I (24F) have been living with my parents for the past three years. I worked for a bit after undergrad, but then decided to do my master’s, so I stayed at home to save money.
My younger brother (21M) is difficult. He’s been verbally abusive and sometimes violent for about five years now. He goes to uni about 2.5 hours away, so we don’t see him that often, so it's been manageable.
About a month ago, I stayed overnight at my boyfriend’s place. While I was gone, my brother completely lost it at home. He went into my room, stole some of my jewellery, and then had some kind of breakdown in his own room. My mum tried to calm him down, but he got physical and ended up smashing a window. This all happened early in the morning, the police were called, and he was arrested. His charges were later dropped, but the police suggested a 28-day protective order for my parents. My parents went to court and asked for it to be dropped.
When I got back, my parents told me this whole situation was my fault. Apparently, it was because my brother and I had an argument a few weeks before, where I called him out for how he speaks to all of us and told him he shouldn’t come home if he’s going to behave like that. They said he went into my room that day because he was still angry at me.
Fast forward to now - I’m in the final stretch of my master’s (dissertation, exams, placements, everything at once), so I’m already really stressed. A few weeks ago, my parents told me my brother is coming home for the entire summer.
I said no. Flat out. The last time he was in that house, he was looking for me and ended up getting violent with my parents. If he can do that to them, what’s stopping him from doing it to me?
My parents immediately shut me down. They said I caused the original argument, so I’m responsible for what happened. Then they gave me an ultimatum: either stay at home while he’s there and “stay out of his way,” or move out.
So I chose to move out.
Since then, I’ve basically stopped speaking to them. I still live there for now while I’m flat hunting, but I don’t engage. I go to uni, go to viewings, and keep to myself. My brother is arriving in a few days, and I’ve already said I’ll be staying at my boyfriend’s place until I find somewhere permanent. My parents said I could just stay and avoid him, but I refused.
Now I’m being told I’m taking it too far. My parents say I’m being a bit harsh by completely cutting off communication while I’m still under their roof. My parents say they can’t abandon my brother because he’s their son, which I do understand, but I’m their daughter too, and I feel completely unprotected and blamed for something I didn’t cause. I'm already SO stressed from my master's (I go to a top 5 university, doing a technical degree), that I feel like cutting them off to avoid further stress is the most logical thing to do.
Part of me also wonders if I’m being too rigid because of cultural dynamics (we’re South Asian, and there’s definitely a pattern of sons being protected no matter what). Maybe I should be more understanding of that?
But at the same time, I genuinely don’t feel safe or supported.
So AITA for refusing to speak to them and moving out over this? Should I be more civil while I’m still here, or stick to my boundaries?