My (35F) sister (39F) recently had a near death experience in which she went to the ER. While she was there, her husband took care of her and their two kids, one which is a young baby, which made the ER visit even more traumatic.
She doesn’t have many friends or people near her that can help out. After she got out of the hospital, she asked my parents if they could fly to her and stay a week or two to help. My parents only recently went there after the baby was born, and my mother in particular spent six weeks there to help during the pregnancy. While they were there, she was never satisfied with how they were helping and many fights ensued during that time.
My parents said they were unable to go to her this time because of work and my sister unloaded on them about how they don’t care about her and how she almost died. My mom (who usually is very conflict avoidant) told her she needed to get therapy because she sees the way she is around her kids and husband.
This made my sister really lose it and told them not to contact them anymore. She’s also told my parents they weren’t good parents and made her always feel like a bad person who was the problem.
She’s had unstable moods all her life and it seems like this is a new step for the worse. I have always been either caught in the middle of fights with my parents (or mutual friends / family members) and I never know what to do. I’ve even lost ties in my twenties with mutual friends because of fights that were between them.
I’m trying to empathize with her since she did go through a lot, but she has limited self-awareness and takes no responsibility for how she makes people feel. We all walk on eggshells around her and have our whole lives.
I’ve always suspected she’s had BPD but it never feels safe (or even my place) to tell her. I’ve tried to convince her to go to therapy and she says she will and always puts it off.
Any advice on how to deal with her and help my parents/her reconcile would be appreciated.