Does anyone notice if their anxious or obsessive thoughts fluctuate based on their menstrual cycle? I’ve seen a few posts on the luteal phase recently & resonated with the content. Thanks!
When I was single, I longed for a relationship. When I was dating, I went through a series of distressing dating experiences that deeply contributed to anxiety & abandonment. Now I’m in a relationship & still, longing for more. I wake up at night anxious about the future, the past. Everything. I recall wondering if I’d ever feel happy after my birthday a few months ago when I was anxious about what my partner would do for me - he was very gracious and made me feel so loved HOWEVER I still felt like it wasn’t ’enough.’ Fast forward, still anxious and unhappy - just in general. I compare my job to others. I wish I had more friends. I’m anxious about living away from home. It’s debilitating. I have therapy tomorrow & have never tried medication. I’ve had anxiety my whole life - it started more existential then focused on health and now it’s very focused on relationships. Just reaching out for any support or potential validation. I feel so stuck, I can’t see a way out of this daily feeling.
Repost (no responses the first time 🥲)
I met up with a friend today who is married with two children and has always been extremely positive & protective of her relationship. She has shared that their communication has been easy from the beginning and they haven’t really had conflict & are also not conflict avoidant. Even though I can’t see behind closed doors, I’ve never seen an inkling of disagreement as they’re both truly easygoing people.
I had to cancel friends with this friend last year because my boyfriend & I were in one of our bad pursue-withdrawal cycles. I felt so much shame & embarrassment because I told her why we couldn’t attend and she brought it up today since I haven’t seen her in a year. When I was talking to my boyfriend tonight, I’ve been so anxious and triggered that this even happened in our relationship. It’s causing thoughts of wanting to break up, we’ve been to couples counselling & are doing a lot better but we have struggled with conflict resolution. When we are escalated, I get very anxious and pursue and he tends to become cold and withdraw and this can lead to hurtful comments. Which is why there’s both a real issue & ROCD. I tend to overthink everything. And I’m just feeling down tonight after hearing about her and others relationships.
Of note, prone to ROCD and relationship anxiety. Anxiously attached. Been together for four years. We’ve had our struggles. But we also have wonderful moments and days and months where I feel truly content and happy. Here’s an example, yesterday, we were babysitting and I spoke about how I can’t wait for that stage and he agreed but wasn’t ’ooey gooey’ I wanted him to look at me and say ‘I can’t wait until your the mother of my children’ or compliment me lots. We had a great time & worked as a great team. But my mind focuses on what doesn’t happen - the moments or days when he’s not overly vocal or when he doesn’t touch me enough. He’s mentioned I tend to focus on what’s not happening and that I can be my own worst enemy (which I don’t disagree with). I just find it really hard to focus on gratitude some days when there are these other moments that I’m like ahh, I want or need more. I’ve expressed that to him. I also think that even if I was with someone super vocal, I’d find something else wrong. Really prone to perfectionism. I want to be able to just enjoy an experience like that but I seem unable to. If anyone here has experienced this, what helped you?
Seeing if anyone else has found helpful techniques for sticky, obsessive thoughts. We can be having a good day and then a neutral activity like cooking reminds me of a time I felt hurt by my partner and then I’m off to the races - either I reassurance seek or I might be critical of him. It’s exhausting. I’ve been in a spiral for weeks now. I was up at 5AM this morning spiralling about how he doesn’t show up enough or how I carry more of the emotional load, the list goes on. Yes we do have real issues and my mind exacerbates them. My partner is supportive but also thinks I miss what’s happening because I’m SO focused on what’s not happening. I’m heavily influenced by other’s relationships and comparison thoughts 😩