r/familydrama

Throw-away account for privacy.

In May 2024, after a $5,000 apartment scam left me reeling in the Northeast, my sister (22F) and I (then 25F) decided to move in together for mutual emotional support. She was fresh off a breakup and struggling. For the first six months in my small 1-bedroom apartment, I covered everything: rent, utilities, life. We were best friends and had truly never been so close.

As we upgraded to a larger place, a pattern emerged: I, a STEM professional with savings, covered the lion’s share ($2,400 of $3,400 rent plus expenses), while she contributed a flat $1,000. I wanted to help her find her feet, but through her job losses and a brief stint in a pyramid scheme, helping turned into carrying.

The breaking point came when my boyfriend and I decided to move in together after I had been living with my sister for 1.5 years and had drained my entire life savings. To save her from having to return to the Midwest, I invited her into our new lease with a locked-in $1,000 rent + she would be responsible for her share of utilities and her pet fee, but still subsidizing her significantly, as my boyfriend and I could live for less alone. (For context, we are renting a much nicer apartment than before, with 2 beds and 2 baths for $3,400/month before utilities/fees) I initially offered to cover her $85 parking fee, but later rescinded it, realizing that paying for her car was crossing the line from sister to parent.

Since then, the house has become a war zone. She feels misled and 'replaced' by my boyfriend; I feel used and unappreciated. I am now 27, working full-time, and pursuing an MBA. My life has evolved from bars to travel and career goals, while my sister and I's relationship seems to function only when I am financially overextending for her. We are tethered to a lease until March 2027, and I fear that if we don’t find a resolution, I won’t just lose a roommate… I’ll lose my sister forever.

Edit: Before May of 2024, I had been living alone traveling across the U.S.for work. In May, 2024, my work required relocation to the North East. It was a dream of mine to experience city life opposed to the small <3,000 population town I grew up in, so I was initially really excited . This was disclosed to my sister that I would be living in the NE for the foreseeable future before she moved into my existing 1-bedroom apartment in August 2024.

Edit No. 2: We moved into our latest apartment in December 2025 and the lease ends March 2027

My husband and I have been married going on 8 years and the first time I met my husband’s brothers wife/ the new SIL all she did was talk bad about everyone. People in the family I haven’t met and all her kids referring to them as bitches. She is too judgy for me, she has to put people down in any way. ..but my husband says she doesn’t mean any of it “ that’s just how she is” . Fast forward to last year we move to the same state as them, husband wants a closer relationship with his brother and have the cousins be close. We are hosting a birthday party at our house , her adult daughter has a half finished tattoo and is talking to me about finishing it. ( half my body is covered in tattoos. I have one leg sleeve & one arm sleeve.
We talking and Her mom (my SIL) says I will cut you out of the will, don’t you do it ,Tattoos are trash and looks right at me. And says it two more times tattoos are trash you better not do it I’ll disown you . …. I’m speechless. This is my house. I have tattoos.
Later that evening I told my husband, she is no longer welcome at our house and he said that’s not right. She didn’t mean it towards me . I wish he defended me as much as he defends her. I’m so unconfrontational that I never say anything when she says mean things, but this one bothered me , she was at my house and clearly taking about me. AITA

My step-grandpa is honestly one of the worst people I know. I genuinely think he may be using my grandma for financial support or immigration reasons because he refuses to work and lives off her money. He’s cheated on her multiple times, including last summer, and I still haven’t told her because I honestly think she wouldn’t care. She constantly complains about being broke while supporting him financially.

The situation at home is exhausting because they’re both toxic in different ways. He’s verbally abusive and has also put his hands on her before. Today he called me disgusting and a stupid girl for no reason while I was just walking by. I didn’t even respond because I’m not trying to get into a fight with a grown man who clearly has anger issues and a chemically imbalanced brain, im lowkey kind of religious but i will always wish death on this guy he’s just a waste of space.

What also frustrates me is that my grandma makes good money (100k annually) but still gives him whatever he wants, yet she’s taken my birthday money before ($800) and then called me greedy or stingy. The entire situation feels dysfunctional and draining.

Part of me wants to report him to ICE because I’m tired of the abuse and chaos he brings into everyone’s lives, but another part of me wonders if that would make me a bad person. I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

HE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO AFRICA immediately also i haven’t mentioned he continuously comes back to our house for 5 months and spends the rest in sweden because that’s where he lives, also my grandma and step f*ckt*rd grandpa have been married for like 27 years such a sad marriage it has to end some way, he doesn’t even post her on his socials and they don’t follow eachother because he seems to be hiding something not too long ago we found out he had a secretly family like genuinely that should be your last straw for the marriage like just break up at this point.

Mother's Day Issue

Is it appropriate for a step-mother who's only known the children for three years, attends a school Mother's Day event that the children's biological mother is already attending and articulated to her ex husband that she would prefer to keep mother's day just between her and her kids yet the step-mother attended it anyway, even though the mothers articulated hat she didn't want her there (because it makes it awkward) and because the step mother isn't the childrens mother. Would it be appropriate that the step-mother attends this event?

Some prior context: The step-mother said the mother cannot join in the extended family Christmas event last Christmas, which she was invited to by the family and even though the mother's children were attending and 12 of her nieces and nephews. The mother honoured that and did not attend Christmas Day.

Hello good people of Reddit. I'm sharing this story. Now there are 4 families involved in this. Each family consists of a husband, wife, and mix of kids (ranging from ages 11-29). Each family will be reduced to A, B, C, and D. Things to note:

• Family A has 3 kids - A1 (28 y/o), A2 (22), and A3 (18)
• Family B has 3 kids - B1 (17), B2 (13), and B3 (11)
• Family C has 3 kids - C1 (18), C2 (16), and C3 (14)
• Family D has 1 kid - D1 (29)
• A & D are related 
• B & C are close friends of A
• D is on friendly terms with B and C.

Let's begin

B is visiting A. As part of B's trip, they and A will be visiting C, who lives elsewhere. B also invites D in visiting C. It's the weekend and A, B, & D are all staying at C's house. Late Saturday night (1 AM), D1 heads to bed as D plans to go to early Sunday mass. A, B, and C are unaware of this, but they are also non-Catholic and don't care about church. Family D gets up and gets ready at 8 am while everyone else is sound asleep.

The mom of A1-3 joins D1 while she's getting ready and asks what time she'll be back as the kids said something about going to brunch. D1 is completely surprised and says she was not aware of this plan. A1's mom explains that sometime during the night (3-5 AM), A1 briefly woke up their mom and informed her that they're going to try to go to brunch. A1's mom has no further details to give. No idea what time they'll wake up, what time they'll leave, or where they're going. D1 states it's only Sunday mass which takes about an hour. She should be back by 10:30. D1 also assumes that surely someone will reach out to her with a proper invite and/or details of time + place.

D1 is out of the church by 10:30. She has not received any texts or calls. She assumed they must still be asleep then. D1's mom calls C1's dad for directions to a store to do some shopping. Family D arrives at the store by 11 and shops for an hour. D1 still did not receive a call or text from anyone.

D returns to C's house at 12. D1 asks where are the other kids. C1's mom states they left...an hour ago.

The kids do not return for another 2 hours.

If you were A1, at what point would you have reached out to D1? 

Or do you expect D1 to reach out to you and ask for the details?

----

If you expected D1 to reach out to you, you don't need to read any further. As you might have deduced, I was D1. From the get-go I felt uninvited to this brunch. I never once received a text or call from anyone, asking if I was interested, if I was able to come, or even simply where I'm at.

The reason I'm asking here is because I no longer speak to family A. A1, A2, and their mother insist that they have done no wrongdoing. According to A1, the invitation came through their mother. Me going to church and then the store indicated I had other priorities. And when I asked why no one could bother to send a text, A1 states she wasn't going to chase after me.

So AIW for asking for a text/call about brunch?

EDIT: The problem stems from the fact that I stopped speaking to family A. It has been a month since this happened. Family A believes my silence is unwarranted, given the reasons stated in the previous paragraph. I believe my silence is warranted - I did not make the plan, I was not involved in the making, and I was not explicitly invited. Hence, why I'm asking if I'm the jerk for having expected them to text me.

My (35F) sister (39F) recently had a near death experience in which she went to the ER. While she was there, her husband took care of her and their two kids, one which is a young baby, which made the ER visit even more traumatic.

She doesn’t have many friends or people near her that can help out. After she got out of the hospital, she asked my parents if they could fly to her and stay a week or two to help. My parents only recently went there after the baby was born, and my mother in particular spent six weeks there to help during the pregnancy. While they were there, she was never satisfied with how they were helping and many fights ensued during that time.

My parents said they were unable to go to her this time because of work and my sister unloaded on them about how they don’t care about her and how she almost died. My mom (who usually is very conflict avoidant) told her she needed to get therapy because she sees the way she is around her kids and husband.

This made my sister really lose it and told them not to contact them anymore. She’s also told my parents they weren’t good parents and made her always feel like a bad person who was the problem.

She’s had unstable moods all her life and it seems like this is a new step for the worse. I have always been either caught in the middle of fights with my parents (or mutual friends / family members) and I never know what to do. I’ve even lost ties in my twenties with mutual friends because of fights that were between them.

I’m trying to empathize with her since she did go through a lot, but she has limited self-awareness and takes no responsibility for how she makes people feel. We all walk on eggshells around her and have our whole lives.

I’ve always suspected she’s had BPD but it never feels safe (or even my place) to tell her. I’ve tried to convince her to go to therapy and she says she will and always puts it off.

Any advice on how to deal with her and help my parents/her reconcile would be appreciated.

TLDR: do i go to my sisters graduation, who i have a terrible relationship with, and inconvenience myself with the driving so i can make it to my boyfriends? or do I just go to my boyfriends and skip hers?

basically, my boyfriend of 8 months graduates saturday afternoon in Cincinnati and my sister graduates friday evening in Pittsburgh. If I want to make it to both Id have to drive five hours from pittsburgh to cincy, where I live, overnight so I have time to unwind and get ready for his grad. Or I could drive the next morning for five hours then go straight to his graduation after that drive. overall it’s a huge inconvenience and sounds like hell. this doesn’t include the two hour drive from my parents house, where i’m staying this week, to pittsburgh.

my boyfriend and i are very close, and he’s going though a lot right now. i think me being at his graduation would mean a lot, and i really want to be there for him, I love him very much.

now for context, my sister and i have a terrible
relationship. she really wants me there because she has absolutely no one, she’s pushed everyone out of her life. including me, but i’m family so i guess she still tries to have a relationship with me. she is extremely emotionally abusive and genuinely ruined my mental health as we grew up together. i didn’t realize how bad it was until she moved out for college and i was free and could recognize the anxiety i felt every day at home was a byproduct of her. she is a terrible person, she takes every insecurity she knows about me and uses it against me to instigate. she has threatened to kill me multiple times. summer of 2023 i will never forget, she assaulted me then called the cops on me to try to get me booked into a psych hospital because i had previously confided in her that i was doing terrible mentally but did not want to go to an inpatient center because i thought it would ruin my life.

she was supposed to graduate last year, but got addicted to painkillers and took a year of medical leave. she has had many medical issues and surgeries that got her to be addicted and began pulling stints at the ER to try to get more, using my mom and i as collateral. during this time, she stayed at home and genuinely tortured my parents and I. she called the cops on my mom multiple times to claim that my mom was stealing her drugs, she was violent and downright scary. she had to be admitted to inpatient.

the whole dilemma i’m facing is very silly as it’s really just about having to make a long drive, which i do frequently to come visit my parents. but i’ve done night drives after a full day and it was so bad, i thought i was getting tunnel vision. but it comes down to me not considering this inconvenience to be worth her feelings. my parents have told me that it would mean a lot to her now that she’s on the right track for me to support her, but i just genuinely don’t care. she never owned up to anything she did EVER. still won’t admit she had an addiction. and because of that i’m a person who values accountability highly, which she has none of. i know she was very mentally unwell all the times she treated me bad, but i live by the idea that that is an explanation but not an excuse. they also say that me not showing up would throw her off her path. and that in 10 years maybe i will want a relationship with her.

this whole situation is really only complicated because it brings up so many deep seated feelings that i have to confront. i don’t want a relationship with her right now, ive ghosted her on everything for well over a year. I want to be there for my parents, but not her. just seeing her pisses me off. i really only care about what my family would think of me if
i didn’t go, and i do still feel empathy for her so i would feel bad.

I don’t know what to do. do i suck it up and go to both? do i skip hers and just go to my boyfriends? or do i skip his and go to hers?

it almost feels like not going to hers would be a way of setting a boundary for myself, as ultimately it’s up to me.

I’m \[26F\] and my younger sister \[22F\] has had kidney issues for years. Four years ago, our dad donated one of his kidneys to her. It was a massive sacrifice; he was older, and the recovery was brutal for him.

The doctors were extremely clear: she had to take her anti-rejection meds and stop drinking/partying. She didn’t. She’s always been the "selfish spoiled child" who thinks the world owes her everything. She felt fine after a few months and just... stopped trying. She went back to drinking, skipped her meds, and ignored the diet. Now, predictably, that kidney has failed.

She’s back on dialysis, and my parents just sat me down to tell me it’s "my turn" because I’m the only other match. My sister don't even talk to me and she didn't even ask me. She just started talking about the timeline as if my body belongs to her, even mentioning she wants it done soon so she doesn't miss a trip she has planned.

Honestly speaking I'm a people pleaser and I haven't said anything yet. I’ve just been sitting with this for three days. The truth is, I don't want to do it. I’m terrified of the surgery, but more than that, I’m angry. I feel like she’s a black hole for organs. She didn't respect my father's gift, so why would she respect mine?

My sister is already acting like it’s a done deal telling her friend how lucky she is that I’m a match so she doesn't have to stay on the transplant list for years. I feel like if I say no, I’m going to disappoint my entire family, but if I say yes, I’m risking my health for someone who has already proven she won't take care of herself.

My question is: How can I tell my parents "no" without disappointing them? Is there a way to get the doctors to disqualify me so I don't have to be the one to tell my parents I refused? I want to help my family, but I don't think I can give up my life' safety for someone as irresponsible as my sister.

So this may be a long one I apologise for any mis spelling

So back story last week my twin sister (F24) got married to her long time partner they had been together 10 years and have 3 kids together (F6) (F5) and (M1)

My dad (m50) has been In and out of our lives since he and my mum divorced 20 years ago he was very inconstant and was always high or drunk when we saw him

My sister and him had a good relationship till a few years ago when he didn’t listen to basic rules about her two daughters he went against her wishes on a few things when the girls were 2 and a new born he also got my brother who was under age drunk so my sister stopped talking to him

My dad then had a daughter with his new girlfriend and so I got in contact with him for my new sister who cannot contact me herself

My sister did consider talking to him again to because of this but found out he was bad mouthing her and lying about her so she didn’t

Anyway now to the story

My sister got married last week and it was a surprise wedding she and her now husband told everyone it was an engagement party and asked us to wear black not many people came it was small but nice my sister looked amazing and the night was nice small. Her daughters and our little sister on our mums side were flower girls and her son was a ring security it was nice my uncle and aunt on my mum sides came my mum stepped, brother and my Fiancé were there, a few friends of there’s and some of my BIL’s family and my cousin and her bf and daughter on my dads side like I said small

A couple days after I tried to call my dad he didn’t answer I tried again the next day and the day after no answer I even tried his girlfriend and left a message his gf got back to me and said she would tell him to call me he never did I called him again today and he answered the second time, when he answered he was cold and short with me he’s never been like that he I asked him how he was and his gf and my sister were he coldly said they were fine he then said why did none tell me about her wedding in a annoyed tone and I told him I didn’t know till it happened they told us it was an engagement party he got colder in his response and said he needed to go and fix his freezer

Said goodbye and hung up. Usually he says he loves me before ending a phone call but this time didn’t

Im considering not having him at my wedding or giving me away after the way he acted.

Since I got engaged he’s been demanding that he gives me away but not offering to help at all with financial assistance

What should I do

Update:

About a month from the last phone call with my dad after everything I still hadn’t heard anything from him so I sent him a message that reads:

“Hi dad, it’s been a bit since we talked and last time we did I felt like you were mad at me for (sister) getting married first I tried to contact you for a week with no answer, second She told everyone it was an engagement party then surprised everyone with a wedding and finally she’s asked me not to tell you anything about her life

I understand you may be upset but it’s not my job to tell you about her life I need you to respect that, I want a relationship with you and (younger sister) but only if you can respect that boundary” I was left on read it’s been over a month now since I sent it so I assume him leaving me on read means he doesn’t want anything to do with me so my mum is giving me away on the day and he will not be receiving a formal invitation to the wedding

I (15f) have an older cousin who’s in her 20s! she’s pretty different from me, she’s impulsive, drinks, smokes, party! my family often sees her as irresponsible!I used to try and vent to her, but I don’t anymore because her advice was always the extreme option and when I didn’t want to take it she would get mad and ghost me and say she’s wasting her time. She apologized for it which is fine, but I’ve learned my lesson.

Anyways my cousin specifically always hold me to weird standard, because I was bossy at like 5 and to her I’m always going to be like that.

The first incident was when my aunt bought me and my brother food. I was waiting for a good time to say thank you without making it weird (I don’t know why I’m like this but I am) And so when we got home I just blurted Thank you in the worst moment possible. It was a funny story and it was a good moment but my cousin kind of ruined it. She was saying that she thought I was never going to say thank you and how it took me so long to say thank you. I was like okay? Not that deep but okay. 

Then recently I asked her for ice cream because I saw something in the fridge and she was like “Yes spoiled girl. "And when I said I’m not spoiled she was like “Yes you are.” I’m spoiled for asking for Ice cream.

The irony is real; my aunt has a stable job in a nice house and nice cars. She allows her kids the safety net to stay at her house without paying rent, she helps them with things, and she even bought my cousin a car... Again! Even though all my aunts' kids are grown-upss she allows them to stay with her! If my mom was like that to me, I would be so nice and respectful to her. But my cousin’s aren't, they get attitudes, talk to her any kind of way, and is kind of mean to her. Acts like she gets on their nerves when It’s her house. I think it’s a bit hypocritical to call me spoiled or make me sound bratty. Because one I told beg them to buy me anything, I say yes ma’am and no ma’am to even my cousins that are just like 5 years older than me.

I say please and thank you. They’re well aware of how I was raised and often make jokes about how they forget me and my brother are even in the house because of how quiet we are, or joke about how me and my brother seem afraid to ask for things or need permission “to breathe”.

How do I go from being that to being spoiled? Maybe I am overreacting but it’s very annoying! It’s like she doesn’t get that she also is spoiled, because  arcording to her the family treats her so bad and she’s such an outsider.

So AIO for wanting her to stop? (Sorry for any mistakes I’m at school)

I (20F) have a massive problem with my sisters (18F) boyfriend (20M). I want my sister to leave him and don’t know how to go about it beyond just sit down conversations.

So my sister met her boyfriend online and they have been dating for about a year and a few months. They have had an explosive relationship from the very beginning - him even showing red flags on their first date leaving her waiting alone at night for 30 minutes. Nevertheless, she perused him.

After a couple months it became clear to me he has to interest, love or respect for her. He acts like a bum to be plain and simple. Works a decent salary full time job and has only taken her out 2-3 times over the course of their relationship. I’m not even mentioning this in terms of money or taking her to fancy restaurants - the guy won’t even take her for a coffee. He won’t do basic things to show he cares I.e. ask if she wants something from the shop, tie her lace, drive her somewhere she needs to be. He sits there completely blank scrolling on his phone 95% of the time. She has put so much more effort in for him; showering him in expensive and meaningful gifts on his birthday, valentines, Christmas and never anything in return. I mean the guy showed up empty handed on her birthday when our whole family was there - not even a card.

There has been multiple instances of him blowing up in front of my family screaming at her, taking off out the house, being full blown toxic turning off his location, blocking her, posting himself - practically anything to make her overthink. I’m honestly scared one day he’ll become physical because he seems like the type and my sister has told me that once before he grabbed and shook her during an argument. Also just to mention his mother is one of those that are obsessed with their sons and she had the audacity to ban my sister from coming to theirs because she’s not “good enough for him” so all the time they spend together is at our place. Every weekend he is here Friday-Sunday

We recently went on a weekend trip away as a family and she insisted on him coming. The entire time all they did was argue and not just bickering but full blown yelling and tears and made the entire thing so uncomfortable and stressful for us. These arguments mainly revolved around him ignoring her, refusing to do anything for her. It got to the point that me and my dad snapped at them on two separate occasions - my dad called him a winey miserable little bitch, I told him to man up and we both begged them to break up already since it’s clearly not working and they’re making everyone miserable. This is not the first time either of us have tried intercepting either. He was overall the deadest vibe, couldn’t crack a smile the entire time and allowed my father to pay for everything without offering to pay a single bill despite being fully within means of doing so.

The problem here is that he’s made her cry countless times to the point she’s shaking and pleading, basically loosing her mind but she refuses to leave him. It breaks my heart and I’ve cried for her many times. I ask her why are you staying with someone that makes you feel this way and she responds that she loves him, I say what is there to love and she can’t even come up with an answer, she says she just does. I can’t wrap my head around it I cannot understand why you would allow yourself to be in this miserable relationship, especially since her previous relationship was so happy and healthy and the boy loved her to bits and treated her so well. Me and my mother have spent countless of hours speaking with her about it, trying to encourage her to leave him and she won’t.

I feel like I’m going to get a lot of comments saying just let time do its thing she’ll realise and leave soon enough but my point is I cannot stand the sight of him any more. The second he walks into my house I’m infuriated. I just want him gone out of our lives so he can stop sucking the soul out of my sister and the rest of us. My biggest worry is she ends up pregnant with him and we’re stuck with him for life. How do I go about this Reddit?

I (24F) have been living with my parents for the past three years. I worked for a bit after undergrad, but then decided to do my master’s, so I stayed at home to save money.

My younger brother (21M) is difficult. He’s been verbally abusive and sometimes violent for about five years now. He goes to uni about 2.5 hours away, so we don’t see him that often, so it's been manageable.

About a month ago, I stayed overnight at my boyfriend’s place. While I was gone, my brother completely lost it at home. He went into my room, stole some of my jewellery, and then had some kind of breakdown in his own room. My mum tried to calm him down, but he got physical and ended up smashing a window. This all happened early in the morning, the police were called, and he was arrested. His charges were later dropped, but the police suggested a 28-day protective order for my parents. My parents went to court and asked for it to be dropped.

When I got back, my parents told me this whole situation was my fault. Apparently, it was because my brother and I had an argument a few weeks before, where I called him out for how he speaks to all of us and told him he shouldn’t come home if he’s going to behave like that. They said he went into my room that day because he was still angry at me.

Fast forward to now - I’m in the final stretch of my master’s (dissertation, exams, placements, everything at once), so I’m already really stressed. A few weeks ago, my parents told me my brother is coming home for the entire summer.

I said no. Flat out. The last time he was in that house, he was looking for me and ended up getting violent with my parents. If he can do that to them, what’s stopping him from doing it to me?

My parents immediately shut me down. They said I caused the original argument, so I’m responsible for what happened. Then they gave me an ultimatum: either stay at home while he’s there and “stay out of his way,” or move out.

So I chose to move out.

Since then, I’ve basically stopped speaking to them. I still live there for now while I’m flat hunting, but I don’t engage. I go to uni, go to viewings, and keep to myself. My brother is arriving in a few days, and I’ve already said I’ll be staying at my boyfriend’s place until I find somewhere permanent. My parents said I could just stay and avoid him, but I refused.

Now I’m being told I’m taking it too far. My parents say I’m being a bit harsh by completely cutting off communication while I’m still under their roof. My parents say they can’t abandon my brother because he’s their son, which I do understand, but I’m their daughter too, and I feel completely unprotected and blamed for something I didn’t cause. I'm already SO stressed from my master's (I go to a top 5 university, doing a technical degree), that I feel like cutting them off to avoid further stress is the most logical thing to do.

Part of me also wonders if I’m being too rigid because of cultural dynamics (we’re South Asian, and there’s definitely a pattern of sons being protected no matter what). Maybe I should be more understanding of that?

But at the same time, I genuinely don’t feel safe or supported.

So AITA for refusing to speak to them and moving out over this? Should I be more civil while I’m still here, or stick to my boundaries?

My husband (Jay) and I started dating when we were 14 years old. I moved away with the promise that when we turn 18 we would find each other again. We each dated other people. I got pregnant at 16 and kept my daughter. When I was 18 I moved back and Jay met my daughter. He asked if we could get back together and I said no, bc I didn't think he could emotionally handle the fact that I had a kid (other bio parent was never in the picture). Over the years, Jay would ask again if we could get back together and I continued to decline. Finally at 22, I agreed. We got married at 25, when my daughter was 9. Jay would have really good moments with her (daddy daughter dates, doing her hair, etc,) and have moments of hating that she existed bc she was a reminder that I dated someone else. No abuse or anything, just telling me how hard/painful it is that shes around sometimes. We've been married 12 years. My daughter is 20 and in her own place. We have 2 children ourselves (9 and a newborn). He mentioned he wanted a divorce bc he wants peace in his life which he will never get with the constant painful reminder that my daughter brings. The only way he could stay is if we moved out of state and I only saw her occasionally throughout the year. I dont know what advice I'm looking for. Typing it out makes it sound ridiculous. Any words of wisdom?

little back story, my dad and that side of my family live across the country from me about 13 years ago i told them if they want to send me anything for Christmas or my birthday just send gift cards ( this was after finding out that shipping cost my grandparents like 60 dollars for 100 dollars worth of gifts.) so since than my dad and grandparents have always bought me the exact same gift cards color and all or just straight up cash. this past Christmas and birthday, i didn't get any cause we thought my neighbors stole the cards out of the mail. turns out my brother took them. He was gone but asked me to find something in his room for him. I find it along with an envelope with my name on it in my dads handwriting. I see this and get pissed decided i needed to know if he took the rest, so I went through his wallet and found the gift card looked up the history of it. it was bought in my grandparents' town (we have different dads). I didn't say anything at first. he asked me if i was mad at him for something, so i called him out. This man literally tries to say I am mistaken and that he needs help with something and that we will talk about that later. Im sitting here going hell no, there is no way. I am mistaken. You took the money. i saw the transactions and the kicker what he bought with my families money, and he bragged about how cool the stuff was. Our mom, who he lives with (I just use their mailing address, I live a few houses away) Is still trying to make excuses for him. He is the big brother who taught me you dont screw over family. I want to just walk away, but if I do, im losing out on my mom,brother,neices,and a stepdad that is badass. I honestly dont know what to do.

Hi there. I (31F) lost my mom to cancer six years ago. Since then, I’ve noticed behaviors from my step dad (75M) that I had not know about before that. I think my mom shielded me from a lot of his nonsense (like a parent should) and when she died, he didn’t have anyone to hide it for him.
At first it was little stuff, like lying about talking to this woman he tried to get with while mom was dying. He said he wasn’t and I get the phone bill every month and I saw that he was. I told him how inappropriate it was for him to have done that while mom was alive and how uncomfortable it made me that he kept on even after she died. So he swore he’d stop talking to her and not a month later he’d be back at it. He told me 4 times over the last 6 years he had stopped talking to her and I caught him in the lie every time.
I’ve also caught him in other lies, like he was visiting with a woman on the porch of the house I didn’t know (I no longer live there but my name is on the land and the mortgage), and he was telling her what door of the house didn’t have cameras so she could come back later. I called him and asked why he would say that and explained that’s a safety issue since he doesn’t know who she might bring with her to rob/hurt him. I also asked him to stop saying that to people he doesn’t know and he had the audacity to tell me it never happened when I caught it on VIDEO and AUDIO via the doorbell camera. Just little weird lies I’ve caught him in and still do all the time. Even with concrete evidence he deflects and DARVO’s. Never taking accountability.
A week ago someone in his friend group called to ask if I knew what was going on with him and I said no since I’ve been distancing myself over the last year. This friend told me he groped another woman in the group under the table at a group dinner and made a sexual comment to her. She is younger than my dad maybe 50, married, and her husband was not there. She was incredibly shaken up and disturbed by this and after my step dad left, she told the other men around. I was sick to my stomach hearing this. The friend went on to say they confronted him, he denied and only said sorry like he was caught and ended up saying he was done with the group. To me, an innocent person would be adamant about insisting on their innocence not just throw their hands up and be done?
The next day I found out from another person in the group who knew him longer, that there had been additional incidents. My dad hadn’t been a part of the dinner group for several months and I found out from this second friend that it was because he made a sexual comment to another guy in the group’s wife at their house so he got asked to stay away. Basically he JUST NOW got invited back to the group dinner thing and he already fucked it up. This friend told me of at least two other, similar instances as well and by the end of that phone call I was shaking.
I attempted to confront my dad and he denied, DARVO’d, and said I was on their side. I explained there is no side just right and wrong and he’s lucky someone hasn’t pressed charges or hurt/unalived him for being disgusting. I’ve spoken to the woman’s husband who was assaulted at dinner because I am good friends with these people. I apologized to him profusely and asked him to pass my apologies along to his wife. We had a good conversation but both agree my step dad was WRONG and his denying multiple times didn’t help the situation.
I am sick and sad and disappointed. I told my dad I didn’t know who he was because I was raised to take accountability for my actions and now he’s sitting there not doing that. I graduate from college this weekend and I’m thinking I need to uninvite him to send a message his actions have consequences and those are to not get to have time with his friends and now his daughter. This feels like the straw breaking the camel’s back. Am I being too dramatic about this?
Sorry for the long post, I’m just heartbroken because I’ve already lost one parent, my bio dad sucks, and now my step dad is a disgusting old man. I feel so alone in the world now.

For context, I'm getting married in August, and nobody from my family is going. My fiance told me that one of my sisters has not messaged her at all. She's given me gifts to give for my sis and her family twice without any acknowledgement. My sister suggested that we zoom call during the ceremony so she can watch. I haven't sent her anything yet, but this is what I'm thinking about sending:

"Have you even messaged her to welcome her to the family or to say thank you for the gifts she bought for you or the kids? If the answers no, how can I expect you to get up at an inconvenient time to watch our wedding?"

Throwaway account. I’m kind of just here to vent and also for some outside input. I need advice on what to do and also I need to know from an outside perspective what is going on.

Some backstory.
So I got married roughly 8 months ago to my now husband who is 3 years older than me. My sister is 2 years older than me. When my husband and I were dating/engaged, my sister was an absolute monster. I did my best to avoid her for MONTHS because of how awful she treated me. Mainly she was hating on my relationship, my boyfriend, my appearance, and anything and everything that had to do with my wedding, bridal shower, etc. She would make comments such as “you don’t deserve love, but I do” and “I’m older I should be getting married first”, “I don’t see why he (my boyfriend) loves you when you don’t look good and I look way better”. She would yell at me constantly. Before I was in a relationship, she acted perfectly fine.

Fast forward, we are now married and I thought things got better between me and her but I think I was wrong. My younger sister (3 years younger than me) told me that my older sister would complain to her that she hates when my husband and I visit our parents (she lives with my parents) and she will have a way better husband than me. She also says she doesn’t like my husband because he doesn’t hug her. This is where I got a bit weirded out. My husband is not a hugging person and she knows this. He only hugs people he is VERY close with (his parents, some nieces/nephews, and me). This specific statement made me realize I missed some weird things from a couple months ago.

Backtrack to right before my wedding.
My sister was yelling at me saying she should be getting married first. I calmly ask her if that’s really all it is, just jealousy that I’m getting married before her. She starts defending herself saying she does not want my man. I was so confused because that was not what I was asking or accusing her of. I pointed that out and she kept saying “I don’t want or like him”. Now that I think about it now, it seems weird that she was so defensive when no one was even accusing her of that. My husband claims that there were times that she would stare at him. He is also uncomfortable with this situation and just as weirded out as I am. I am just so confused and don’t know what to think or make of this situation. Does she just hate my husband? Or does she have a crush on him? Or is she just salty that I’m in a relationship and she’s not? Whatever it is, what do I do? Any advice or commentary would be great.

Also, sorry if the layout is a bit confusing. I’m not the best at articulating my thoughts. If something doesn’t make sense I’ll try to clear it up.

Really is somebody familiar with taking all the guild but there is always someone innocent. Constantly cleaning the kitchen and they told me there are always crumbs. I leave everything every time perfectly, but there is that one person in the house that doesn’t do anything and finally what happened it is my fault and because of these happened to have ants in the kitchen. I hate when people are not cleaning after themselves. Even I hate this I’m staying quiet and clean everything. I just wanted to share, I know it’s not going to change and I don’t know what to do. Just hopping not to go mad about it. Thanks for reading 🤗