r/motherinlawsfromhell

Am I the asshole for feeling like my future MIL is being invasive and asking partner to set firmer boundaries? My partner comes from a much closer knit family than I do and it’s been an adjustment, but recently it feels like it’s getting out of control. We live across the country and they visit nearly every other month, it feels like I don’t get a break from hosting them. They don’t even ask, they just book flights. In August when our lease is up, we are moving for a career change on my end. His mom told me we should move closer to them as it would be “ better for my career” ( location isn’t a huge factor in what I’m soon to be doing) and tried convincing us to move back home and even sent us apartment buildings without our asking. She has offered to help us move to our new spot on multiple occasions, and we have said no multiple times. Her response each time is “ We’ll talk about it more”. I have asked my partner to set firmer boundaries as it’s starting to bug me and I feel like she is not allowing us to be adults and also not respecting our wishes. He seems a little annoyed and I don’t want to hate on his mom 24/7 but I am getting to my breaking point. I know I don’t come from a super close family so part of being with him and his family is an adjustment, but this feels over the line. Am I overreacting?

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MIL has successfully poisoned my wife's family against me. I'm the new "villain" now.

Is my marriage doomed?

Will I ever stop watching my back?

Holy water didn't work — is there a middle ground between nice and flamethrower?

TL;DR: Covert narcissistic MIL love-bombed early, then turned sinister after our kids were born.

She's stolen money, smirks at distress, fakes illness for supply, undermines my wife, and has systematically turned FIL, SIL (and her BF) against me using triangulation and reactive abuse.

My wife believes me 90% but that 10% hope keeps getting weaponized.

I'm trapped in a no-win loop at family events and terrified what she'll do next to our kids. Holy water (being patient) failed — is there any effective middle ground, or is it time for stronger boundaries?

Background: Childhood abuse made me zero-bullshit tolerant — hypervigilant and empathetic. I used to question my view of MIL until her patterns became impossible to ignore.

Classic story. In the beginning: love bombing. After our son's birth, her mask slipped. Turns out a capable, strong daughter (my wife, one of the greatest mothers) is a covert narcissist's biggest nightmare.

Fast-forward six years: loads of gaslighting, manipulation, and triangulation. All because my wife is happy, has boundaries for the first time, is healing her relationship with her dad (despite decades of MIL's brainwashing), and I refused to buy into MIL's "everyone is fucked except me" narrative.

This isn't average annoying MIL territory.

We're talking about a woman who stole a large amount from shared family funds, then successfully painted my FIL as the one who only cares about money (he worked his whole life for it; she lost it on bad investments). She used fear to manipulate my wife into covering for her — double-stabbing her own husband.

She shows deep pleasure at other people's discomfort, smirks when someone is in distress (especially when she caused it), yet still plays the holy saint.

One evening she sat in her robe, sipping wine in front of me while my wife recovered from a complicated birth in the hospital, and smirked: "I like young men. They're so stupid." That was my point of no return. Her fake laugh and hollow eyes still make me shiver.

I'm not terrified of her, but of how far she'll go to stay in the spotlight and maintain control. I've seen what she did to her own children and FIL.

She interrupts our beautiful moments, uses family pets as leverage, plays the caring mother without ever actually helping, smirks at our toddler's tantrums ("See? They can't handle their baby"), shows zero interest in our lives unless she can get supply, constantly undermines my wife, and compares our kids' milestones viciously.

She spreads twisted stories about us to extended family as if she lives with us. She watches raw war footage like cartoons, laughs at friends' divorces, and stalks every move like a spider looking for something to ridicule.

Her four default modes:

1. Charming woman

2. Sulking rage

3. Victim

4. Manipulating

In the beginning she fed me horror stories about how demonic FIL is — classic projection. When I met him, he was warm and decent. She had turned his own kids against him with reactive abuse. Now she's painting me as the new villain.

FIL was like a father to me until MIL used a property dispute to destroy that bond. My daughter prefers FIL over MIL, and my wife is slowly healing with her dad — those are the only bright spots.

SIL felt like a little sister until I realized she's the golden child/enabler/spy. Her behavior toward me flips 180° in front of MIL. Her boyfriend went from good friend to seeing me as competition after MIL exploited his insecurities.

I cared about these people deeply. Now my grief is drowned in silent rage.

Only BIL (abroad) hasn't turned yet. He said "she's like this with everyone, don't take it personally" — which somehow made it worse.

My wife sees a lot of it and believes me 90%, but that 10% hope for a normal relationship with her mother is constantly exploited by MIL.

MIL has worked hard to isolate me from the rest of the family. Now I'm in a trap:

Skip gatherings → MIL and SIL gang up on my wife with subtle digs about me.

Attend → "He's always glued to her. He's controlling."

When my wife started pulling away and SIL got serious with her BF, MIL suddenly developed a mysterious illness (endless doctor-shopping, no real diagnosis, looks perfectly healthy). She milks it for guilt and supply — sick only when she doesn't get her way.

I've seen the sulking, rage, and smirks, but calling it out just makes me the paranoid villain. MIL has zero remorse — she'll eat food I cooked and say things like "Nowadays women don't need men. If they need one, they can rent one for an hour" while staring me down.

Three questions:

Is my relationship with my wife doomed?

Will her 10% hope always be a weapon MIL can use against us?

Will I ever stop watching my back, or will I have to protect my kids forever from being turned against me?

I tried "holy water" (being nice, patient, understanding). Now I'm thinking flamethrower is the only option.

Is there any middle ground that actually works?

(For sanity I took up woodworking and we have a cat who's the kids' favorite — my personal therapist.)

I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 and a half years. We have moved in and out of a property his mom owns. She inherited it from my boyfriend's paternal grandmother, because she cared for her at the end of her life, and her own son died. There is a MIL house on the property she stays at on the weekends. But she is always coming in and out of our house, and now has ripped out her ceiling to get the roof redone and has weasled her way into staying inside our house.

MIL is an obsessive micromanager. She has cameras all over the property and her passtime is watching said cameras. She also constantly checks the airtag on our cat, who barely leaves our house. She has put cameras facing in our kitchen and doesnt hide the fact that she is spying, because she will call my boyfriend and bitch at him for something she heard him say on the camera. (Boyfriend immediately moved the camera when he realized.) She sets the security alarm off to get our attention, on one instance calling my boyfriend lazy for not responding to her texts, when he couldnt have answered due to having been in a work meeting (wfh) for an hour. She thought someone who was parked in our driveway was messing with the electric meter, and was not satisfied with the fact that he was parked there waiting for someone to bring him a spare tire (he had just had a collision in front of our house.)

Earlier this year, my boyfriend told me we need to pack up our stuff in case we need to move out quickly. Apparently, MIL was so toxic he went NC with her for 3 months. I was thinking, hallelujah! I don't have to convince him myself! She also stopped coming to the property on the weekends for a while. Cut to february, I had wished her a happy birthday even though my boyfriend said he wasnt going to. I fear she may have thought this was an olive branch.

Now, I do not hate this woman. She was effectively a single mother and chose to give up her career to take care of an elderly woman who wasn't her own mother. I just do not want to live under her control. I don't want her to have a key to where I live. I can deal with her at dinners for courtesy but she is truly the only negative influence in my life right now.

My boyfriend hides how toxic she is from me. I believe he does this because he doesn't want me to want to leave, since he's thinking he will inherit the house and she cant afford the insurance/tax on her own. But last week he opened up to me about how she's been physical with him, breaking things because she is so mad. She is fake nice and I have heard how their arguments escalate when they didnt realize I had a window open.

Last weekend, I requested through my boyfriend that she not come into our house during working hours (we both wfh). She was so nasty to him he in the heat of argument used a box of cat treats as a metaphor for how she was treating him by stomping on it. He said, this is how you are treating me. How could you talk to me like that?

Her reply: You are my son.

I don't even know where to begin negotiation with this woman. I don't want to fuck her over by leaving but she is genuinely one of the worst people to have dominion over where you live. My boyfriend is on board for buying our own house, but I just don't want him to get manipulated back into her grasp. I hate the rollercoaster of him going NC and then being like, oh, it isnt so bad.

Sorry for how long this is. I really needed to vent and hear some other stories from you all. Hope you're all safe and happy and laugh today.

Some details, my partner and I have been together for 2 years. Approaching the time we are considering moving in together. We only get to see eachother 2 times a week and it’s hard. Basically this man is my best friend. He’s very quirky and unique and doesn’t fit typical toxic man stereotypes. His mother has never been a good mom. He moved out as a teenager and lived on his own most of his life. Anyways, his mom has essentially never wanted to work. She went from man to man to live off of… so one day my partner gets a call that her house is going into foreclosure and that her and his brother will become homeless. So he swooped in and bought the house and completely supports his mom financially. When him and I first started dating, he was living separately in a tiny home so I never really even saw her or understood the dynamic much. A friend ended up living in the tiny home for a few months this past year, so he started living in the main home with his mom.. that’s when I noticed how deep it was. I realized they’re essentially married and in a domestic partnership. Meal planning, gardening, home projects, you name it. She recently made a joke to me saying that she’s going to be screaming for him to bring her a Pepsi when she’s 120… and it dawned on me. Holy shit he’s going to be taking care of her for the rest of her life. I found out he’s never told her that he’s in a relationship with me… he actually smacks my hand away if she enters the room. Anyways, a lot of fights have happened over this situation and we came up with the following. He needs to create a separate bank for her and get her her own car. We looked into a way to make the tiny home more up to code and want to move her in there so that him and I can live together in the main house. Also he’s supposed to make her stop smoking in the house (it’s disgusting) And I said he absolutely needs to tell her we’re dating. It’s been months and he hasn’t told her we’re together. My gut says that she views me as a threat to her meal ticket son. They’ve even joked to me that him stepping up to pay her way will make it so she doesn’t have to get a boyfriend (like hello?? Do they not hear what it sounds like!?

He’s a replacement for a husband… the ick is getting strong and she’s increasingly bothering us when we’re together. Like anytime I’m at the house, she takes over conversations and talks to him about her video games or things she needs. I swear she has to know what she’s doing. Also, he completed one part of the boundary setting with her.. he told her that he’s going to move her into the small home in a year or two once it’s finished. Funny enough after that, she started using the guest bathroom. The woman has her own in her room and NEVER uses that bathroom. She’s even told me that she hasn’t in years multiple times. Then all of a sudden, he says he’s moving her out and then she starts using that bathroom and made it really gross and doesn’t replace the toilet paper roll. I viewed it as her “marking her territory”

Thing is, she doesn’t say anything to me or is mean to me, it’s more quiet and manipulative and my partner doesn’t see it. I’m considering just walking away at this point. Anyone else deal with a dynamic like this? I feel like the affair/ secret in his marriage to his mom. HELP

So my fiancé and I have been together for 11 years going on 12 this August. We started dating after we graduated HS (He was very popular/popular kids & I was a badass 😅 so we were never in the same social circles in HS otherwise probably would’ve dated sooner)

He recently proposed last April and everyone was ecstatic …except it feels his mother.. I was honestly pretty surprised since she seemed pretty cool with me up until the proposal and also now shes seems to be a bit more prejudice than I realized which was a total shock to me as all the years before she never acted like this or rose any red flags. I am biracial (white mom & black dad) and my fiancé’s mom is puerto Rican. We both lived in NY so we grew up around a pretty mixed environment & most puerto ricans are biracial themselves so was very surprised when she now asks me very uncomfortable questions about my race (being black)

List of things that made me uncomfortable:

1. she was mad I wore a janet jackson Tshirt around her kids??? Idk what janet did to her 😭 her kids also wear bilie joel Tshirts so idk why an older man is acceptable but not Janet??

2. she asked me why aunt jemima wasnt on the syrup anymore?? I was like idk google it?? Think its because of the connotation of her being a black mami but im not giving her a History lesson..

3. She was upset i wore braids in my hair..uhhh i honestly don’t understand this one like even puerto ricans wear protective hairstyles. Then asks me to tell her children why they cant wear braids & if it was appropriate for them to do so…which i dont understand why i would tell her own kids what they should or not do with their bodies. That feels to be a parental thing vs ur brother’s gf??

4. Her daughter is really amazing at the piano! She has a musicians ear and her parents introduced her to Billie joel. I started showing her stevie wonder & alicia keys and she was upset i did?? She said billie joel is more child appropriate which confused the hell outta me. She allows her 9 & 10 year old to watch Hazbin Hotel mind you (not suited for children AT ALL)

5. she colder..we went to visit for xmas last year after his sisters begged us to hangout. We recently moved away and We let her know in October we were coming & if it was ok to stay with her and followed up with her leading to December. We get there and she acted surprised we were there and staying??? To the point we thought she was joking and she was acting genuinely shocked. She didn’t have any food in the house for CHRISTMAS and i cooked for the family instead…the guest room wasnt made up either and she never told her husband we were coming & he WFH in the guest room so we basically had to stay on the couch. She also left??? Her excuse “Well I go to Jersey every year so I am not stopping what I am doing” but you knew we were coming?? So my fiancé and I made plans to hang with my family even though we traveled to hang out with his sisters. Both the sisters and my fiancé were pretty bummed out.

Im not complaining i get it if these things happen but it felt like sabotage????

I wouldn’t honestly be as shocked about her switch up if she had a close relationship with my fiancé but he opened up and lmk she abandoned him quite young to live with his father’s family in NY. She remarried and had kids who she gives the world. I know also hurts my partner as well and I try to help him cope. Thankfully he holds no resentment to his sisters just it seems his mother ..

I am at a weird space of trying to navigate welcoming a new family and also holding my ground. Im not ashamed nor was raised to be ashamed of being black but she definitely makes me uncomfortable. So his mom acting very mean, aloof, and upright has really thrown a curve ball at me when she was nothing but super nice to me before the engagement.

LMK what your thoughts on how to navigate these things because I feel very confused 😵‍💫

I (F20) and my partner (M25) are together for 2 years and live together for 1,5 year. We got together when I was starting last year of secondary school. He pays pretty much everything but I am still contributing money for food.

Last month I got fired from a job and since then I am constantly being controlled by my MIL and GRAMIL about my steps I take to find a new one to the point it is annoying and uncomfortable. We visit them once a month and last time we visited I felt like I was at a police interview. Telling me how to find a job, what to do to find it, that I should take anything etc. I am at a point I want to find something stable and that obviously takes some time. It got to a point that they are calling my bf and ask specifically how my interviews went and that they need every detail and what else am I gonna do. BF is supportive and tells them it is annoying they ask all the time and when I get a job he will tell them. They just don’t seem to respect it.

It just feels from their side that my value is based on if i have a job and they don’t consider me as a human being. And thinking if I am lazy etc. because I didn’t find a job in their ideal timeline. They worked one job in their entire life so they have no idea what it is like to find a normal job at this time. It is my life and they don’t live it so I feel like finding a job where I am gonna be 160hrs a month is nobody’s decision but mine.

What do you think? Did you experience something similar? Or how to put boundaries?

I would appreciate advice.

My MIL lives with us. She moved in just before I had my first baby which is now 10 weeks ago. For context- her and my husband are Hispanic. She speaks some English but not much, I speak some Spanish but not much. She does not work or drive. So she is in the house ALL THE TIME. She tries to micro manage me with my baby. She hovers. She has out dated practices for the baby that we have addressed so many times. She makes wild comments that my husband thinks is funny. Such as “I should see if I can breast feed you” talking to my son. And when we had some family visiting, I went to grab my son because he was hungry, she says “No he is my son” and starts laughing. I damn near had to rip him from her arms. My husband and his family think it’s funny, I do not. She is that Hispanic mother in law who over steps, gets involved when she shouldn’t and doesn’t respect me learning to be a mom. I’ve tried discussing this with my husband, he is extremely defensive over her with EVERYTHING. And always ends with “she means well”

I want her to go back to my brother in laws where she was before. It’s harder having her here than it would be not having her. If I tell my husband this, he ends up resenting me, and his whole family will hate me because everyone adores her.

To Add: my husband likes her here because she cooks for him since I’m still taking care of a newborn. Instead of him just stepping up and taking care of himself. I find it a turn off.

If I keep my mouth shut and just try to get by, I’m hiding in my own house with my baby, and I’m growing resentful.

There’s so much more too, but I didn’t want this post to be to long. I’m just at a loss.

I've been living with the in-laws for over a year now, and have a 9 month old son.

I hate it, my partner knows this but we got ourselves in this situation so I can't blame anyone but ourselves.

The other day my FIL had my son on the kitchen island and my son ended up falling sideways and nearly smashing his face on the edge of the marble counter, and ended up upside down between the chair and the counter before my FIL caught him.

I witnessed it all and took my son straight off him. FIL was very nonchalant about it and acted like he had control of the situation.

I felt physically sick watching it unfold, so spoke with my partner straight away and said my son is not to be up on the kitchen counter anymore it's not the place for babies to begin with.

He agreed.

The next day, my husband had our son while I was cooking and held him standing on the kitchen island for a few minutes before FIL put his arms out for him. My husband gave our LO to him and said please hold onto him properly this time, FIL said "Oh, don't you start" he kept him on the counter so I turned around and said please don't have him on the counter, I don't want him up there anymore.

FIL threw a fit and started saying that my husband just had him there and as soon as he took him I told him he couldn't be up there.

I said well husband shouldn't have him there either, but that's his father so that's up to him but we don't want him up there. He got upset and started arguing and passed my son back to my husband. And stormed off shouting. So I shouted back he's our son if we don't want him up there then he isn't going up there.

Since then he hasn't spoken to me but continues to say hi to my son when we walk by etc.

Husband said FIL was in the wrong but I shouldn't have argued back with the last statement about him being our son.

The reason I said that is because from day one FIL has always made it clear the he doesn't agree with our boundaries, and sometimes disrespected them.

For example, when our son was first born we asked them to wash hands before holding and touching his hands etc. FIL would roll his eyes and say they're clean or say he'd just washed them instead of going and doing it.

We said the baby isn't to be around the two big dogs they have, and he took him to them to sniff multiple times and laughed when we said not to do it.

Just the other day he picked up his dog poop in the garden and came in and tried to take our son without washing his hands and my husband told him off and he answered back that his hand didn't touch the poop.

I feel like that is why this time I snapped back with the "he's our son" remark as he needs to realise we are in charge of our son's boundaries.

Am I in anyway in the wrong? Should I apologise for anything?

Husband said he would just to keep the peace but I don't think I'm going to apologise for advocating for my son.

I need outsiders opinions.

Soo I told my mil the other day to please not pick up my baby every time she cries and my reasoning was because I want her to kinda learn to self soothe just because I have 4 kids and one of my kids is only one and I just had a newborn. So if you guys could imagine I’m pretty busy juggling all of them especially because I have no help. My fiancé is just that kinda guy that works and does nothing more. Anyways so I told my mil just give her maybe a minute or two to cry then pick her up especially if me and her both know I just fed changed and burped her. Bc sometimes she will go back to sleep by herself. So my mil told my fiance I was taking the baby away from her and not letting her hold her?? I guess I shouldn’t have said that?? I didn’t think it was mean or disrespectful? So then I came home and told her you can hold the baby I just meant something else and she didn’t accept my apology and she started yelling at me saying please don’t bother my son?? (My fiance) WHAT? Bother her son? He won’t comes home goes out with his friends his one day off is Sunday he still goes out with his friends. I never complain to him or get mad about it because this has been going on for years and I just don’t care anymore it gets old. But for her to tell me don’t bother her son and I am home with the kids and take care of the house with out ANY of his help literally since the day our newborn was born I have don’t everything woke up with her never asked him to help but I bother him???? Guys am I going crazy or what?

I’m Asian and my MIL is white. Her diet comprises mainly of American food - mac and cheese, meatloaf, that sort of stuff etc. with little to no spices in her food at all. Luckily, my husband is very adventurous with food and actually loves Asian food.

Recently, my family went to the best ramen spot in town and I posted it on Insta, only for MIL to reply, “What the heck is that?” I haven’t responded at all, and I don’t think I will considering that I feel that she’s constantly being very disrespectful with Asian cuisine.

Last time she visited us, we also took her to a ramen spot. That was the first time she tried it and she said it was actually not bad. Meanwhile, she looked at me eating takoyaki, saw the moving bonito flakes, freaked out and straight up said “eew!” out loud with full disgust. I don’t know how to deal with this really. Am I overreacting? Should I call her out or just keep it in? I feel like no one should be disrespectful to anyone’s food like that especially if someone is in the middle of eating said food.

So just to give some context: I am Asian and I married a white guy. Before we got married I met his mom just during holidays and he would meet her once a month for lunch. I on the other hand lived with my mom and am very close to her. My husband was aware that in my culture parents stay with their children when they get old. He on the other hand never mentioned anything of that sorts.

After I got married we moved 500 miles away due to work and my MIL began visiting us more often and would offer to help if we needed it.

But things just changed after my baby was born. She stayed in our home for over a month, even though my mom was already there to help out. She kept insisting she wants to help even though all I wanted after delivery was some alone time with my baby and husband. Now my baby is 3 months old and for the past 2 months she keeps telling my husband and me that she wants come help, even though my mom is here till summer.

When she was here after my delivery she told my mom that she has plans to stay with me and my husband or buy a place close to us. She said she discussed it with my husband, even though my husband said they had no such discussion. When my mom said she also plans to live near me , my MIL responded : “oh but aren’t ur sisters and other family members in asia?”

I don’t feel comfortable when my MIL is here for long periods as she fills our fridge up with whatever she likes, does whatever she wants, sits next to me and my husband on the couch while we watch our tv show after dinner (literally the only time we get to spend and cuddle each other). It feels like she comes to visit us for her own entertainment. For context she is divorced and retired last year.

I don’t know how to set boundaries. Because I have told her multiple times that I am doing fine and I don’t need her help but she doesn’t stop. I have told my husband she is free to come visit for short periods but I don’t know why she has a fantasy where she wants to live with us and “help us”. I feel like she is trying to compete with my mom and cannot stand the fact that my mom stays with me for a few months out of the year.

My MIL has a very strong personality and from talking to my partner it’s the way she’s always been. The family have learnt to deal with it. She has her husband and 2 boys so there’s never been another female presence so closely involved if that’s the way to explain it!

I am engaged to the eldest son of hers and have always found her difficult but even more lately!

She gets these horrible tantrums when things aren’t going her way to the point she’ll make nasty and quite personal comments but in a brush under the carpet way. Like we are just meant to take it and nothings up for discussion.

A recent example that has sparked me to write this post but a bit of background first. My partners grandparents have a caravan at a lovely quiet place we all absolutely love. My partners parents pay half the ground rent to use the caravan when they want and his grandparents pay the other half. The rest of us pay gas and whatever the caravan needs while we are there but only bob up for odd week or weekend. Whereas them two couples get a week a month let’s say so their money is really worth while. My partners parents are self employed so can book off however much holiday they want a year and the grandparents are retired so get a lot of time when they want. There’s a group chat for us all to put dates in we’d like to go. It’s under a first come first served basis to make it fair. Even tho it doesn’t always go like that at all!

Anyway back to the example. We got engaged up there exactly a year ago on the 31st May. So me and my partner mentioned to his parents that we’d like to go up for exactly a year and spend that weekend there. My partner does on call in his job and unluckily for us it had fallen on that weekend so we needed to sort some bits out and get that covered before we could say yay let’s go book it in! Anyway a few days later my MIL booked that exact weekend in the chat for her and her friends. We thought on no! But we knew we had spoken to her before so thought oh no she’s forgotten and technically we got to it first. So we spoke to her. Oh my goodness she got personal! Started making out I’d said things I hadn’t said about people, I was thinking if this gets back to them it going to be awful! Had an awful stinking attitude with us, to the point we just turned around and said we’ll leave the caravan we’ll find something else. Anyway we spoke again yesterday a week after all this happened and she basically said to me ‘you need to start paying towards the caravan if you want more of a say’. We can’t pay for the caravan we don’t get enough holidays in our jobs to make it worth our money. Also it’s booked up most of the time so we never really get to go. I think we get about a week and a half all together every year with the weekends we go up. So paying thousands would be something we can’t do unless we got more chance to go. We are happy putting money towards what the caravan needs and helping the maintenance of it however. We were talking about buying a campervan all together and obviously using it separately. She wants it 90% the time but us to still pay half. I did make jokes (I didn’t mean anything by it at all, it was light hearted) ‘oh do we have to make a group chat to book the camper in’ everyone laughed apart from her.

I don’t know if i’m coming across as I think I own the caravan??? I absolutely don’t think i do. I’m so grateful for everytime we get to use it. It’s a treat for us because we don’t get to use it a lot at all and we absolutely love it up there. I just thought for that one weekend we’d get first choice because it is one year since we got engaged and it’s important for us. I didn’t agree with how she dealt with it at all. I felt we could have had a conversation about it rather than an argument straight away. We will never get that 1st year again and honestly it’s been the best!

Little comments like that are getting worse, starting to make bitter comments about my dog being out of control etc. Just little ‘get a reaction’ comments under her breath or with a laugh after it. They seem to be aimed at me.

I’ve spoken to my partner and he said to ignore it because she’s getting a rise out of me so that’s why she’s doing it. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it. It’s making me not want to see her at all and feel quite isolated.

How would anyone deal with this? Should I back off and not use the caravan because it’s not mine anyway? Speak to her but from her behaviour she doesn’t do speaking. I’ve said to my partner he needs to sort this because it’s his mum but I don’t want anything to get between them because she’s an amazing mum to him. I would honestly do anything for a mum like her.

Please tell me if I sound like the issue!

She’s lovely most of the time but these little bites are ruining it for me. Me and my partner are getting married next year and i want to nip it in the bud or learn to deal with it the best way possible. It’s having quite adverse effects on me where i’m not sleeping because i’m stressing i’ve upset her, I’m not myself around her anymore, I’m dreading seeing her but feel like I have to put on a brave face. I just can’t live the rest of my life like this. Any tips please 😭

many thanks 🫠

I've been dealing with my fiance's overbearing, disrespectful family for a few years now. Before I moved in, the family (his mom, dad, brother and his brother's gf) would come over to my fiance's place, cook, clean, do his laundry, basically treat his house like it was theirs. It was such a weird dynamic but because I didn't live there yet, I kept my mouth shut. Eventually I moved in, but before I did, his mother was cleaning and said, "I'll stop cleaning when you move in. I do it because he's my son". I just laughed it off at the time and didn't think much of it, but secretly dreading when the day came. I had a MIL like that before and let's just say that marriage didn't even last 6 months.

My fiance is understanding and sweet and I told him I didn't want her cleaning when I moved in. He said oh she will stop. In the pit of my stomach I knew better.

The day I moved in, she cooked a meal for everyone and took over the kitchen. I resented it. I refused to sit down and eat with them because I thought, "oh ffs, here we go..." I went to our bedroom and my fiance came in and I told him everything, how it made me feel seeing his mom take over the kitchen, the house....he said he would talk to her. He did and she got upset with him, told him he's disrespectful. I knew she would get angry because she's a control freak. When I came out to do the dishes, she acted all wounded. She said, "I'm just trying to help..." I just smiled and kept doing dishes. In my head I'm thinking, "no, you just want to control and dominate like you always have, but now you can't".

They haven't been back since and it's been really nice not having them take over the house. However, the last time I saw them (the first time we saw them since we got engaged), I caught his mother glaring at me, of course when my fiance wasn't looking. And his dad also greeted me very strangely. They barely talked about our engagement and kept going on about their other son. I've been reading up on this and I think they think they I'm preventing them from coming to the house, but I'm not. I just need my home to feel like my home and not have to worry about my space being invaded. I told my fiance I don't want them being alone in our home because of things they've done to the animals like feed them chocolate, and baking, and one of the cats got diabetes. I don't trust them alone in our house with our animals or our stuff. I'm scared to think what could happen to them or our home. I don't want to come home to my laundry being done...like how invasive?! I'm a middle aged woman. Don't touch my clothing. I'm not a helpless child who needs you doing things for me.

My fiance is supportive of me and my boundaries, which I'm so grateful for. But given his parents last treatment of me, I get the feeling that they don't like me even though I've done absolutely nothing to them. I've always been nothing but polite and respectful to them. I've tried being close to his mother but she's been pretty cruel to me when I tried to grieve a baby that we lost together with her, and she cut me off, yelled at me and said I wasn't the only one who lost the baby. Plus she compares me to the other DIL, which I'm not a fan of. How gross to be compared to someone that I can't stand and who I'm nothing like, thankfully.

Could it be they've never experienced boundaries and interpret it as disrespect?

So what's the verdict? AITA?

My fiancé and I had our gender reveal yesterday, everything was great but you know my mother in law just had to add her disrespect from the start of the party… my fiance and I have been together for 7 years and our parents never had a dinner together, conversation, nothing but have seen each around my fiance and I we on a sports team in our teens. So my fiancé wanted his parents to reintroduced themselves basically since it’s been a while and they never really met my dad just my mom, his dad was happy to do but not my mother in law she straight up was in front of my parents and said loudly “I know who they and they’re not sociable” and my fiancé and I were in shock but my parents just ignored it because why would they want to cause scene. And then it goes down hill from there, every time one of my family members would get up and grab something, she would stare at them with disgust. She took pics with all her friends, I mean you would think she would want a take a pic with her son but nope not really.

It was time for the reveal and she didn’t look happy one bit, lucky I didn’t hear what she said, I heard it from a friend that when we reveal that it was a girl, she said “ugh expensive one” all because she wanted a boy but I just knew it was all jealousy because she always wanted a girl after 2 boys. She told me from the start of my pregnancy that it was a boy and she knows it, Sadly to her it wasn’t nothing I can do.

After all that’s she was with her friends only, we were packing up everything and she was packing their own stuff once they finish she surprisingly went up to my parents to say bye but obviously with stupid comment of “ughhh now we’re have to share the grandchild”

Overall, I felt bad for my fiance because even though I knew it was going to be a shit show, I wanted to have the one thing he asked out this whole pregnancy which was a gender reveal. It hurt to see his almost cry on the way home because how shitty his mom is.. but I think we both agreed that we slowly going to go no contact which sucks because I would’ve wanted our child to have both grandparents in her life but we’re tired of trying to be nice and giving her the benefit of the doubt.

To end this little story time… sadly she was tipsy but like people say “drunk moments have sober thoughts” so I knew her true colors came out yesterday and I’m glad..

I honestly don't know where to start. I am sorry for not posting anything in past several months. A lot happened. I mean, shit a lot.

I started divorce and custody. It was hard and expensive. My kids didn't go to see him for Christmas or Easter. I asked them and they said no because, and I quote: "granny talks not nice things". I asked them if they are sure and they both said yes. I told them that dad would be very upset. They told me that they will go only if granny isn't there.

I called him and told him that kids want to see him under one rule. His mother will not be present. I don't want my kids uncomfortable. They both started therapy and I got report because it is concerning and I am in some session when they want me to be.

Fr Christmas it was arranged for me and kids to get there and be in our old home in Chicago. Dinner started fine, for my surprise. He got them gifts. Toys and some stuff they wanted. He even got me a pajama set I was eyeing before everything started. Kids prepared presents for him as well. I let my guard down and the moment I did his mother jumped out of the storage room with presents for kids. They both pressed against my legs and started crying. I was pissed so much that I got them ready in under 5 minutes and out of the door. I had to turn off my phone because of non stop called I was getting from him. (His mother got blocked long time ago). We were at the airport in and I got three tickets for Tampa Florida.

My cousin picked us up and drove to the Orlando. We got back to my home country a week later.

Usually we would celebrate Orthodox Christmas with my aut but this time we did it at my parents house. My soj found a coin in breat my mom made. They were so happy. They go many sweets *day before Christmas. That night we went to church with my brother and his family where they got to ride a horse from one of my old friends. They slept like rocks that night. Next day there were so many presents under the tree and Santa Clause (aka my brother's God father)

(*day before Christmas kids go around village and knock on doors saying: give us candy, fruit, vine! Christmas is at the gate. No one gave them vine. This is tradition that everyone does in smaller places.)

For catholic Easter we went to my grandma. They got money there😂. I didn't 🙃 (grandma always used to gave me, my brother and my causing some cash. Like 20$. Since my brother and I are bringing kids to Easter and Christmas kids are getting money. And like 40$ each. What is a lot). Second day of Easter we went to resort where we were for three days. I even bruised my hip from falling in the pool.

That Sunday we celebrate Orthodox Easter (last week). My parents hid all presents around the yard for all grandkids.

After thill funny part let's move to boring legal stuff.

1. I have primary custody

2. Kids are involved in school here

3. Ex is getting one month per summer while kids are on summer break (summer break:from mid June till start of September)

4. I have restraining order against his mother and rest of his family 😁🥳.

5. I started working one town over (it's 30 minutes away).

I am in contact with his mother neighbor. Old Miss Donna. She told me that his mother is planning something. She isn't sure what, but told me to look into restraining order that will keep her away even in my home town. Ex MIL is bombarding miss Donna with "I didn't do anything" story. She told her that I "did not let my husband and her see my kids because I am mad for not getting alimony"

First, I did not get alimony. I did want it. I don't get child support. Why? Because it's getting divided 50-50 into two accounts that court monitors. Those are for kids. I asked for that. For me it's better to keep that money for there future. I earn well enough to afford nice house in very good neiborhood in town I work in. I do have mortgage, but it's maybe 100-150$ a month. I am also renting out my old apartment for 300$ a month + utilities. So practically rent is covering mortgage

Am I the bag guy here?

Complicated situation, but I’ll do my best to explain. I (22m) have been living with my (20m) boyfriend’s parents for about a year and a half. We decided to this because I lost my job last year, so I had to find another place to stay. I couldn’t stay with any friends because I didn’t have any, and my parents are 2000 miles away on the East Coast while I reside in Arizona.

I feel like this puts me in a severe power disadvantage, that I feel like my bf, and his mom exploit for their own benefit. It’s not like she’s as crazy as a lot of these people are that I see posted, it’s just that she’s so manipulative, and borderline narcissistic that I’m starting to resent her.

Her husband is mainly at work (he works 16 hour days), so that leaves us three. She does have a job but it’s part time, so we all have a lot more interaction with each other than him. I’m not currently working at the moment because I ended up getting burnt out, we live in a place where retail/food service are the only options.

I am working with a vocational coach on getting jobs, and meeting up with people, so I am making progress towards working again at a better job in the capital.

Basically all this to say that we have a lot of interaction, and I’m trying to minimize it as much as possible. The main things she does that irk me, is that she’ll interrupt any conversation I’m having with my bf, and just talk to him like I’m not here. She doesn’t look at me, and she doesn’t really interact either in general.

She basically thinks I dislike her because I’m autistic, and she’s a bit more old fashioned so she thinks it’s disrespect. Apparently this was also an issue with one of my bf’s best friend’s that had autism, and this woman would talk about her like she was the devil. I don’t dislike her, but I’m starting to because she refuses to listen no matter what and just thinks I hate her anyways. I tell her all the time that I don’t mind her, but she always treats me like an outsider based on her own insecurities.

She constantly tries to meddle in our arguments, and tries to be a “peacekeeper”, even though she ONLY takes my bf’s side.

My mom treats my bf like she’s his fourth son, I have never seen someone so insecure about someone for no reason that they start lying to other people saying I’m an a-hole or something. I would have corrected my mom so quick for her acting like that, so I’m not sure why he doesn’t do the same for me.

I’m not perfect with my social cues, but I’ve been trying to mask around her more often to make her feel better. I’m looking into some jobs with a vocational coach so that I can move to my own apartment, and control my interactions with her.

I pay rent to her, but she violates my space, goes through my things, and is EXTREMELY possessive of any space in the house that isn’t in my boyfriend’s bedroom. Like I get it, it’s her house, but I hate when I get nasty texts in the morning from her or her husband basically getting angry that I have the audacity to use the bathroom or take a shower.

It’s exhausting, and I couldn’t put everything here so I’ll try my best to clear things up in the comments. I’m looking for general advice on ways I can make my situation more bearable, currently im pet sitting at my neighbors house, and it’s so nice to not feel like I’m not burdensome.

Hi all,

My husband and I (30 and 29) just told our in laws that I'm pregnant. We did a cute little surprise announcement by bringing them a wrapped pair of baby socks.

My MIL had a very drawn out "ohhh... congrats, I guess we won't go on any cruises for a while." And then said talked about how it seemed rushed (we got married in August after dating 5 years).

Both parents later went all out saying, literally, that our lives are over, we'll be too tired to do anything anymore and their son won't help out with anything anymore at their house and that he won't do any of his hobbies anymore etc etc. FIL didn't even congratulate us he avoided looking at me. Husband didn't say anything.

Everyone else in our lives was so excited, this broke my heart. It seems every milestone we hit, from getting a dog, to getting engaged to having a kid, they just make us feel so bad. Has anyone coped with this kind of disappointment?

My MIL constantly oversteps and it’s wearing me down. When she’s around, our whole routine gets thrown off. She comments on how we run the house, questions decisions my spouse and I already agreed on, and steps in like she has equal authority. It leaves me feeling like the outsider in my own home. My spouse freezes when she does this, so I’m the one absorbing the chaos and frustration. It’s starting to create real tension between us. How do you set boundaries that actually stick without blowing up the family?

(She lives with us and kicking her out is not an option)

short example:

Today I was feeding my son and told her, “It’s okay, I’ve got it.” She still hovered, tried to take the spoon, and kept offering to “help” every two minutes. When I didn’t accept her help, she got visibly upset, walked away, then came right back to try again. This happens every time she’s here, she ignores boundaries and then acts offended when I hold them.

I don’t want her help but she doesn’t listen

I’ve dealt with my MIL for over 10 years and I think I’ve finally hit my limit. From the beginning, she made it clear she didn’t accept me or my kids. She questioned if my youngest was even my husband’s and said my kids didn’t need or deserve their own bedroom and could sleep in the living room. That wasn’t a one-time comment, that was the tone she set.

Over the years, she’s consistently treated my husband’s biological daughters differently than my kids. Showed up for them, supported them, spent time with them… while mine were treated like an afterthought. Now my kids are old enough to see it, which makes it even worse. Recently, she was living in our home rent free. I took care of her, sat with her in the hospital for 14 hours when her own kids didn’t, and made sure she was okay even when I was barely holding myself together. She was here for 3 months and moved out once she was cleared by the dr.

Apparently the whole time, she was talking about us behind our backs.

At the same time, we’ve been dealing with my husband’s adult daughters (his biologically) living with us, not working, not contributing, and putting a serious strain on us financially and emotionally. Before they even moved in, we were paying their bills for months. That situation finally pushed me to my limit.

After things escalated, she suddenly said she “can’t deal with our drama anymore” and cut off me, my husband, and my kids.

But she still talks to his adult daughters every single day. So she can’t deal with “our drama,” but has no problem staying close to the people actively contributing to it. I waited about three weeks before saying anything because I wanted to calm down. When I did, I addressed everything calmly — the comments about my child, the way she’s treated my kids, the financial strain, all of it.

She brushed it off and turned it back on me. Said the reason we’re struggling is because I eat out too much and spend too much. Not the two grown adults we’ve been supporting for months. Just me. At this point, I feel done. I’ve tried for years to fix something that clearly isn’t going to change.

Throwaway. I feel like I’m being gaslit here. My MIL watches my son occasionally and one day while my husband and I were at work, my son (3) walked in on her getting changed. He asked her what her bra was and she proceeded to take her bra off, shake her breasts and then put it back on to show him what a bra does.

I was and am completely appalled. We found out because she told my FIL and he told her she needed to tell us. She doesn’t think what she did was wrong!! She hasn’t even apologized for it. She only apologized to me for “crossing a boundary.”

Why would I ever need to explicitly make a boundary about not exposing yourself to my son?! It was WAY over the line. Her justification was “it’s just a body. who else was going to teach him?” What do you even mean about that?! Why would you assume it’s your role? I am so completely livid and can’t even express how uncomfortable this whole thing has made me.