r/ghosting

The relationship was 10 years. Me (M30) and her (F29). One night, 4 months ago, she just vanished. Never heard from her until last night. I tried numerous ways of contacting her in which nothing worked. Text, Email, WhatsApp and so on. Nothing worked. I would just get blocked immediately. Although 4 months later, I still felt like shit. How do you just disappear on someone who you were with 10 years. Someone who loved you and provided you so much to make you happy.

Anyway, I was out of town for work. I was on the phone with my best friend, who btw has been super supportive to me in this situation, I can’t thank him enough. I brought it up to him again. I said, how can someone do that? I didn’t deserve that. He suggested since im out of town, that I get a uber and go to a bar in which I listened. I hung up with him, ordered an uber and immediately began writing an email to her again in which i told myself will be the last one. I asked her how she could do that to someone. I told her i didn’t know that individual, that wasn’t her. I told her she never gave me any closure. I sent the email just before the uber pulled up.

At this point, im at the bar, drinking and having some nice conversations with the people around me. My phone vibrates, its a notification. It was her. I damn near fell off the bar stool. It felt like the world stopped. Her name?, on my phone? Its been months. I couldn’t believe it. I think i stared at my phone for 5 min before opening the email.

In the email, she basically gave me some reasons she was unhappy, told me shes not interested in trying again, told me she didn’t wanna leave the way she did but felt that it was the only option. She told me she hoped this email helped me for closure, wished me well and asked me not to contact her anymore. I read the damn email at least 15 times. Although not what I wanted to hear, It was nice knowing she finally reached out. I got my closure I suppose.

Ofc after reading it, my mind started wandering. Why the change in heart? Why now after 4 months? Was this for her or for me? Does a part of her still care? Although I was told not to reach out anymore, I emailed her back hours later, I thanked her for finally reaching out, told her how I still cared and loved her and yeah, it got a little long lol.

Well people of Reddit. I finally got my closure. My ghoster came back and gave me closure. Bitter sweet but I can now close the book. Although the story wasn’t supposed to end this way, the show must go on. Day at a time I suppose. Time to write a new book. I hope you all get closure.

what is even the point of still following me when he does not look at my stories. Why not just unfollow me?😂 this is so annoying

why in the world am I doing this to myself? 💔 I keep saying I'm not going to do it and then damn if I didn't I hate this I need to go off social media for a while!!

I’ve sent texts to you because it’s easier for me to get the words out. I’m kinda shy about talking about things that get me emotional. I’m not a drama queen, just really passionate and sensitive. The last time I spoke to you, I said I cared about you, and you also said you cared about me. That was the last time we really spoke. I attempted to speak with you before the holidays, but you said you needed space and that family comes first. I understand that. It’s now April, no word from you, no replies, and now I’m just left on delivered. I’m beside myself. What Happened? I am moving on and living my life, but I wanted to include you in my adventures. I just wish you would man up and allow us to have a Real conversation and sort this out. I miss you so much, I wish you would realize how much I care. I wish I didn’t care, it would be a lot easier.

Yesterday I finally got the courage to ask him why he’s being distant I thought that if I finally spoke up we could make up and be normal again….until…he fully ignored what I said and just sent a photo of something unrelated…

I replied to my own message again and asked but why…

And AGAIN he ignored and said something completely unrelated.

I don’t understand why he’s doing this. I gave him the opportunity to tell me because I know there is most definitely something bothering him. I’m currently now being left on delivered since last night and I give up.

He’s ghosted me once before and I let him come back.

If he decides to come back again we will need to have a serious talk because I’m done doing this I almost feel like I’m being manipulated.

I know this sound so stupid but I reached out to my ghoster just asking if that person was feeling good and that door was open for a talk (got ghosted in the past and my brain can’t handle this again, i’ve lost weight, everything I suggest you guys to check my profile for the whole story)

it’s been almost a month since that person ghosted me and recently that person started watching my stories and that made me so frustrated that I had to do it. Not to restart the story but to at least have an explanation cause for those who remember my story that person ghosted me mid conversation while everything was good (8 month situationship shared a lot, acting as if we were together)

Now im wondering if that person would take the courage to answer or maybe explain their behavior but if I get no answer that’ll be time to really move on… which is going to be really hard when there were no signs, nothing.. I know it’s a fearful avoidant person, with extremely low confidence, fear of abandonment and dealing with depression but it doesn’t excuse the fact to ghost people.

I might sound ridiculous but I genuinely cared about this person, my feelings were true and we were planning several stuff before they did that out of the blue.. maybe one day that person would realize what they did if that’s not already the case and understand that someone had pure intentions for them and was ready to support them, love them truly…

Please be nice to me in the comments if there’s any, my mental health is a bit fragile these days

For a new short film I am looking for people that have been ghosted during dating and would like to share their story! The story itself does not have to be spectactular or unique, we are interested in how it made you feel instead. I myself have been ghosted and it made me feel very insecure. Ghosting is becoming a 'new normal', so it seems. With this film I am curious for other people's experiences. How did it make you feel and what is your story?

I met someone at work and we saw each other every other saturday and the chemistry was great, like we'd lose track of time yapping to each other. They were gonna be unable to come in to work anymore so got my social media from me and they texted first. We spoke everyday for 3 weeks and everything was great, we spoke about all sorts, they got drunk and sent voicenotes singing to me ya know everything seemed fine.

Then, i had plans to go out with my friends and asked if they wanted to come with us or maybe just do something together. They wanted to come and meet my friends, said 'of course' to coming and asked questions like where, what time is everything etc. And then we spoke for a while in normal coversation. The next day i sent a message like 'we will probably all meet up at this time', they replied the next day (the day of the plans) to say it wouldn't work out with buses and gave times they'd be free and also said the'd love to come next time. I reply and dont hear from them for three days.

At work, it turned out some of the people were confused and thought the person ghosting me was still meant to be coming in. As the only person with a contact that wasn't email I messaged to let them know. They replied to that and then I replied and I have been ghosted since. Why? I thought we had such a good connection and they asked for my socials so why have they now ghosted? It has been nearly 2 weeks and they aren't even active, I know they have a 2nd account I don't follow and I assume they are using that but why put so much effort into avoiding me? I really wanna triple text for some clarity lololol

This comes up a lot in relationships, and honestly… both hit, just in different ways. Being ignored is very direct. You reach out, maybe even say something a bit vulnerable…
and then nothing. No reply. No reaction. Just silence.

And that silence quickly turns into questions:

“Did I say something wrong?”
“Are they avoiding me?”
“Do I even matter here?”

It can feel like you’re just… not there.

But being misunderstood is a different kind of pain. Because the other person is there, they’re replying. They’re engaged. But somehow, what you meant doesn’t land.

You try to explain how you feel — and it gets interpreted in a completely different way.
Now, instead of feeling closer, there’s even more distance.

Like you’re speaking… but not actually being heard. What’s interesting is how differently these two experiences affect us.

Being ignored often triggers questions about your place in someone’s life. Being misunderstood makes you question yourself.

And in some ways, misunderstanding can keep you stuck longer.

Silence is painful but clear. With misunderstanding, there’s this loop of trying to fix it, re-explain, and make it land.

If you had to choose, what feels worse — being ignored or being misunderstood?

okay so backstory i downloaded tinder and first night matched with this one guy and we hit it off an he got my number and we continued to connect there. (i deadass haven’t even used tinder since cause we hit it off so nice even though i have plenty of unanswered matches). after connecting a lot we finally decided to meet up he comes to my apartment (brings me flowers) and we talk for hours and are getting really close. we end up hooking up (4 different times) and he stayed over at my place. it was all very intimate, he held me even in his sleep. i cooked him breakfast in the morning and he spent the day with me before i worked and everything. we continue talking and seeing each other for a few weeks. he stays at my house a few times again and i even go stay at his place and he wakes up and leaves for work and he confidently left me in his house alone etc. mind you this man’s social media is really clean and almost too perfect like he follows no women or your typical insta models etc. even claimed he didn’t even have snapchat at all. so i’m thinking green flags all the way around. then out of nowhere he takes hours to respond but isn’t exactly doing anything wrong. the other day it took 3 hours for a text so i send a message asking if i could call him and i continue working. after a little bit i go and check and he’s read the text but didn’t respond which he’s never done before so i go look at his instagram and im blocked. i obviously freak out and go to call him and a WOMAN answers the phone. basically the conversation goes like this

her: hello??

me: umm wtf hello ??? who tf is this ??

her: you called my phone who is this

me: no i called the man’s phone who i’ve been sleeping with and seeing for weeks now

her: who do you think you’re calling

me: (his name) obviously who else ?? wtf is going on??

then it goes silent for 10 seconds and hangs up. i have yet to hear from this man , my one text i sent after that was blue but never read. i tried calling the next morning to get some claritrty and it went straight to voicemail like he blocked me. (blocked me on instagram and tiktok too like?)

and like this has NEVER happened to me before nothing of the sort even and i’ve been having debilitating anxiety since it’s happened like extreme panic attacks and i’m not even sure why , it’s not like i was in love with the man, although i liked him a lot. & my ex deadass cheated on me constantly so it’s not like it was cause of the other girl. i think im more confused than anything, i just want some sort of answer or explanation as to why he did this

more background i told this man id be fine just hooking up nothing emotional and he’s the one who said “a hook up isn’t enough for me” and that he “already deleted tinder” because of me , like ??? what was the point in that ???? did i do something wrong ?? or is he just super good at being manipulative??

he is either really good at not looking at my stories or definitely has me muted. he said he would hit me up once he frees up lmao okay sure, you literally just posted you were at the beach 😂😂 have not heard from him for a week. so fucking weird to send these sweet paragraphs, make the effort to train me in boxing, talking to me from morning till night then suddenly dissappear.

Pretty much just a long vent

It’s been 6 months and I still think about her. I still cry about how she could just vanish without caring to check in on me.

I have a message pre-typed in my notes of all the things I would say to her if i wanted to. I was going to send it but then I realised only three things could happen.

One, she’d reply and apologise and we would go back to talking. The lenient, “walk all over me” part of me STILL wants this to happen but I know it wouldn’t be the same and I’d be secretly resentful.

Two, she’d respond, again maybe apologise but the conversation would fade / she’d disappear again. This would make me feel even worse.

Or three, she’d ignore me once again. Also would make me feel 10x worse.

So yeah I’m not going to send it. There’s no way for me to get what I want here, which is a genuine friendship. I thought we had that but I guess she didn’t value it as much as I did.

I know it’s partly my fault. I had my moments. I had some issues I needed to work through and I sometimes trauma dumped on her because she was the first person to come around and truly listen and relate to me. I told her this and apologised if I was ever too much.

I’ve done a lot of reflection on that and realised that maybe she felt she needed to step back in order to protect her own peace. But at the same time it’s not like she wasn’t blowing up my phone. I was also responsible for giving her attention during a time that was difficult and lonely for her. We were both codependent on one and other. I guess she realised that before I did and dipped.

I still deserved a goodbye though. Our friendship wasn’t always heavy (it was an online friendship btw). We had a few heavy conversations over the months but most of the time we just laughed, sent memes and voice notes, gave general updates on our lives. Sent photos. The good outweighed the difficult. She told me plenty of times how much she cared about me. How special, talented and beautiful I was. She initiated the friendship. She was all over me in the beginning. Then she just disappeared on a random day during a normal conversation. I gave her a couple of months space, then messaged again to check in and never got a response. Felt like I was love bombed and abandoned tbh. She opened the door for me to be vulnerable with her and then slammed it in my face.

I had my faults but I was a fucking genuine friend and I won’t be made to think differently. Hell I never even criticised her on anything lol. Not once, since I like to please people. I always listened to her. Never shut her down, never tried to make life difficult for her. Never told her she HAD to talk to me or pressured her. Gave her great advice and helped her figure out a lot of issues. Never pushed back when she would tell me what I should do with my life and how I should have the same plans as her. Raised no issue when it felt like she was too busy for me.

Idk, I’m going into a tangent. Bottom line, I’m finally trying to come to a place of acceptance that clearly she only needed me for a certain period of time before she got bored or didn’t like having the responsibility of the friendship. It’s probably for the best. It started to feel like she was treating talking to me as something to get done on her schedule. Every time her name popped up on my phone it was like this dopamine hit of validation. Like “good, I’m being good enough so that she still wants to talk to me”. “Yay I still have her approval”. That’s no good for me.

I’m not doing online friendships again. They’re not built to last. And I definitely need to stop putting people on pedestals. I looked up to her, and now I have no idea why I did.

was ghosted almost a year ago, and since I gained weight, I cried, I went through a roller coaster of emotions and slowly tried to find myself again.

I started my craft business, back to the gym, even tried talking to some people (definitely not ready for that)

but with the war happening, i was weak and reached out thinking he wouldn't reply but he did.

he told me what has been happening since he ghosted me and his life went to shit

honestly even I think karma took it too far lol

we stopped texting

but the war just seem to keep getting worst and worst so I worry cause his line of work. I loved this man I can't help but to worry about his family and him, i reached out again to see how they were doing, he replied and then. he sent me a voicemail and accidentally called me "babe" he seemed to have shocked himself too, to see how natural it came out (he knows my name but he only used it to introduce me)

that opened up all those emotions and wounds but also melted my heart.

he is on the other side of the world so no we will not get back together. we were together for 2 years we were living together until he had to move n ghosted

he always sucked at texting but it got to the point I felt I couldnt trust him, not that he was cheating but if something happened to me I couldn't count on him.

besides that we had a healthy relationship.

im ranting i am glad he is okay I would had been okay if he said "im okay" and done but hearing his voice hearing him say babe

we havent discuss the ghosting and honesty i dont think I am ready for that conversation.

I wont continue to text him but definitely hate myself for worrying. cant even tell my friends about this cause they hate him for making me suffer

Partially a moan and partially advice (mostly a moan)

I was speaking to someone, asked them out, they said yes. I checked which dates worked and we agreed on one. They kept messaging me in an engaged way, saying things like “you’ll have to tell me on Friday”, so it felt like genuine interest. I feel like I can usually tell when someone isn’t engaged.

Then suddenly nothing. It’s been five days and the date was meant to be tomorrow. I sent one follow up two days ago asking if they were getting in by train and saying I could meet them at the station at a specific time. Still no response.

It feels like it might be antisocial to confront it by saying something like “I guess they’ve changed their mind. I struggle with communication that isn’t direct, I guess you maybe feel awkward being direct “ but there’s probably nothing to gain from saying that? And it might even be selfish. At the same time I do want to say that I don’t think it’s a very good way to communicate, or that it doesn’t match with mine and has left me feeling a bit demoralised.

I’ve ended up spiralling a bit. About six months ago I asked someone out and the same thing happened. I rarely use dating apps or match with people and make plans, so when it does happen it feels quite demoralising. We’re in our 30s so it seems immature to communicate like this, but I guess people just communicate differently. And you have to get on with it.

The paranoia comes from a situation about a year ago where I dated someone for just over a month and they became quite psychologically and emotionally abusive. About three weeks in they accused me of cheating because I made plans with one of my oldest friend (and not that we should have to justify seeing friends but this friend had also just lost their dad and sister so I was really trying to just be there for them and make plans if they wanted to). I felt like the person I was seeing wanted to try and isolate me. I wasn’t cheating. After I ended things they spent about two months harassing me and escalating accusations. They said I was love bombing because I started the relationship in a nice and caring way and then ended it, which they took as proof of manipulation. They said I was gaslighting them by denying I was cheating, when I wasn’t. They said I was engaging in coercive control because I broke up with them when they raised it, which supposedly showed I was trying to control them by not allowing them to speak up. They then messaged me obsessively for two months to the point I was nearly calling the police. I know I should have blocked them, but it felt absurd that it even got to that point. I had a shirt of theirs and they asked for it to be returned and I said I’d drop it at their house or post it. They started saying they were rarely at the house and they’d have to come to mine to pick it up. Without seeing how inappropriate that would be after two months of malicious communication. Their behaviour scared me. They’d write massive 50 long text messages saying how they loved me. They wrote messages like they were writing a poem. They’d say how I’m the most horrible person to them and everyone they’d spoken with agreed. They told me that someone who’d sexually assaulted them “even agreed that I was a horrible person”

Because they weaponised those terms against me, it feels like an inversion of what they were actually doing. Trying to control me, trying to convince me I was cheating when I wasn’t. The kind of behaviour people warn others about (rightly!) So I think that’s why I’m spiralling and feeling paranoid now, tht I’m up on some ‘are we dating the same guy’ site as someone to avoid. Which just seems like a further form of them weaponising quite serious things inappropriately. and it’s affecting how I respond to new situations in dating.

Anyway this went off on a tangent but writing it out has been helpful.

TLDR: is it okay to say that ghosting doesn’t work for me and that it’s demoralising, or does that come across as a passive aggressive dig. And am I likely just being highly paranoid. probably yes but I guess we can never know that other part.

So I (21F) met this guy, (he is 22 )we’ve only been talking for a month. He was super intense from the start saying he wants something serious talking about marriage, future, all that.

We were texting every day, meeting a lot, everything felt normal.

Then we had a conversation about roles if we got married.

He asked if we’d help each other financially. I told him I believe the man should be the provider and I’d rather save my own money. He also asked about cooking and cleaning. I said I’d cook if I want, and for cleaning we could get someone sometimes and he would pay for it.

after that he start ghosting me It’s been 6 days now. I actually liked him a lot nd m stuck between thinking he’ll come back wanting to text him ( even I did that 3times with no answer )

Is this normal? Did he lose interest? Or is he playing some kind of game?😭

TL;DR: He talked about marriage after one month. I told him I expect the man to be the provider and pay for cleaning help. After that he started ghosting me. It’s been 6 days and I don’t know if I scared him off or he lost interest.

I have been on more anti depressants than you can imagine starting in my 20’s. My brain has been shocked with ECT, so many shrinks and therapists , also tried ketamine. I’m thinking of trying this magnetic brain stimulation but there’s a waiting list. Anyone tried this or have problems with depression?

I met her when I was 13, and we were very important to each other for the next 15 years.

She has a complicated family history and grew up in circumstances that didn’t make it easy for her to start life with a carefree attitude… among other things, dealing with negative emotions and conflicts/confrontations has always been very difficult for her.

We’d had periods of no contact in the past, and it always followed the same pattern: suddenly she’d stop reaching out, ghosting me. I could never handle that well and tried to reach out to her; or, when I realized it wasn’t going to work, I’d write to her that it hurt me, confused me, and that I didn’t want to be treated that way…essentially setting my boundaries. Eventually, she would get in touch and suddenly accuse me of situations that had happened months or even years ago. I reacted with understanding and empathy, but at the same time, it felt very unfair to be made aware of things with such a delay and, in a way, to have been punished with silence in the meantime. Even though she obviously didn’t use that as a punishment, but was simply unable to address her issues…

The last time this happened, we made plans for how to handle it in the future; addressing things early and directly, being available and reliable for each other… Well, what can I say, it didn’t work out.

Almost three years ago, we texted almost every day, saw each other regularly, and so on. During that time, she wasn’t doing well on various levels, and I listened to her a lot. By then, a clear imbalance had already crept in: it was really all about her; she rarely asked me how I was doing anymore. All of a sudden, she stopped responding to me, neither to texts nor calls, and that went on for months. I was terribly worried about her, imagining the worst… Then I found out through mutual friends that she was doing just fine, that she was currently on a road trip with friends… right at the very moment I had sent her a text asking for a sign of life… I was so hurt that she wouldn’t even give me that one sign when I told her I was worried, while she was on vacation…

Well, after that, I wrote her a letter in which I shared my feelings of uncertainty and hurt with her, I also assured her that I understand how difficult it can sometimes be to balance everything, and that while it hurts me, I don’t hold it against her. I wrote that she’s welcome to reach out to me as soon as she has the capacity and space for me in her life again, without leaving me hanging after a while. So I set my boundaries clearly again… Months later, her first response to that was a text message in which she assured me how sorry she was and that she would get back to me about the letter in the coming days… I replied right away in a kind and understanding way. After that, I didn’t hear from her for two years (except for an anonymous bouquet delivered on my birthday; the words on the greeting card were her exact wording). After two years, I sent a very clear text message saying that I found it unacceptable that she hadn’t reached out and was shirking her responsibility, etc.

On the same day, she texts me saying how sorry she is, how ashamed she feels, that she’ll get in touch, etc., and how important I am to her… Then nothing for months again; eventually, after 5 or 6 months, a small package in my mailbox: dried flowers in an envelope, the book *The Inseparables* by Simone de Beauvoir (in the letter, she writes that while reading it, she had to think of me the whole time and had wanted to give it to me for a long time because of that), and a letter filled with memories of our friendship and shared experiences; she emphasizes how unique and important our connection is to her, how much she values me, blah blah blah. Then she explained that she understood my letter back then and was proud of me for setting my boundaries and taking care of myself, but that she felt so ashamed and distressed that it caused her immense pressure and anxiety, which is why she somehow put it off or pushed it aside. In the end, she offered to do coaching or mediation sessions and wrote several times that she is taking responsibility and wants to take responsibility. I responded immediately by sending her a long voice message in which I expressed both understanding for her feeling overwhelmed and bewilderment at the extent of that overwhelm (two years!), thanked her, and said that I couldn’t imagine our friendship blossoming again at this point, since I’ve lost trust in her and in our friendship due to this long period of time and the deep hurt, but I did express openness to a clarifying and final conversation. I also asked some questions that she hadn’t answered in the letter or that had come to mind after reading it.

What can I say, she wrote back the very same day, thanking me for the messages and saying she’d take the time, but that a lot is going on right now.

Now more than 5 months have already passed again…?

What the hell is this?

I just feel the need to really put this behind me, but I can’t do that without a conversation, without knowing the why.

At the same time, I also know there’s no reasonable explanation, that it’s most likely rooted in her emotional and communicative incompetence…

Nevertheless, her ghosting has triggered total insecurity, self-doubt, and self-esteem issues in me. How can someone who supposedly cares about me treat me this way? Especially when I tell her how it’s affecting me? There are so many unanswered questions.

Over the past few years, as is normal when you get older and grow up, some friendships have faded away, but I always knew why, and that helped me process it quickly and well.

But this ghosting…not knowing at all what’s going on in the other person’s mind, and reading over and over again that I’m supposedly important to her and she’ll get in touch soon, blah blah…is so confusing and just won’t let me go… it’s really disturbing my peace of mind and won’t let me find any peace.

I’ve now decided to just call her in the next few days and ask for a quick chat; if she doesn’t respond within a week (or doesn’t show up for a scheduled phone call), I’ve decided to block her. I’m hoping that I’ll either gain clarity and peace of mind through a conversation, or by realizing that she won’t even take 15–30 minutes for me, so I can finally move on...

Do you have any other tips or thoughts? How do you truly move on and regain inner peace?

How do you deal with similar situations in your lives? I think it’s so important to talk about this and validate each other’s experiences, because in my opinion, this kind of behavior goes against human and interpersonal nature, and it’s totally normal to have a hard time processing something like this. We arent a message or a call that can be dismissed with a swipe, nor are we a letter that can be left to gather dust somewhere; we are sentient and valuable human beings who deserve respect, reliability, and sincerity.

I need outside perspective because this genuinely makes no sense to me.

I (F) was in an 8-month long-distance relationship with a guy who’s a resident physician (I’m in the same field, so I fully understood how demanding his schedule is). Things were consistent. The day he ghosted, we literally had a normal conversation and were even talking about him visiting. Then he just… disappeared. No explanation, no closure.Once I realized what was happening, the last message I sent was: “if silence is what you want, I’ll give you that.” I then blocked him on everything and his number. The next day I noticed he had blocked me back on social media…?? Which was incredibly weird.

Fast forward 3 months later, he randomly emails me saying he’s been thinking about things and would like to talk if I’m open to it and that he hopes he hears from me soon.

There was no apology. No acknowledgment of what he did. Just “let’s talk.” I respond once saying I’ve already said everything I needed to say and if he has something of substance to say, he can say it via text as I’ve unblocked him.

And now… he’s gone again…. It’s been 4 days since i responded to that email. I also noticed he also unblocked me on all social media.

So I’m confused:

- Why reach out after months of ghosting?

- Why not start with an apology?

- Why ask to “talk” when the only thing to talk about is the fact that you ghosted me?

- And why disappear AGAIN after I actually responded?

At this point I’m not interested in reconnecting, I’m just trying to understand the behavior because it feels so inconsistent and honestly weird.

Would love to hear thoughts.