Ongoing issues with MIL, favoritism, and recent fallout looking for perspective
I’m looking for some outside perspective because this situation has been building for a long time and I don’t feel like I have a neutral place to process it.
I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years, and from the beginning, my relationship with my MIL has been difficult. Early on, she made comments questioning my character and even questioned whether my youngest child was my husband’s. She also said my children didn’t need or deserve their own bedroom and could sleep in the living room. Those things set the tone for how things have felt over the years.
There has also been a consistent difference in how she treats my children versus my husband’s biological daughters. She has shown up for them in ways she hasn’t for mine, and now that my kids are older, they’ve started to notice that difference themselves.
Recently, she was living in our home rent free for a period of time. During that time, I made an effort to take care of her and support her, including sitting with her for 14 hours in the hospital when her own children were not there.
At the same time, we’ve been dealing with a separate but related issue. My husband’s adult daughters have been living with us, not working, not contributing, and it has created significant financial and emotional strain. Prior to them moving in, we had already been helping support them financially for several months.
That situation has been the breaking point for me.
After things escalated between me and them and I reached my limit, my MIL said she “couldn’t deal with the drama anymore” and cut off contact with me, my husband, and my children.
However, she has continued to stay in daily contact with my husband’s daughters.
I waited a few weeks before reaching out to her because I wanted to approach it calmly. When I did, I addressed the past issues (comments about my child, the differences in how the kids are treated) as well as the current situation and the strain we’ve been under.
Her response was to dismiss those concerns and instead place the blame on me, specifically saying that our financial struggles are due to my spending habits, rather than acknowledging the role of supporting two adults who are not contributing.
At this point, I feel like I’ve spent years trying to build or repair a relationship that hasn’t been mutual, and I’m struggling with what to do next.
I don’t know if this is something that can be addressed or if it’s healthier to step back entirely, especially given the impact it’s starting to have on my children.