3 years of depression, Lost everything, need help and advices, please, need to talk with someone
Sorry for the bad english, i am from Brazil, ALL my frinds and family do everything for me, and i cant get out of this.
Hello friends,
I have been in treatment for severe depression for three years. I’ve tried many medications and had some improvements, but I end up having terrible relapses, like drug relapses.
I am 35 years old. I used to have a happy life and be independent. I had two long relationships, and I ended up losing both because of my difficulty in making decisions. I burn bridges and then regret it, but people don’t come back — the past doesn’t come back.
Now I am about to lose my job. I can’t push myself even while taking medication. I am living at my parents’ house, only worsening their already fragile health. I was able to help at the beginning, but now I only cause trouble.
I used to be active, knew how to make decisions, and was known as the nicest one among my friends. I lost them all because of my fault and because of this terrible illness. They all helped me. They did everything for me.
I can’t accept life as it is, and I can’t get myself to move. I know what I need to do to get better, but I am stuck in a loop, only thinking about the past — what I lost and how I am losing the future. No one can stand me anymore, and I feel very alone.
I take medication and go to therapy, but nothing seems to sink in. I feel a huge emptiness.
I lost the love of my life — she got tired. I had a good job and earned good money, but I sabotaged the chances I had.
Does anyone relate to this? I need to talk to someone. Any experience or help would mean a lot to me.
I have voluntarily admitted myself to a clinic before, but when I left, I couldn’t maintain the routine. I am thinking about going back, no matter how horrible it feels.
I believe in God, but it all depends on me, and I have been stuck for four months since my last hospitalization.
I lost everything. Please help me. Talk to me. Despite all this, I have a good heart and I am lost. I don’t know what to do.
I’m thinking about going back to the clinic because I’ve lost control out here. It’s horrible, but it feels safer than staying at home like this — motionless, lying down, while life goes on, everyone living and I’ve stopped.
Sorry for the confusing text. I am in crisis and need to decide whether or not to go back to the clinic, because I depend on my work health insurance. I’m a programmer and I can’t even open a code file anymore.
Please, help me.