Worthless girl
i am a 27y girl, deeply alone. I lack substance and personnality. I feel like I was bullied all my life, firstly as a kid because i was ugly, then i got pretty with time and now i am one of those empty girls that only relies on her look, but people arent interested in me because i have nothing to say, i dont speak and they resent me for it.
i always was the "quiet" one, the "mysterious" one but that was just because of my looks. Now i understand that there is nothing in me. I am just an empty shell. I am in art school and i suck at making art. I realize that i don't know myself outside of others impressions of me. I am incapable of being assertive, even though i have a lot of violence in me, I hit myself, scream and cry a lot because i am so pathetic.
I hate myself so much that i dont even know who i am beside that, its like my whole personnality.
I didnt have friends before being 18years old because i was not social. Its like I dont know how to behave socially around people, for example I don't know how to answer questions about me and how to make others happy when they speak to me.
I don't know why I am still on earth, honestly i am so clueless. I have no worth and it's getting hard to wake up everyday in this absurd situation.
I have no family, no friends, and i tried very hard to get something done with my life, I changed of city 3 times and nothing changed. I am so lonely and I cant take it anymore