u/New_Equivalent_636

My boyfriend (27M) and I (24F) have been together officially since 2023 but were talking for almost a year before that, so its been close to 4 years total.

I genuinely thought this was the healthiest relationship ive ever had. He always updated me, acted super loyal, always reassured me, and honestly never gave me any major reason not to trust him.

Lately we had been arguing more and for some reason I randomly checked some girls he follows on instagram. I found one girl whose pictures he liked constantly. When I confronted him he acted like it was nothing and said they never talked.

Turns out he DID message her multiple times and the messages were flirty as hell.

That already hurt enough, but then I messaged another girl and she told me they actually went on a date and kissed 2 years ago while I was traveling. She even had videos.

Now im sitting here feeling completely mindfucked because our relationship has genuinely felt good this whole time. Like stable, loving, healthy. Thats what makes this harder.

Part of me feels stupid because ive been cheated on before and thought I would recognize the signs by now. But another part of me keeps wondering if people can genuinely mess up early in a relationship and still become a different person later.

I know most people will probably say “leave immediately,” but emotions are way more complicated when youve built an actual life with someone. I moved states to be with him, we share a lease, and outside of this discovery I honestly saw him as my future husband.

Now I cant tell if im grieving the relationship or grieving the version of him I thought existed.

Has anyone else experienced something like this where the relationship felt real and loving but then you discovered betrayal from years ago? Did it completely destroy your trust forever or were you somehow able to rebuild it?

TL;DR: I (24F) found out my boyfriend (27M) flirted with multiple girls and secretly went on a date/kissed another woman 2 years ago while we were together. Our relationship otherwise felt healthy and stable which is why this feels so confusing emotionally. Now im questioning whether trust can actually come back after delayed betrayal.

I’m 24F and lately ive noticed almost every connection feels amazing in the beginning and then slowly dies for no obvious reason.

Like people will:

• text you constantly
• act emotionally invested
• flirt all day
• say they’ve “never connected with someone this easily”

And then a few weeks later its like they emotionally disappear while still technically staying around.

Thats the part that confuses me the most honestly.

They dont fully leave.
They still view everything.
Still occasionally text.
Still act interested JUST enough to keep you emotionally confused.

Its starting to feel like people want the feelings of a relationship without actually wanting the responsibility of one.

And before anyone says “maybe youre choosing the wrong people,” this has happened with completely different types of people at this point.

I genuinely cant tell if dating apps/social media ruined peoples ability to build connection long term or if this is just normal now.

TL;DR: Im 24F and feel like modern dating has become emotionally temporary. People come on strong, slowly pull away, but never fully leave either. Starting to wonder if real emotional consistency is rare now.

I (24F) feel like people always lose interest once i finally get comfortable with them

I dont know if this is just bad luck or if anyone else relates to this.

Everytime i start talking to someone new, things usually start really good. They text first a lot, wanna talk all day, compliment me constantly and act super interested.

But then once i finally stop overthinking and actually start liking them back, the energy changes.

Replies get slower.
They stop sounding excited.
Plans happen less.

And the weirdest part is they usually dont fully disappear either. They still randomly message me or watch everything i post, which honestly just confuses me more.

Ive started catching myself feeling anxious whenever someone comes on too strong now because part of me expects them to switch up later.

Maybe im overthinking it but this pattern keeps happening and its messing with my confidence a little.

TL;DR: Im 24F and feel like everytime someone starts off really interested in me, they slowly lose interest once i finally relax and get attached too.

I’m 24F and honestly after the last couple people ive dated im starting to feel like this is just how modern dating works now.

Everytime i meet someone new it starts off super intense. They text first all the time, act obsessed with me, wanna talk 24/7, make plans, say stuff like “youre different” etc.

Then the SECOND i actually relax and start matching their energy, something changes.

Replies get slower.
They stop sounding excited.
Everything starts feeling kinda forced.

And what messes with my head is that they never fully leave either. They still watch stories, still randomly text, still act interested enough to keep you emotionally stuck there.

I genuinely cant tell if people are scared of commitment now or if some people just enjoy attention more than actual connection.

Ive noticed a lot of dating now feels like people wanting emotional benefits without emotional responsibility.

Has anyone else been stuck in this pattern? cause honestly its starting to make me question if im doing something wrong without realizing it

TL;DR: Im 24F and feel like everytime someone starts off really interested in me, they lose interest the moment i start liking them back. Starting to wonder if this is just modern dating now or if im somehow causing it.

I genuinely dont understand this anymore.

Everytime i meet someone new they come on SO strong at first. Constant texting, attention, compliments, acting super interested etc.

But once i finally relax and stop holding back a little, its like the energy completely changes.

Suddenly theyre “busy” all the time.
Replies get dry.
Plans stop happening.

And then somehow YOU end up overthinking everything wondering what changed.

I dont even think people realize they do this honestly. It feels like some people only enjoy the excitement of chasing someone but once things start becoming real they lose interest.

Maybe im wrong idk. But its happened enough times now that im starting to think modern dating is just built around temporary attention instead of actual connection.

I swear this keeps happening to me and idk if im imagining it or if this is just modern dating now.

Every single time i meet someone new it starts off super intense. They text first, act obsessed with me, wanna talk all day, make plans etc.

Then the SECOND i actually relax and start matching their energy, something changes.

Replies get slower.
They stop sounding excited.
Everything starts feeling kinda forced.

And what messes with my head is that they never fully leave either. They still watch stories, still randomly text, still act interested enough to keep you emotionally stuck there.

Like are people genuinely scared of commitment now or do some people just enjoy attention more than actual connection?

Ive started noticing that a lot of dating now feels like people wanting emotional benefits without emotional responsibility.

Anybody else been stuck in this pattern? cause honestly its starting to make me question if im doing something wrong without realizing it.