r/depression

I, 26M, tried to end my life in 2022 by head-on car crash.
Into a pillar beneath a bridge.
I was driving about 60-80km/h - not sure what it is in miles per hour.

I survived.
Wrecked my car.
Only suffered 2 compression fractures in my upper back, and a cracked collarbone, as well as a massive concussion - not sure how I survived though.
I am not religious - but even some part of me believes some form of intervention had to have taken place, considering the small amount of injuries.

I told my parents, and everyone else, that I heard a popping sound near one of the front wheels and lost control of the car.

I have struggled with this "thing" since about 2014/15, and only acted on it in 2022.

It has not gone away, even when I tried everything I could.
This "darkness" won't go away(not to sound dramatic).
I am not actively suicidal, just struggling...

I guess I am making this post to get it off my chest, as I know my parents won't be able to handle it, and neither will my friends.
My friends are the type of people who think depression and suicide are "weaknesses and sins".
They are good people, but yeah...

My Dad is also a great person, but he also has his own beliefs around these things, and will also not be a trusting ear to tell or supportive shoulder to lean on...

And it will just kill my mother emotionally, I know...

I just have this insane guilt for what I have done, and for lying about it.
I won't tell them, ever.
I know that may be selfish of me, but I know what the consequences will be for the people around me, especially my mother.
And that is not something I can bear.

The whole thing kind of ruined me financially, and the car was passed down to me from my grandfather who passed away a few years before in 2019.

Thank you for reading :-)

​

I'll try to keep it short. I am 30 years old basically. Live with parents. Overweight. Have severe depression that's been officially diagnosed as treatment resistant. Anxiety on top of that. Low paying job. Useless degree. No connections. Social outcast in general. Never dated. Never kissed a woman. Too far gone to even care really. Relationships seem stressful to me.

Too stupid to learn a high value skill and don't see a point to life if it's just going to be a mediocre life of poverty and barely getting by at best like most people now.

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life if I already fucked up my one chance by getting a useless degree and not being good enough socially to get to places in life by just being well liked? I know the answer is live a low quality life and then die, but how am I supposed to cope with that reality for the next several decades?

i am a 27y girl, deeply alone. I lack substance and personnality. I feel like I was bullied all my life, firstly as a kid because i was ugly, then i got pretty with time and now i am one of those empty girls that only relies on her look, but people arent interested in me because i have nothing to say, i dont speak and they resent me for it.

i always was the "quiet" one, the "mysterious" one but that was just because of my looks. Now i understand that there is nothing in me. I am just an empty shell. I am in art school and i suck at making art. I realize that i don't know myself outside of others impressions of me. I am incapable of being assertive, even though i have a lot of violence in me, I hit myself, scream and cry a lot because i am so pathetic.

I hate myself so much that i dont even know who i am beside that, its like my whole personnality.

I didnt have friends before being 18years old because i was not social. Its like I dont know how to behave socially around people, for example I don't know how to answer questions about me and how to make others happy when they speak to me.

I don't know why I am still on earth, honestly i am so clueless. I have no worth and it's getting hard to wake up everyday in this absurd situation.

I have no family, no friends, and i tried very hard to get something done with my life, I changed of city 3 times and nothing changed. I am so lonely and I cant take it anymore

When you're empty enough inside it actually hurts. Does anyone else know that feeling?

i'm 27, stuck living with my parents, unemployed with a useless degree. my boyfriend is miles ahead of me in life and i constantly feel like a child. i always dream about taking all my xanax and just drifting to sleep but then i think about my parents finding me and how it'd ruin their lives. and how my boyfriend wouldn't be the same again and my friends would be destroyed. but it's just not fair i have to hold on for them. what about what i want? i don't want to be here anymore.

i don’t go a single day without craving death. i know i want to die, i want it SO deeply that it crosses my mind every second. but im too scared. so instead i do everything in my power to make my depression even worse, i isolate myself from everyone and tell myself over and over how worthless i am, in hopes that it’ll finally get so unbearable that i get the courage to end it. im trying to push myself over the edge so i don’t have to suffer anymore. does anyone else do that? it makes me feel like a faker

I am 24 years old. I lost my father at a young age. My mother passed away last year. I wasn't saddened by her death. After my father's death, she made my life miserable. After her death, the truth I had been trying to prove for years by going from doctor to doctor finally came out: I had been diagnosed with BPD.

In conclusion, the 23 years of torture did not end, even though she died.

Now I have a relatively comfortable life. However, the coldness of my relatives towards me after her death hurts me. It's as if her death was my fault, or as if they've never been able to accept me since birth.

I have a relative. We've spoken only 2-3 times so far. She messaged me, I replied, and she just read it. That's how the conversation was every time. What crime could I have committed to warrant such a complete lack of reply, even of a single word? Or, are you so disgusted with me? Why? What is my crime, my sin? What did I do to deserve such terrible treatment? I haven't been able to sleep for two weeks because of this.

I can understand being rejected by a stranger. Whether we're friends or lovers, ultimately, that person was once a stranger. They weren't in my life before, and they won't be now. Ultimately, this is their personal choice, and perhaps it doesn't even have anything to do with me. But for people who have responsibilities towards you to distance themselves like this... it really makes you feel incredibly worthless.

If even you won't accept me, who am I supposed to try to make like me to?

I met him on Reddit. We didn’t really know much about each other’s real lives, but we still got really close. We used to talk a lot and share almost everything. He was a very innocent, sensitive, emotional kind of person… and somewhere along the way, it turned into love.

But I rejected him. I didn’t give him any reason. I just didn’t want to get into explanations, so I ended it like that. I didn’t block him immediately though.

One day he called me. I didn’t pick up because I thought he’d try to explain things or convince me. He called again, and that time I was already stressed with work, got annoyed, and just blocked him everywhere.

After that, he never tried to contact me again.

A week later, I started feeling weird about it. Like… why didn’t he even try once more? I got worried and tried calling him, but he didn’t answer. That’s when I started panicking a bit. We didn’t have any mutuals, so I had no easy way to find out anything.

Somehow I managed to trace him… and that’s when I found out he died.
He took his own life the same night he called me.

He left a note for his family and friends. My name was in it too. He wrote about how much he loved me.

Since then, I haven’t been okay. I cried a lot. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to his house or face his family. I had no one to talk to about this. I still don’t.

Life just doesn’t feel normal anymore. I don’t feel like doing anything.

I don’t even know if this is my fault or not… but I keep thinking the same thing again and again, what if I had just picked up that call?

I walked away without giving him a reason… and he left this world without giving me one.
i don't deserve this karma 🥹 i don't want to live in this guilt

I’m open to any vents of any sorts with some advice. Need someone who u can just talk to about issues with? I’m here to help and listen to any concerns and issues u may have.

Because no one gaf about me enough to be my "enemy". I'm just that irrelevant

I’m going through a very tough time in 24 years old I’m a female struggling with depression so bad. My mom passing away and me getting out of a domestic relationship. I’m so deeply depressed and sad I haven’t been to eat and I’m scared for myself I just need a freind I want to FaceTime someone and just cry and talk I just need someone. I have no one

I've been aware that killing yourself is actually so hard.

I've been scared to actually do it because I'm scared I'II end up in a vegetative state and not dead. I've looked into it a lot for the past year and then tried it back in November of 2025 by slitting my wrist drunk, was so painful which I don't care but it barely did anything and I was fine at the end of it. Woke up in the hospital and was sent on my way. It all felt like a joke to me. Im still so embarrassed. Im also so embarrassed I feel this way so I don't talk to anyone about it. There has been a few slip ups but I keep it together pretty well. But this morning | lost it and I'm genuinely just going to rock bottom again in my mind. I need to kill myself so badly and dont know how to go about it to make it actually work. I've thought about everything. And can't decide what to do. I just know I need to.

This is a little side rant and I'm assuming as I write this, I'II delete it prob in a little bit BUT PLEASE TELL ME HOW, like is the throat a 100% way to go out?

I've lost everything I had a chance with. I missed my brothers growing up and my mom od'ing / dying at 14 really fucked me up. Got raped unconscious in my ass at 19, and on top of that I've been on and off homeless since 16. And I genuinely am so tired of starting over and trying. Yes I know it can get better I have seen it, and I know it takes time but I don't have the patience anymore. I'm 21 now turning 22 this year and am nowhere near where I want or need to be in life. I genuinely mean it from the bottom of my heart I want to die so please tell me how. I am begging you.

Sorry for the bad english, i am from Brazil, ALL my frinds and family do everything for me, and i cant get out of this.

Hello friends,

I have been in treatment for severe depression for three years. I’ve tried many medications and had some improvements, but I end up having terrible relapses, like drug relapses.

I am 35 years old. I used to have a happy life and be independent. I had two long relationships, and I ended up losing both because of my difficulty in making decisions. I burn bridges and then regret it, but people don’t come back — the past doesn’t come back.

Now I am about to lose my job. I can’t push myself even while taking medication. I am living at my parents’ house, only worsening their already fragile health. I was able to help at the beginning, but now I only cause trouble.

I used to be active, knew how to make decisions, and was known as the nicest one among my friends. I lost them all because of my fault and because of this terrible illness. They all helped me. They did everything for me.

I can’t accept life as it is, and I can’t get myself to move. I know what I need to do to get better, but I am stuck in a loop, only thinking about the past — what I lost and how I am losing the future. No one can stand me anymore, and I feel very alone.

I take medication and go to therapy, but nothing seems to sink in. I feel a huge emptiness.

I lost the love of my life — she got tired. I had a good job and earned good money, but I sabotaged the chances I had.

Does anyone relate to this? I need to talk to someone. Any experience or help would mean a lot to me.

I have voluntarily admitted myself to a clinic before, but when I left, I couldn’t maintain the routine. I am thinking about going back, no matter how horrible it feels.

I believe in God, but it all depends on me, and I have been stuck for four months since my last hospitalization.

I lost everything. Please help me. Talk to me. Despite all this, I have a good heart and I am lost. I don’t know what to do.

I’m thinking about going back to the clinic because I’ve lost control out here. It’s horrible, but it feels safer than staying at home like this — motionless, lying down, while life goes on, everyone living and I’ve stopped.

Sorry for the confusing text. I am in crisis and need to decide whether or not to go back to the clinic, because I depend on my work health insurance. I’m a programmer and I can’t even open a code file anymore.

Please, help me.

I used to had many hobbies. Many things that always caught my attention. Now I’m just an empty shell. I keep bringing books with me with the hope that I’ll find a way to be able to read them again but I don’t. I cook to survive. Sometimes I just spend time by being numb and I keep watching random videos on YouTube. I don’t feel anything. I feel just miserable because the time passes so slowly

Im struggling a lot to get out of bed and eat and really spiraling into negative thoughts like how to hurt myself, would anyone even notice im gone, I think about it at least once every day. I feel like I can’t deal with the unpredictability of my emotions. I could be having a good day where i go out with friends and do something fun and then come back home and a wave of depression washes over me. Its so fucking tiring and entirely exhausting how all consuming it is to manage my depression. I hate how sneaky it is, when im almost convinced i do enough for myself something comes along to prove im not good enough. I can never win. When i do feel happy, i stop myself from enjoying it because i know it’ll be gone soon. Happiness is too fleeting for life to be worth it.

There's nothing wrong with my thyroid. CBT and TMS have done nothing for me. I exercise regularly but get nothing out of it. I don't eat grapefruit. I don't drink or do weed. I spend time regularly with my friends. The only thing I don't do is get enough sleep so that feels like the last thing available to me, but I find it inconcievable that that is the missing element when I've been fine without it in the past

I'm not sure what other options are available

posted here some years ago, now I'm back. I thought I was getting my shit together when I tried to fix my life by studying again and getting my social life back, now I'm back. Went through 4 years of school to get right back on my feet, but as I am in my college life right now M22, I quit again. I really don't want it, despite all the thinking and thought of disappointment holding me back, I've been drinking nonstop everyday for the past 3 weeks and I think I'm addicted to cocaine. FUCK THIS SHIT. I have all the resources to last me a lifetime but I can't seem to grasp the life that is "RIGHT". Too much self awareness, too much overthinking.

not literally, but the loneliness is getting worse by the day. if it wasn't for my parents, i don't see the point of staying alive im literally worthless and dont provide value to a single person. i dont even have a person to talk to i only have reddit. i used to think i regressed but this has just always been me there is nothing to live for im just a jester

I'm 23M and for years I've been lonely and depressed and nothing changes. I was diagnosed late with Asperger's and ADD. I have 0 irl friends. I'm stuck in life. I went to college and it sucked so I quit. Then being out of college for like 3 years sucked too because yknow, I have nothing. Then going back to college like going back to a toxic ex (not like I have any exes, I'm a forever alone loser). I just exist on autopilot, watching as others drown in joy while I die of thirst. If only euthanasia was legal and available in my country. Unfortunately I see absolutely no escape out of my disgusting personalized hell. When I try I get nothing, when I don't I get nothing. YouTube and video games can't replace human interaction forever. Believe me I've tried for years. I live in an irrelevant shithole with nothing to do so even if I wanted to treat myself by myself I have nothing. Sigh... well idk wtf this post is supposed to do but if anyone reads it thanks ig.

I still don’t fully believe that I am depressed. I always just assume it is because I am autistic. I dont know.

Every so often it feels as though more pieces of myself start fading away. I feel like I am approaching 0. Nothing.

I never had many interests, nor have I ever remembered having dreams or ambitions, even as a kid. I never look towards the future, nor do I look back at the past.

But now? There is even less to me. It has progressed the past 10 years, steadily.

I am not miserable. I am content with life and I find joy in small things like squishy foods or the air after a rain.

But I think nothing. I may feel, but I do not know what I feel. And whatever I do feel is so blunted..

I have no dreams, no desires, no hobbies or interests. I watch no TV or shows. I do not find pleasure in listening to music. I eat the same exact 2 meals each day: peanut butter sandwich, and beans with fruit and milk.

I have no friends. I do not play video games. I do not look forward to anything. Sometimes I look forward to eating my next peanut butter sandwich.

I occasionally get the urge to drive when the air is pleasant and humid. When I am very sad, I want to pet birds. But I have recognized that birds are entirely different from humans and there can exist no healthy connection between the two, and now that feeling has died. I love birds so much. I know nothing about them and dont care to but I think I love them so much. I think.

That is all there is to me.

I have no interests in relationships, In connection. I am not sad that I have never had friends before. I am not sad at all. I cry once per month. I cry at the idea of losing my family, and that is all. I love them.

If I did not have my daily routines or the concern of my parents I would not eat or drink water. I do not care for myself. I hardly brush my teeth or brush my hair.

But I am not sad, I am not miserable, I am entirely empty.

My last therapist told me she could not help me because I had no problems to solve, because I do absolutely nothing and desire even less.

If I had a billion dollars, I would not change anything. I would do nothing.

Is there any kind of solution to this?? I still do not want to believe this is depression, that maybe my brain is just structured differently and I am some sort of alien.

Im only considering that maybe, I deeply need help. But I dont think there exists any help for me. And I am okay with that.