Tried to "end myself" in Jan. 2022 and told no one
I, 26M, tried to end my life in 2022 by head-on car crash.
Into a pillar beneath a bridge.
I was driving about 60-80km/h - not sure what it is in miles per hour.
I survived.
Wrecked my car.
Only suffered 2 compression fractures in my upper back, and a cracked collarbone, as well as a massive concussion - not sure how I survived though.
I am not religious - but even some part of me believes some form of intervention had to have taken place, considering the small amount of injuries.
I told my parents, and everyone else, that I heard a popping sound near one of the front wheels and lost control of the car.
I have struggled with this "thing" since about 2014/15, and only acted on it in 2022.
It has not gone away, even when I tried everything I could.
This "darkness" won't go away(not to sound dramatic).
I am not actively suicidal, just struggling...
I guess I am making this post to get it off my chest, as I know my parents won't be able to handle it, and neither will my friends.
My friends are the type of people who think depression and suicide are "weaknesses and sins".
They are good people, but yeah...
My Dad is also a great person, but he also has his own beliefs around these things, and will also not be a trusting ear to tell or supportive shoulder to lean on...
And it will just kill my mother emotionally, I know...
I just have this insane guilt for what I have done, and for lying about it.
I won't tell them, ever.
I know that may be selfish of me, but I know what the consequences will be for the people around me, especially my mother.
And that is not something I can bear.
The whole thing kind of ruined me financially, and the car was passed down to me from my grandfather who passed away a few years before in 2019.
Thank you for reading :-)