u/Working-Seat4247

10 days no contact/blocked.
7 years of disrespect that I mistook for love but unable to commit.

It’s funny, I thought when this day comes I’d be crying my eyes out. But I’m angry! I’m so angry. Not even at him. At myself..

I’ve been replaying things that have happened over the years… and how I’ve either not stood up for myself or have heard a half arsed apology and just accepted it without question. The justifications I made for shitty behaviour and the excuses I made to friends. Or the times that I didn’t say anything to anyone because it’s embarrassing.

And that’s what it comes down too.

I’m embarrassed. What the fuck was I thinking?!

7 year situationship - on and off with a mixture of feelings thrown around. Before you judge the situation there are a number of factors at play.

The man is a classic avoidant. We met through mutual friends and he lives less than 0.5 miles from me. We have a number of mutual friends and connections that make it very easy to fall into a pattern.

I’ve known for a long time that this will never go anywhere. But, I get sucked back in every time. The argument he always say is “we’ll always be good friends”. It’s not even about sex, I know I love him very deeply, but I am a placeholder to him. Whilst he cares and may in his own way love me, he doesn’t want to commit.

We’ve just got back from a trip together for his birthday. Had the best time. But. I am at a point now where I can’t live my life like this anymore. The thought of him being with someone else makes me physically sick and I know that I cannot have a friendship with someone where I don’t want to know anything about their romantic life.

I suppose what I’m asking is, advice for the following:

How do I walk away and not go running back when I get lonely/miss him.

Do I say something or just go quietly

How do I actually move on as when I’ve tried to cut him out before I miss him very much and our proximity to each other - I will see him.

How do I get out of this shitty situation where my head tells me one thing and my heart is screaming another?

TLDR; holiday with situationship.

I (F 30) have paid and booked a holiday for situationship (M 39) 40th Birthday this week. We leave on Wednesday. We’ve had conversations about boundaries and expectations from each other over the last 7 years.

We’ve gone on multiple trips over the last couple of years: our boundaries are clear.. we’re not in a relationship, but don’t be with other people in front of one another.

On Friday, said man proceeded to flirt, kiss and exchange numbers with a woman infront of me. I left the pub we were in as I didn’t want to see it. I’ve tried to address the situation and how this has disrespected me, and I just got a text back saying Sorry. Yesterday I attempted to meet him to talk it out so that our holiday is not awkward… he’s just ignored me. I haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve paid for the trip for his birthday - I’ll never hold that against him that was my offer for his big birthday. But I feel very disrespected and as if I mean absolutely nothing.. and we’re not in a relationship he can do what he wants. I’m not necessarily annoyed that he got with someone.. but it’s the fact he had no regard for me, he knew I was there and would see.. and were due to go away in a couple of days.

As he hasn’t responded, I feel at a loss and more hurt than anything. I thought we could talk it through and not have an argument so that when we’re away it’s been discussed and put to bed. But, his avoidance makes me feel that on holiday it’s going to be awkward….

What would you do?!