r/TwoHotTakes

We've been married for 2 months and suddenly my ex was the topic for a month now. I have no idea why this came up in the first place (probably popped up on Instagram). My wife has been really pissed off, she said she's disgusted by me dating this low class woman.

For background, my ex came from a poor family. She is now earning quite well. She had some habits that I didn't like that's why I broke up with her.

My wife is from an upper middle class family. She's been top student from kindergarten to University. She earns higher than my ex. She is a woman who always improve herself.

I came from a middle class family. Earning well too. I am a stubborn guy though.

They never met, I barely told my wife anything about my ex.

She has been on/off about this topic, threatening divorce, or seeing other men that is of "higher" quality than me just because she thinks my ex is low class. She said she's disgusted by me that I even considered to date that woman. She doesn't want me to touch her or even be near her. I am going crazy, I can't do anything because it's in the past. She's saying I don't understand her. What is it exactly that I don't understand? I am confused. I also don't want the divorce. I have also said if she's jealous and she got even more angry and said it's confirmed that I don't understand her. What am I actually missing?

I have a psychiatrist appointment because I don't know if I have mental health problems now.

Any advice.

I saw this meme on TikTok saying modern dating requires you to ask variations of the question ‘are you single?’ on dating apps, and I started doing this to my matches and I’ve honestly been quite shocked by the results!

Most* matches pass all the variations of the question, but this particular match said ‘He probably likes me but I don’t date men,’ in reply to the question ‘does anyone think they are in a relationship with you?’

I asked him to expand on that, and turns out he’s sleeping with the guy but ‘isnt gay or whatever.’ I said yea I assumed he was bi or pan since he matched with me and I’m a woman. He said he’s not ‘part of the LGBTQ community’ in any way…

He said he isn’t gay because he doesn’t have romantic feelings for men. I introduced him to terms like heteroromantic and heteroflexible but he refused saying he was a straight man but men are easier to sleep with…

It’s one of the most bizarre confessions I’ve had. I could feel the self hatred in his messages and there was nothing I could say to convince this guy that he isn’t fully straight. I literally just spent about 1 hour arguing for no reason.

Help this is happening in real time 😭

I am a new homeowner (F25) and live with my parents and my brother (M15). We bought the house about 3 years ago. edit: I forgot to mention the reason I bring this is up is that we’ve know the guy before we had a house and used to live in an apartment and he never contacted us outside of business

Since my brother and I are grown, we don’t do anything for Easter Sunday, but this year my parents decided to invite my aunt over to our house since she’s the only one on my dads side with little kids.

Now here is the needed context for what we didn’t expect. We have a family business where we handle accounts and stuff for other businesses. One of them is a catering business and the owner has become close to my dad in the sense that when we have events, he’s the first person we contact him to help support his business and also his food is pretty good. From what I know he has one kid (about 10yrs old) Which I found out when he brought him to my cousins bday party at my house (the Kid isn’t the issue at all but that day was MESSY for different reasons the guy was involved in).

OKAY now back to the present moment. He called my dad a few days ago and asked what we were doing for Easter Sunday because his kid wants to come swim in our pool. My dad politely declined and said “we don’t know if we are going to do anything but I will let you know if anything comes up”. This morning my dad got a text from him asking what the plan is for today and my dad said oh well we are actually going to end up at my brothers house and doing a family gathering so I unfortunately won’t be home today. This guy texts back asking for my uncles house address basically inviting himself. My dad is freaking out because he’s to nice to say no and just decided he will leave the message alone for now.

Not even 15 minutes later this dude shows up to our door and my dad answered without checking who it was and awkwardly lets him in. How he got here so fast or what his plan was idk.. we live an hour away from each other. Keep in mind NOBODY is here yet my parents are all sweaty from working on the backyard and he just shows up uninvited. It is very uncomfortable and on top of that he showed up empty handed, like at least bring something??

edit: sorry forgot to mention bc it’s all happening so fast. When my dad let him in he panicked and said that we are moving the party to our house now?? Idk why he did that, he said he doesn’t want the guy to feel bad bc we were lying to him about the party. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyways my dad isn’t confrontational and tbh neither am I and I kind of feel like this dude is taking advantage of that. He makes all of us uncomfortable but we feel bad because it’s not the kids fault that his dad is the way he is, he is just a kid who was told by his dad that he was invited to come swim. What do I do? Has anyone else ever been cornered into a similar situation and if so how did you deal with it?

My bf treats me like a nascar pit stop. He doesn’t prioritize me or our time together. He knew I had a 3 day wknd for Easter. I told him not to work so we could spend time together and have Easter dinner. He impulsively decides to sell his car on Thursday. He then needs to buy a new car before Monday. He wants me to drive him to another city 4.5 hours away on Saturday. I tell him that this was his plan all along without even asking me. I told him I didn’t want to be his first choice for this drive. He finds a ride share to go get the new car. He also doesn’t sleep at all. He goes to the city in the ride share, buys new car and drives back. He stops at my house so I can drive him to work since he doesn’t want to drive his new car. He finishes work at 11pm. He told me he would take the train home. He goes out with a friend for drinks and gets home at 2am. He wakes me up. He snores and I wake him up 3 times. I tell him to put on a breath right strip. I put a breath right strip on him. He takes the breath right strip off in the night. I end up sleeping on the couch. I feel that he is selfish and there was no point in him even coming over this weekend. We spent no quality time together. He also said he would be DND for Sunday but his phone was ringing and dinging in the night waking me up.

Would you put up with this? He often prioritizes his free time over spending quality time with me. We recently had a pregnancy / miscarriage. He didn’t get me any treat / flowers for Easter. It’s a fairly new relationship and it’s making me not feel good. Am I overreacting?

To preface, this is my very first reddit post and english is not my native language.

I (18/f) need a little help with a situation I'm dealing with on the family front. My parents (40/f and 49/m) have been divorced since my younger sister (15/f) and I have been little. Both of them have moved on and have new partners. The problem is my fathers girfriend, (52/f) of almost 10 years. She has been an issue ever since she came into the family. The issues began with hertelling my sister and I lies about our mother and how she kept our father from calling us when we were on vacation.

This caused a giant fight between my parents, causing them to go from amicably coparenting and speaking to one another normally, to going to only speaking through lawyers about the child support and alimony.

Until that point, us kids had absolutely no issue with her. The issues started gradually and got worse. They started with her being overly strict on cleanliness and order. Overly strict meaning, we werent allowed to touch the kitchen cabinets because we would leave behind fingerprints. This was annoying, yet managable. Over the time, both my sister and I noticed, an increasing amount of tantrums/freak outs from her, always in connection to alcohol. With tantrum I mean yelling/screaming, insulting people (mainly my father) and even occasionally throwing things. The worst one I can remember being ast his house for is when she threw wineglasses into the dishwasher so hard, that she broke said dishwasher. All the while she insulted both my sister and I, plus our father. She also regularly threatens to kick my father out of her house.

My father is a very chill man with a "I couldn't care less" attitude. When she has these fits, he usually just laughs it off, saying things like: "yeah,yeah, sure you will" and "whatever you say"

I, on the other hand am not very fond of confrontation. I hate nothing more than people yelling and she quite frankly scares the fuck out of me when she is like that. I pretty much shut down when people yell and cry, since I am very prone to tears.

Another big issue with her is money. She often claimed my mother would unnecessarily use the child support he gives her and even got my father to take my mother to court for it. They didn't win if that matters, the opposite actually because he had to pay the same amount of child support, plus half of every school related expense

That is the reason why for the last two years I have only very rarely seen my father and have only been to his place where his girlfriend is maybe twice. I try to avoid her as much as possible, since she isn't a very pleasant person to be around when she is sober.

I've always felt very guilty about not seeing him as much anymore, since I used to see him every other weekend before and now barely see him 4 times a year. I have always been something of a "daddy's girl", meaning I always got along great with my dad and bonded with him a lot over different things. I love him dearly and wish I could see him more.

So now I would like some opinions from you guys. Should i feel guilty for seeing him less? Should I just suck it up and go see him regardless of his horrid girlfriend? I honestly feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place and would love advice/opinions.

I \[23F\] met Jason, fake names for anonymity cause idk if he’ll see this \[29M\] a few months ago through a mutual friend. I’m new to town and I am starting to set down roots. My friend has been in a relationship for a few years with her boyfriend, and has been trying to help me navigate getting into a relationship as I’ve never had a boyfriend as I’ve always been busy with work,school, personal things, etc. Anyway, I’ve never really been able to approach men in a ‘dating’ sense. My only real interactions have been one night stands, bar PDA, or just dumb frat life things. I’m not used to the whole dating scene.

Well, I met Jason a while ago and I thought we hit it off, but learned he was in an off/on situation with a girl back from where he’s from originally. So I took a step back to meet others, socialize among others, whatever. Things kept always leading back to him, he’d come out to the bars we were at, we’ve hung out a few times now and a few things confused me. He’s expressed some interest but we never got phone numbers or anything.

Cut to now, I got his phone number a while back because we were all thinking about joining a volleyball league. Well, me and my friend went out to a bar with another mutual. This friend had warned me that Jason was not a PDA guy, but mind you, on this excursion, I was drunk as HELL. Not my finest moment, lots of shots, drinks, and dumb crap. We get to the bar we’re meeting them at. It’s loud, cramped, and just kind of a giant mosh pit.

I’m used to these scenes, we get there, he brought to other guys with him. Somehow, in my young party mindset, I think ‘hey, we could totally hit it off tonight’. We strike up a phone texting conversation since it’s too loud to talk. I ask if he wants to kiss/makeout/do ANYTHING. He’s adamant there’s too many people and his friends are there. I’m a persistent drunk, but we end up not doing it. I ask if this is a ‘never’ or ‘not now’ answer. He says ‘not now’. Well after that, about a half hour later we decide we wanna go home since it’s been a long night.

On the drive back, mind you I’m still drunk so remembering it now, I’m embarrassed as hell. I texted him, telling him I was sorry I was forward but I don’t know how else to approach it, and if he wanted to go to the after party it was fine cause I wasn’t gonna go. (Not gonna repeat the whole message, too many spelling errors and embarrassment).

Well, I woke up the next day, saw the notes conversation and the texts, and deleted them all in horror. I totally need to apologize to this guy, but honestly I’m not sure how or if it’s even possible.

I consulted my friend, asking whether I should text an apology or just wait till I see him next. She advised that either is a safe bet, but to be perfectly fair, I believe he deserves an in person apology and possibly a small explanation for them.

My question I guess is whether I should wait to see him again (If I ever do) or just bite the bullet and send a long winded apology he may just delete and never return?

PS. Sorry if this is bad formatting, I’ve always read and seen Reddit stories, but I’ve never posted here before, thanks in advance!

My (25F) best friend (25F) of 15 years was planning a birthday trip for her 25th at the end of March. In the first week of March, she asked a few of us (including me) if we wanted to join. The cost was around £300 for a three-day trip. I had just started a new job after 4 months of unemployment, and while money was tight, I thought I’d manage for her, so I said yes.

Over the next couple of weeks, my situation changed. My parents, who I was partly relying on, said they couldn’t comfortably help anymore due to other expenses. At the same time, I got another job opportunity and interviews were starting mid-March. This meant taking time off for interviews and then more leave for the trip- during my first month at work. Given how work culture is here, I didn’t want to risk looking unreliable if things didn’t work out.

With finances and work both becoming issues, I decided to back out. I told her about two weeks before the trip—nothing had been booked yet, but it was close to when she needed to. I had been keeping her in the loop throughout, and when she needed a final answer, I politely declined.

She offered to cover my share so I could pay her back later, and others did too, which was kind, but I wasn’t comfortable with that. More importantly, taking leave from work was still a problem. I also didn’t want to delay her plans, so I stepped out, even though I knew it might affect the group booking.

After declining on call, I sent her a long message apologising and explaining everything again. She replied, “I don’t feel like talking. Let’s talk later.” I respected that and gave her space.

A week passed—no response. I texted “hello”—no response. A few days later, I called. She didn’t pick up, just texted, “I don’t feel like talking, I’ll reach out when I’m ready.”

In the meantime, she planned a trip somewhere else. Granted, it wasn’t the same place, but still a hilly area with a forest reserve—exactly the kind of trip she wanted. They went, and I got to know through her friend’s stories. I called her at 12 on her birthday to wish her. It was awkward, and I wasn’t even sure if she’d take my call, but she did.

It’s now the first week of April. My sister had an art event today, and she came with her mum (they’re close to our family). We didn’t talk about any of this, just kept things cordial.

To be fair, I’ve reached out multiple times now, and I’ve left the ball in her court because she’s the one not ready to talk. But this whole time, I’ve been feeling really angry. It’s not like I backed out to ruin her birthday—why would I ever want to miss a trip with my friends, especially my BFFs birthday? I have massive FOMO, and I still dealt with it because other things had to take priority.

This silent treatment has left me feeling anxious, drained, and overthinking everything I said or did. It’s also making me question what this friendship means to her—that she would punish me for having genuine reasons. I’m just angry at this point.

Do i deserve this silent treatment and anxiousness that comes with it? Am I the one in the wrong here? I genuinely want to know, because I’m done thinking this through myself.

Long time listener, first time poster here. I’m in need of some advice, or literally anything at this point. I don’t really know where to start but here it is. Fake names for obvious reasons.

My mother (f57 Karen) and I (f28) have always had a rocky relationship since my parents divorce. When they split, she moved me across the state to live with her boyfriend (we’ll call him Bill) at age 11, and honestly those were the worst years of my life. I dealt with constant manipulation, emotional, physical and financial abuse. As a child I had to figure out how to survive through a toxic environment with a narcissist for years.

Our lives were a constant cycle of Karen leaving and returning, mixed in with Bill kicking us out, forcing us to stay in hotels for weeks with no where else to go. Bill physically abused both my mother and I on multiple occasions. After a while, the way Bill spoke to her, is the way my mother spoke to me. She slowly began to develop all of his mannerisms. When I was in highschool he choked me in-front of one of my best friends while she was at work. After this she left him for a few years and our mother daughter relationship improved drastically. We were happy and financially stable on our own. However, during this time I became my mothers emotional crutch. She suffered from alcoholism, and became abuse herself. She constantly guilted me about leaving her for better opportunities, often mentioning she has nothing left, she might as well… we all know. But before I knew it, she was hiding who she was talking to and disappearing for days on end. They were getting back together and my mother told me after our lease was up she was moving back in with him. That the invitation was extended to me. I refused.

Within a year of them getting back together, they got married and the abuse immediately continued. She was showing up at my house after he beat her up, saying she didn’t know what to do or where to go. I couldn’t do it anymore. I moved out of state and focused on myself. Started my career, and started my education. While I put boundaries forward to protect myself. I always offered her asylum because he didn’t know where I lived, nor did he have my phone number. She always told me she would leave, but never did.

In ‘22 I met my wife and we started our relationship on a strong base of communication and kindness. We both had our fair share of toxic partners and intentionally went into our relationship with strong motivations to dismantle our toxic traits and bad habits.

My mother and her met a few months into our relationship and saw it for what it was, healthy. She explained to us that she desired that peaceful partnership in her life. About a year later she filed for Divorce and settled into a quiet peaceful life, financially secure on her own. Finally. At that time our relationship was at an all time high, and my wife and her got along so well. I thought Karen had finally really made all the major changes I had been begging for and longing for since I was a kid. There were a few times that she would display behaviors that threw up some red flags, but I would quickly shut it down. I would tell her what behavior specifically I wouldn’t be dealing with, and if she couldn’t respect that, here was a boundary. She was great for the first 2-3 years of my relationship with my wife. Hell, she even did everything she could for our wedding knowing my father refused to show. It was surprising.

On one of Karen’s holiday visits to our house, she kept talking about how she didn’t know what she was going to do because she still lived in a town where her ex husband was, and she was scared. She told us that he found out where she lived and would show up. She said he left notes on her car outside of work and when she was at the park walking her dog. She wanted to leave but didn’t know where she would move or what would happen. Thinking our relationship was going to continue and be great, my wife suggested she move in with us temporarily. We were struggling financially, and just wanted to catch up after a really hard year. Once we finally got things all figured out, we drove 6 hrs with a trailer to pick up her stuff. We had all agreed to down size, as we were conjoining our two house holds. She did not. And that’s when it all started. She didn’t load anything, she didn’t hire movers, my wife and I did it all. She swore up and down she would do all the unloading once we got to the house, and would only need help with the big stuff. Within an hour of arriving, she started to complain that she was feeling sick because of the car ride and couldn’t move anything. She didn’t go out to unpack any boxes for FOUR DAYS! All while making comments to guilt my wife and I into unloading all of her stuff. Like “oh It really would be nice if I had MY towels but they’re all packed away”. We moved her stuff in eventually. The living situation continued to get worse from there. My wife was unexpectedly let go from her job about 3 months in. Karen was quick to say we would figure it out together and she would pay half the rent. A jump from around $600 to $800 a month. (We were splitting three ways to be nice, but she has over half the house. We have our master and living room. She has the extra living room, a bedroom, a bathroom and the spare room turned into her living room).

During this time, my wife took it as an opportunity to start a business she has always wanted to, and had the hopes it would take off rather quickly and it started to. She got her businesses set up and 5 clients all within a month. And still actively applied for any job that she could qualify for in our area (job market is insane here)

Karen consistently bugged my wife about job prospects and how much she was going to get her income back. It started to weigh on her.

Around that time We planned a camping trip to decompress, and Karen came. We did everything for her. It was like having a grown child who got drunk on fireball and almost fell into the fire. Mind you, I grew up pretty country. So she KNOWS how and “loves” to camp. So it was definitely weaponized incompetence. We were upset because we didn’t even get to enjoy ourselves. After we got back from camping, my wife went on a quick trip to go see some family she hasn’t seen in well over a year and enjoy herself. The moment my wife left, Karen did a complete 180. She immediately started acting like she had never said she was going to split rent, and when I tried to stand up and call her out; she gas lit me till I cried. Once I started crying, she just kept laughing at me. I felt like I was so small, and I felt like I was that 13y/old fighting for my life again. The conversation ended with her saying she’s not helping for more than 90 days. When my wife returned, she acted like nothing happened and was beyond fake.

The following months came with multiple conversations about rent because Karen continued to say “oh I didn’t budget for it, can it be late”. My wife had to call her out multiple times because Every time I tried, it was the same thing. My wife obtained a full time job on top of her new business to keep the financial peace but that was as not enough. She started trying to create issues within my wife and i’s relationship by trying to create doubts about me to my wife. She hardly ever cooks, and when she does, it’s horrible. Her cooking has always been good, we grew up in a very culturally vibrant community with the BEST food. But now she says “ I don’t know how to season like you guys”.

She expects dinner when she gets home even though we are all working full time. She got a job here in a similar field to mine and she constantly tries to one up me. She says my job is cake and I have it easy even though I have a masters and 6 years experience in my field. My job is always high stress, and somewhat dangerous.

Before this, she was a secretary at a middle school.

My wife and I have been wanting to move from our area because it is not LGBTQ friendly. I have an active transfer request in the system so that if a spot opens up in the city where we want to go, we are the first ones in line. Once I told Karen about this, she started trying to guilt me not to take it, or will try to talk to me when my wife isn’t home. She will say things trying to get me to tell her she can move with us. I have recently told her that if she continues to live with us, it will ruin our relationship because I don’t believe our relationship was where I thought it was. And her response was, “I’m sorry you feel that way”.

I had to start recording our conversations because she speaks to me completely different than if my wife is around. If I try to recall prior conversations for my wife In front of Karen without a recording, she would gas light me and change the story.

She is incompetent when it comes to caring for our animals and hers, even though she raised me on a ranch with multiple animals. A few months ago I found her dog hours way from death in a pool of blood. I rushed him to the vet and found out it was pancreatitis. She over fed him for a year. She couldn’t even be bothered to pick him up from the vet after an overnight stay because she wouldn’t miss work, even for a lunch break. So I had to pick him up. On top of that? A few months ago We left for a weekend and asked if Karen could watch our dogs. She fed my wife’s first fur baby a bone marrow bone that gave him gastroenteritis, after days of vomiting and refusing to eat my wife took him to the vet. After $1300 and an overnight stay, we never received an apology. Only $200 and she met me at the vet to pick him up after work (while my wife was working) because “he’s grandmas boy”.

There is so much more and this is just a very small portion of it. We are struggling with our mental health and do not know what to do. Her victim complex is so bad, it makes any conversation like this so difficult. Any advice or anything would be appreciated. If there is anything that needs clarification, please ask. We need help.

Hi THT fam, I love the podcast and could really use some advice. <3

I (F35) am in a tough place with my husband (M37). We keep having arguments over small things that escalate, and it usually ends with him saying I need to communicate better and have a nicer tone. I’m trying to work on that, and I can admit I’m not perfect, but he feels like I keep failing and letting him down. I understand some of his perspective, but I often feel like the reactions are way bigger than the situation.

Example: last night we were watching a nature documentary after the kids went to bed. He suddenly brought up an issue with it that felt kind of like a conspiracy theory discussion. I said I didn’t feel like getting into something intense that late and just wanted to relax. He felt dismissed and said we never have time to talk as a couple. I said we could talk about it another time, just not right then. We went to bed without resolving it.

In the morning, he said I could’ve just given him a few minutes to speak. I agreed and apologized, saying I’d try to be more open. But when I tried to explain how it felt from my side (that it caught me off guard and shifted the mood), he got upset and said I was derailing the conversation again and repeating the same mistakes. He said our communication issues are my fault, that I don’t understand context, and that things aren’t improving. I ended up crying and he walked away.

Later, I tried to fix things, but he said it’s on me to solve. He told me he’s at a breaking point, that this is a dealbreaker, and that I’m “in debt” to him for how I’ve made him feel. I said that doesn’t feel like a healthy dynamic, but he basically said “take it or leave it” and that he’s waiting for me to make it up to him.

This kind of situation has happened many times over our ~15 years together, and in the past year he’s threatened to leave several times. In between, things are loving and normal.

I feel really confused about what I’m doing wrong and how to fix this. I just want a peaceful, healthy relationship. Any perspective would mean a lot.

A few years ago my bd wife adopt my daughter. It was a really hard decision but ultimately it was for the best. They promised me they would still keep me as a friend on fb so I can’t still see pictures and get to watch her grown up just no contact. But after everything was final they deleted all pictures of her and now mark out her face when they do post her. They’re doing it so I can’t see her, I know I have no right to be upset but it still hurts.

TW : mentions drinking

Little bit of a background, myself and my partner (both F34) are poly and have been going to this café/bar for the past couple weeks on Friday. We've have been meeting up with a (my partner's mutual) friend, "Z" (F30's unsure actual age), along with other people in a social setting. My partner and her are close, and I'm getting to know her, chat, flirt, etc. Note: while at the café/bar, I DO get a little drunk, and my partner is always the DD.

Today, "Z" (the friend) invited me over to her place to hang out and spend time together, completely sober. We chatted a little bit and then she started to make out with me. I admit I had kissed her a couple times at the bar, but again, as a little drunk. Now, being completely sober, I wasn't as into it as I thought I would be, made up an excuse and left. How do I nicely tell "Z" I'm not actually that into her, without hurting her feelings too much? This was the first time we've hung out, just the two of us in a more private setting.

Hi all, I’m currently writing this as I lie in bed at 0600 am because my bf just left for work and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep because I’m so anxious. I’m just writing here because I’m incredibly sad and scared and I don’t know if I even need advice or just to vent or what.

For context, my bf (25) and I (29 f) met over 3 years ago. We met working at volunteer EMS agency and we were often work partners for 911 shifts and worked many events together. We then became involved in leadership at the agency at the same level and went through all the learning curves associated with that. He became one of my best friends and eventually we started dating a year later. We have been together for almost over 2 years now and have been living together for a year of that. He’s wonderful and I love our life together. We have our dream house albeit a rental, with a dog and a huge yard. We live in a town we love with both of our families in relatively close proximity (mine 1 hour away, his about 2). We work for a different agency now but at the same place (no longer working directly with each other though) so we get to see each other at work on occasion and have mostly similar schedules with many long periods of days off (up to 3 days off at a time) and have a shared friend group. We travel, we have shared hobbies, we play video games together, we cook, we walk our dog, we basically try to spend as much time together as we can. Because of our work schedules we often can go days without seeing each other at all or for no more than an hour before bed. That sometimes bothers us but we have hobbies and I have friends to fill the gap, he’s sadly currently in a friend deficit at the moment though because many of his friends recently moved for grad school but he visits with his family often. All in all, we have a pretty good life.

The problem is he has had an extremely difficult time getting into med school the last few years, I don’t know why tbh, if it’s because of his interviews or maybe his personal statement were lacking, because he had great stats and years of research + clinical experience. But he’s grown immensely and this year he finally got an acceptance and I am so proud of him. He’s excited but the problem is that it’s almost 5 hours away in another state. He’s been waitlisted at 2 schools in our area but we’re not certain he will get off those waitlists based on previous years. If not, our entire life as we know it will be flipped upside down. It was already going tough if he got accepted at his top choice just down the road because I will also be starting a masters program and working full time in the Fall, but now things feel impossible.

I can’t move because of school at least until after I graduate in 2 years. Plus his school will be in a small town quite literally in almost the middle of nowhere which won’t be great for me, I’m very social and like to go out. We’re so established here and have many friends and connections in the area and my goal was to stay here to become involved in public health initiatives in the area which I have already become somewhat involved with and am working toward building connections for. I’m basically at a loss. I feel like my entire life is essentially about to be blown up, if he moves we will have to move out of our current house, which we absolutely adore because I can’t afford to pay his half of rent. And the future we started to imagine, kids, grandchildren, buying a home, getting a second dog, and so on is slipping further away. He never thought he would get into med school and was likely going to stay in the area to complete a phd so we had kinda planned as such. We’re also a little older (26 and 29), so the prospect of being long distance and waiting effectively until I’m nearly 40 to start a family with him going through school + residency + fellowship is daunting (I have some health problems that may affect my fertility even now).

I love him so much and for a while was even in disbelief that such a talented, caring, kind, intelligent, and beautiful man would pick me and love me as much as he does. I want the best for him and he has so many ideas and ambitions I think he will truly make the world a better place as a doctor. I can’t ask him to stay for me but I’m afraid distance just won’t work, neither of us are great with texting, he’s never on his phone, and we both just don’t get the same emotional fulfillment from texting or calling as we do face to face. I’m just scared. He broke down in tears last night because I told I’m I was afraid that he would end up being my “the one that got away” because I didn’t know if we could do the indefinite long distance. I’ve been crying all morning since he left for work. It makes me scared and sad when I think about this summer and what will happen to us. I just wish I met him sooner so we would have had more time to live together. Anyway, I’m sorry this is incredibly long. I just needed somewhere to write this all out.

TLDR; the love of my life was admitted into med school out of state and I’m so proud of him, but can’t move with him due to school and possibly due to my own future career and I don’t know if I can’t do long distance for potentially 4+ years. I don’t know what to do.