r/ROCD

I feel like my gf has been really mean and abusive recently… she pulled off an all nighter to study for her exams, along with her peers, and I was like, sheesh, not even medical residents work / study that much.

And she was like, eat shit, stop making fun of me (this was towards the end of her all nighter). Idk what happened at that minute but I kind of lost it. I feel she’s been so abusive. She kept trying to deflect it, saying, oh, you did this, that’s why i got angry, i’m on very little sleep, and that I want to make her sad on purpose, because I refused to forgive her, you’re making me lose focus, etc…

She did say sorry, but it’s like the minute i told her no, i won’t accept your apology, it’s like all her remorse dropped.

She’s been saying things like ‘I can’t say anything around you anymore’, talking about about how she wants to go to a male stripping show in front of me ( as a joke, but it was annoying )

If i call her, she’s always studying, or talking to her sister, I never get alone time with her. She never calls me I feel. I feel i’m always the one calling. She also really overdoes the angry princess gf / calm boyfriend trope, so she acts mean towards me, never apologizes, never calls, i’m always right and ur wrong, you have to he obsessed with me ( as a joke, but I told her to stop many times )

I was diagnosed with ROCD but I feel like I’ve been doubting whether this is actually ROCD causing intrusive thoughts or my girlfriend has turned abusive? She was never like this before…..

I used to have an insane amount of ROCD thoughts regarding whether she is good enough for me….

I feel like our relationship has taken a backseat to her studies. I feel all she does is study, talk about studying, panic about studying. It’s become exhausting to be honest.

Hi,Im 24M and i loved my friend of 4 years(F24) and once we got officialy together, Bam! something hit me,i started ruminating on her mistakes, on her past, her behaviour,doubts, honesty.I felt so anxious that if I did not see her everyday I would go crazy,but even if i saw her,then i was stressed because I did not feel love towards her and that made me miss days before relationship.i felt no excitement anymore.even her face became strange and unknown for me(what the hell does that even mean?), I could not do anything but to overthink ab our relationship and especially ab her.Doubts about her honesty was killing me,every little detail,that she was not telling me, was making me crazy and I was numb,stressed and trapped in a relationship,i did not feel well in.But i really adored her before telationship,so what happened?

Does anyone notice if their anxious or obsessive thoughts fluctuate based on their menstrual cycle? I’ve seen a few posts on the luteal phase recently & resonated with the content. Thanks!

I used to scroll through this thread looking for help a few months back, and I feel my story could benefit people who are doing the same. I started dating my partner in the fall of last year. Within 1-2 months, my natural anxiety which I struggle with on lots of other things, took hold of my relationship. My brain had convinced myself that I didn’t love her, when days before I knew I did. It felt so real, I thought out how to break up with her many many times, because I was fully convinced. I spent many a night angry and crying on why I felt this way. Spent many weeks with a horrible feeling in my stomach and in my head, which I’m sure many people can relate to. I ended up finding out what ROCD was and I felt I related to it a lot. I spent so much time trying to figure out why I felt the way I did, and I never had any success. I began therapy, meditation, and stopped other recreations to allow myself to focus on my issue. It wasn’t until about 3 months straight of depression and intense anxiety until one day it clicked why I felt the way I did. A combined onslaught of negative habits, and negative thinking was my answer. I spent many nights smoking weed, staying up late, and scrolling on my phone, which didn’t help my already existing anxiety. I concluded my main cause of the anxiety was my attachment to comparing myself to others. We all see online people discussing falling in love madly with someone and being absolutely infatuated with someone 24/7. I assumed I was supposed to act like this, and pushed myself into a headspace where if I WASNT constantly filled with immense happiness in my relationship, than I wasn’t “truly” in love. Everywhere I looked, this fake “love” was everywhere. In songs, in movies, in TV shows, and it took me so long to understand that comparison was tearing me apart inside. Once I realized this, I started to prioritize what I felt was truly love. It’s not going to be the same for everyone, and a person who isn’t really emotional at all, it took me a long time to figure this out. It took lots of soul searching to figure out what love meant for me personally in my relationship, and ever since late last year, I haven’t had any nervous tendencies or anxiety. I’ll have a worried thought once in a while, but I’ve learned to accept the thought and let it pass. My story isn’t the same as everyone’s, and I know some people suffer far worse and for far longer than I have, I just hope maybe my story can help someone who might possibly share some similarities with me, because I know what it’s like to be so consumed by your thoughts and what you think is “real” in your head.

I’m really struggling right now and just need to get this out. Since I started dating my boyfriend, my OCD has been really tough. It’s not his fault at all. I know that when new experiences happen, my anxiety ramps up. But now I’m so afraid that my body is rejecting him. I’ve had a lot of UTIs, and now sex is starting to hurt, and I also caught a cold.

I want to be clear that I do not reject intimacy at all. I crave it. I love being close to him and I want him all the time. That’s what makes this so confusing and scary for me. I keep seeing posts that link “your body rejecting someone” to being in a bad or abusive relationship, and that is not us at all. He is genuinely the sweetest person and I love him so much. I want a future with him, and I’ll work on all my shortcomings to get that.

I’m just so tired of this cycle because deep down I know I don’t feel that way. If I truly felt like something was wrong, I feel like I would just know instead of constantly overthinking and going in circles. But my OCD makes everything feel extreme and black and white.

A lot of relationship content and TikToks really trigger me and I think that’s what’s happening right now. I just wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced something like this, because I feel really alone in it and I don’t want my OCD to end up affecting something that actually means so much to me.

*TW - self harm and other OCD thoughts*

Delete if not allowed.

Just needed to vent somewhere where other people understand this demon for what it is -

Do you know how hard this is?

Listslistslistlists

So many fucking lists

To do lists

Where-is-my-money going lists

This day my Visa card comes out and in 3 days my car insurance

And then your car insurance comes out in 2 days after that

But we can’t forget the laundry, we have to do that on Sunday

And we don’t have time for anyone else because I have more lists

Lists of the people I wronged today and the people who I annoyed,

Why did I annoy them? Was it because I blushed?

Did I annoy them at all? Is it all in my head?

Why am I a bad person, why can’t I be like the rest?

Laundry, dishes, sweep the floor, clean the litter box. Vacuum.

We have to stay home all day to think about this.

Why did I say that earlier? Why couldn’t I keep from stuttering?

I don’t write down all of these things. Some lists are just for my head.

Tonight I have to pay the WiFi bill, if I don’t write it down I forget.

Cut cut cut. No, we don’t do that anymore, let’s just think about it instead.

You deserve it. No, you don’t.

You never deserved it at all.

Why do I believe her? Who said that? Who is saying this?

I must get these crumbs off the floor. Then the floor will be clean. 1+1=2.

But the voice? 1+1=70 and everything is a possibility. Nothing is off limits with her! Everything exists with her in it.

We can get cancer tomorrow and the next day my whole family will get ALS. And now because I wrote that, they will!

Please keep my family safe, God,

And don’t forget the ice tray in the freezer tomorrow morning.

Keep pushing on that random lump in your neck so the cancer goes away!

Come on, that’s not cancer. Stop it.

Don’t forget to feed the cat. Don’t forget the oil change in 1000 miles.

Don’t forget you hurt that person yesterday and don’t forget that they hate you. Don’t forget everyone knows you’re awkward and can’t talk properly.

Don’t forget that time is moving. Every second is moving forward. There’s no time to be in the present.

It’s a full moon tomorrow, don’t forget to wear your special necklace. Or you’ll have a terrible day.

You can’t forget you’re weak and ridiculous. Remember someone told you that last week?

Was it you or was it me? Who said that?

I don’t know.

I sound crazy!

I’m not crazy. She is me and it is we.

Sometimes we can’t separate the two.

I know who I am without her.

She always comes back and I can’t help but believe her. I lean in to listen.

There’s a threat and she’s just warning me.

Now I live in fear of everything.

Our two scariest things are the pile of laundry and that our whole family is going to die. The third is that I have always had cancer and I just don’t know it and I’m waiting to die.

She is the cancer!

And I can’t differentiate the threat. It’s all the same. It all feels like terror.

The dishes and my cancer feel just the same to me. I can fix the first by making sure they’re done and I can fix the second by praying or googling or visually cutting myself because no you don’t have cancer you fucking idiot why do you think that?

When she’s gone, though, and it’s just me,

I can see again,

But right now I don’t need a lecture, it would be a favor if you could just rip out her thoughts instead and shred them up!

What other way is there? I’ve tried them all and then I end up stuck again. No one wants to listen to me.

I just sound delusional and maybe I am. I want someone to love me unconditionally no matter what because that is a promise and a certainty.

Did you say sorry earlier? Yes, I said sorry twenty six times today. But did they hear it?

Saying sorry always fixes everything.

If I say sorry the problem is fixed. If I don’t say sorry I am bad.

I am in constant fight or flight because of her. I always said I wanted another brain.

I always thought of every possibility of every occurrence and which way it could go. Up right left down diagonal loopdy loop I have thought of every direction!

So much so that it keeps me stuck. In the same spot. Afraid to do anything or leave my house.

Do you know how hard this is? When your very being convinces you that every choice you make is the wrong one?

Let me start by saying I know this isn’t directly tied into rocd but it is truly impacting my relationship and I’m unsure what to do and just need advice please.

Me and my boyfriend are highschool sweethearts and have been together for 5 years. When we first started dating contamination ocd was not something I struggled with, however over the past 2 years I have slowly developed it and it’s becoming more severe with time..

Everyday I believe I’m going to get a cold sore. I’ve never had one, nor has my partner. I’ve had this fear for 2 years but it significantly became more severe after I get impetigo on my lip in October. Since then I’ve spiraled and I can’t even touch my lips, I have panic attacks and ruminate about my lips everyday and it’s made the thought of kissing or doing anything sexual feel like something dangerous and wrong. I’m so scared of developing a cold sore and spreading it to him. Due to this I have completely stopped initiating anything sexual and it’s been months since weve really done anything. Everyday I’m living in fear.

We are long distance at the moment due to me going out of state for school so we see eachother every few months and since the last time I’ve seen him my ocd has gotten worse.

The part I need advice on is due to medical neglect from my mom growing up I never was able to receive a proper diagnoses and I can’t afford therapy now so I’m not officially diagnosed. I’m so embarrassed about my thoughts that I never tell him about any of this so I feel like he wouldn’t understand. I’m not sure how to tell him, I feel like he would think I’m exaggerating. Please let me know what to do.

Hey everyone. I don’t post often, but when I do it’s because I feel like I owe it to this community. You were here during my worst stretch — early 2024 — and I want to keep showing up with the honest version of how things are going, not just the highlight reel. This may be a bit more negative than my previous posts, but I just want to document that healing is not linear. And I’m still happy.

So here’s where I’m at: I’m engaged (mentioned in my last post). We’re living together. We just got a puppy.

From the outside, that probably looks like a life going beautifully. And in many ways it is. But ROCD doesn’t really care about that. If anything, it sees all those things and goes oh good, more material.

The puppy has been a surprise trigger in ways I didn’t fully anticipate. We were genuinely excited — still are — but extra responsibility creates real strain sometimes. And my brain has latched onto that strain and done what it does. Is this right? What if this doesn’t work out? What if I’m making a mistake I can’t undo? The permanency thoughts. The ones that also show up when I think about kids someday, about building a life with someone, about any decision that feels like it closes other doors.

That’s the theme for me right now: permanency. And learning to sit with it instead of solve it.

Therapy is still going, still necessary. Having someone who understands OCD and can call out my compulsions — including the subtle mental ones — has been irreplaceable. ERP is still hard every single time and does not get comfortable, but I’ve gotten better at trusting that I can tolerate it. Letting the scary thoughts be there without neutralizing them, without reassurance-seeking, without replaying conversations looking for proof. Just letting the discomfort exist and doing life anyway.

ACT has helped too — defusion especially. Learning to see a thought as just a thought. Not a verdict. Not a signal I need to act on. My brain is telling me I might be making a mistake. Okay. Noted. Moving on.

And then there’s sitting with uncertainty, which is the hardest to explain but the most important. It means genuinely accepting — not as a mantra but as a real practice — that it might not work out. That I cannot know. That no amount of mental checking will produce certainty. And slowly, slowly, learning to be okay with that. To love someone and choose them anyway, without a guarantee. Mindfulness pulls me back to right now when the spiral starts — not the hypothetical future where everything goes wrong, but right now, where there is a puppy doing something ridiculous and a person I love next to me.

I’m not “better” in the way I used to hope I’d be — like ROCD just disappears and you feel normal. It’s more that I’m different. I understand what’s happening when it hits. I don’t believe it as automatically. I have tools. I have a therapist. I have a partner who doesn’t know every detail of this war in my head but who is here.

Early 2024 me would not believe this is my life now.

If you’re in the thick of it right now — the worst of it — I just want you to know that things can change. Not perfectly. Not permanently. But they can genuinely change.

Hang in there.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​❤️

My boyfriend the other day said if I have intrusive thoughts of having sex with other men he would break up with me I’ve had many intrusive thoughts of men but I struggle to see men sexually if he knew this would he leave me I don’t care about other men then I said but they are intrusive thoughts I can’t help them if I have them I said would you break up with me over thoughts I don’t like and he said no it’s frustrating I hope he understands

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months now. We met in highschol and we had undeniable chemistry but were just friends, since I had a boyfriend at the time. I never liked my ex and was just in the relationship because I wanted a bf ( terrible ik). After we broke up i would yearn for my current boyfriend but he had a girlfriend. We didn’t talk for two years then he texted me and we rekindled. When we started talking I was talking to a guy at the time which ended because he called me a bich.

While my current bf and I were talking I told him from the beginning that I would only consider a future if he were Christian and don’t want to lead him on if he doesn’t believe in God (just my standards wouldn’t try to convert someone against their will). We kept talking and he asked me to be his girlfriend and ignored my request. I told him it wouldn’t work then he had a crazy encounter with God and followed Jesus on his own will while we weren’t together.

I have terrible anxiety and think o have relationship ocd, so I’m always overthinking if we will work out, if I love him, and all the small things he does. He is definitely more affectionate than I am but I just don’t know how to know whether to stay in the relationship. Wrote a tl dr

Hi everyone,

I’m (20f) not diagnosed with ROCD, but I had OCD before (hygiene-related) and went into remission after therapy and meds. I’ve been in a (for me first) relationship for about 2 months, and from the beginning I’ve had constant doubts about whether I love my boyfriend or if we’re compatible.

One big issue is different religious views, different humour (?). I still enjoy being with him, we have fun, I feel attached to him, and I do feel affection (and I doubt even now. I think "I made a mistake and forced me into the relationship because I am a people pleaser and don't want to feel alone). But I’m extremely anxious and unstable about my feelings. I’ve had moments of certainty, but now I constantly think about breaking up and can’t stop the thoughts. They feel rational and real.

He knows I’m doubting the relationship (I try to be honest with him because it was always a problem for me to be honest about my feelings with other people aside my family). Right now I cry every day and feel very trapped in my head.

We’re also in exam season, which makes everything worse. I’ve been trying not to check my feelings, but I feel completely lost again. I don’t know if this is ROCD or real incompatibility, or both. I just feel really overwhelmed and confused.

The main question for me now is how do I behave and respond to my boyfriend when he says: I want a future with you, you are perfect for me, I love you. I want to cry when hear it

For the last 2 weeks i’ve been having major mental issues. I’m doubting my relationship every single day even tho it’s healthy and my boyfriend is perfect. I’m also experiencing a huge urge to leave him, whenever something feels off. Which gives me so much anxiety when thinking about it. It feels like leaving him will fix all my problems when i know it’s not the right thing to do. Everytime this happens i try to calm myself by googling my doubts it feels like i’m obsessed with it. The same thing happened at the beginning of our relationship which led to us breaking up. I don’t want this to happen again because i feel like he’s good for me and i like him a lot. Does this sound like ROCD?

I really want to trust my partner again and return to the playful and confident person I showed up as. I miss how beautiful and happy our relationship was. I can’t show up that way anymore and am frequently weighted down with sadness, rumination and doubts. He didn’t cheat on me but it was more like a series of paper cuts over a couple of months - frequent lying, hiding things, deleting things. These almost always had to do with other girls (or cam girls on the internet). I now feel I am triggered so easily and I’m hyper-vigilant and even a little paranoid. It’s almost like I look for evidence because that’s how I’ve always found things out, because I couldn’t trust him to be truthful about things. He’s a wonderful person and kind and funny and we get along incredibly otherwise. He just has this tendency to hide/lie/shut down/people please to avoid conflict or fear of hurting me/stressing me out/making me angry. But of course this is worse and it’s caused an awful cycle between us.

We’re about to start couples therapy and it feels like we are both walking on egg shells around each other and there’s some tension. I think we both feel unhappy. I am hurting so much and I want things to work, but I don’t know HOW to trust him again when there have been so many things that have disrupted that. Ultimately you can never know everything about another person and trust/love is an act of faith, I just can’t get there. I’m stuck. Does anyone know what has worked for them or have any insights or suggestions?

Repost (no responses the first time 🥲)

I met up with a friend today who is married with two children and has always been extremely positive & protective of her relationship. She has shared that their communication has been easy from the beginning and they haven’t really had conflict & are also not conflict avoidant. Even though I can’t see behind closed doors, I’ve never seen an inkling of disagreement as they’re both truly easygoing people.

I had to cancel friends with this friend last year because my boyfriend & I were in one of our bad pursue-withdrawal cycles. I felt so much shame & embarrassment because I told her why we couldn’t attend and she brought it up today since I haven’t seen her in a year. When I was talking to my boyfriend tonight, I’ve been so anxious and triggered that this even happened in our relationship. It’s causing thoughts of wanting to break up, we’ve been to couples counselling & are doing a lot better but we have struggled with conflict resolution. When we are escalated, I get very anxious and pursue and he tends to become cold and withdraw and this can lead to hurtful comments. Which is why there’s both a real issue & ROCD. I tend to overthink everything. And I’m just feeling down tonight after hearing about her and others relationships.

its the worst theme ever, and it came back after years. My ex comes to my mind at everything, and i constantly try to ignore it and think about my current bf instead. Having thoughts about my ex drives me insane and makes me feel extremely disgusted, traumatized and insanely guilty. I only want to have thoughts about my partner, i only want to think about him, i only want to love him. Im having constant disgusting and unfaithful thoughts about my ex and current relationship. “what if i still love my ex? what if i miss him? What if i see my current partner as my ex and im using him?”

i feel like a monster. Ocd shit cant be real, i have this for 8+ years and i still cant handle it. I feel like an unfaithful, disgusting partner.

So i was doing better but now i dont anymore i relapsed really bad and just feel real empty and aphatic. I have everyday a feeling that i don’t want my partner anymore even if i dont have reasons to leave, i can t name any reason. I feel so weird and cant stop crying. I know its just anxiety and not my partner itself is just the relationship you know? the concept of being a relationship is so overwelming to me and i dont want to leave to regret later, and being afraid of being in one. i dont know anymore im in 50mg setraline for one month and feel really weird in the begin i was doing better now i feel awful again. Feel like i csnt chose my partner anymore and i dont know why, i really dont know whats happening.

We’ve been together 3.5 years but don’t live together (we both still live at home, no sleepovers allowed).

My boyfriend is on a new 4-on/2-off rotating schedule (4pm–12am), but due to staffing shortages he’s often forced into overnight doubles (12am–8am), especially on weekends. This can mean 16-hour back-to-back shifts, and it’s most likely to happen on weekends, which is when I’m usually free. I work Monday–Friday, 8–4.

Because of this, we now only see each other about 2 times a week for a few hours depending on his shifts and recovery sleep.

Since this change, my ROCD has been triggered a lot. I’m having a tough time adjusting to this. Sometimes it feels like I’m single. I keep having intrusive thoughts like “what if I’d be happier with someone else” or “what if I’m wasting time staying and avoiding the inevitable,” and I can’t tell what’s anxiety vs. actual incompatibility. I don’t want to break up with him over this. I am happy with him otherwise.

Has anyone dealt with ROCD being triggered by a partner’s schedule/work change like this?

i don’t even have shame anymore because i need to get off my chest and actually talk to someone.

this. is the third time this theme has come back and it’s complicated. being afraid i crossed a boundary whilst masturbating. it’s something i developed when i was young bc i don’t watch porn and especially now bc i’m in a relationship but this is eating at me. i was casually scroll things like instragm or tiktok or even youtube whilst masturbating. i guess it was just to have some sort of stimulus in front of my eyes. i’m not seeking people out and the video have never been sexual bc if they were i would’ve scrolled and ive defiantly never searched for people. now I’m at a point where I feel terrified if there was a person in those videos that I thought was attractive, but I have no memory of doing so, but I do feel honestly a little shame for this habit I developed even though my boyfriend has absolutely no issue with it. Can someone please talk with me?