u/Purple_Cow9879

Hi there. I (31F) lost my mom to cancer six years ago. Since then, I’ve noticed behaviors from my step dad (75M) that I had not know about before that. I think my mom shielded me from a lot of his nonsense (like a parent should) and when she died, he didn’t have anyone to hide it for him.
At first it was little stuff, like lying about talking to this woman he tried to get with while mom was dying. He said he wasn’t and I get the phone bill every month and I saw that he was. I told him how inappropriate it was for him to have done that while mom was alive and how uncomfortable it made me that he kept on even after she died. So he swore he’d stop talking to her and not a month later he’d be back at it. He told me 4 times over the last 6 years he had stopped talking to her and I caught him in the lie every time.
I’ve also caught him in other lies, like he was visiting with a woman on the porch of the house I didn’t know (I no longer live there but my name is on the land and the mortgage), and he was telling her what door of the house didn’t have cameras so she could come back later. I called him and asked why he would say that and explained that’s a safety issue since he doesn’t know who she might bring with her to rob/hurt him. I also asked him to stop saying that to people he doesn’t know and he had the audacity to tell me it never happened when I caught it on VIDEO and AUDIO via the doorbell camera. Just little weird lies I’ve caught him in and still do all the time. Even with concrete evidence he deflects and DARVO’s. Never taking accountability.
A week ago someone in his friend group called to ask if I knew what was going on with him and I said no since I’ve been distancing myself over the last year. This friend told me he groped another woman in the group under the table at a group dinner and made a sexual comment to her. She is younger than my dad maybe 50, married, and her husband was not there. She was incredibly shaken up and disturbed by this and after my step dad left, she told the other men around. I was sick to my stomach hearing this. The friend went on to say they confronted him, he denied and only said sorry like he was caught and ended up saying he was done with the group. To me, an innocent person would be adamant about insisting on their innocence not just throw their hands up and be done?
The next day I found out from another person in the group who knew him longer, that there had been additional incidents. My dad hadn’t been a part of the dinner group for several months and I found out from this second friend that it was because he made a sexual comment to another guy in the group’s wife at their house so he got asked to stay away. Basically he JUST NOW got invited back to the group dinner thing and he already fucked it up. This friend told me of at least two other, similar instances as well and by the end of that phone call I was shaking.
I attempted to confront my dad and he denied, DARVO’d, and said I was on their side. I explained there is no side just right and wrong and he’s lucky someone hasn’t pressed charges or hurt/unalived him for being disgusting. I’ve spoken to the woman’s husband who was assaulted at dinner because I am good friends with these people. I apologized to him profusely and asked him to pass my apologies along to his wife. We had a good conversation but both agree my step dad was WRONG and his denying multiple times didn’t help the situation.
I am sick and sad and disappointed. I told my dad I didn’t know who he was because I was raised to take accountability for my actions and now he’s sitting there not doing that. I graduate from college this weekend and I’m thinking I need to uninvite him to send a message his actions have consequences and those are to not get to have time with his friends and now his daughter. This feels like the straw breaking the camel’s back. Am I being too dramatic about this?
Sorry for the long post, I’m just heartbroken because I’ve already lost one parent, my bio dad sucks, and now my step dad is a disgusting old man. I feel so alone in the world now.