BF accepted at out of state school; scared and incredibly sad about possible LDR
Hi all, I’m currently writing this as I lie in bed at 0600 am because my bf just left for work and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep because I’m so anxious. I’m just writing here because I’m incredibly sad and scared and I don’t know if I even need advice or just to vent or what.
For context, my bf (25) and I (29 f) met over 3 years ago. We met working at volunteer EMS agency and we were often work partners for 911 shifts and worked many events together. We then became involved in leadership at the agency at the same level and went through all the learning curves associated with that. He became one of my best friends and eventually we started dating a year later. We have been together for almost over 2 years now and have been living together for a year of that. He’s wonderful and I love our life together. We have our dream house albeit a rental, with a dog and a huge yard. We live in a town we love with both of our families in relatively close proximity (mine 1 hour away, his about 2). We work for a different agency now but at the same place (no longer working directly with each other though) so we get to see each other at work on occasion and have mostly similar schedules with many long periods of days off (up to 3 days off at a time) and have a shared friend group. We travel, we have shared hobbies, we play video games together, we cook, we walk our dog, we basically try to spend as much time together as we can. Because of our work schedules we often can go days without seeing each other at all or for no more than an hour before bed. That sometimes bothers us but we have hobbies and I have friends to fill the gap, he’s sadly currently in a friend deficit at the moment though because many of his friends recently moved for grad school but he visits with his family often. All in all, we have a pretty good life.
The problem is he has had an extremely difficult time getting into med school the last few years, I don’t know why tbh, if it’s because of his interviews or maybe his personal statement were lacking, because he had great stats and years of research + clinical experience. But he’s grown immensely and this year he finally got an acceptance and I am so proud of him. He’s excited but the problem is that it’s almost 5 hours away in another state. He’s been waitlisted at 2 schools in our area but we’re not certain he will get off those waitlists based on previous years. If not, our entire life as we know it will be flipped upside down. It was already going tough if he got accepted at his top choice just down the road because I will also be starting a masters program and working full time in the Fall, but now things feel impossible.
I can’t move because of school at least until after I graduate in 2 years. Plus his school will be in a small town quite literally in almost the middle of nowhere which won’t be great for me, I’m very social and like to go out. We’re so established here and have many friends and connections in the area and my goal was to stay here to become involved in public health initiatives in the area which I have already become somewhat involved with and am working toward building connections for. I’m basically at a loss. I feel like my entire life is essentially about to be blown up, if he moves we will have to move out of our current house, which we absolutely adore because I can’t afford to pay his half of rent. And the future we started to imagine, kids, grandchildren, buying a home, getting a second dog, and so on is slipping further away. He never thought he would get into med school and was likely going to stay in the area to complete a phd so we had kinda planned as such. We’re also a little older (26 and 29), so the prospect of being long distance and waiting effectively until I’m nearly 40 to start a family with him going through school + residency + fellowship is daunting (I have some health problems that may affect my fertility even now).
I love him so much and for a while was even in disbelief that such a talented, caring, kind, intelligent, and beautiful man would pick me and love me as much as he does. I want the best for him and he has so many ideas and ambitions I think he will truly make the world a better place as a doctor. I can’t ask him to stay for me but I’m afraid distance just won’t work, neither of us are great with texting, he’s never on his phone, and we both just don’t get the same emotional fulfillment from texting or calling as we do face to face. I’m just scared. He broke down in tears last night because I told I’m I was afraid that he would end up being my “the one that got away” because I didn’t know if we could do the indefinite long distance. I’ve been crying all morning since he left for work. It makes me scared and sad when I think about this summer and what will happen to us. I just wish I met him sooner so we would have had more time to live together. Anyway, I’m sorry this is incredibly long. I just needed somewhere to write this all out.
TLDR; the love of my life was admitted into med school out of state and I’m so proud of him, but can’t move with him due to school and possibly due to my own future career and I don’t know if I can’t do long distance for potentially 4+ years. I don’t know what to do.