HELP ocd is ruining my relationship
Let me start by saying I know this isn’t directly tied into rocd but it is truly impacting my relationship and I’m unsure what to do and just need advice please.
Me and my boyfriend are highschool sweethearts and have been together for 5 years. When we first started dating contamination ocd was not something I struggled with, however over the past 2 years I have slowly developed it and it’s becoming more severe with time..
Everyday I believe I’m going to get a cold sore. I’ve never had one, nor has my partner. I’ve had this fear for 2 years but it significantly became more severe after I get impetigo on my lip in October. Since then I’ve spiraled and I can’t even touch my lips, I have panic attacks and ruminate about my lips everyday and it’s made the thought of kissing or doing anything sexual feel like something dangerous and wrong. I’m so scared of developing a cold sore and spreading it to him. Due to this I have completely stopped initiating anything sexual and it’s been months since weve really done anything. Everyday I’m living in fear.
We are long distance at the moment due to me going out of state for school so we see eachother every few months and since the last time I’ve seen him my ocd has gotten worse.
The part I need advice on is due to medical neglect from my mom growing up I never was able to receive a proper diagnoses and I can’t afford therapy now so I’m not officially diagnosed. I’m so embarrassed about my thoughts that I never tell him about any of this so I feel like he wouldn’t understand. I’m not sure how to tell him, I feel like he would think I’m exaggerating. Please let me know what to do.