u/rheyannaxoxo

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend(20M) and I(21F) have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \\\*me\\\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \\\*has\\\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \\\*do\\\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \*me\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \*has\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \*do\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \\\*me\\\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \\\*has\\\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \\\*do\\\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \\\*me\\\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \\\*has\\\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \\\*do\\\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \\\*me\\\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \\\*has\\\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \\\*do\\\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?

My boyfriend was caught online cheating? What should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 months, and I honestly don’t know if I’m staying because I genuinely believe this can be fixed or because I’m emotionally attached and struggling to let go.
After our nice trip to Miami that his dad paid for us to go, straight after things started feeling off. I noticed weird behavior with his texting and just a general feeling that something wasn’t right. While I was back In Kalamazoo amd he was in Detroit, he did some things… Eventually I found out he had been on Tinder and multiple sugar daddy/sugar baby websites while we were together. Not just looking either — he searched them up in multiple cities like Kalamazoo, Detroit, and Grand Rapids. He told me it was because he was feeling emotionally disconnected from me.
What hurts is that instead of communicating that to me or trying to work through it with me, he went elsewhere for validation/attention. I also found evidence that he tried to purchase memberships for some of the sugar daddy websites because I saw it on his debit card statement. He also received a nude from a sugar baby girl. He says he didn’t ask for it, but the whole situation already crossed major boundaries for me.
There were also moments where he acted weird with his phone, protective over it, and I started feeling suspicious enough that I wondered if he was hiding or deleting things. At one point I even started asking people how to tell if someone is cheating/hiding things on their phone because my anxiety got so bad. I hate that I’ve become this person because I was never like this before.
The hardest part is that he does seem emotional about losing me. He cries, tells me he misses me, says he loves me, says he wants to fix things, and acts devastated over the idea of me leaving. But part of me keeps wondering if he misses \*me\* or if he misses the comfort, attention, emotional support, and love I gave him. Sometimes I feel like he’s more upset about losing the relationship than fully understanding the betrayal itself.
At the same time, he \*has\* been taking steps that make this more confusing for me emotionally. He told his parents what he did, and he’s planning to tell mine too because he says he wants to fully own up to it instead of hiding it. He also said he’s going to seek therapy to figure out why he handled disconnection this way in the first place and to work on himself. Part of me sees that as genuine accountability, but another part of me is scared it’s only happening because he got caught and is afraid to lose me.
I’ve also had other issues with him not really showing effort in thoughtful ways. For example, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about wanting more consideration, emotional presence, and small meaningful gestures. I’ve explained that I need the small things to feel loved. I even brought things up multiple times and eventually told him I wasn’t going to keep repeating myself anymore because if change only happens after repeated conversations, then it doesn’t feel genuine.
Recently he told me he wants to “live in the present” instead of worrying too much about the future. But that honestly scared me because I \*do\* think long term in relationships. I care about stability and knowing someone sees a future with me. Him saying that made me wonder if he’s avoiding commitment/accountability or if I’m just overthinking it.
Right now we’re basically in a “trial period.” My therapist actually said that was smart because I told him clearly:
If he cheats again, I’m gone.
If he hides things again, I’m gone.
If there’s no transparency, effort, or emotional availability, I’m gone.
If I keep feeling emotionally unsafe and anxious all the time, I’m gone.
But I still feel conflicted every single day. Some days I think maybe trust can be rebuilt if someone truly changes. Other days I feel stupid for even trying because I’m scared he’ll just get better at hiding things. I overanalyze constantly now. Every little thing makes me anxious. I don’t want to become controlling, paranoid, or someone who checks phones and searches for proof all the time.
One thing that really stuck with me was when my friend’s mom told me: “You deserve someone who goes toward YOU when they’re feeling disconnected, not someone who looks elsewhere to fulfill their needs.” And honestly that hit hard because I know it’s true.
I still love him deeply, though, and that’s what makes this so difficult.
So I guess I’m asking:
Can trust realistically come back after this?
Do people who do this usually repeat the behavior?
Am I overanalyzing because of betrayal trauma, or are these instincts I should listen to?
Is staying during a “trial period” reasonable, or am I dragging out the inevitable?
Would you personally stay after this?