Future MIL is a piece of work
So my fiancé and I have been together for 11 years going on 12 this August. We started dating after we graduated HS (He was very popular/popular kids & I was a badass 😅 so we were never in the same social circles in HS otherwise probably would’ve dated sooner)
He recently proposed last April and everyone was ecstatic …except it feels his mother.. I was honestly pretty surprised since she seemed pretty cool with me up until the proposal and also now shes seems to be a bit more prejudice than I realized which was a total shock to me as all the years before she never acted like this or rose any red flags. I am biracial (white mom & black dad) and my fiancé’s mom is puerto Rican. We both lived in NY so we grew up around a pretty mixed environment & most puerto ricans are biracial themselves so was very surprised when she now asks me very uncomfortable questions about my race (being black)
List of things that made me uncomfortable:
she was mad I wore a janet jackson Tshirt around her kids??? Idk what janet did to her 😭 her kids also wear bilie joel Tshirts so idk why an older man is acceptable but not Janet??
she asked me why aunt jemima wasnt on the syrup anymore?? I was like idk google it?? Think its because of the connotation of her being a black mami but im not giving her a History lesson..
She was upset i wore braids in my hair..uhhh i honestly don’t understand this one like even puerto ricans wear protective hairstyles. Then asks me to tell her children why they cant wear braids & if it was appropriate for them to do so…which i dont understand why i would tell her own kids what they should or not do with their bodies. That feels to be a parental thing vs ur brother’s gf??
Her daughter is really amazing at the piano! She has a musicians ear and her parents introduced her to Billie joel. I started showing her stevie wonder & alicia keys and she was upset i did?? She said billie joel is more child appropriate which confused the hell outta me. She allows her 9 & 10 year old to watch Hazbin Hotel mind you (not suited for children AT ALL)
she colder..we went to visit for xmas last year after his sisters begged us to hangout. We recently moved away and We let her know in October we were coming & if it was ok to stay with her and followed up with her leading to December. We get there and she acted surprised we were there and staying??? To the point we thought she was joking and she was acting genuinely shocked. She didn’t have any food in the house for CHRISTMAS and i cooked for the family instead…the guest room wasnt made up either and she never told her husband we were coming & he WFH in the guest room so we basically had to stay on the couch. She also left??? Her excuse “Well I go to Jersey every year so I am not stopping what I am doing” but you knew we were coming?? So my fiancé and I made plans to hang with my family even though we traveled to hang out with his sisters. Both the sisters and my fiancé were pretty bummed out.
Im not complaining i get it if these things happen but it felt like sabotage????
I wouldn’t honestly be as shocked about her switch up if she had a close relationship with my fiancé but he opened up and lmk she abandoned him quite young to live with his father’s family in NY. She remarried and had kids who she gives the world. I know also hurts my partner as well and I try to help him cope. Thankfully he holds no resentment to his sisters just it seems his mother ..
I am at a weird space of trying to navigate welcoming a new family and also holding my ground. Im not ashamed nor was raised to be ashamed of being black but she definitely makes me uncomfortable. So his mom acting very mean, aloof, and upright has really thrown a curve ball at me when she was nothing but super nice to me before the engagement.
LMK what your thoughts on how to navigate these things because I feel very confused 😵💫