I feel trapped
Hi everyone,
I’m (20f) not diagnosed with ROCD, but I had OCD before (hygiene-related) and went into remission after therapy and meds. I’ve been in a (for me first) relationship for about 2 months, and from the beginning I’ve had constant doubts about whether I love my boyfriend or if we’re compatible.
One big issue is different religious views, different humour (?). I still enjoy being with him, we have fun, I feel attached to him, and I do feel affection (and I doubt even now. I think "I made a mistake and forced me into the relationship because I am a people pleaser and don't want to feel alone). But I’m extremely anxious and unstable about my feelings. I’ve had moments of certainty, but now I constantly think about breaking up and can’t stop the thoughts. They feel rational and real.
He knows I’m doubting the relationship (I try to be honest with him because it was always a problem for me to be honest about my feelings with other people aside my family). Right now I cry every day and feel very trapped in my head.
We’re also in exam season, which makes everything worse. I’ve been trying not to check my feelings, but I feel completely lost again. I don’t know if this is ROCD or real incompatibility, or both. I just feel really overwhelmed and confused.
The main question for me now is how do I behave and respond to my boyfriend when he says: I want a future with you, you are perfect for me, I love you. I want to cry when hear it