My (f21) boyfriend (m22) used and maybe violated me but I am not sure if I should be alarmed
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My boyfriend and I have a general rule where either one of us can wake the other up with sex. We set this boundary on the earlier side of our relationship and have both participated.
The other night I was asleep and half woke up to him inside me, I don't know why but I froze and pretended to be asleep, expecting him to wake me as he usually does so we could start to kick things off. Except he didn't wake me at all, he finished, pushed off me and pushed me to my side of the bed, not even waking me to make sure I didn't get a uti.
I don't know how to feel, on one hand we had agreed that this kind of thing was okay but on the other I feel completely used, uncared for and disgusting. I pretended to wake a while after and we cuddled and he mentioned he inserted himself but then couldnt be bothered 'actually fucking me' but i should probably pee just incase.
It made me so shocked. Not only did he lie, but he also treated me so poorly. I'm a pretty vocal person, especially about my ethics and morals with everything going online atm, with the outting of the academy and all, and when I bought up the cite to him he agreed it was awful but then tried to correct the numbers and everything. I'm not sure what to do, if anything, I just feel so gross. I know I need to talk to him, but it's been 2 days, and he still doesn't know that I know. How would you go about this conversation? I know I need to talk to him. I'm just not sure how I should feel and whether what I'm feeling is valid.