I feel like he died because of me, and I've carried that for two years and still continue to feel this way.
I met him on Reddit. We didn’t really know much about each other’s real lives, but we still got really close. We used to talk a lot and share almost everything. He was a very innocent, sensitive, emotional kind of person… and somewhere along the way, it turned into love.
But I rejected him. I didn’t give him any reason. I just didn’t want to get into explanations, so I ended it like that. I didn’t block him immediately though.
One day he called me. I didn’t pick up because I thought he’d try to explain things or convince me. He called again, and that time I was already stressed with work, got annoyed, and just blocked him everywhere.
After that, he never tried to contact me again.
A week later, I started feeling weird about it. Like… why didn’t he even try once more? I got worried and tried calling him, but he didn’t answer. That’s when I started panicking a bit. We didn’t have any mutuals, so I had no easy way to find out anything.
Somehow I managed to trace him… and that’s when I found out he died.
He took his own life the same night he called me.
He left a note for his family and friends. My name was in it too. He wrote about how much he loved me.
Since then, I haven’t been okay. I cried a lot. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to his house or face his family. I had no one to talk to about this. I still don’t.
Life just doesn’t feel normal anymore. I don’t feel like doing anything.
I don’t even know if this is my fault or not… but I keep thinking the same thing again and again, what if I had just picked up that call?
I walked away without giving him a reason… and he left this world without giving me one.
i don't deserve this karma 🥹 i don't want to live in this guilt