a year has almost passed and i know him so intimately now.

he invited me to his birthday with all his friends and when i get to the bar he tells me im pretty like a mermaid. he follows me around the whole time, hands on my hips, so close he keeps stepping on my heels and all i can do is laugh. and his face is so close to mine and i told him how silly he was and he just smiled gently and kissed me and everything felt right again. i fucked him for his present and we fell asleep head to toe. i remember lying in his bed and tells me softly that he had trouble making friends in elementary school and i tell him that i would've been his friend. he says nothing to that. 

i tuck him in to sleep off his hangover the next morning and i kiss him on the forehead. i was the first person to wish him happy birthday. 

and then he didn't speak to me for two days but he does call me at 2am on a friday and once again i show up at his door. i got my first tattoo and he shows me how to clean it in his shower. he explains it gently and gives me soap to take home. we eat ice cream cake from his birthday and i find out he likes vanilla which was perfect because i like chocolate. he puts on going to california and we have sex on his couch. he hugs me while standing in his kitchen and i convince myself that i could make him love me if i just kept trying. his ac was broken so we slept head to toe on his couch and i before i leave the next morning, i crawl on top of him and we do it again. he's the one that pulls me in for a second kiss when i try to say goodbye. 

and then he didn't speak to me for a week until we go to karaoke again. but patterns repeat and he barely speaks to me and he makes it clear that he won't buy my drinks and he leaves to smoke with the girl he tried to sleep with so i lock myself in the bathroom and collapse on the floor in tears until beth manages to convince me to let her in and o sob and sob and tell her that i couldn't do it anymore. because i was confused, i was just standing on this line never sure when or where i could cross. 

i glared at the girl he left with so hard she came over and apologized and then i apologized ten times over for glaring in the first place because that's not who i am. 

he's still an asshole but i follow him still, because i convince myself i could make him love me if i tried hard enough. he gives me a ride home and tells me he hates his dead dad. i throw up in a wendy's drive thru and apologize for it. he doesn't care and im not sure if it's because it wasn't a big deal or if he just didn't care enough about me for it to matter.

the next morning i send him a message telling him im confused about what he wants from me. and he tells me he's not in a position to be in a relationship and he didn't like feeling pressured. im not sure how i pressured him, in fact, i don't think i ever asked him for much of anything - i was too scared.

but im not okay and im not mature and i tell him i never asked him to be my boyfriend and that i was sorry if he got confused. it doesn't come off the way i think it does. he never answers. 

i spent my birthday crying over him. i spend the rest of june crying over him.

then comes july and i finally break and ask him if we could talk and he says yes but it feels like it's out of pity. he calls me while im at a party and i lean against a rickety fence apologizing for what i said and basically beg him to keep seeing me. he apologizes for nothing and tells me we should be friends. he keeps me on the phone after that for ten minutes telling me about his day while i count my inhale-exhales and try not to cry. 

i don't see him for two weeks and i start to come to terms with the fact that it's over. (i tell myself this at least). but patterns repeat and as soon as he feels me start to pull away he starts trying to get my attention again. the universe works its magic and we both randomly end up at the same bar one weekend and both our friend groups intertwine while he tries desperately to woo me and i try desperately not to give in to it. he gets into a drunken fight with one of his friends and it puts everyone in a bad mood so we all go back to someone's house. 

i'm standing in the backyard and i make some off handed joke about how i would break a man down mentally and he shouts across the lawn to intervene in the conversation he was never in, but was obviously listening to.

“you already tried that and it didn't work!” and embarrassment stings me all over. 

nobody seemed to think that was funny so he storms off to the front of the house and i convince myself that i could make him love me if i tried hard enough, and follow him out there. i'm so mad and i promise a “what the fuck is your problem!” was right at the tip of my tongue, but he turns around and his face crumbles and he starts sobbing in my arms. 

i saw him differently in that moment. he was boyish and fragile and i learn how negatively he thinks of himself. he tells me he wants to leave and move but he can't leave his family behind because he's the man of his house. so i tell him that he can do anything he wants because it's his life and he's so smart and friendly and good with people and i wipe tears off his face and with the most sincere intentions i tell him that he has so much potential. 

i calmed him down in a way no one else could that night. and patterns repeat so i end up in his bed again and we make out and he calls me “baby” and he asks me to go with him to the beach three hours away on sunday and i tell him id think about it with this heavy feeling in my gut. he makes me a pinky promise that he'd keep his schedule open for me.

i took off work for that sunday. i ask him saturday if we're still on. he never answers. i cry alone in my bed. 

we don't speak until the end of august when beth invites me to a sublime concert with all of their friends. i get drunk at the pregame and he shows up with a stupid smile like nothing's wrong and i let him get away with it. he spends the entire pregame with two random girls and then invites them to the concert with us. i'm barely able to function i get so drunk and so high and im glaring at all of them and selectively speaking to him and he sees the tears in my eyes but acts like he doesn't. i send him a single drunk text when i get home telling him how mean what he did was. he doesn’t answer. i find out the next day the girls were his coworkers and i pathetically apologize to him once again. that's the last time we speak. 

he asks beth about me a week later - tells her i’m still able to come hang out with them all and that i don't have to stay away. she tells him that he's not mature enough for me and we're better off as friends and he agrees and says “i'm a really cool girl”. i did not agree.

i try drunk calling him exactly two times, and he doesn't answer either one.

i run into him taking another girl on a date on september 19th. she's sitting in his car and he's fumbling with the surf shop lock and when our eyes meet it's like looking at a stranger. i cry so hard i have to sit on the shower floor until i could breath again. 

october happens and i drive past him and this same girl carrying groceries into his apartment. we make eye contact and it's two strangers once again. he's probably making her dinner and then they'll have sex on his couch and he'll look at her the way he looked at me and i get sick to my stomach. i realized in that moment, that he never took me out on a real date. 

i never see the girl again after that. 

i find out he got a winter job teaching surfing lessons down south and he leaves at the end of december. i spend nine painstaking months trying to get over him. nine months of therapy and new hobbies and hair color changes and stalking his instagram and keeping myself awake at night thinking about him with other girls. 

he came back at the beginning of april and he wasn't even home for a full week before i slept with him again. but i swear it was different this time, i do.

we ran into each other at the beach and got to catching up. it feels like no time has passed and he asks me if i want to hang out. he made it clear that it wouldn't be for the whole night because he and his friend were going down to virginia for a concert the next day. i obviously agree no questions asked because i fucking missed him and i wanted him and nothing else mattered. 

kissing him felt better than i remembered and i just wanted to completely melt into him. it wasn't like this with anyone else. he doesn't last long during sex and he apologizes and tells me he hasn't been with anyone in a while. (i try to believe that). things felt better between us than they had in a long time and i found myself genuinely relaxing and laughing and enjoying my time. 

he brings up a band we both like and tells me they're playing near us and that they come at the end of may. i think he was trying to ask me out but i couldn't tell for sure so i said that id never been to the venue before and he chickens out. 

we’re giggling and i looked up at him and made a silly face and he gave me a soft look and gently kissed my forehead. i tried not to look surprised but that wasn't something he'd ever done before, especially since it wasn't sexual. 

he has to meet his friends so i leave a couple hours later and he sends me off with a “see you around” and it gets caught in my head. 

he doesn't speak to me for a week and im an idiot so i think it's because i need to initiate and so i ask him to hang out. he doesn't answer. 

another week goes by and one day i notice that he unfollowed me on instagram and start to panic. the exhaustion of knowing him finally catches up to me and i decide to get answers once and for all, so i send him this text:

i'm just a little confused bc ive noticed everytime we sleep together you get standoffish after or like won't hang out if i ask. i know ive been bitchy about it in the past and i won't be mad i just genuinely want to understand where you're coming from with that. from what you've said in the past i know you don't want a relationship and im not really sure i'm looking for one rn either so im sorry if it came off as me pressuring you, i just genuinely have fun hanging out and hooking up w you but if that's not something you're interested in then that's okay or if it's another reason you don't want to share with me then that's okay too :)

and a full day goes by while i sit in anxiety wondering what i could've done wrong. and then i get my answer:

Hey so yeah honestly its just not felt right after, and thats led me to feel bad about the whole thing and like we shouldnt have and then it makes me feel awkward. Also at Billy i met my now girlfriend but we were talking for the past few weeks

no empathy, no apology or accountability. just completely devoid of any kind of emotion whatsoever. so fuck it! i thumbs down his message and say this:

you sure slept with me a lot for someone who thought it didn't "feel right" LMAO but hope everything works out well for you and see u around

i block him on everything and try not to completely lose my mind as my self worth crumbles into pieces. he slept with me, went to a concert and met a girl the next day and in two weeks made her his girlfriend while i tried with him for a full year and got fucked over in return. 

beth comes to me the next day and says that she saw trevor at a party later that same day and he told her that she couldn't be mean to his girlfriend and was outraged that she wasn't taking his “side” over mine because she knew him longer so she had to side with him. 

something in my gut thinks this feels all wrong and none of it makes sense. why would the first thing he did after getting a girlfriend be unfollowing ONLY me on instagram and not any other girls. we barely even interact on there - wouldn't it make more sense to block my number? also to leave me following him was just fucking annoying. like just block me at that point. and the way he messaged me was so weirdly phrased. and why is he so mad about the whole thing when nothing bad was really said? why are there sides? we didn't break up and i apparently don't mean anything to him. if he likes this girl the way he acts like he does who gives a fuck about what me or beth or anyone else thinks. i don't even know this girl and i have nothing bad to say about her because she didn't do anything wrong. even funnier - his best friend was involved with my friend megan and he ended things with her for another girl he met at the same concert as well. apparently both of their girlfriends live in philly which is three hours away from where we all live and i just think it's all very strange and nonsensical. 

this is what i’m left with. i'm still so confused and trying to come to terms with everything. but there's just so much left unsaid and i can't help but want to make sense of it. 

if anyone can shine any sort of light on this whole thing, please help me. thank you for reading my literal novel!

[supprimé]

Got out of a two-month situationship that escalated really fast and I got attached way harder than I expected. Flew to another state to see her, felt a really deep emotional and physical connection, and then things ended badly and pretty coldly. Met her kids met her friends. We talked non stop for weeks.. then nothing. I was already struggling with depression and self-worth issues beforehand, and now I feel completely shattered and back in a really dark place mentally. It breaks your heart.

I (25 F) was in a 3 month long situationship with 25 M. There was a pause/end but after a couple of weeks, we both sent each other insta story likes then we start chatting again (while sober/ drunk). I ask him to hang soon but then he says it’s not a good idea because he started seeing someone very recently. Why’d he even start chatting again? He initiated most of the conversations after we started talking again.

10 days no contact/blocked.
7 years of disrespect that I mistook for love but unable to commit.

It’s funny, I thought when this day comes I’d be crying my eyes out. But I’m angry! I’m so angry. Not even at him. At myself..

I’ve been replaying things that have happened over the years… and how I’ve either not stood up for myself or have heard a half arsed apology and just accepted it without question. The justifications I made for shitty behaviour and the excuses I made to friends. Or the times that I didn’t say anything to anyone because it’s embarrassing.

And that’s what it comes down too.

I’m embarrassed. What the fuck was I thinking?!

I know I should probably step back, but

I’ve known this guy for over a year through mutual friends. We got close over time and had phases where we talked almost every day. He has always been honest that he isn’t fully over his past relationships and isn’t in a place to commit, so I’ve accepted that and never expected anything more from him.

Our contact has been on and off for a while now. Sometimes we’ll talk normally, share reels, have easy conversations, and then he’ll pull back for some time.

I recently deactivated Instagram for few days because the inconsistency was affecting me. I reactivated it last night, replied to an old message, and we started talking again like normal.

Then today, while we were chatting, he suddenly came across his ex’s newlywed couple account (he didn’t know it existed) and sent it to me saying, “Instagram just killed me.”

I comforted him as best as I could, and then he went offline.

The thing is, I genuinely care about him as a person. At this point, it’s not even about wanting him to choose me or hoping for something romantic. I just hate seeing someone I care about hurting like that, and if he trusts me enough to share that pain, part of me wants to simply be there for him as a friend.

But I’m also wondering if that’s a bad idea. Am I being a good friend, or am I putting myself in a position where I’ll eventually get hurt by caring too much for someone who’s still emotionally tied to their past?

Hey guys, um this seems like the most appropriate place to get some opinions. But I’ve been in a situationship for almost 4 years now. It’s been mainly off and on due to our life choices at that time but unfortunately he had a bad issue at committing to plans. There’s times where we verbally agreed to something and then it’s a no call, no show. In the very beginning I thought I was fine because I knew these types of relationships hold no “obligations” and in reality, I didn’t expect both of us to continue this for as long as we did. We had multiple discussions on how I want to at least be treated as a friend since I felt basic demands of respect was being missed. This month, we made plans to assemble a dresser and to chill. Within 24hrs I was blocked and another two days later after I had to haggle it out, he said he was going through a depressive episode and blocked everyone but his mom. I truly love the connection we had but it is time to let go? I been going back and forth on how to respond because he does carry a copy key to my house but I feel like I just don’t matter. People can make the argument that that’s what all situations end up like idk, i just wanted to at least been seen as someone with some value. Hopefully this is still the right subgroup, maybe I just needed to rant lmao.

So I cut him off and blocked him everywhere after being so done with the situation. I know its for the best since I wanted a relationship and he didnt. It hurts so bad to think that I might not see him again. But to my question: After Im done healing from this, is it possible to meet him? Or will it restart the whole healing process that Ive just done? Is being intimate (sex) again a horrible idea?

TLDR: we never dated officially but I had another guy I was serious with cause he would never fully commit to me

Long story short I (24f) have on and off seen a guy (26m) over the past 3.5 years. We’ve never officially dated but have come close but we have never fully trusted each other. He would never fully commit, he had trust issues to begin with because he thought I didn’t like him as much as he liked me (I thought he didn’t care as much as I cared) but we reconnected and have broken things off and gotten back together. Long story short we were on another break and I was feeling like I just wanted emotional stability so I tarted dating a guy but I folded instantly when my on and off again guy hit me up. It’s been so unstable and such a source of immense joy but immense pain that I wanted a way to feel stable while still being with the man I know I truly love. I know it’s wrong and I want to take accountability for what I’ve done and I’ve apologized and shared my location and phone passwords and social media passwords and I have tried to reconcile with his friends and family but I just feel terrible and I don’t know how much of everything everyone knows. He could never stop liking girls online and looking at them and I just felt like if he really cared he would’ve stopped that and asked me to be serious. How can we repair and rebuild? What actionable steps can I take? I truly intend to be completely loyal to him and I truly don’t want anyone else I was just scared of being hurt so I did something so truly hurtful.

I don't know if I am in the right place to ask this, but to give you context, I have been talking to this girl for almost 8 months. We had no clear label but we have already exchanged stories, secrets, and other emotional stuffs like that. During the first months, we were actually doing well. However, we've been dealing with more misunderstandings lately and I was usually the cause of these. The arguments happened because of my lack of sensitivity and the tendency to make jokes or say something rashly without thinking. I promised to her that I will really try to work on it, but there are really times that I fail to keep it in mind. And right now, we are still in bad terms because of the same exact reason. I really do want to change not just because I love her and that I really want for us to work out, but also because I don't want to hurt more people around me. Right now, what I've been practicing is that to try pausing before saying something. Also, I've also realized that I was being too intense with her in a sense that I just blabbed anything that I feel like saying to her, whether it's something sweet, funny, or something that could potentially hurt her feelings. I am seeing this as something I really need to work out with. However, aside from these, I really need an advice. What can be your advice with regards to how I can REALLY start working on it?

My (30F) FWB (30M) has now said for the 4th time he wants me to get me pregnant. Backstory: we’ve been hooking up since we were 16yrs old. I used to have a big crush on him but that faded because he used to be so selfish during sex only caring about him finishing & his needs. I stopped messing with him when I was 19, years go by now I’m 23 he hits me up & we link up. 

The sex is phenomenal out of this world i didn’t even know my body can feel that way do those things. He was a whole new person from when we were younger making it all about me my pleasure was his pleasure he used to never want to eat me out now he devours me from front to back there isn’t an inch of my body that hasn’t been in his mouth and idk how but he lasts so damn long without cumming! I’m always tapping out before him and he keeps going I can’t count the amount of orgasms he gives me. the sex is out of this world and I’ve never met a man that comes close to making me feel how he does. 

Anyway fast forward we’ve been hooking up all these years on & off. Now the last 5 years have been different. He tells me he loves me during sex, at first he’d say it under his breath & I’d ask him what he said he wouldn’t repeat it like, he didn’t mean for me to hear that it slipped out during the moment but now he says it all the time. He confesses his love to me. Every time now he says ”I’m in love with you, I always been in love with you since we were kids, I love you so much” I felt weird saying it back so id say “I love your dick/i love fucking you” because I do & I know he doesn’t love me forreal. Well idk…

any way fast forward to last year we’re having sex & he blurts out “i want you to have my baby so bad just tell me when you’re ready I’ll do anything for you“ …killed the mood for me lowkey. like why are you saying this while inside of me?! that didnt feel right in my spirit so I left while he was sleep…but I came back after some time 🙃 but everytime after he keeps saying he wants me to have his baby. 

Now for the most recent time…it’s the I love you’s but this time it’s different, as he’s telling me he loves me I say “tell me what you love about me”…Yall why this man talk about everything but my body/sex! He said he loves my mind, how I inspire him, how I talk to him, our conversation, our time together, how I am focused, how smart I am, how I chase my dream, and much more! all while he’s stroking me!! Then he grabs my hand, interlocked fingers, while saying this just confessing his love. It’s was beautiful & romantic not gonna lie. Then this man stopped mid stroke & asked me to pinky promise him, pinky out and we shook on it lol  

After this it’s full blown baby talk, “I want to get you pregnant so bad, I want you to have my baby I’m so serious” I can’t even respond to the sex talk properly cause idk what to say to that?! After round 3 & we’re chilling I joke around saying “pussy so good got you ready to risk it all” he looked at me dead in my face & said im not playing I want to get you pregnant. the night proceeds more rounds of amazing sex and now he doesn’t want to use condoms anymore even went as far as taking it off, I made him stop he did but could tell he was disappointed after that

…I’m just so confused as to why he wants to ruin a good thing with a baby! does he really love me? Or does he just want to be tied to me? do men actually fall in love with their fwbs? so many questions I’m confused & if I bring it up I know he will probably ignore it...help!! What does this mean in men brains?? Why would he want a baby but not commitment?? What does this mean?! 

last year around this time i was kinda talking to someone / we were becoming friends. it got really messy and he was really depressed and i was very insecure bc my past and was still kinda seeing someone on the side who caused me to have severe trust issues. he eventually started dating another girl, and this girl would stalk my tiktok regularly throughout their whole relationship. he had also talked mad shit about her to me while we were friends/talking. Now almost a year later we have not talked in almost a year and i noticed him and his gf broke up and he made a new snap. i was thinking about texting him but idk if i should. this is my draft. any advice pls welcome. i truly miss the friendship i had with him and upon reading our texts and thinking a lot about what happened i realized i was a little crazy and unhinged and i dont want him to hate me. (also side note he made a new snap and blocked me right away and then i noticed a couple days later he didn’t had unblocked me)

draft of text i want to send:

i’m honestly not sure that you’ll even get this but hopefully u do. i just want to appologize for the way i acted towards you and just everything that happened between us. im honestly rly embarrassed of how i behaved and the person i was. i’ve done a lot of growing and a lot has changed in my life and i would like to think im not that person anymore. idrk why im reaching out and saying all this but ive just been thinking a lot recently about a lot of things and i just feel really bad about the way i treated u and how i handled everything. i was going through a lot at the time that had nothing to do with you and i just took it all out on u and im truly sorry for that.

Trigger warning: eating disorders, smoking, body hate/dysmorphia

I matched with this guy on a dating app but it turns out that he’s the exact same type of Muslim that I am and it’s really rare for me to find someone who comes from my sect, in my area, and is open minded enough to have fun

So already I have my hopes up really high that we would one day marry, but as a chronic over thinker, I ended up rejecting him really early on because I was just having doubts and was not really feeling it in the romantic type way. But the thing is we still talk and still fuck occasionally even after it’s been 6 months since I’ve rejected him, we’re good friends.

But I’ve come to like him after getting to know him, and ngl he’s the best prospect that I can settle with and be my authentic self around with. But he’s been saying as payback for rejecting him he’ll only marry me if I get down to 130lbs. I’m 175lbs rn. I already have a fucked up relationship with food and my body and him saying that I’m going to the hottest person in my Muslim community if I’m down to 130 is really fucking with my head. I quit smoking but my relationship with food is now so fucked up that I consider having a couple smokes to be quite healthy compared to food. I end up binge eating and smoking to cope with the feeling of hate I get when I not look at myself.

Fuck him. And tbh the sex isn’t even that good. Dunno why I even bother. I guess I just feel lonely and he’s a really good friend. He understands the same shit that I go through being a Muslim in our sect.