Best friend wont talk to me because I couldn’t go for a vacation with her.
My (25F) best friend (25F) of 15 years was planning a birthday trip for her 25th at the end of March. In the first week of March, she asked a few of us (including me) if we wanted to join. The cost was around £300 for a three-day trip. I had just started a new job after 4 months of unemployment, and while money was tight, I thought I’d manage for her, so I said yes.
Over the next couple of weeks, my situation changed. My parents, who I was partly relying on, said they couldn’t comfortably help anymore due to other expenses. At the same time, I got another job opportunity and interviews were starting mid-March. This meant taking time off for interviews and then more leave for the trip- during my first month at work. Given how work culture is here, I didn’t want to risk looking unreliable if things didn’t work out.
With finances and work both becoming issues, I decided to back out. I told her about two weeks before the trip—nothing had been booked yet, but it was close to when she needed to. I had been keeping her in the loop throughout, and when she needed a final answer, I politely declined.
She offered to cover my share so I could pay her back later, and others did too, which was kind, but I wasn’t comfortable with that. More importantly, taking leave from work was still a problem. I also didn’t want to delay her plans, so I stepped out, even though I knew it might affect the group booking.
After declining on call, I sent her a long message apologising and explaining everything again. She replied, “I don’t feel like talking. Let’s talk later.” I respected that and gave her space.
A week passed—no response. I texted “hello”—no response. A few days later, I called. She didn’t pick up, just texted, “I don’t feel like talking, I’ll reach out when I’m ready.”
In the meantime, she planned a trip somewhere else. Granted, it wasn’t the same place, but still a hilly area with a forest reserve—exactly the kind of trip she wanted. They went, and I got to know through her friend’s stories. I called her at 12 on her birthday to wish her. It was awkward, and I wasn’t even sure if she’d take my call, but she did.
It’s now the first week of April. My sister had an art event today, and she came with her mum (they’re close to our family). We didn’t talk about any of this, just kept things cordial.
To be fair, I’ve reached out multiple times now, and I’ve left the ball in her court because she’s the one not ready to talk. But this whole time, I’ve been feeling really angry. It’s not like I backed out to ruin her birthday—why would I ever want to miss a trip with my friends, especially my BFFs birthday? I have massive FOMO, and I still dealt with it because other things had to take priority.
This silent treatment has left me feeling anxious, drained, and overthinking everything I said or did. It’s also making me question what this friendship means to her—that she would punish me for having genuine reasons. I’m just angry at this point.
Do i deserve this silent treatment and anxiousness that comes with it? Am I the one in the wrong here? I genuinely want to know, because I’m done thinking this through myself.